Child free people being told they deserve less yet being expected to do more!

[JenniferBooth]

Has anyone on here experienced any of this?

1. Employment..........being expected to work the Christmas shifts (because the parents want the time off) even though you did it the previous year or the last few years..
2. Family Being expected to take on the care of a child even though you have chosen not to have your own because of emotionally charged comments like " i feel sorry for the child cos none of his family members want him"
3. Housing. particularly social housing, where if you dont have children you are only entitled to a small flat or a bedsit, and God forbid if you happen to live in a bigger place you are told that it is your moral duty to downsize for families.
4. Being asked at a job interview if you have children and then being asked "why? Dont you like responsibility" when you say no. Happened to me back in 2004

At my workplace with a team of about 20 the only 2 people who every year without fault demand to have two weeks off for Christmas are childless. Everyone else is sensible and works together to take a few days off here end there, working over Christmas some years and having Chrisfmas off in others.

I honestly cannot relate to any of your points, as a child free person years ago and a parent now.

Also bear in mind that, even childless, you might find yourself with caring responsibilities later in life... your parents, a sibling etc. I have had childless colleagues moaning under their breath about single parents having to take time off at short notice due to young children being ill... then years later making the most of family friendly policies to drop everything in to take parents to appointments etc.

Of course i wouldnt rather a family was homeless despite the sentiment on here that a single child free person shouldnt be eligible at all

Well then the social housing point is bollocks.

YABVU about housing and you probably know it

But by the looks of this thread people without kids who buy a house are also being vilified for not saving them for families

I agree with all your points apart from social housing, which should be allocated based on need. As it is, in our area there are many families housed in temporary accommodation and hotel rooms without access to laundry or cooking facilities, let alone adequate space for children to play and study, due to a shortage of suitable properties.

It’s a separate issue but the way social housing is allocated needs to be addressed. If you rely on social housing I don’t see why you have the right to live in it for life. I feel people who have been allocated a large house for their family should be prepared to downsize once they have grown up and moved out. How else are we supposed to be able to house current families? This does seem to be an unpopular opinion though, people who use social housing seem to think they should have the same rights as those who buy.

I’ll be honest I know my employers cut me slack as I have children. I take more time off to cover random vomiting children etc I try and be flexible in return and will take on shit jobs no one else wants to do so everyone thinks I am a good egg.

Taking on care of a child is such a hard decision not something you do to please other people. People talk rubbish, let them and then let it go.

Social housing should be appropriately sized. I’d be happy with a minimalist studio flat in
later life. If you are paying for your own house it doesn’t matter what people say. My uncle lives in a six bedroom house, no kids. So many people have asked if he is ever going to downsize. He’s going out in a box apparently. Find a phrase that suits you and use whenever people start on this line. Remember people talk rubbish, let them drone on for a minute, use your phrase, let it go.

The interview question is shocking. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to ask about children these days

Job interview is so illegal!!!

All the others yes ( pre children). Eg I asked to compress my hours at work they said no, only for people with young children. So I had a baby, lol.

The sexism. In 1991 (back in the mists of time before i met DH when i was 18 and still living with my parents) i went with a friend to the local council office who needed to find a flat. She was single. I still remember what was said to her all these years later. "Im sorry but there arent many available at the moment if you had a baby things would be different but we cant help you at the moment.

I met DH in 1992 and we moved into a small bedsit and lived there for two years and 3 months before we moved to where we are now.....

Single men WERE more likely to be housed than single women or couples (all this is without children) It was assumed that women would meet a man and move in with him. (this obvs meant a higher risk of abuse.

The final straw was when my best friends ex beat her yet again She finally gave him the boot and this violent druggie was rehoused within THREE DAYS. While women were being told Sorry we cant help unless you have a child.

We had an interview for a flat and we attended and towards the end of the interview i asked how likely it was we would get allocated a flat She said it could be a while. I brought up my friends ex and she said it was sooner for him because he was "vulnerable" Yep so vulnerable that he beat up a subsequent partner so badly she lost their baby. She had moved in with him because she had no other choice.

