Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

You are being ridiculous, why would you willingly exposure a vulnerable newborn to infection when there is another perfectly reasonable option available?

If a child is ill the LAST thing they need is to be chauffeured around.

What kind of Father refuses to help care for his sick child?

@Emerald95 what kind of mother drags her sick child out of bed to palm her off to a household with a vulnerable baby?

Blended family here actually. I think you can manage situations like this carefully, hygienically and safely so noone loses out. Hard work maybe on the washing/cleaning front. Certainly easier though when baby is small and there's the opportunity for people to be outside and not in close proximity. Appreciate those with higher health anxiety though. We all just do our best at the time don't we!

Doesn't it depend on how well the daughter feels - she may not want to leave her main residence. Also, how many toilets the OP's house has.

I wouldn't want to share a household with someone with D and V if there is only one loo.

When I had norovirus I kicked DH out of the bedroom and stayed in it and used the en suite exclusively until I felt better.

And since we are playing this childish game instigated by you - you are being ridiculous by calling me ridiculously repeatedly.

Are you saying the father’s house isnt the step daughter’s house to live in? She is just a guest?

I called you ridiculous once in response to your ridiculous contribution. Repeated indicates multiple not singular use. Anything else?

Of course not. Please don't be so dramatic.
The fact is there is an option to contain the virus. Why would you risk giving a potentially lethal illness to a newborn baby? Also imagine trying to care for your newborn if you are suffering from the virus! Constantly rushing to the loo with your head in a bowl vomiting! It is so debilitating! Of course the virus needs to be contained where possible. It is only one weekend, not the next few months!

I thought the same 😂 £300 isn't actually that much.

OP what would you do if you had another child and they had the sickness bug? What would you do if you had step daughter full time? Lock then in a room? Don't be daft and just have her as normal.

As someone who has a SM & have had SC I can confidently say that you do not have 2 homes. As SC who was made to feel welcome & comfortable in my Dads home I absolutely did not view it as my home, I was only there eow & although I had my own (guest) bedroom to sleep in no e of my things were there, my home was my Mum’s house where my room was my friends visited & I spent most of my time. As a SM who only had SC visit eow there is no way I am allocating them their own room each for a visit 1 night eow that’s ludicrous. My DM stayed more often than that & she didn’t have her own room! Stop with that nonsense please

That is what we do. Can't be doing with a sick husband.

I remember post leaving home for a new life post marriage. I really missed my mum when I got sick post first baby. It was then I realised that I was the grown up now.

I mean, the fact you are confidently justifying your sc not having a bedroom at their father’s house by saying your mother stays over more than your husband’s children is, well, well, honestly kind of wild—You are centring your comfort over your stepkids’ basic needs, and that’s a tough look.

Yet these situations only seem to arise for the step children on the father’s side, if it was the other way round the step mother wouldn’t be requesting her own biological child be moved out of the home or kept away. The demands/rules do not apply to all of the family.

YABU. You do what you would do if it was your own older child.

Oh, FFS. Please stop with this whataboutery and what ifs! It is entirely irrelevant in this case.

Do you not understand about infection control and reducing risk?

There is an option here to contain it, so why make things worse?

No , OP you are not unreasonable, ignore this .

No I’m good. You called me a name and now are being pedantic about. The irony isn’t lost on me. Nothing to do with this post or what is being talked about.

Thankfully they aren’t my SC anymore & what on earth has my mother staying got to do with my comfort. SC are a massive pita & I’m glad I got out of that marriage after 18 months..worst time of my life

If the girl wasn't a stepchild would posters still gladly have someone with D and V come to stay with them when they had a 7 week old baby?

I doubt it.

They need to leave out the fact that we are talking about a step daughter and just look at the facts - having someone to stay with D and V increases the risk of the household, which includes a very small baby, of becoming extremely ill.

Trust me, they know. They just don’t give a shit because it doesn’t suit the narrative that OP is a wicked step parent for wanting to protect her new born.

The DD has two homes. The vulnerable new born does not. It has nothing to do with whose step children are whose. The option exists for the DD to stay with her mum to avoid the very real risk of the baby catching the virus and potentially becoming very ill. Anything else is stupidity. If it was any relative other than a step child involved, the advice would have been unanimous to keep the child away until she had recovered, and posters would have leapt on the chance to lecture OP on the danger the virus poses to the baby. But this has now become the ridiculous game of step child top trumps we see so often on MN. Hopefully, back in the real world, common sense will prevail.

Actually, if you look very carefully at the user name you’ll see that this is a completely different poster calling you ridiculous. I’m counting three posters including myself, who have all echoed what @Smilesinthesunshine said only once.

Spectacularly missing the point. She has a contagious D&V bug and is actively ill with it. There is a very young baby in the house to which the virus poses more of a danger than to an adult because their immune system hasn’t fully developed yet. There is no reason for her to visit until she is better. She has two homes. The baby has one.