Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

Can you show me where, in any of the OP’s posts it says that the child has expressed any preference as to where she stays while she’s ill ? And, not that it’s relevant, how do you arrive at them seeing DD only two out of fourteen days when OP says it’s three days every other weekend plus a day in the week ? Nobody is abandoning anyone. The child has two homes, the newborn being put at risk from DD visiting only has one.

Ironic to be speaking of empathy while advocating a father to abandon his sick child.

Ironic to be speaking of empathy while advocating that having someone with D and V should be in the same house as a tiny vulnerable baby.

The father isn't "abandoning* his older daugher. He is just exercising common sense. How do you think he would feel if his baby became ill because his daughter came to visit? His daughter's feelings don't trump his baby's health.

Does the DD even want to leave her own house today? Is she well enough? If I was her mother I wouldn't want to palm her off on to someone esle to spread the germs.

Why do you think hospitals close entire wards when norovirus is doing the rounds? Why do you think that the health professionals on this thread are advocating that the 15 year old stays at home?

The whataboutery on this thread is astounding. And too many posters are missing the point that the 15 year old has two homes, so if she is ill it makes sense to stay put.

Of course she shouldn’t be near a baby with a sickness bug.. if sd was yours and living at home I’m sure you try and keep them apart too. But yes of course he should see his older sd as planned that day. Why should she miss out on seeing her dad, she’s his child too?

What will you do if you have a second child together and your eldest gets a sickness bug? Loads of families deal with this daily, ypu get on with it. Stop pushing that little girl out, you took on a man with a child, you're a family

Little girl ? Does this 15 year old want to be called a little girl ? You just want to bash the OP as she is a step parent . This baby gets no choice in this ? What about their welfare ?

This. As far as l can see no-one has asked DD what she wants. Mum wants her shipped out simply because it’s dad’s weekend. Shit way to treat a sick child and totally irresponsible attitude to infection control.

No I'm just a realist who knows how noro is typically spread and that a 15 year old could be trusted to minimise the risk. People get sickness bugs in the same households as babies all the time we do not have to catastrophise everything

She’s sick that’s why . Who says she wants to go there when she is ill ?

You only want OP to take the risk because she is a step parent and as per normal mumsnet , step parents and their children are hated.

Does the 15 year old even want to be shifted about when they feel terrible? We don’t have our step kids when they are ill and mine don’t go to the dads when they’re ill, they all want to stay put and no need to infect another household!! @Worriedmom98youve done the right thing.

The ‘little girl’ is fifteen. Old enough to decide for herself whether she wants to be ferried between homes when she’s ill. I doubt she was even asked. No-one is pushing anyone out - OP has already said they will make up the time, but rightly, the first priority is protecting a new born from potentially serious illness, which at this stage is entirely avoidable.

Sigh. More what ifs.
If they have a second child they will deal with it because they have no choice. In this case they do have a choice, so why not exercise it to reduce the risk?

People get sickness bugs in the same households as babies all the time we do not have to catastrophise everything

Because they live in the same house, so why not take the extra precaution to cut out the risk entirely as can be done here?

The step parent bashing on this thread is nasty and unnecessary. The OP's concerns are valid and she is not being spiteful towards her stepdaughter, nor is the 15 year old's father. They just want to take sensible precautions. I

'm disappointed at how so many people don't get it. I assume they have never had norovirus or had a baby who has had it.

But is her dad going to see her at all on her weekend now? Take her for lunch or dinner, shopping, cinema?

Completely different if the child is resident but you would obviously limit interaction just like sensible posters are suggesting eg she stays where she is! The ‘little girl’ is 15 years old with d&v not a 5 year old with a cold.

Norovirus is so so contagious and can be really dangerous for vulnerable people. At work we had an outbreak on a ward, they had to close to admissions causing huge bed pressures, visiting was banned, half the workforce went down and a patient died but posters want to expose a baby, grandparents and the general public to an infected teenager?!

Are you stupid or just selfish?

@RampantIvy It’s worrying how many don’t appear to get it!

No one has said it’s noro. Could be anything. Two health professionals here have confirmed it’s a bad idea to move the child from one household to the other while she’s actively ill. And once again, what happens elsewhere is irrelevant. DD has two homes, the newborn only has one. Common sense infection control is glaring everyone in the face and the only reason it’s not accepted as the obvious and sensible answer is because it involves swapping a weekend for a SC, who, according to MN, must be protected at all costs, including the welfare of a new born baby. No one is even questioning the motives of the childs’ mother who seems to put dad pulling his weight above the welfare and comfort of her own sick child.

Are you stupid or just selfish?

At a guess I’d say most posters advocating that the DD come to stay are both. And wilfully so.

I think it's mean to uninvite her. As though she is a biohazardous, dirty threat to his dad's new family. Not nice.

I agree.

They clearly need educating about how infection is spread and how to mitigate it.

But is her dad going to see her at all on her weekend now? Take her for lunch or dinner, shopping, cinema?

No apologies for shouting here HIS DAUGHTER HAS SICKNESS AND DIAHRREA you don't go out in public when you have this. And would she even want to? Have you never had D and V?

I think it's mean to uninvite her. As though she is a biohazardous, dirty threat to his dad's new family. Not nice.

And it's even meaner to invite her to pass it on to a vulnerable baby 😖

Why would he have any contact with her if she’s infectious, when the whole point of postponing the visit is to protect the baby ? And why on earth would he take her out for lunch, shopping, or anything else if she has a contagious virus ? The lack of critical thinking is shocking and depressing. Swapping one weekend to avoid spreading illness isn’t the end of the world. OP has said several times that they will make up the time.

You have two dilemmas here.

1. sick stepdaughter. Yes swap weekends etc to minimise spread. BUT
2. newborn baby and stepdaughter’s feelings on this.

If the baby had been around for a few months and the dynamics had settled down, then absolutely insist stepdaughter changes her weekend. But you do have to be very careful about ostracising her in this newborn phase (as I said in previous post). It is hard for teenagers to adjust to a newborn coming into a household that they are only a part time member of.

Stepdaughter has a say in this, she is old enough. The fact she was the one to tell you she was sick suggests she is already thinking of you all.

It’s very definitely not ridiculous to point out that this situation can be fragile to balance and to keep all parties happy. You would be a terrible step parent if you didn’t consider this in your decision making.

The likelihood is if stepdaughter has been at yours for dinner this week, you have already exposed the sickness bug to your home anyway? So this is probably futile in any case!

It would be ridiculous to deliberately bring a sickness bug into a house with a newborn. Our younger DC was hospitalised with norovirus at a year old, at 7 weeks they could become extremely unwell.
This is no different to having a niece or nephew stay until they'd cleared the 48 hours to avoid spreading it back home if they became unwell whilst visiting. Its just basic logic anyway, but especially with a newborn in the house.

She can't be that ill if she would have been able to make it to her dad's for the weekend.

This brings me back to the days of covid when we treated one another like we were lepers. It was cruel what people did.

She's contagious with a sickness bug.. she literally is a danger to her newborn sister until its cleared. She's 15 so clearly old enough to understand, I doubt she'd meet up with friends whilst contagious either.

If the mother cared about her daughter she'd be saying I'll swop this weekend for next - child still sees dad and no need to demand cash to feed her. It sounds like her mother doesnt want a sick teenager around any more than her dad does, at least dad has a reason.

If the mother cant do the decent thing minimise the time the teenager is around the baby by encouraging sick teenager to stay in bed. Dad offers to take her out an extra evening so they can spend more time together.