Anyway we did get offered a flat which is still the same one bedroom flat we are in now 29 years later.

Why? Because im childfree by choice and we have always been low income.

So we are still where we are because i havent reproduced. Im not moaning about it Just stating a fact.

I will point out though that if more lower income couples made the same choice as us there would be even less one bedroom places becoming available

Since the late 90s the one bedroom flat underneath me has been occupied by three different single men. First one was a lovely man. Second a violent druggie The current one a raging alchoholic. The last time it was occupied by a woman was a pensioner who was moved to a nursing home in 1998. In fact when we first moved here in 1994 a few of the ground floor flats were occupied by elderly people. Which seems sensible to me but doesnt seem to happen anymore. Where are all the single women?

I haven't experienced any of this. What I do think though is within my family I often am expected to sort stuff as if I have more time. When I work a huge amount doing freelance work in addition to a job and doing a house up as well as all the normal stuff. Small things like I'll sort join gifts out or days out.

I think I'm a bit of a doer though so this could be it too.

1. No.
2. No.
3. No. It's only fair, that, in social housing larger families should have access to larger housing.
4. No. And something that happened once almost 20 years ago really doesn't count as more than a blip. It is illegal for an employer to ask about planning to have children / childcare etc.

The final straw was when my best friends ex beat her yet again She finally gave him the boot and this violent druggie was rehoused within THREE DAYS. While women were being told Sorry we cant help unless you have a child.

I work in housing and I will say that one of the ways you keep WOMEN safe is housing MEN. Because in a jurisdiction where women with children are housed and men without aren't, the easiest way to find housing as a man is to glom onto a vulnerable single mum, making the woman and the children massively less safe.

The violent man being housed separately is vastly better.

Add to that if the man moves in and makes trouble, you end up having to evict the whole lot of them, rather than just him.

• Employment..........being expected to work the Christmas shifts (because the parents want the time off) even though you did it the previous year or the last few years..
*
Unfair, everyone should have equal opportunity to holidays, no matter what time of year it is. Can't you put in an annual leave request to guarantee Xmas off? *

• Family Being expected to take on the care of a child even though you have chosen not to have your own because of emotionally charged comments like " i feel sorry for the child cos none of his family members want him"

*
Just say no, just like someone with kids can say no to looking after someone else's kids. *

• Housing. particularly social housing, where if you dont have children you are only entitled to a small flat or a bedsit, and God forbid if you happen to live in a bigger place you are told that it is your moral duty to downsize for families.

*
Government issue here. Too many council houses were sold off and now not enough stock to go around.
However, families in the social housing will need more space to accommodate more people. One person doesn't require as much space.*
You seem very ungrateful to have a roof over your head. If it bothers you that much and you are that resentful, then give up your social housing one bed sweatbox so another single occupier can enjoy a secure and financially cheaper tenancy. Plenty of private rentals and properties to purchase out there, but I guess you don't want to give up the cheap, secure rent in exchange for something more to your liking.

• Being asked at a job interview if you have children and then being asked "why? Dont you like responsibility" when you say no. Happened to me back in 2004
*
Completely unacceptable and illegal.
Although maybe they had a point, you don't want to take responsibility for booking your own annual leave or sorting a house out more to your liking.*

In my area you can only bid on council housing and there is a points system. There are hundreds of bids on one property and also a points system. A healthy single woman would have no chance of getting a place these days where I live. The point about xmas is true in my experience, though I always volunteer for bank hols as it's double pay and I don't have family anyway.

I have found it different in my life,
Point 1 - Our Christmas has always started at 3pm, first my mum had to work a shift on Christmas Day and now its my sister who is usually working.

