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MNers without children

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Original poster

Childfree and purposefully live alone?

82 replies

EightyfirstCat · 08/07/2023 08:43

I'm about to buy my own home after a couple of long term relationships that ended, leaving me homeless. Approaching 40 years old, this feels like a major milestone! The idea of living with a partner again feels extremely unappealing. I've lived alone in a rented flat for almost 3 years and I've loved every minute of it. Can anyone else relate? There's something so gorgeous about peace, quiet, doing everything at my own pace, arranging things exactly as I like them, no disruptions or distractions. It feels like it's coming from a very similar place for my intention to be childfree. I wonder if anyone else has a similar desire for peace & simplicity which translates into living alone? (I have a partner but we live separately and will continue to do so as he also likes living alone!).

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 20/07/2023 22:52

I loved living alone, I'd done halls and then house shares and then moved back in with my parents to save, when I bought my first little one bed flat it was heaven (I also had to move out of London to do it). Financially I had to be careful, but coming home to peace and quiet everything being exactly as I left it, if I got the urge to do the housework when I got in from work at ten at night, I'd just do it and sleep in the next day, get a second wind and go and do the Tesco shop at midnight etc.
I also got a cat, lived with him longer than I'd lived with anyone as an adult, he died last year and it was like the last bit of that stage of my life was gone.
I've lived with DH for twelve years now, it's ok because we both need time to ourselves sometimes and don't get annoyed by that. My colleague gets irritated if her husband doesn't just want to sit on the sofa with her every night! Tonight I'm MN and I've finished my book, DH is painting. We've got all weekend together without DS so plenty of time to spend together.

My gran is 86 and hadn't lived alone ever, not even with housemates, until my grandpa died two years ago. She admitted to me that it's a novelty she is enjoying particularly after a few years of caring responsibilities

EmpressaurusOfCats · 20/07/2023 22:53

Your mum sounds like she’s lucky to have you!

Catsmere · 21/07/2023 00:33

I’m sorry about your loss of your cat, @UndercoverCop . :(

nocoolnamesleft · 21/07/2023 00:35

I love my home. All mine. (Okay, some of it is the building society's still)

Catsmere · 21/07/2023 00:37

EmpressaurusOfCats · 20/07/2023 22:53

Your mum sounds like she’s lucky to have you!

You mean me? I guess … it’s financial dependence, really, I’m on the carer pension. It’s true my sister did say if she’d been responsible she’d have put Mum in care, but then she’s married and moved out when she was 17 and is now 70, and I bet she’ll end up as her husband’s carer soon enough.

GodspeedJune · 21/07/2023 00:47

I don’t live alone now but thoroughly enjoyed the time that I did. It was wonderful! It’s such a shame that it’s not possible financially oftentimes.

Threenow · 21/07/2023 01:30

I lived alone, with pets, before I married, and again for the 20 or so years since I separated. I will be renting forever, and hope to be able to do so alone for as long as possible. I have no intention of sharing my home again, I love living alone and my home is my sanctuary.

Cadburysucks · 21/07/2023 11:21

I think I would hate it. I am an introvert, I would hate to eat alone and be responsible for everything on my own. The banter of everyday life. Human contact is essential. Because I am introverted I find it hard to make friends, so my family is everything.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 21/07/2023 19:47

Cadburysucks · 21/07/2023 11:21

I think I would hate it. I am an introvert, I would hate to eat alone and be responsible for everything on my own. The banter of everyday life. Human contact is essential. Because I am introverted I find it hard to make friends, so my family is everything.

I’m an introvert too, but the opposite. I go out & socialise, have friends & family round, but then I need my lovely peaceful home all to myself to recharge in.

Threenow · 21/07/2023 20:44

Cadburysucks · 21/07/2023 11:21

I think I would hate it. I am an introvert, I would hate to eat alone and be responsible for everything on my own. The banter of everyday life. Human contact is essential. Because I am introverted I find it hard to make friends, so my family is everything.

I have a job, I enjoy banter with the people I work with. I would HATE to wfh. When work is over for the day I like to get back to my quiet flat - two separate lives.

Even when I'm not working I don't stay at home all day - in fact I am in and out all day. As long as I can see people, even if all we do is say "Hello", I feel as though I am getting my quota of human interaction.

Saverage · 22/07/2023 08:17

I love living alone, and have done so for over 20 years. My cat and I walk peacefully round the house together, there are no demands on me. All the decor and food are as I like. Sometimes Dcat and I sit in the garden together in the sun and I read while she warms herself.

I enjoy going to the office a couple of times a week, and seeing friends maybe every 2 weeks. But I love the quiet and calm of home alone.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 22/07/2023 12:00

On days when I’m WFH I normally go to my local independent coffee shop first thing, chat with the staff & with a few others who drop in for the same reason, & there’s a fair chance of meeting at least one or two neighbours on the walk there & back.

HeidiUpTheMountain · 22/07/2023 12:06

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 08/07/2023 16:12

I feel like living alone is a wonderful secret that more women should know about. I certainly wish it had been more normalised when I was growing up. It's so weird that culture/society suggests it's the most undesirable thing ever. To me, it's pure freedom and bliss

This is so lovely. It sums up my feelings exactly.

