So relieved I didn’t have children

[Settings11111111]

Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

Maybe we as childfree don't understand, so what? Everybody has things they don't understand. It is a weird thing to say though. Id rather not understand than have children even though I don't want to only to find out what others think I don't understand. Maybe we'd have kids and still not understand. Maybe we'd realise it is exactly how we imagined it would be and live regretfully.

I wonder if my parents ever thought that it was different with their own and why they choose to abuse their children. Parents here act as if abuse is something very rare. It isn't. Many parents don't realise they are doing it.

@Onleemoi was that question for me?
I don’t have any issue with the ‘without children’ board or anyone with or without children posting on it. What I believe to be hypocritical is to tell a poster with children not to post on the ‘without children’ board, like saying you’re not welcome here, when the site itself is primarily about parenting/ for parents.

I haven’t tried to tell anyone they’re wrong for not having children so I’m not sure what that part of your post of referring to.

What on earth are you talking about?! Most of the topic headings and threads on Mumsnet are NOT about parenting, at all.

Wasn’t just for you, no. You aren’t the only person to think saying Mumsnet is for parents is a gotcha.

I’m not saying “mumsnet is for parents”. I’m saying, as it is primarily about parenting, it is hypocritical to tell someone not to post because they are a parent.

is primarily the wrong word? Maybe. I mean, originally, initially, mostly.

I’m referring to the about us section.
“/ Mumsnet was conceived in early 2000 when /authors/justine-roberts Justine Roberts embarked on a disastrous family holiday. Her idea was to create a website where parents could swap advice about not just holidays but all the other stuff parents talk about.”

Clearly, the site has transformed a lot since then. Dads are here, grandparents, people without children for various reasons. I honestly don’t have any strong feelings about that either way. I just think if someone with or without children wishes to comment on a thread, then they should not be told ‘you don’t belong here’.

Well I don’t. I think MNers without children should be allowed a tiny section of this massive site where we don’t have to hear that we’ll change our mind or regret our decision or we’ll never know real love. Regardless of what the sure was originally intended for. It’s condescending and tedious and people would be up in arms if I went over to the parenting board and tried to tell them their life choices are wrong.

But in 2025 it’s not “primarily about parenting.” It’s disingenuous to continue banging on about that.

It’s not a meaningless platitude for me because it’s my lived experience that I love my kids and would do anything to keep them happy ok?

You seem very determined to prove your point but I’m not interested

Good for you. But it remains a meaningless platitude when it’s trotted out as a universal truth, as it was on this thread, because it’s simply and demonstrably untrue.

Would you do any of the things you listed to any child? I doubt it. And do you think you would do them to your own child if you had one? Hopefully not.

No, I would not. And similarly, many others wouldn’t. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that some do. So, again, ‘it’s different when they’re your own’ trotted out as a universal truth is pointless and untrue.

I don’t know how the phrase was used earlier, but it is usually said when people find things other peoples kids do irritating or similar, but when your own kids do the same, you don’t find it irritating. Presuming we are talking about normal people who don’t harm their children, what you feel for your own children is very different to what you feel for other children and very different to what you feel about anyone else that you love, because it is a completely different love due to the protection and responsibility you feel and that they’re a part of you.

let's face it, whether OP should be on MN or not, it's just a smug self-satisfied goady post. Which is very true to MN. OP, with or without children, is clearly bored enough in life that they feel the need to stalk online forums and post pointless smug stuff. Isn't their life overly consumed and busy with champagne and spa days and doing whatever they fancy when they're not working the hours they choose without having to think about childcare?

Similarly, I can’t believe mums are able to spend so much time on a board for people without kids. Aren’t their days filled with the endless drudgery of washing, cleaning and feeling hard done by?

It’s not a smug post at all. Childfree people are entitled to express that they feel happy with their choice on a board created for them. As are people like me, who wanted children, couldn’t have them due to infertility and have come to a place of acceptance, peace and contentment.

Yours however is a nasty little post.

I have constantly felt like that - even more so since joining Mumsnet.

I still don’t understand why some posters have such an obvious chip on their shoulder about those of who are us happily childfree. Each to their own surely.

I'm 60 and happily married but don't like kids at all, I chose never to have any when I was 6!

I don't like schools or school teachers either.

I'm so happy I never had any!

@sammylady37 I agree that it’s not a universal truth and tbh, that applies in most situations. Most people don’t physically abuse their partners, for example, but sadly a small percentage do. Same with financial and emotional abuse towards partners- the majority don’t do this, but a few do.

So what @SnowFrogJelly said is applicable in most cases, with some very sad exceptions. Especially nowadays as we have reliable contraception so most children will actually be wanted.

I think the child free have a chip on their shoulder about those of us who are happy mums!

How hilarious. The child-free by choice can think of little worse than being a parent. I don't get why that's so hard to comprehend. We understand that not everyone feels the same and we understand that some people genuinely want to be and love being parents. Why do so many (happy) parents find it hard to accept that others feel differently to them?

You’d really think that if all of us are happy in our choices, we could talk about how great it is not to have kids and the parents could talk about how much they love having kids, and we could all accept that people feel differently and leave each other in peace to have our separate chats?

IMO it’s only the people with the chips who don’t see it that way.

Home from work and not going out to drink champagne prosecco till 7:30, so I've time to stalk post on a forum I've been using for 20 years.

Chin up.

I’m sure it is but I don’t find children irritating.

Do the child free post on nice threads about lovely things about having children demanding that the discussion is stopped?

No they don’t.