Page 10 | Step daughter and new born

Worriedmom98 · 2025-04-19T22:23:20+00:00

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

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MikeRafone · 20/04/2025 09:17

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 08:49

No. It’s less to do with an opinion and more to do with infection control trumping family dynamics.

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Not when you write adjectives to convince yourself the other answer is rubbish to make your opinion seem better.

Seymour5 · 20/04/2025 09:17

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:09

Ironic to be speaking of empathy while advocating a father to abandon his sick child. Siblings catch bugs, all you can do is practise good hand hygiene. If the elder child lived with OP would you be advocating for her to sleep in a shed?
The Dad having a new baby shouldn't trump his responsibilities to look after his preexisting children

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No one is being ‘abandoned’. I had this sickness bug and no way does the child need to be going anywhere.

Clear as day in the NHS guidelines re the sickness bug - ‘Stay at home, plenty of rest and fluids’ and yet loads of posters think it ok for this poor girl to leave her home. Not seeing her dad for a few days isn’t ‘abandonment’ FGS.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/norovirus/

Close-up of a person washing their hands

Norovirus (vomiting bug)

Find out about norovirus, including what the symptoms are, how you can treat it at home, how it's spread, and where to get medical help.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/norovirus

EG94 · 20/04/2025 09:18

You protect the vulnerable simple. SD comes next weekend instead which isn’t your weekend and the weekend after. Mum can fuck off for £20 to feed her own child!

my nan lives with my aunt uncle and cousin, when any of them get sick they go on room arrest to protect my nan. If I have plans to visit and I get ill, I don’t go to protect my nan but I’m still family and I don’t feel pushed out or like they hate me. I feel like I’m protecting my nan whom I love and care about.

your baby is your priority this is the start of one hell of a ride whereby it appears the ex will be difficult for fun. Enjoy!

TheIceBear · 20/04/2025 09:20

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:17

What kind of Father refuses to help care for his sick child? He has this child every other weekend so the 12 out of every 14 days the Mother is mothering yet the Dad can't cope with 2 days?
The child may want to be with her Father, quite an sexist assumption to suggest she would want to stay with her Mum just because she's poorly.

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When I’m sick the last place I’d want to be is in a house with a newborn baby. And be upped and moved out of where i was staying just cos it was someone’s “turn” to have me.

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:21

TheIceBear · 20/04/2025 09:14

As someone who worked as a children’s nurse I understand how quickly these bugs can spread and how hard it is to contain them. A 15 year old isn’t likely to be very unwell but a 7 week old can get extremely unwell with such bugs. It is common sense for the 15 year old to stay out of the house until better . It’s not “abandoning “ a sick child fgs . If my dh was away with my older child and got sick I wouldn’t want them to come to the house until better if they had somewhere else to stay if I had a newborn . Your comment “just because he made a new family” is full of malice and so uncaring for the health of a tiny baby.

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Your comparison is Apple and Pears because your husband would still be caring for your sick child.
This Father has decided his Ex's health and time isn't as important as his. He could get a hotel with the poorly child or care for them in a different house if needed. But instead he'd rather refuse to care for HIS child at all

TheIceBear · 20/04/2025 09:22

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:21

Your comparison is Apple and Pears because your husband would still be caring for your sick child.
This Father has decided his Ex's health and time isn't as important as his. He could get a hotel with the poorly child or care for them in a different house if needed. But instead he'd rather refuse to care for HIS child at all

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The child has a mum and 2 homes though. You are clearly letting your emotions get in the way of what is safe and sensible to protect a newborn.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 09:23

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:09

Ironic to be speaking of empathy while advocating a father to abandon his sick child. Siblings catch bugs, all you can do is practise good hand hygiene. If the elder child lived with OP would you be advocating for her to sleep in a shed?
The Dad having a new baby shouldn't trump his responsibilities to look after his preexisting children

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If the elder child lived with OP would you be advocating for her to sleep in a shed?The Dad having a new baby shouldn't trump his responsibilities to look after his preexisting children

More whataboutery. The fact is that child doesn’t live with OP so there is a choice to protect a vulnerable new born from unnecessary exposure to potentially serious illness. Being a SC doesn’t trump proper infection control.

ProfessionalPirate · 20/04/2025 09:23

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 08:21

If the 15 year old came down with this after arriving at her dad’s house, or lived there full time, they’d have to just get on with it.

