So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

It is different. Addressing people’s points as they’re discussed and the thread evolves on a forum is different to starting a thread.

I think it's great to feel relief knowing you made the right decision 10 or 20 years ago. It does feel amazing to appreciate ones own situation. People take issue with the word 'relief' and get very offended as if it was some personal attack. I can't help but wonder how lucky these people must have been if they can't imagine a situation in which choosing a childfree life might feel like a relief to someone.

I think it's important for women to see all options they can have for their life.
Therefore I'm all for people saying what a great time they had parenting, what a awful regretful time they had parenting, what a great childfree life they're having etc.

Tricking women into thinking motherhood is all sunshine and roses based on those that had it easy is damn right deceitful. The negatives do need to be talked about.

It's good to talk about all aspects of parenting, including deciding not to have them because it's best for you. If you can't talk about that on a "without children board" then christ.

We're not going away just because you don't think we belong on mumsnet. As long as this board exists, I'm using it to speak about my opinions and experience.

Have we really been told that we shouldn’t start threads on the Mumsnetters Without Children board about being happy not to have children? I’ve seen it all now.

Not unless we’re happy to see them turned into threads about being happy to have children.

There’s a new thread on tha very topic, referencing this one, but obviously those of us who are happy to be childfree aren’t going to go over there & give our point of view. Because that would be rude & inappropriate & we simply wouldn’t.

I never wanted children as I come from a large family with loads of younger cousins. However I got to 29 and decided I wanted one child and I had my daughter. I then decided to have a sibling for her a brother. Do I regret having them no I don’t. I do understand why people don’t want children because your life does revolve around them. Mine both left and went to uni at 18 so my house is lovely and peaceful now. I now have grandchildren and enjoy seeing them and babysitting when I am asked. I don’t think anyone has to explain why they don’t want children it’s a personal choice.

I think a lot of people are going to envy your lifestyle... well, women, certainly... 🙂 One of the (many) reasons I don't have kids is, I can barely cope with the compromises required to be a wife/partner - certainly couldn't do it for children - the first time they disturbed my sleep, I'd defenestrate 'em... 😄

(Still happy to pay tax for the benefit of those in need though, that's part of what living in human society is about...)

Seems very strange to waste your time on threads that have no relevance to you whatsoever.

I'm planning on driving around in a carriage disguised as a sweetie truck. When I've lured some children into it, I shall reveal it to be a black cage and transport them to the Baron's dungeon. Standard. 🤷‍♀️

Yep. That’s why parents never neglect or abuse their children. And never kill them. Oh, wait…

Perhaps the same might be asked about why these thread need creating specifically on Mumsnet. I mean Mumsnet is for discussing all sorts from plugs and wires to gardening to politics and cats and ferrets and MILs. But it is a very curious choice to choose a parenting forum specifically to say how wonderful it is to not be a parent. When it’s pointed out the typical response is “well do you have to be a parent to post in Doghouse/Royal Family?” Of course not! But to choose Mumsnet specifically - to post about why being a parent sucks or alternatively how not being a parent is so wonderful - is…… a somewhat peculiar internet posting decision.

Not really. It's a huge forum that has evolved away from merely parenting topics. The name was kept presumably because it was an established brand with sponsors, but that doesn't mean only pro-parenting and pro-natalist opinions are welcome. And the OP posted on a specific channel created for the childfree.

I don't really think about children at all but when I do I am very very relieved I don't have any.

This morning I was extremely relieved when I was already rushing around running late with my crippling ADHD that I also didn’t have to get another person ready for the day!

That’s a terrible thing to say and inappropriate

and it is different with your own

Also relieved, despite years of always having to arrange my annual leave and countless meetings around school holidays. Not to mention being pitied/looked down on/patronised/regarded with complete incomprehension. I don't actually begrudge the tax thing as there are enough kids in the wider family to feel I'm contributing at least a bit towards their education.

The main reason I'm relieved to be child free myself though is the sheer state of the world. Climate change being just one of the major challenges ahead, food security, not enough domestic accommodation, infrastructure creaking even in once wealthy countries, plus complete narcissistic monsters in power everywhere you look. At every level.

Assuming it has been a choice to have kids, I genuinely don't understand why you would punish another human being by bringing them into this mess.

It’s neither terrible nor inappropriate to say. It’s factual.
You are claiming that “it’s different when it’s your own” as if having children brings this wonderful overwhelming love that means parents will only do everything that’s best for their children. And some do. But many don’t.

Some parents neglect their children. That’s a fact.
Some parents abuse their children, emotionally, physically, sexually. That’s a fact.
Some parents murder their children. That’s a fact.
Ask anyone in social services who are the most common abusers of children.

Read some threads on the relationships forum here and you will see women putting men and their own desire for a relationship over their children’s needs, time and time again. You’ll see women describe how a new partner is behaving terribly towards their existing children and the woman will be hand-wringing about what to do, as she wants this to work and doesn’t want to be single etc.

Have a read of threads which talk about people regretting having kids, there are even some posts in this thread about it.

Then you might realise that no, actually, “it’s different when they’re your own” is not universally true and is a meaningless platitude trotted out without much thought being put into it.

I did actually just say this to my mum last week. I am worried for my children's future. It just seems like the world has become so dangerous, negative, scary that it fills me with fear what my children will grow up and see/deal with.
I wouldn't be upset if they didn't have children.

Parents of generations before us have said the same, yet for most of us, life isn’t just full of bad that we are scared of.

My children are excited about their futures and all the things they can do and be. This is the time they’re living in so they’ve never known any different and there is still lots of great things to experience. In lots of ways, they’re experiencing a better world with more opportunities than ever and more acceptance about lots of things.

Yes! And potentially wiping her ar5e

To be fair you don’t need to be childless to have this feeling! I’ve often looked at nightmarish interactions between couples or seen children run amok and thought thank goodness mine are lovely and easy. Not my DH though - he can be a right twat

Are yours training to be a carer? Good on them. Tough job

I mean, you could apply that same ‘logic’ to the OP and their decision to post on mumsnet, which is primarily a site for parents, about parenting.

It doesn’t bother me - if those without children want to join in. But it’s more than a little bit hypocritical to start telling other people where they should and shouldn’t post.

Even MN itself thought we should have a board to talk about our childfree lives. Why would it be odd or hypocritical to post on it? We don’t need want or need input from women telling us we’re wrong or that we couldn’t possibly understand.

I’d ask yourselves why you’re so keen to try and convince us your way is best.