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Original poster

Impact of death on daughter constipated sick and accidents

386 replies

WinterRach · 14/09/2025 21:39

Long story short my father in law died last weekend in an accident. DD and him were best of buddies doing everything together so she’s devastated we all are. Since Wednesday she’s been feeling sick not had a poo since Tuesday. I thought perhaps stress might slow her poo down she is eating less. Being sick and wetting at night which again putting down to stress. She has been sick tonight with the pain

My neighbours daughter is a pharmacist she told us to try dulcolax suppositories which I gave her around 6. She’s managed to poo about 10 hard rocks of poo some in the loo some not I’ve had her in the bath to try and help go she’s been on in and out of the bath on the floor and back on the loo. Im pretty sure its just her constipated but I guess you never know what grief can do to them.

Her hands and feet are ice cold too. Ive popped winter fluffy pjs and fluffy socks on now popped towels on the bathroom floor and giver her a hot water bop for her belly.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 17/09/2025 22:11

limetrees32 · 17/09/2025 22:09

I dont think it sounds right that she had a burning pain where they catheter enters , but that the wee should back up a little.
Do tell the staff.

It sounds completely normal to me.

Headabovetheparapets · 17/09/2025 22:33

Feeling like you need to wee is quite common with a new catheter as it fills the urethra (tube from bladder to outside) & keeps the normally closed sphincters open so an odd sensation & wanting to wee is not uncommon, and if she’s trying to wee/squeeze with it in it may well cause the urine in the tube to appear to go back when she manages to relax due the closed catheter bag system so not unusual.
Would definitely mention the shoulder pain but quite possibly being caused by her pelvic area being stretched by the over full bladder & bowel impaction causing referred pain.
So sorry she & you are going through this sending hugs

edit to add the burning sensation could mean the area is a bit traumatised by the repeated catheters & will settle but again do mention it I think I read she is already on antibiotics so if a UTI should hopefully settle soon.

Original poster
WinterRach · 17/09/2025 22:36

We have told them I think they are sick of us asking questions. They said the burning is normal. It’s really hurt her when the wee went back up the she jolted. they said they’ll continue to check her when they come back take off her antibiotics and mixed vitamins

OP posts:
whoopwhoo · 17/09/2025 22:38

The weight of the balloon at the top of the catheter (that holds it in place) will be pressing on the nerve endings in the bladder. This can help us normally know our bladder is full and heavy and needs to empty. But these nerve endings aren’t clever enough to know it’s the balloon. So they will be telling the brain she needs to pee. It’s a normal feeling.

Travsmam · 17/09/2025 22:43

F

Muffinmam · 18/09/2025 03:40

WinterRach · 17/09/2025 19:30

They’ve agreed to move her tomorrow. But I pleaded with them not to take out the cathater they are coming for the last 10 minutes to bladder scan her and maybe just maybe insert a new cathater. We did manage to get her showered between the last time and have some sloppy food. The enema seemed to have helped and she is a bit less bloated but also still bloated with her bladder. We spoke to the insurance company today and they’ll move us to a university hospital in the next county tomorrow. They have stopped the tramadol and swapped with morphine if needed. They don’t seem keen to leave the cathater in but we have asked them to leave it in till they find out why our 12 year old is unable to wee. This isn’t normal

Why aren’t they moving your daughter now?

I’ve been reading everything you’ve been posting. I’ve had a lot of admissions to hospital and emergency surgery and have been misdiagnosed and on one occasion surgeons wanted to operate on my pancreas when there was nothing wrong.

I’m trying to work out what would cause a bowel obstruction, stop you from peeing and cause rectal pain. I’m assuming they’ve ruled out c-diff. But your daughter had pain in her shoulder which could be phrenic pain which is possibly due to the bowel obstruction or it could be her liver. Have they been running tests on her liver?

It sounds like your daughter experienced renal colic possibly from the catheter but it could be from inflammation due to infection.

Did the hospital perform cultures? Did they actually culture the urine and swab the bowel? IV antibiotics can take up to
48 hours to start working. But it’s been over 48 hours now and she’s still not peeing so I’m wondering if they just did a dip test and put your daughter on first line antibiotics.

I may be clutching at straws and forgive me for asking. But have they run a full STI panel? Chlamydia can cause these symptoms, even gonorrhoea because it causes swelling. A mass of poop sitting on the bladder isn’t likely to stop you from peeing (it will make you want to pee) - but severe inflammation to the ureters from an infection would.

I’m sorry if I’m incorrect- but the doctors sound incompetent for failing to diagnose your daughter, failing to treat her pain and dismissing her pain as anxiety.

Original poster
WinterRach · 18/09/2025 07:07

Morning we have awake since 5 with shoulder pain. The morphine has been stopped for some reason and they offered tramadol again fml. We have made the though decision to not give her any more tramadol. She is having paracetamol in her arm. The ambulance is booked for 9. This has become our living nightmare as much as we have moaned and raised concerns I’ve used this to sort of offload, ask for help and document it all. Once we leave here we will be making a complainant it’s been horrendous.

her wee bag has only got 150ml in since they emptied her 700ml about midnight. Because she feels like she’s going have said it’s working. The wee is very dark brown. They did say they’ll investigate the shoulder pain but maybe just leave the new hospital do it. they have stopped giving her laxcido and her app says she should have surgical socks on since yesterday but obviously they didn’t do that either. I’ve only spotted it this morning. I’m unsure what they are diagnosing her with. They are still focused more on her bladder not working and the pain

OP posts:
ClarasSisters · 18/09/2025 07:24

@WinterRach I've just caught up with your posts. Your poor girl. Hope the move goes well this morning and the new hospital are able to sort her out quickly Flowers

Topjoe19 · 18/09/2025 07:53

Hope today brings some relief OP. Poor poor girl. You must be exhausted too.

