Childfree and purposefully live alone?

[EightyfirstCat]

I'm about to buy my own home after a couple of long term relationships that ended, leaving me homeless. Approaching 40 years old, this feels like a major milestone! The idea of living with a partner again feels extremely unappealing. I've lived alone in a rented flat for almost 3 years and I've loved every minute of it. Can anyone else relate? There's something so gorgeous about peace, quiet, doing everything at my own pace, arranging things exactly as I like them, no disruptions or distractions. It feels like it's coming from a very similar place for my intention to be childfree. I wonder if anyone else has a similar desire for peace & simplicity which translates into living alone? (I have a partner but we live separately and will continue to do so as he also likes living alone!).

Yes, and I wish that that was taken i to account when discussing 'affordable' housing. Unfortunately I'm only an average earner, and can't afford any of the 'affordable' properties on my own!

I’m childfree and have lived on my own for more than 20 years. I’ll never live with someone again. Living alone is utterly joyful.

I have a gardener/odd job man, a cleaner and a few gentleman callers who visit and tend to my needs 😁

I am a widow and I like living alone. I am an introvert.

My next door neighbour is in her 70s and has never married. She is very attractive and turned down multiple marriage proposals! Her little house is simple but very, very elegant (classy but not expensive).

As I get older I think about finding a small group of like-minded women (widows, divorced, or never married) and buying a bigger house together like the Golden Girls. It would be set up as a cooperative with a weekly house meeting, taking turns cooking etc. but where everyone had their own bedroom/ensuite and privacy. Does anyone else ever think about this?

@Beeva Google 'Older Women's Cohousing'. There's quite a few projects setting up for older women much as you've described.

(It's my plan B if I find out that living alone isn't as lovely and tranquil as people here make it sound!)

@Fireyflies That sounds very interesting! Thank you. I'm hoping this is a topic that can be explored more on this forum 😀

I've lived on my own for nearly 29 years now ( apart from a period of 6 months when I had a friend staying while her own house was repaired/renovated).
I would find it pretty hard to share now I reckon. The only downside apart from bills is that there is only me to do EVERYTHING. There is no divide and conquer when it comes to housework, cooking, sorting best value utilities etc. Otherwise I really love it.

I know someone who lives in a similar type of place. It's not restricted to age, but there is a cimmunal element to their living. They have flats within an old building, think it used to be a hospital, and while they are fully self-contained, there is a communal living area and kitchen. They hold regular meetings and sometimes cook meals. Sounds lovley tbh, hopefully one day I'd be able to afford to live in a place like that.

@BodegaSushi That sounds so interesting! Where is this located and how did your friend become a resident?

Oh God yes. I finally managed to get back to living alone 7 years ago & I honestly can't imagine ever wanting to live with anyone else ever again. Cats, definitely. Friends / family visiting or coming to stay, lovely. But the idea of someone else living in my home full time would be unbearable.

If it's alright I'll send you a PM, I have a link to the place.

I live alone, im coming round to the idea that not living together means I have a wider pool of men to date or be in long term relationship with. For example, he could have all you need e.g. funny, kind, supportive but maybe he is just messy. Well great u live in your place where u csn be messy and ill live in mine where its tidy and we can still enjoy each other but without that one thing getting in the way or both of us having to compromise.

Bit of a win win

Not the same thing, but DH works away - often Monday to Friday. I love him to death but to be on my own is SUCH a joy. And then of course it's lovely to have him back at the weekend.
I have a silent morning before work, pottering around and drinking coffee, take the dog for a walk or go to the gym after work. Then cook a simple and mess-free dinner which creates NO washing up. Then I watch whatever I want on TV before getting into a double bed on my own (+dog).

I don't live alone but am reading, fantasising and vicariously enjoying the head space.

You have the best of both worlds!

Yes. I've always lived with family, friends, then partner and DC. I never wanted to live alone. Now just live with DC who is away at uni some of the year. I still see my partner but I don't want to live with him again and love just being able to please myself now. And the peace.

After living with three of my boyfriends in my teens, twenties and thirties, Ive lived alone for the last 23 years and it's bliss.

It's a bit of a shock and quite lonely for the first couple of months but after that, you'll love it. The freedom is amazing and you truly live life on your own terms. I have cats for company and love the solitude and peace. I like men but not to live with.

Swim against the tide, thats what I say!

I've lived alone for years and I love it! Very very rarely have I wished to have someone around me and not be living alone (notably the day of a bereavement) but 99.999% of the time I just adore it just being me here.

Yes, I do have to pay all the bills out of one salary but the upside is that what I have is mine. I wouldn't risk losing it in a divorce, whereas I previously had a house (rented) which I loved but had to be given up on the breakdown of my relationship as I couldn't have afforded it on my own. I was more upset about the house than the end of the relationship!

It's so weird that culture/society suggests it's the most undesirable thing ever.

Blame the patriarchy. Every woman living alone means a man goes without someone to look after him, keep house and all the other things that Women Are Supposed To Do.

And what the heck are they getting up to, those women who've noped out of being some man's domestic appliance and childbearer? enjoying themselves, the witches!

Brazen hussies, wantonly enjoying themselves!

<hoicks bosom>

How do you obtain competent and respectful gentlemen callers?

I'm renting until I can face moving away from my loved but extortionate city.. however at just 40 I have lived alone for the last 4 years and I lived alone for 7 years in my twenties. It is doubtful that even if the love of my life were to finally show up I would actually want to live with them full time.
Went to work after an excellent sleep with pillows as I like them. Came home to flat as I left it. Smells nice. Stripped off. Now home from yoga class, having a lovely g&t, light music on, making plans to see Barbie with a few friends next week, about to have a hot shower in my clean bathroom, face mask, picky dinner and early night afoot and no one is annoying me about any of the above!

Careful vetting! I have learned to avoid traditional dating sites and instead use adult friend finder and fetlife. While you still need to vet carefully, and have strict filters, in general the men there are more respectful of consent/boundaries and also more upfront and honest about what they want and can offer. I also always have a few on the go all the time, so that none end up calling very frequently, as that keeps the boundary and distance in place and nobody ends up getting overly attached.

I know some adults who’ve never lived alone - gone straight from parent to setting up with partner. I think it’s something everyone should do for at least a bit, if they can.

I have never lived alone because neither my mother nor I had jobs that were enough to pay the rent - and we weren't on minimum wage, either. Now I'm her carer. At least I have my own tiny unit in our retirement village, even if she does have to spend the day in it!