Child free people being told they deserve less yet being expected to do more!

[JenniferBooth]

Has anyone on here experienced any of this?

1. Employment..........being expected to work the Christmas shifts (because the parents want the time off) even though you did it the previous year or the last few years..
2. Family Being expected to take on the care of a child even though you have chosen not to have your own because of emotionally charged comments like " i feel sorry for the child cos none of his family members want him"
3. Housing. particularly social housing, where if you dont have children you are only entitled to a small flat or a bedsit, and God forbid if you happen to live in a bigger place you are told that it is your moral duty to downsize for families.
4. Being asked at a job interview if you have children and then being asked "why? Dont you like responsibility" when you say no. Happened to me back in 2004

Well put, @Ohwowza .

Can you explain how no children means the OP somehow has a greater expectation to earn more?

Is there a reason why no children = more personal responsibility

It must be relevant or else why would you have mentioned it

For all you know the OP may be disabled or have other issues which make it difficult for her to earn more or move out of social housing

And if she had had 4 babies in that situation people would be telling her to take personal responsibility and she shouldn't have had the children if she couldn't afford them

But somehow here, with no children, she still hasn't taken enough personal responsibility because apparent no children must mean work harder earn more regardless of personal circumstances

And childfree people of childbearing age face exactly the same discrimination of employers assuming they might go off and have children etc. Being childfree isn't an anti discrimination clause unless you are expecting me to have the opportunity to discuss my uterus in detail in every interview 🙄

I didn't need to mention children (or lack thereof) to prospective employers. My age and wedding ring were enough for them to deem me a maternity risk.

Fortunately I'm now old enough for it to be less relevant (thank you grey hair and perimenopause!), and I work for a firm which has a very fair approach to work/life balance for everyone, because they believe that we all have our own lives and responsibilities outside of work.

What an offensive post.

@lemonchiffonpie
How is that post offensive?

Can you explain how no children means the OP somehow has a greater expectation to earn more?

@Catchasingmewithspiders she doesn't. She can earn what she likes...but she is moaning about her housing being too small. Does she expect the state to find her a bigger property? She has been housed. If she wants a bigger and better place then the onus is on her and her DH to provide this for themselves.

A couple without DC will generally find it easier to work/study/retrain than those with children. They don't have to pay for childcare or reduce hours. They can take on jobs with longer commutes. Now, of course they don't have to do this or earn more but to come on here moaning about the size of their social housing flat is pretty jarring for a lot of people.

I agree.

100% this

This thread and board are about being childfree not about how having children makes your life harder.

@Florissante
I think people mentioning children are trying to help the OP understand why a multiple bedroom, larger house isn't just being thrown at her by the council. More people in a house will require more space. Asking the OP why she hasn't tried to find a more suitable house to her taste isn't exactly offensive. It's a genuine wonder.

The OP has already said that the reason she is frustrated is because her husband is having to sleep on the sofa due to his disabilities

Please can you explain how people without children but with disabilities find it easier to work/retrain/study than able bodied people with children?

Can you explain how people caring for those with disabilities don't have to take reduced hours if they don't have children? Does the disabled non parent need less care than the disabled parent?

Are disabilities for childfree people suddenly cost free now?

I find someone coming on telling a couple where at least one is disabled that it's their own fault for "not clawing their way out" of social housing purely because they don't have children so their life is automatically assumed to he easier and more charmed than able bodied people with children is pretty jarring for a lot of people too

Telling the OP she should have clawed her way out of social housing because she didn't have children is in no way trying to help the OP

Berate, judge, goad yes. Help, not in the slightest.

The op says her husband is in his seventies....I have no idea if he has always been disabled or its a moe recent thing.

Generally though, all other things being equal, it's easier to work/retrain if you are childfree. That's just a fact. Its not controversial. A childfree person has more freedom...I mean that's one of the perks surely?

But anyway, the op and her DH have been housed. Social housing generally provides the bare minimum. If you want more then you need to provide that yourself.

No you don't know if the OPs husband has always been disabled.

Yet you still assumed that he could have commuted further, worked harder, retrained more.

Generally though, all other things being equal, it's easier to work/retrain if you are childfree

All things aren't equal. The OPs DH is disabled.

It also ignores all sorts of other things that impact upward mobility.

People who come from areas of generational poverty find it harder to access better work and training opportunities than people from middle class/wealthier backgrounds for example. Generational wealth makes a difference. It can be harder if you are an immigrant for from a minority background.

So Im not sure how you have decided that not having children, one of several factors that can impact earning ability, is the great equaliser you can use to berate the OP for not overcoming any other difficulties you may be unaware of.

Well put.

No you don't know if the OPs husband has always been disabled

Yes that's what I said.

However, my point is not to castigate the op for not having earnt more...she can do what she wants and I'm sure she has her reasons. Its the fact that she's moaning about her property. Its social housing. There's a shortage. She has somewhere to live. That's the objective. If she wanted more, then the onus is on her to achieve that.

Have you noticed yet that you are posting (unhelpfully) in the childree mumsnetters board?

*childfree

Childfree people work harder! Earn more, commute further, retrain more! Work Christmases, work overtime just work work work.

You don't need a work life balance, you don't have a life if you don't have children.

You don't need time to see your family, you dont have a family if you dont have children.

Of course you can commute hours, you don't know what real tiredness is anyway you dont have children

Your disabilities arent an issue, you dont have children thats harder.

And don't dare have a moan between yourselves because we will come and berate you. You don't know how good you have it, you don't have children.

People without kids are always assumed to have no disabilities, or if they do have them then they’re no comparison to the difficulties of raising kids. See all the threads on here where parents host the tiredness Olympics. I remember seeing someone once say a childless person with MS was less tired than a parent because they could sleep after work.

The “yes but I’m talking generally!” thing is balls when you’re berating a person whose circumstances are not “general”, and you know this because it’s in the bloody opening post.

So you've been with your husband for over thirty years, no children and you haven't managed to both earn enough to claw your way out of your social housing flat and either rent somewhere bigger privately or buy somewhere. This is utterly ridiculous. Take some personal responsibility for heaven's sake.

Literally castigated the OP.

You are really struggling to understand my point.

I'm not saying she should have earned more money or achieved more. But, she is moaning that her property isn't big enough. If she wanted a bigger and better property then the responsibility to achieve that was hers.

A childfree person has more freedom...I mean that's one of the perks surely?

Because it's well known that childfree people have such empty lives that they don't have houses to clean and maintain, hobbies to pursue, friends and family to catch up with, people to care for, holidays to go on....all there is in their lives is work and training so they can better themselves and drag themselves out of one bedroom flats.

What would be really nice would be an acknowledgement that a lot of social housing is not fit for purpose.

And a 74 year old disabled man having to sleep on the sofa because of his disabilities is not okay.

And elderly disabled people in social housing not having a spare room for a carer to stay in could be a problem.

Instead of going well other people have crap social housing so put up with it. Maybe we wouldn't have substandard limited social housing if the people living in it weren't berated for having a moan about it and being told to shut up and put up and be grateful for crappy living conditions.