Point 2 - I was never expected to take care of my nephews, nor was my other sister, now I have a child, I dont expect my sister to babysit, unless she wants to take DS out

Point 3 - I think you know you are being unreasonable, I dont think single people should be living in 2 bedrooms plus in social housing, I would say the same to someone who has raised their kids in a 4 bed house and now living in it alone, they need to give it up to another family. If you want to live in a big house, then you go and buy it, on a side note sister who doesnt have kids, has two houses, one for when she works and one for her dog (long story)

Point 4 - This is illegal and women with children get asked this in a round about way and then discriminated against as well, this one there is no right answer and is 100% about shitting on women and if a company did ask, its not a company you want to work for.

I do have children now but had them late so I can relate to this pre children.

At work it's reasonably fair except I was told once I could work on Mother's Day because I'm not a mother.

I don't like looking after other people's children even now let alone when childless.

I have issues with social housing anyway but I don't get how people can keep having children and expect others to fund them but I'll probably get shot down for that.

Neve had this child questions in an interview.

Agree with all points except 3. I don’t think it’s right to occupy a family social house as a single person. Buy or rent whatever you like on the private market but there’s a massive social housing shortage and I think morally it is wrong to lock a family out of a home when you don’t need the extra rooms. Personally I prefer flats to houses as there’s less to clean!

Of course social housing should make the best use of space - that isn't done by giving people more bedrooms than they need.

You shouldn't have been asked about children in an interview (it's illegal for a start), and they shouldn't have said that to you. But women with children are discriminated against in the workplace. This is widely acknowledged.

Definitely 1. I work in a 24/7 environment - I never take annual during half term or in August. I took work from a lot of colleagues during covid as they had to homeschool. I pick up whatevers needed if people have childcare issues.

I LOVE Christmas, and my family are 300 miles away (I also don't drive so can't get anywhere when there's no trains). I've been told I'm selfish for taking Christmases off because I don't have children. Evidently my family isn't as important.

I own my home. My husband bought the land and built it. People still ask why we need somewhere so big with only the two of you, you only need a one bedroom really.

Really ...

Fwiw we can't have children but that shouldn't make a difference.

I'm part time at work and that is due to an amazing employer - old employer refused as it was only for people with children.

I had an interview in my late 20s was asked if I was getting married or planning to get married.

Yes asking about whether you have children or not is illegal, but it doesn't stop them doing it. They don't have to be blatant either.

I went to a job interview a couple of years ago, where one of the benefits was private healthcare. They asked in the interview whether I would need family cover or flexible working. What they didn't know is that I also knew one of the other (male) candidates - we're friendly and there was more than one vacancy so we'd exchanged info when we'd found out we were both shortlisted. He wasn't asked any questions about family healthcare plans or flex working.

I got offered a second interview but turned it down.

1. I was automatically rota'd in for working over Christmas at a previous job because I don't have children. I would have preferred to be asked and would have happily shared, fairly, working Christmas season but it's just expected. Which is shit.

2.no experience of this

1. Dh and I bought a 5-bed house recently. It was on the market for 14 months, and needs a lot of work, which we have time, energy and money for. I don't feel we're taking anything away from anyone.

1. Definitely no experience of that!

The people who say to put in annual leave to cover Christmas. Places I’ve worked you can’t do this, you have to request it off separately to booking annual leave and it’s only allocated to you if you have children. One place I worked you could book annual leave which I did and it was taken off of me because someone with children wanted it off and assumed she didn’t have to book it because she had children. Where my sister works those without children are automatically put in the rota to work and the same happened at my husbands last job, so it’s not always that easy.

I’ve also had a lot of inappropriate interviews OP, at one interview I went to in May I was asked if I have children and I said no and was told it was pointless carrying on the interview because I didn’t need the job if I didn’t have children to support, almost exactly the same thing happened about 5 years ago when I was asked if I didn’t have kids why did I need ‘the money’…. (Though I will say my childfreeness isn’t the only reason I’ve had inappropriate interviews I’ve also not been offered jobs because I have curly hair, because I wasn’t wearing heels and because I didn’t smile enough while answering the questions).

Actually, several PPs have said that they think you can buy or rent from a private landlord whatever you want.