The official Childfree on MN bingo card

[ItsNotRocketSalad]

We have 24 squares to fill. What lines get trotted out on every thread that discusses the child free?

My suggestions:

1. You'll need my children to be your carers when you're old
2. Only parents understand real love
3. Childfree people shouldn't take annual leave in school holidays

It really does seem that since the creation of this board there’s a concerted effort among some to deride and criticise the childfree, portray us to be child-hating barren harridans etc.

awaits predictable accusation of thinking I’m something special 🙄

Special and bitter, which must make us even more special to pull that one off! 😆

What's wrong with being special and thinking you are? that's such a playground taunt - 'ooooh, look at you, fancying yourself.'

It really does seem that since the creation of this board there’s a concerted effort among some to deride and criticise the childfree, portray us to be child-hating barren harridans etc.

There was a real fight to get this board against some determined opposition, for some reason. Don't think for a minute that that has gone away.

What's wrong with being special and thinking you are? that's such a playground taunt - 'ooooh, look at you, fancying yourself.'

It's real crab-bucket stuff, isn't it?

Wait...why does living your life the way you want make you special? Surely that makes them special too seeing as they're living the life they want. Aren't they...

You and your sensible comments pointing out the obvious, just who do you think you are?

It's real crab-bucket stuff, isn't it

AKA 'getting above yourself.' Heard it a lot growing up.

This is exactly what it's like on the Black Mumsnetters board.
What makes me laugh are the people who claim they didn't notice what the topic was when they opened the thread. Bollocks. When you read a thread title it's right there, and also when you open the thread and read the first OP. You can't miss it!

I’ve said the same a few times over the past week @sammylady37. The really obvious attempts were in relation to the two “kids behaving badly” threads, where the vast majority of those posting unpleasant things were parents (“my DC were raised better than such brats” etc). That became the “MN has become full of CF child haters!” thread, with multiple posters saying that those comments were all posted by the CF.

When I pointed out that I, a CF person, had been on one of the threads arguing with parents about how it wasn’t ok to trip unruly kids up… crickets.

Same as on today’s thread, where a couple of posters saying that they find kids ghastly on one of our board threads has turned into “it’s full of CFers saying they hate and loathe kids”.

Every badly behaved kid thread on AIBU has tons of parents saying they don’t like kids that aren’t their own - and others reacting with laugh emoji faces.

Child hating is fine as long as the person is a parent. So it’s not about child hating at all.

Omg sorry for getting caught up in my specialness.

I have a theory that there’s three reasons why people have an issue with the childfree. One: they love being a parent so much that they genuinely think you’re missing out on the joy. Two: they think that having children is “just what you do” and you’ve copped out of your shared responsibility. Three: how dare you dodge the bullet when they didn’t or couldn’t?

The crab/bucket thing is the embodiment of the third one. THEY have had to endure a life they aren’t enjoying - either because they felt that they had no choice from the outset or because they discovered the realities of parenting waaaay too late - and how dare YOU escape? Come back here and suffer like I had to!

The thing is, I don't actually hate children (and I'm so sick of that word 'hate.'). I just don't want them in my life, thanks, and my life is organised to minimise contact - like not going on holiday when the schools are off. I'm more than happy to do my bit paying taxes to provide schools and the likes because I realise that come old age I'll need the adults they grow into - just like people such as my childfree aunt and great aunt paid in to educate me and keep me healthy.

Why is that so difficult for some people?

It's funny. The way they talk about CF people hating children is quite ironic because many, many threads on MN are by mothers who love their own, but aren't keen on anyone elses.

"AIBU to stop seeing this friend because of her child?"
"AIBU to be annoyed at strange child trying to talk to me at the park?"
"AIBU to not want to play with unknown toddler at softplay while her lazy mother sits on her phone?"

Etc.

Childfree doesn't mean "hates children". It just means "doesn't have or want children". But clearly that is just too difficult for some people to grasp.

Those three reasons are pretty much my take on it, too!

PS have I mentioned I love your username? Headology ftw. :)

PS have I mentioned I love your username? Headology ftw. :)

Granny Weatherwax is my hero! Except I doubt she holds with that sort of thing. And she didn’t have children, didn’t seem to do her any harm…

I just remember her comment to Nanny about Nanny's grandson Pewsey being the stickiest child she'd ever met. 😄

It is quite surprising how many mothers on here seem to be utterly incapable of dealing with kids. It’s as if they have two strategies- idolise and fawn for their own, and go into a meltdown of fear and loathing for anyone else’s.

I don’t know if it’s jealousy or insecurity - for the first time in living memory, having kids is being questioned, people are asking whether it’s the best choice for the environment, people are thinking about whether or not we’ve essentially created a human pyramid scheme that needs to be tackled instead of perpetuated.

It’s no longer the case that society automatically fawns over or unthinkingly applauds women for the selfless act of “raising the next generation”. I think that that has to be incredibly unsettling.

At the same time, the women who’ve long been judged and derided are rising in prominence and an argument is growing that they are the ones acting for the benefit of society by not contributing to climate change and/or the human being pyramid scheme. That, too, has to be incredibly unsettling.

This is also my theory, with most mothers falling into camps 1 and 3. I say mothers because I've never seen a man offer any kind of opinion on childfree women they aren't in a relationship with.

My mother had me at 18. When I was about that age we had a savage row , in which she wished I'd get pregnant.

I think I've read it all now - apparently people who are anti children are also anti immigration 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I saw that Joris. Not sure what the logic was (I suspect none).

I saw that too. Clearly we’re cold, hate-filled people so it would make sense that we are all anti-immigrant, Brexit-voting, racist, fascist bigots.

Wrong quote! Stupid iPad, I meant to quote @JorisBonson

I still think parents think about and judge other people's children more than childfree people do. I never think about children and I am usually quite oblivious to them when they are around unless they are my friends'.

The number of parents on that thread complaining about other people's children and its still the cruel heartless bitter childfree women to blame

Yep. A few of us have made that point (I’ve made it on about 5 threads recently) and of course been totally ignored, as yet more arrive and say that those complaining must all be childless.