But she doesn’t, so they don’t. Says a lot that the mother is insisting her own daughter get out of a sick bed to go to her dads’ simply because it’s his weekend. Sounds like she has plans and her sick daughter is taking a back seat to them with seemingly no choice. But the criticism is reserved for the step parent. Typical MN.

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The SD has arrived at her father’s house. The argument of whether the mother should have sent her or not is a bit academic after the event. The OP and her DH have to deal with the situation presented to them. And many of us feel that kicking the poor SD back out of the house wasn’t on.

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:23

Seymour5 · 20/04/2025 09:17

No one is being ‘abandoned’. I had this sickness bug and no way does the child need to be going anywhere.

Clear as day in the NHS guidelines re the sickness bug - ‘Stay at home, plenty of rest and fluids’ and yet loads of posters think it ok for this poor girl to leave her home. Not seeing her dad for a few days isn’t ‘abandonment’ FGS.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/norovirus/

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Her parents are divorced. Both her parent's houses should be home.

beautyqueeen · 20/04/2025 09:24

Cyclebabble · 20/04/2025 09:01

No, I think there are plenty of ways of avoiding infection that do not involve DD seeing her father. Are there no GPs she could visit alongside DH? Could you isolate her in her bedroom if she is feeling really unwell?

Ah infect the grandparents as well as the newborn baby? Is there any other vulnerable members of the family you’d have the unwell girl visit? Hopefully she doesn’t have an
’accident’ in the car on the way there or vomit all over the front door on arrival!

Dashel · 20/04/2025 09:27

I would leave the child where they are and send over £20 and get your DH to go over with a care package of things which might make her feel a bit better and ask to swap the days when she is feeling better and maybe take her out somewhere just the two of them where she wants to go.

I do agree that he should be spending more time with her if she and the mother are in agreement and maybe use this thread as a realisation that he should be more involved and that £300 isn’t a lot at all. Even just thinking about what it costs to feed and clothe her, that’s not a lot now, let alone everything else.

No point moving a sickness bug into a new situation. You wouldn’t thank a colleague for coming into work with one and at 15 she is old enough to understand that

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 09:29

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:21

Your comparison is Apple and Pears because your husband would still be caring for your sick child.
This Father has decided his Ex's health and time isn't as important as his. He could get a hotel with the poorly child or care for them in a different house if needed. But instead he'd rather refuse to care for HIS child at all

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Sorry but this is just batshit. Getting a hotel or a different house is just spreading the infection. Do you not understand that this is not about not caring for the child ? It’s about asking a poorly child to get out of her sick bed and travel to her dads’ when she feels like shit, simply because it’s his weekend. If l were that child, that would make me feel even shittier because my mum is ramming home the message that my dad pulling his weight is more important to her than my welfare.

Seymour5 · 20/04/2025 09:30

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:23

Her parents are divorced. Both her parent's houses should be home.

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And she should stay in whichever home she is in until she recovers. It’s simple common sense not to make a poorly child go out unless absolutely necessary.

But hey, what do healthcare professionals know!

scotstars · 20/04/2025 09:31

RampantIvy · 20/04/2025 08:53

Don't you think that common sense should prevail?

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Yes. I'm quite sure a 15 year old would have the common sense not to pick up a baby if they had a bug.

Nandortherelentles · 20/04/2025 09:33

Cyclebabble · 20/04/2025 08:53

Disagree, this is about maintaining the relationship with dad. Quite possible for dad to spend most of the day out with his daughter, otherwise the message firmly given is that you are not as important as the new child and you will never be prioritised. That is a really bad message to send to a 15 year old.

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It’s one weekend when the 15 year old is sick. She’s 15. Old enough to completely understand.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 09:35

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:23

Her parents are divorced. Both her parent's houses should be home.

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Even more reason why she shouldn’t be asked to commute between them when she’s unwell. The message her mum is sending by insisting she go, is appalling. No-one is criticising that - too busy piling on OP for daring to want to protect her vulnerable new born from a potentially serious and entirely avoidable illness.

Seymour5 · 20/04/2025 09:35

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 09:35

Even more reason why she shouldn’t be asked to commute between them when she’s unwell. The message her mum is sending by insisting she go, is appalling. No-one is criticising that - too busy piling on OP for daring to want to protect her vulnerable new born from a potentially serious and entirely avoidable illness.