I tell all young women of my acquaintance to spend some time in their early adult life living alone and finding out how they like to live, and gaining the confidence that knowing you are self-sufficient and self-supporting gives you. Then, if you meet someone, you have a benchmark for happiness and can decide whether or not living with this person would genuinely be better than living alone.

I did the same myself, never lived with anyone in earlier relationships, and have now had 25 happy years living with DH, but if anything were to happen to him or we split, I would never live with another person again. I would choose my lovely single home any day if it wasn’t for DH, because living with him has been the only thing better.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 22/07/2023 12:08

I think living alone also helps to find out who you really are, when it’s just you.

Catsmere · 22/07/2023 22:48

Saverage · 22/07/2023 08:17

I love living alone, and have done so for over 20 years. My cat and I walk peacefully round the house together, there are no demands on me. All the decor and food are as I like. Sometimes Dcat and I sit in the garden together in the sun and I read while she warms herself.

I enjoy going to the office a couple of times a week, and seeing friends maybe every 2 weeks. But I love the quiet and calm of home alone.

I love this!

atthebottomofthehill · 23/07/2023 22:55

This sounds utterly lovely. I wish I could have lived on my own.

Dragonfly97 · 27/07/2023 09:45

ThisIsACoolUserName · 18/07/2023 18:24

Not the same thing, but DH works away - often Monday to Friday. I love him to death but to be on my own is SUCH a joy. And then of course it's lovely to have him back at the weekend.
I have a silent morning before work, pottering around and drinking coffee, take the dog for a walk or go to the gym after work. Then cook a simple and mess-free dinner which creates NO washing up. Then I watch whatever I want on TV before getting into a double bed on my own (+dog).

Omg same here!! DH works away all week, just me & DDog, I work from home and love my time to myself. I lived alone before I married and loved having my flat to myself. DH enhances my life and I look forward to seeing him when he comes home, but I've no doubt I could live alone again if I had to. As a previous poster said, living alone can be a lovely thing, and an option that shouldn't be seen as failure if you're not living with someone!

CherryPieface · 30/07/2023 08:55

I’m enjoying this thread as my husband left me recently and I’m on my own for the first time in 25 years! I think I’ll be ok.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 30/07/2023 09:06

CherryPieface · 30/07/2023 08:55

I’m enjoying this thread as my husband left me recently and I’m on my own for the first time in 25 years! I think I’ll be ok.

That's the spirit. Onwards and upwards.

Macinae · 02/08/2023 22:18

I love living alone, have done for over 2 years now for the first time in my life. Bought my own little home after divorce, now just me and the dog and I love it. I actually can't imagine living with someone else now.

Original poster
EightyfirstCat · 03/08/2023 07:10

It's lovely to return to this thread and read all the responses. There's so much wisdom here!

I agree with a PP that the first couple of months living alone can be a bit rough if you've gone from family to houseshare to cohabiting & never lived by yourself for a significant time. I had this when my relationship ended and I first moved into my rental flat. I had a strong pang of loneliness and disorientation which lasted for a few months. However it's now been three years and I feel like I've really grown into myself as a person. I'm on much friendlier terms with myself generally. I feel like for the first time ever I've finally been allowed to truly relax, rest and find peace. It's quite a deep thing I think, a taste of rare freedom.

I do also love responses from PPs who have lived alone and used that as a benchmark in deciding whether co-habiting will truly improve their lives. Too many women end up becoming serfs to partners because we're all somewhat brainwashed into thinking that it's the only route to a happy life!

OP posts:
Original poster
EightyfirstCat · 03/08/2023 07:14

It's interesting to read the role that pets can play in this picture of life. One day, when I need to travel less, I'd certainly love to share my home with a cat.

OP posts:
Backstreets · 03/08/2023 07:16

I like it. I’m a homeowner and love DIY. After I bought it I spent a week adjusting all cupboards and closets etc to accommodate for my height (hobbit) and it’s great having things exactly as you like it.

Would be quite nice sharing but god, it would have to be with someone capable of improving on the situation.

Furries · 15/08/2023 11:49

Yup, childfree and purposely live alone. My sibling lived with me for a few years, but have lived alone for around 15 years now.

I love it and can’t imagine ever wanting to live with someone again. It obviously has fairly big downsides - being responsible for everything re upkeep and the financial hit is tough. I occasionally think about getting a lodger, but the thought process usually only lasts around 10 minutes before I bin the idea again!

I did have two cats and one giant dog, but am now left with only one cat. We were/are perfectly happy together. I miss the two that are no longer here. My remaining cat and I are totally in tune with each other. He is not a child replacement, he is a much-loved member of what I class as my family.

I love the advice above that all women should try to live independently first, definitely agree re it setting a good benchmark with regards to what a partner then adds (or not!) to your life.

Childfree007 · 20/08/2023 16:11

Yes!!!! I lived alone for 8 years in Los Angeles and tbh that was some of the most peaceful and wonderful years of my life. I now have had a partner for 6 years, and we share a beautiful home but if I could have a home completely alone I would probably be even happier. Embrace it and enjoy!