Page 4 | How to accept that I probably won't have children?

PinkLongJohns · 2023-07-05T22:10:07+00:00

I've always wanted children, but I've never met the right man. I'm 37 now. Every man I click with either has kids, or doesn't want any. The chances of me meeting the right man in enough time seems unlikely now... I don't want to be a single parent, adopt, or have IVF. Anyway, how can I make peace with this? Please convince me that it will be a blessing in disguise!

ThursdaysWoman · 14/07/2023 22:54

I never was very interested in having children but felt left out in my 30s because everyone else was having them. It felt like women were part of a club that I wasn’t a member of.

Now I’m older and some women my age already have empty nests and adult children who phone them infrequently, I don’t feel so different anymore.

If you have kids you don’t know how family life will turn out. It’s like the film sliding doors. Meeting the perfect man and having the perfect kids could seem great but put you in the path of disaster. Staying child free might seem depressing now but lead you to some amazing future you haven’t imagined.

ThursdaysWoman · 14/07/2023 22:57

Strawberriesandpears · 08/07/2023 13:32

This might sound morbid (and I certainly don't think it is a reason to have children) but something which pains me is the fact that I will have nobody to attend my funeral. I'm an only child, so will have no family left. I will have nobody to even arrange it or to sort my death certificate out when I die.

The funeral part I will therefore need to sort out myself in advance. I guess there will be no point in having an actual funeral service though and I should just arrange to be taken straight to the part where the body is cremated.

Honestly, what a mind f*ck this is! I wish I had some family - a niece, a nephew etc, but nope, I have nobody.

There’ll be people. Stay involved in your community and try to make a difference. In the end there will be people there.

Cherry2456 · 14/07/2023 23:00

If you always wanted kids you should try get your eggs out using ivf, freeze some eggs in case you meet a partner in future and then consider creating a batch of embryos with donor sperm. Statistically Embryos are more likely to be successful
than just eggs. In future go for a younger guy in his 30s who wants to have kids. I did ivf three times and was finally successful. Lots of women where I live have babies in their 30’s and 40’s. Children are lots of hard work and expensive but don’t let people put you off your dream.

Soapyspuds · 14/07/2023 23:40

Don't give up. I met my now hubby at 37 and am now 39 and now have 3 children twins and a single and a very happy bunny

Are you saying that you are very happy? or that you also have a pet rabbit? We need to be a little clearer on this.

Strawberriesandpears · 15/07/2023 21:18

ThursdaysWoman · 14/07/2023 22:57

There’ll be people. Stay involved in your community and try to make a difference. In the end there will be people there.

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@ThursdaysWoman Thank you. I hope so. I really start need to living my life now in a way that ensures this will be the case.

KookyFinch · 24/10/2025 00:17

Hi there. Im feeling so low. Ive suffered with recurrent miscarriages in the past. That was with my ex . Now that im with a female. And IVF is stupidly expensive. Im scared ill never be a mum. How do I get over that. I always have this hole that needs filling. Im 40 in dec.

KimberleyClark · 25/10/2025 15:24

KookyFinch · 24/10/2025 00:17

Hi there. Im feeling so low. Ive suffered with recurrent miscarriages in the past. That was with my ex . Now that im with a female. And IVF is stupidly expensive. Im scared ill never be a mum. How do I get over that. I always have this hole that needs filling. Im 40 in dec.

Hi, so sorry for your losses. Is your partner interested in having children? And do you know for a fact you would need IVF?

ToadRage · 01/11/2025 10:48

It's not the end yet hun, two my of my relations didn't meet their partner til their forties and they both now have children. Have you tried joining clubs to find people with the same hobbies/interest or online dating, stating that you want kids before it's too late to put off the timewasters? My aunt spent years with a guy who didn't want children expecting he would change his mind and he never did, it was time she had to get out and find someone else who wanted to have kids with her. There is still time for you but you can't sit around waiting for the right one you have to go out and look for them. If you find yourself in a position where you are 49 and still childless and you know for definite you won't be having children then, you will just have to come up with reason why not having children is a good thing and at age it can't be hard; Your house is always tidy, you don't have to plan you own time around your kids, you can afford to go on adult only holidays, if you still haven't and still want to meet a man you have no baggage and can date as much or as little as you please, you can indulge your hobbies and engage in self-care. Don't give up just yet if you really do want kids, but when you feel all is lost try to come up with your own personalised reason why its good that you don't' have them.

KimberleyClark · 02/11/2025 12:23

ToadRage · 01/11/2025 10:48

It's not the end yet hun, two my of my relations didn't meet their partner til their forties and they both now have children. Have you tried joining clubs to find people with the same hobbies/interest or online dating, stating that you want kids before it's too late to put off the timewasters? My aunt spent years with a guy who didn't want children expecting he would change his mind and he never did, it was time she had to get out and find someone else who wanted to have kids with her. There is still time for you but you can't sit around waiting for the right one you have to go out and look for them. If you find yourself in a position where you are 49 and still childless and you know for definite you won't be having children then, you will just have to come up with reason why not having children is a good thing and at age it can't be hard; Your house is always tidy, you don't have to plan you own time around your kids, you can afford to go on adult only holidays, if you still haven't and still want to meet a man you have no baggage and can date as much or as little as you please, you can indulge your hobbies and engage in self-care. Don't give up just yet if you really do want kids, but when you feel all is lost try to come up with your own personalised reason why its good that you don't' have them.

Deleted as thought the poster was replying to the same post as I was, she was actually replying to the OP so my reply made no sense.

Genevieva · 11/11/2025 20:29

marblesthecat · 06/07/2023 09:50

I'll probably be flamed for this but honestly OP having kids is just a relentless thankless slog. Day after day of slaving after another person and listening to endless whining. Your body is affected, your sex life is affected, you have to do school runs and sort out endless life admin. You have to fight to keep your own identity, Sure there are nice parts (ie the parts I put on Facebook) but it's 95% just shit I don't want to do. I'd die for my DD and it's nothing personal against her but if I'd know what it was like I wouldn't have had her. I was desperate for a baby for years and then when I got what I wanted I realised I was not cut out for it. And realistically I have it quite easy compared to others - no SEN or health issues on her part, a supportive husband and a lot of family support. I feel so sorry for some posters on here when I read their stories.

You can enjoy your life and be free.

I disagree. It has been the joy of my life. If she really wants children she needs to lean into finding a father. It sounds bloody exhausting, but necessary. I’m so glad I never had to do online dating. If she doesn’t manage it, that is the time to reassure her that she can have a good and worthwhile life anyway.