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Exactly this.

TheMumEdit · 20/04/2025 09:36

What a crap thing to do. What would you do if it was your own biological child? Ship off as you have something newer and shinier? He’s her dad and his responsibility to care for.

Emerald95 · 20/04/2025 09:37

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 09:29

Sorry but this is just batshit. Getting a hotel or a different house is just spreading the infection. Do you not understand that this is not about not caring for the child ? It’s about asking a poorly child to get out of her sick bed and travel to her dads’ when she feels like shit, simply because it’s his weekend. If l were that child, that would make me feel even shittier because my mum is ramming home the message that my dad pulling his weight is more important to her than my welfare.

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I am a child of divorce and I would have felt awful if my Dad didn't want to care for me / felt it was my mother's responsibility only. I also went a week or two without seeing my Dad so for him to bail on me would have been heartbreaking.
If the Child was asking to stay with her Mum it would be another story but she isn't.
Her Dad only sees her 2 out of every 14 days and even on those days he can't get it together to care for her.
Sickness bugs happen, I certainly wouldn't be abandoning my sick children when they wanted me to please a new partner.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 09:38

scotstars · 20/04/2025 09:31

Yes. I'm quite sure a 15 year old would have the common sense not to pick up a baby if they had a bug.

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She wouldn’t have to pick up the baby to pass it on, just her presence is potentially enough. Or are you yet another poster who has bypassed two posts from actual health professionals because it doesn’t suit the narrative of protecting the newborn = pushing SD out ?

Fraggeek · 20/04/2025 09:38

We actually have an agreement between us that if anyone is unwell and it has the potential to be passed around, we swap weekends.

Neither household wants to be spreading bugs of we can help it. Plus SC would rather be with mum when unwell anyway. They're now 15 and this is just the norm. They'll message us if unwell and say they won't be coming.

In more recent years my DP and DS have developed conditions that make them susceptible to becoming extremely unwell, so if it hadn't been in place already, if have been enforcing it anyway.

Just as an aside, one of my children bought home NV when DC2 was 6weeks old. They now have weakness to the muscle that keeps food in the stomach and is sick a lot. This was diagnosed as a direct result of getting a sickness bug so young.

ProfessionalPirate · 20/04/2025 09:39

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 20/04/2025 08:31

So because she’s a SC the normal concerns about infection control can just be ignored ? We don’t even know what the bug is. Exposure to viruses causing D&V can be dangerous for newborns - they are much more vulnerable to the effects than older children or adults because they have smaller fluid reserves and a there’s a bigger risk of dehydration. I think it’s appalling that posters are advising OP to suck it up and expose her baby to sickness when there’s a choice to avoid it.

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The choice to avoid it was in the power of the SD’s mother, not her father and SM. The fact is, once she turned up at their home, whatever the reason for that was, she became her father’s responsibility to care for. I don’t know how someone could just turn away their child in that situation.

Kilroyonly · 20/04/2025 09:40

She’s 15 so no big deal to explain to her that whilst she’s welcome in your home you’d prefer to restrict contact whilst she’s there so baby won’t get sick. At 15 she should understand & if she feels that rough doubt she wants much contact with a baby

Ophy83 · 20/04/2025 09:41

I think most people would choose to avoid exposing their newborn to a sick bug if they could, but many can't because they don't have a choice as elder siblings live in the house. Just because they can't doesn't mean you shouldn't. Even if the baby doesn't get it, if you or your dh comes down with it being sick with a newborn is such a struggle when you're already exhausted. I'm sure a 15 yr old would understand!

MellowCritic · 20/04/2025 09:42

AnotherVice · 19/04/2025 23:26

Er yes, you/he are being unreasonable. Literally millions of newborns live with children. Are you breastfeeding? That's the best way to reduce gastric illness.

This is true however please use some common sense here. A reasonable person doesn't send their sick child to a home with a newborn, you wouldn't send your child to a friends house like this would you. I understand its her dad and yes if they lived together permanently then there would be no way to avoid this however they don't live together and some understand from the ex partner would go along way. If it were me, I wouldn't send my child to a home with a sickness bug where a newborn is and a mum probably already stressed and tired. Like seriously, why would you? Its ok to be kind to step parents!! And over my dead body would i ask for the top up cash to feed my own child. Just proves how unreasonable the partner is.