The official Childfree on MN bingo card

[ItsNotRocketSalad]

We have 24 squares to fill. What lines get trotted out on every thread that discusses the child free?

My suggestions:

1. You'll need my children to be your carers when you're old
2. Only parents understand real love
3. Childfree people shouldn't take annual leave in school holidays

And then when you’d had enough, you could go do something else & leave the kids to their parents.

Yes lol. "Go tell your mummy. I'm having my coffee and a bun now."

I hear ya!

Obviously we are all single as well as being child haters free. Therefore we are all jealous of everyone who is in a relationship as well as secretly being jealous of everyone who has a child (no matter how much we protest to the contrary) and thus want everyone else's lives to be as bitter and miserable as our own.

Same. I look at babies and think the sum total of absolutely zero. I don't think them fragrant or 'squishy' at all. Doesn't register.

Friend showed me a video of her tween daughter gambolling through her farm with 8 border collie puppies and I admit i uttered a 'omg squeeeeeeeee' as they triggered the Ahh gene to the extent it become a little screechy.

Baby/toddler/child. No nothing. Nowt.

I do find just-walking toddlers quite cute. But babies no not really.

Some women would rather be with an abuser than be single. They would rather their children were abused than be single. Real example of this: a girl I was at school with was molested by her mum's boyfriend and told her mum and the mum stayed with the BF. The poor girl attempted suicide.

Yet, apparently, we child-free spinsters with our "leave the bastard" advice are the unreasonable ones.

That makes me feel sick. That poor girl. I'm speaking from a place of privilege as I have an amazing mother and it's so hard for me to know that a mother could do that to her child. How could any parent hurt their child, neglect their child or allow their child to be abused? It's a sad world and some parts of it are sick.

Thank you, that is very kind. I have mostly come to terms with it all, I think but i am 50 now and its taken time and I do not live in my home country now - mostly left to avoid family.

This is sadly very common.

My closest friend is a social worker for the LA.

A large portion of the kids needing to be removed and placed in foster care is due to abuse by the dad or step dad/mum's new boyfriend.

In every case, the mother knew about the abuse, but turned a blind eye. And this is across all 'class' types and incomes, the whole stately homes situation.

Sickening.

But of course us childfree folk are evil.

I think it is very selfish to have a child. You are creating a mini me so are assuming the world wants and needs another you

I agree. Having a child is one of the most selfish things to do. You have one because you want one.

Absolute corker on another thread - childfree colleague takes advantage of parents having to leave work to do childcare by working more hours and so getting promoted.

I mean, cheeky or what? I bet she wants to take time off at Christmas and in the summer, as well.

Also on another thread a variant on "you don't grow up/become a capable functioning adult until you've had a child".

Replace "childfree" with "fathers" and "parents" with "mothers" and you've basically described why there is a sex-based promotion gap and identified a major contributor to the sex-based pay gap.

That did occur to me @VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia - that evil childfree colleague is doing exactly what men do to get ahead and noticed at work. I have to admit I was expecting a reply to that post along the lines of 'she's childfree, what else does she have in her life but work?'

I get that, but what I don't get is why the mothers just accept that they have to be the primary carer, if that's not what they want.

If it is what they want - there is a consequence to that choice.

Argh @MrsDanversGlidesAgain and @KimberleyClark both those ideas make me so angry.

My answer to the "you don't grow up/become a capable functioning adult until you've had a child" is that whoever says that must have been a pretty incompetent human being before they sprogged.

And I've had versions of the childfree colleague takes advantage of parents having to leave work to do childcare by working more hours and so getting promoted suggested to me. More like "Oh, you don't have the difficulty of mixing a career with children" As if I've somehow cheated.

There's a vey interesting discussion about this in academia, over in the Academic Common Room. Amazing how some posters just don't get it.

I get that, but what I don't get is why the mothers just accept that they have to be the primary carer, if that's not what they want.

To be fair to mothers @musixa , I don't think it's a matter of a completely free choice. Women are conditioned &socialised from birth to be the caring ones, the ones who derive identity & value from being the relational people, iyswim.

And men are conditioned from birth to think that the world is organised around them, and their needs will automatically be met.

Most men would never dream of taking the hit to their self-identity, their fredom, their career, their earning capacity, their physical & mental health, that women routinely take on by parenting.

So I don't think we can throw up our hands and say "Well, it was her choice." I don't think it's ever a free choice for women - probably one of the reasons I didn't push to have a child on my own (cf another thread) when it was clear no man wanted to partner & raise a family with me.

This kind of nonsense annoys me.

Like what do they expect?

Theres a cost to having children. One of those may well be career progression. Why should a CF colleague who is probably more reliable, works more miss out on promotions so that the entitled parents who, statistically speaking, work less, are less reliable and take more sick, can be promoted instead?

Honestly, it’s like they really fed into the lie that they can have it all and when reality bites them in the ass and they realise they can’t, they want to blame everyone else. No.

You don’t get to work less, leave earlier regularly and take a ton of sick and be unreliable, and still get promoted. That’s not how life works.

Agreed @CleverLilViper but surely we should all be looking to have a system which doesn't require women to make sacrifices in the way that many women have to: either have DC and take the hit, or sacrifice having DC because you can't afford to take the hit. And by afford, I mean emotionally as well as financially. I know that was my situation - I looked at what it cost women to have DC and was very very panicked. In a way no man ever has to be.

But whether you have children or not is a free choice,at least in Western cultures. Fully aware that some other cultures view having children as a religious and social obligation.

It's not about a system - it's about women who don't want to take the career hit being prepared to say to the father 'If we have children, it is conditional on the agreement that I will be the primary worker and you will be the primary (or stay-at-home if applicable) parent'

This is interesting as I’m always being told by parents on here that I benefit from covering all the slack as I’ll get promoted and they won’t (I won’t - there are very few opportunities and ironically all those above me are parents).

I always suspected that if I actually did, that this would be somehow unfair on them too.

Absolute corker on another thread - childfree colleague takes advantage of parents having to leave work to do childcare by working more hours and so getting promoted.

Lol I've got personal experience of this. I'm the same age as one of my female colleagues and we started in our jobs as registrars at the same time after having similar career paths up to the point of her going off on 3 consecutive 12 month mat leaves within 6 years, and coming back very part time after each one. She eventually increased her hours slightly when the last child reached 3 years.

During that time I obviously gained 3 years extra experience and was working full time throughout and so was promoted to consultant. I was then promoted again to Clinical Director a couple of years ago and am now on a prestigious secondment - due to end next month.

Meanwhile she's still a registrar and still working less than 30 hours a week, but it's all my fault for not supporting women because I had the temerity to progress in my career while she prioritised her family 🤷‍♀️