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Original poster

OMG my temp nanny who has 28 years experience left me this note in the diary.......

190 replies

theoriginalmummypoppins · 21/10/2009 10:15

' DS was disappointed that no one was able to watch his rugby match today. He said what is the point of having parents if they never come to see me '

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foxinsocks · 21/10/2009 16:46

I think children of working parents do say that. Why shouldn't they? Their parents aren't there at most events and they see loads of their classmates with parents there. I think it's a completely normal non hysterical comment for a child to make. Not every comment a child makes means they are miserable or being deeply affected for life. It may have just been a comment. But it is certainly something a parent needs to deal with, either like uwila has chosen to or like we do (well we both work, that is that, we try and come to the events that are most important to you - e.g. dd couldn't give a monkey's backside about sports day but wants us there when she reads in assembly which is fine as it only happens once a year ).

Re your reaction, well she's a temporary nanny and maybe she doesn't feel she knows you well enough to wade in though I would be surprised if any nanny I had didn't mention this to me (even the temporary ones). Having said that, I've never gone for the nanny diary as I'd rather everything was communicated face to face and I've never been that bothered about who eats what .

you know, live and learn and all that...

foxinsocks · 21/10/2009 16:48

and I didn't mean by that that only me and athene are right but I just meant it is something that needs to be talked about but it doesn't necessarily mean the child is totally miserable!

Original poster
theoriginalmummypoppins · 21/10/2009 16:52

DS isn't suffering he is playing up because he has sussed this nanny out big time.

We have given our children the choice. Remain at their schools and with a comfortable lifestyle with hols etc and no shortage of money or have me at home full time........

No need to tell you what the answer was.........

OP posts:
LittleOneMum · 21/10/2009 16:53

MummyPoppins, totally fair enough. If i talked to my DS and it was clear that he didn't really mind (was just playing up) then I'd be off to work the next morning without a care in the world.

bibbitybobbityCAT · 21/10/2009 16:55

Its a bit of a non-story then isn't it Poppins?

foxinsocks · 21/10/2009 16:56

yes children are clever like that

we had a temp nanny a few months ago and I came back and the children were having the most extraordinary concoction of food I have ever seen (as I said, this doesn't bother me but it amused me).

The children immediately looked v guilty when I walked in and the nanny announced that they had given her a very long list of food they couldn't eat for fear of immediate vomiting .

She had phoned our previous nanny and confirmed they were talking total bollocks but had given them some odd mix anyway lol.

I must admit, I don't lay it out like you do (re the working) but perhaps mine aren't quite as old as yours! They do know that there isn't much of an option and we all just get on with it. I also say to them, they go to school every day like I go to work. It's a similar thing and we all have to do it, even on days when we don't feel like it! Still worth a quiet chat to ds anyway, just to check all is well (as I'm sure you've done anyway).

MarshaBrady · 21/10/2009 17:04

Actually parents having to watch matches at 2.45 many times a week would be a stretch for lots of families.

Which others said earlier, but really it's just a sports match during the week.

Depends how old they are, their little faces lighting up makes it worth seeing the harvest festival etc in reception but I think my mother turned up twice a year to school functions when over 12. At some point they can just get on with the school thing surely.

LilianGish · 21/10/2009 17:05

Not sure what you expect people to say really? When I first read this post I assumed you were upset by ds's comment - but you say you are "not concerned". The nanny is leaving on Friday so you've only got to tolerate her for a few more days. You can't just sit at home all day until you get another one so ds will have to make do with whatever arrangements you put in place - live with it - he has to (just don't be that surprised if he expresses further dissent - and God help the new hired help if they dare to mention it).

Original poster
theoriginalmummypoppins · 21/10/2009 17:08

ha ha fox.

Yes I have checked that DS is fine including getting into bed with him for a cuddle and chat last night!!

OP posts:
SCARYspicemonster · 21/10/2009 17:12

Perhaps we should make nannies a separate hidden topic like SN if it offends so many

mathanxiety · 21/10/2009 17:26

Well, maybe the nanny doesn't appreciate it, but it's telling that your DS made the remark. I think a child who was not feeling a bit of negativity towards the nanny wouldn't be wishing for his parents to watch the rugby match, and what OP mentioned about the geography homework makes me think it might be time to find a new nanny. A child who enjoys rugby and has a nice nanny with whom he feels secure and happy enough wouldn't mind not having parents there and would just get on with it, especially if he's had nannies for a while.

sarah293 · 21/10/2009 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsGhoulofGhostbourne · 21/10/2009 17:57

Have not read the whole thread, but the ripping out of the geog would have had me sacking her on the spot.

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 21/10/2009 18:03

I work as a temp / ad hoc but not because I can't get a permant position. I don't want one. I have fantastic refs from all of my jobs and have kept in connect and still see some of my old charges.