Flux1 · 18/09/2025 08:05

Best of luck with the transfer today. I hope you get much better support from the next hospital and that your DD is diagnosed and made comfortable quickly. The poor pet. What an ordeal for you all xx

limetrees32 · 18/09/2025 08:57

Carry on offloading/posting OP.
So many of us thinking of you all .
I don't think you should ever feel that your asking questions of the staff is a burden or annoyance to them .
It's your daughter ,she's suffering ,what might be common knowledge to them eg about the catheter ( so well explained on here especially by @whoopwhoo ) isn't to you .

justasking111 · 18/09/2025 09:00

Good luck this morning. And remember be strong and firm. Ask the questions. Write them down if it helps

jessycake · 18/09/2025 10:05

I hope you get some proper answers and treatment , what an awful thing to be dealing with .

Hopingtohelp25 · 18/09/2025 10:34

Well done for organising the transfer, OP. I know pushing and pushing isn’t easy at all. I hope it’s a turning point. So many people rooting for you all still.

Original poster
WinterRach · 18/09/2025 10:44

we have gotten to the new hospital. The first thing they want to do is remove the cathater and see how she gets on without it. Iv already said all the hassles yesterday and surly this causes trauma to her urethra. They’ve already disconnected the bag and she has the feeling of need to wee again. They are going to do another CT scan to check her perforated oesophagus and allow her back drinking “clear fluids”. I’m worried that back drinking will lead to more wee. Is it normal for air bubbles to cause sudden twinges of pain when going.

she slept most of the journey they came about 8:30 so we got here nice and early. She is exhausted and struggling to keep her eyes open. She’s really fed up today I’ve asked them to give her morphine before they that’s ducking around with her cathater

OP posts:
gmgnts · 18/09/2025 10:46

Hope things improve a lot from now on Flowers

Hellogoodbyehowdoyoudo · 18/09/2025 10:53

Sending so much love to your daughter. And you.

This sounds like such an awful traumatic experience.

Onmytod24 · 18/09/2025 11:56

You and your daughter are so impressive. The next 24 hours will see some positive changes.

Lovemybunnies · 18/09/2025 14:04

I keep checking back to see how your DD is. She is very much on my mind. I’m so sorry you are all going through this x

Original poster
WinterRach · 18/09/2025 15:25

Things looked so good. We had a few hours of her back out of bed on her iPad and eating 🙌🏻 but the good didn’t last. She back being sick with pain all over but the worst pinpoint to her left shoulder and groin. Theyll probs stop her eating again. She’s breaking my heart! We are both clenching at straws

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/09/2025 15:28

WinterRach · 18/09/2025 15:25

Things looked so good. We had a few hours of her back out of bed on her iPad and eating 🙌🏻 but the good didn’t last. She back being sick with pain all over but the worst pinpoint to her left shoulder and groin. Theyll probs stop her eating again. She’s breaking my heart! We are both clenching at straws

Appendicitis?

CookiesAreForSharing · 18/09/2025 15:31

When I had an endoscopy (I think your daughter had one yesterday?) they said to be aware I could get left shoulder pain as there is a connected nerve, and the gas for inflating the area could irritate that nerve. However, they did say if it was bad enough to be vomiting it wold be a medical emergency. If your daughter got a tear yesterday, are they saying the left shoulder pain could be linked? Did it happen after the tear? I have read everything but missed that part!

Onmytod24 · 18/09/2025 15:32

Minute by minute you your family and your daughter will get through this.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 18/09/2025 15:40

Muffinmam · 18/09/2025 03:40

Why aren’t they moving your daughter now?

I’ve been reading everything you’ve been posting. I’ve had a lot of admissions to hospital and emergency surgery and have been misdiagnosed and on one occasion surgeons wanted to operate on my pancreas when there was nothing wrong.

I’m trying to work out what would cause a bowel obstruction, stop you from peeing and cause rectal pain. I’m assuming they’ve ruled out c-diff. But your daughter had pain in her shoulder which could be phrenic pain which is possibly due to the bowel obstruction or it could be her liver. Have they been running tests on her liver?

It sounds like your daughter experienced renal colic possibly from the catheter but it could be from inflammation due to infection.

Did the hospital perform cultures? Did they actually culture the urine and swab the bowel? IV antibiotics can take up to
48 hours to start working. But it’s been over 48 hours now and she’s still not peeing so I’m wondering if they just did a dip test and put your daughter on first line antibiotics.

I may be clutching at straws and forgive me for asking. But have they run a full STI panel? Chlamydia can cause these symptoms, even gonorrhoea because it causes swelling. A mass of poop sitting on the bladder isn’t likely to stop you from peeing (it will make you want to pee) - but severe inflammation to the ureters from an infection would.

I’m sorry if I’m incorrect- but the doctors sound incompetent for failing to diagnose your daughter, failing to treat her pain and dismissing her pain as anxiety.

Show quote history

You really should stop trying to diagnose, being a frequent patient doesn’t make you a doctor. There is so much in your post that is factually incorrect. Gonorrhea and chlamydia for Christ’s sake? She’s 12 years old!

Kirbert2 · 18/09/2025 15:58

WinterRach · 18/09/2025 15:25

Things looked so good. We had a few hours of her back out of bed on her iPad and eating 🙌🏻 but the good didn’t last. She back being sick with pain all over but the worst pinpoint to her left shoulder and groin. Theyll probs stop her eating again. She’s breaking my heart! We are both clenching at straws

Aww, it is absolutely awful when they can't eat. The longest my son had to go without eating when he was in hospital was 2 months and then we had a few stop/starts too as well as trial special diets, it was so difficult.

I really hope they can figure out what's going on soon.