Child free people being told they deserve less yet being expected to do more!

[JenniferBooth]

Has anyone on here experienced any of this?

1. Employment..........being expected to work the Christmas shifts (because the parents want the time off) even though you did it the previous year or the last few years..
2. Family Being expected to take on the care of a child even though you have chosen not to have your own because of emotionally charged comments like " i feel sorry for the child cos none of his family members want him"
3. Housing. particularly social housing, where if you dont have children you are only entitled to a small flat or a bedsit, and God forbid if you happen to live in a bigger place you are told that it is your moral duty to downsize for families.
4. Being asked at a job interview if you have children and then being asked "why? Dont you like responsibility" when you say no. Happened to me back in 2004

You think life is automatically easier because you don't have children?

No where did I say that?

This reminds me of a thread where I had to literally argue with someone who insisted that I had to be secretly minted because I didn’t have kids and she had 4. There was absolutely no explaining to her that I do not get free utilities, food and housing because I don’t have kids, nor do all childless people work in jobs paying £120k per year.

They must get something out of it, but God knows what.

There's this insidious message in the media about 'families'. Families are suffering. Families are feeling the pinch. Families can't do this or families can't do that. Fair enough, you read the article and it often says 'households' - but a lot of people don't read the whole article, they glance at the headline and see 'families' - mum, dad and kids. I think that sometimes people DO think we get everything for free or we're somehow immune from inflation and mortgage hikes and because we don't have children we're these high flying career women with mega salaries so it can't possibly affect us.

Nobody would really believe that childless individuals get free housing and utilities, though, would they?

@JeandeServiette Well I’d hope not but she kept insisting that my money was all for me.

I pointed out that those things cost me money, just as they cost her money, and because I don’t earn megabucks and have a partner, my household money doesn’t go that far. She kept saying that if she were in my position she’d be absolutely minted.

And then two other people started agreeing with her!

So I honestly don’t know what they believe but it’s certainly not grounded in reality.

Nobody would really believe that childless individuals get free housing and utilities, though, would they?

Those would be the 'advantages,' presumably.

I posted on another board prior to this board being created (it was AIBU and the thread was about CF colleagues) about how the childless people in my workplace always had to work the weekends or unsociable hours because those with children refused and a poster absolutely jumped on my post - acknowledged that being a parent wasn't a protected characteristic under EA10 yet employers were legally required to make allowances for them so the childless should just suck it up.

No amount of other posters telling her how ridiculous and unreasonable that was made a difference.

I wonder if it's the same poster.

One of the advantages.

No but they absolutely believe that all childfree women earn a fortune

I actually really hate this narrative that if I dont have children I have to a be a high flying career woman

I actually have multiple disabilities but its still assumed that I must have an amazing job and earn lots of money just because. It's almost like I am letting people down if I dont. I'm on a reasonable wage but not a 6 figure salary and I don't have the drive to get to a 6 figure salary.

Its also like not everyone can do every job. You aren't going to be CEO just because you don't have children if you are really bad at strategic high level thinking.

Its like the assumption on this thread that the OP should automatically have been able to get a better paid job. Maybe she doesn't have the skills, maybe she failed her GCSEs because of bad dyslexia and literally can only do low wage jobs. (Im not trying to cast aspersions on the OP or people with dyslexia).

But there is that automatic assumption that the only thing holding women back from all these high paying amazing careers is that they have children. And that if you dont have children you can just go out there and get one regardless of disabilities, caring responsibilities, location, educational status, ability or intelligence.

I mean it would be lovely if we could get promoted regardless of how good we are but we are still women not men called Andrew.

I had similar on a post on the work board. Long story short, my company had allowrd furlough due to childcare reasons (this was allowed in the guidance). It meant that the staff still there couldn't take any holiday so the trade off was that the staff who were in got priority on holiday for the next 2 years. This was known to everyone before furlough was agreed.

The staff that had been off then didn't want to not get first dibs and kicked off. I was basically told I was an awful person, no compassion blah blah.

The irony of it is that I was wavering but this poster pissed me off so much i dug my heels in 🤣

I remember that one! Good for you for digging your heels in

I actually really hate this narrative that if I dont have children I have to a be a high flying career woman

Because if you don't have children you have to compensate in some way to prove you're worthy to be alive. Have a high flying career. Volunteer. Do something meaningful with your otherwise sad, empty and meaningless life.

While we are on the subject of narratives we hate - the way childfree women seem (not all of them) to feel obliged to say that they have DNs they adore; just to demonstrate they aren't child hating witches.

I love this board. It's rather cathartic to be with people who Get It.

I love this board. It's rather cathartic to be with people who Get It.

It will be if it gets to that point.

I couldn't agree more.

It's as though we have to justify our position. If we've not had children, there must be an acceptable reason.

Once I was asked (gym class) if I had children. I said no, and she immediately said 'oh you must be a career woman, good for you'.

Wrong, and so bloody patronising.

We don't have children because we're selfish and we prioritise our high-flying careers, I think is the accepted notion.

Or uptight anal types who can’t stand the thought of anything spoiling the tranquil orderliness of our lives and our immaculate white sofa’d homes.

Are the white sofas obligatory for the CF? have never really cared for them, given my propensity to scatter crumbs and knock over wine glasses and teacups. But if I have to, I have to.

I don’t know why it matters if you have white sofas, it’s not like you’ll be home much to mess them up between your high flying career, travelling the world, volunteering, climbing mountains, caring for elderly relatives, providing free babysitting and all the hobbies you do, surely?

I think my inability to keep anything white stain free, is a good part of my reason to not have kids.

Completely agree. Children are smaller, so the proportion of stain to person would be much more obvious on them than it is on me.

Whilst simultaneously and counterintuitively having a stinky mutt that we refer to as a furbaby. Obvs.

Sadly, they do.

Yes I think they do absolutely go into the black mumsnetters board and do this.

I don't know if this was done on this board or any for specific people, but maybe a little banner which remains at the top would be useful? Saying its xxx board. Like bigger than the site navigation text. Just a thought...

Re the dn we adore. I do have this and me and my partner are very involved with them. They absolutely love him. This combined with working with kids sometimes plus a best friend who had a baby in ours 20s means I'm really familiar with kids. In a way that somone who may want children but hasn't had them yet isn't. So I may say this to show I actually empathise a lot with parents and know a lot about the development of kids. But I'd probably say this in a more conversationalist setting.

Im now reflecting on this though and thinking why do I feel I need to show that as a woman in my 30s. Probably with some people it's to be nice and show they can share they're knackered from the toddler refusing to go to bed! But it's interesting we have so much understanding for the impact children have on people's lives and not other things. Like when my mental health was awful.

Just thinking aloud really!

I'm not sure that prefacing every thread title with Childfree People or having a banner would work. If people are determined to barge in on a thread that's what they'll do, regardless of whether it refers to them or not. As we saw earlier on here.

I've occasionally had a look at the Black Mumsnetters board. Anyone who goes on there and asys 'I'm not black but here's my opinion' is braver than me, that's for sure and deserves to get their arses handed to them.