I enjoy the flexibility of being self employed as it fits in with my children (making me a working mum too).

I would never leave a note like that for a parent. I would ask the parents for a quiet word out of earshot and explain the comment made to the parents. This is even more important in a temp role as you're sometimes not in the role long enough to know how the parents will "read" the note.

That's the trouble with writing note and texting - you never know how they're meant to be received.

Original poster
theoriginalmummypoppins · 21/10/2009 18:18

Paula that is exactly how I would have expected it to be dealt with. Temp nannies get paid more because theyhave to manage situations like this in a short space of time without knowing how parents will react!

OP posts:
Spidermama · 21/10/2009 18:32

Money can't buy you love.

SCARYspicemonster · 21/10/2009 18:41

No, but it can improve your bargaining position

nannynick · 21/10/2009 20:16

Riven - not all nannies get 30k a year... but I'm sure you know that really Have to say though, it pays better than a civil service job I used to have.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/10/2009 20:47

thats a good thing of having nannies - if your dc are ill, you dont have to take time off work and try to juggle things

dear god - lets all jump on tomp and say shes a crap mum for working and not going to her dc day activites

a professional experienced nanny (and i would say 28years is exp) shouldnt have written this in the diary but brought it up in conversation out of the children hearing

sure the comment was taken out of context

the nanny is there to be a suragotte parent while mb/db are working and IS there to make life easier for the parent so that they can go to work and pay for the nanny

my ex charges had matches every wednesday and thursday and ex mb/db NEVER went as they were working

my ex charges knew this and understood - and as tomp and athene said - then ex mb/db did all they could at weekends

i attended every one in their place, working parents cant attend everything but try to make the important things like sports day/xmas play

if my ex mb/db attended every function for both dc, then they would never be at work

scottishmummy · 21/10/2009 20:54

op getting a kicking and "why did you have children" thrown in for good measure.

i fear the words

Nanny
Rugby
and whiff of working mum
sent some of you off in a salivating frenzy

well hell if you are paying some one to watch your children you sure as hell don't expect acerbic comments

BoffMonster · 21/10/2009 21:13

Blondes, how about we all do a monster nanny share with you and NannyNick in charge? That will surely solve all our problems.

nannynick · 21/10/2009 21:16

These days most communication I would say I do via electronic methods - Twitter DM, E-mail for example.

So I suppose the question is would I have sent my boss a similar message.

' DS was disappointed that no one was able to watch his rugby match today. He said what is the point of having parents if they never come to see me '

To be honest, I wouldn't have sent that.
While some posters on here would want to be told that their child said this, I would not raise that on the first occasion of the child saying it (was it the first time the child has raised the issue?). Instead I would have had a chat with the child concerned, dug a little to see if there was a reason behind them saying such a thing - they are after all saying it to me, not saying to their parents... so maybe they were trying to get a reaction from me. Peer pressure can be an issue, if everyone else has a parent watching them play a match, they want a parent to watch. But that isn't always possible when both parents are working (or ill, or for whatever reason can't attend every match, especially away matches).

"He said what is the point of having parents if they never come to see me."
I would have seen that as being the child letting off anger, thus something I would have dealt with directly with the child... not passed it to the parents to deal with. If having had a chat with the child they still kept on with that attitude then I would raise it as a more general concern about their attitude towards comparing themselves to their peer group. Children need to understand that mum and dad work... they can't be at every match they play at school.

I'm not sure if there is a right approach to handling this kind of comment from a child. Some parents will want a nanny to tell them everything that happens, others may prefer the nanny to deal with it. It can be a tough call sometimes to decide what is something you should tell parents about and what can be dealt with there and then. As this was a temp nanny, maybe they didn't feel able to deal with it themselves... though I don't feel there was a need to convey the second sentence of the child's comment... that I see as being the child's anger coming out at the time... something they may not feel after thinking about the situation for a while.

Doobydoo · 21/10/2009 21:23

Sounds like the Nanny has been in the job too long.I could spend 25 hours a day with my son for months on end and he would still whinge about me not paying enough attention
You can't win.
After 10 days I think the note is rather judgey and would be cross too.

Original poster
theoriginalmummypoppins · 21/10/2009 23:03

blondes and nanny nick you are fab..........and not just because you have agreed with me but because you are totally professional in your approach to your vocation. To you both its not just a job which is the correct appraoch.

To you both we raise a glass .

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/10/2009 13:27

aww shucks

thank you tomp and boffy

working parens always get grief - ex dc were in class's of 16 or so and i was one of 4 nannies so other 12 or so parents didnt work

did they show up at every match? course they didnt and did they get grief for being out for lunch/gym/shopping?

no!!