When I was still teaching uni, I was asked to teach early in the morning and late at night to accommodate parents. I did this for a number of years, but then I asked not to teach after 5 as my elderly mum-in-law needed me to pop in after work to see how she was and help her with dinner. I’ll just say that the response I received was not pleasant. They allowed this accommodation, but it was very grudging with heavy implications I was selfish to ask. I ignored it and got my mum in law her dinner.
Dh and I live in a four bed with some land. We bought it cheap in a v. rural area and spent a decade fixing it up to make it nice for ourselves, and sacrificed quite a bit to pay off the mortgage and do the DIY. After a lot of sweat equity on our part, it looks beautiful now. I don’t feel guilty owning my home. I don’t feel guilty working very part time and quasi-retiring early after putting off a lot of fun things in my life and painting walls, and stripping floors and furniture on the weekends. I ignore people who say we are selfish to have ‘all this room’. We all make our life choices.
My brother did think because he had kids and I didn’t, I didn’t deserve my inheritance from my father and spent several years trying to prevent me from having it, but when it was time for him to sell my dad’s land, the probate court thought otherwise, and I received my share. I was told I was selfish, etc., and he tried to impose a bunch of administration fees. Again the court said otherwise. I just ignored his protestations, esp because he always made much more money than me, lives in a nicer house, had expensive holidays, etc and thus treated me as a lesser being to be pitied and who didn’t deserve anything good. He conveniently forgot that I helped raise him and basically ran the house because my mum was ill throughout my childhood. My dad wanted to recognise that in giving us equal share even though I didn’t have kids.
He’s now upset he has to work till he is 65, and I have quasi retired in my 50s. I told him that he’ll have the pleasure of grandkids, he’s had the pleasure of 50K cars and a McMansion all these years, and I made the choice instead of a fixer upper, no car, and no children, and saving my money. Now I have a nice house, money in the bank and a decent pension and my leisure. I’ve had to save more money because I won’t have kids to look after me when I get old, and I just took a little longer to prosper because I was in grad school for a long time for my chosen line of work. Slow and steady. We all make our life choices.
People can fight each other over whether they have kids or not. Neither state of being is better than the other. They each have their own costs and benefits. They are just life choices. Isn’t it wonderful that women now have this choice to decide if they wish to parent or no?