OMG my temp nanny who has 28 years experience left me this note in the diary.......

[theoriginalmummypoppins]

' DS was disappointed that no one was able to watch his rugby match today. He said what is the point of having parents if they never come to see me '

Agree with Lady, haven't noticed the hostility. Defensiveness though, now you're talking.

Have you read the whole thread? I think these could be construed as attacks on the OP (and working women who have the audacity to actually be successfull)

"honestly you sound pretty posh, have staff working under you, kids at private school, quite an organised manner which can come across as slightly callous when applied to emotional issues ... It's scarey for an ordinary nanny to approach you."

"OP - just back from a client, eh? You've got a lot to say about your job, and are deflecting like mad onto your nanny. That bit about your DH not reading the diary - so why insist on it being kept? God you're both so busy."

Bitchy I'd say

Hehehe, naughty fantasy bad behaviour thought. Just before nanny is leaving, do her a crap note of her own, saying something like "DSs were very upset about having to do the school run in silence. They asked in tears if they were bad boys and whether it was a punishment, and whether nanny hated them".

It would probably be provocative if I were to cut and paste every comment along the lines of 'can't you call in sick' or 'you should make the effort' etc. etc. etc. But there have been plenty with an undertone of 'how dare you have a career'.

Kids have to be fed, clothed and housed. Someone has to pay for that. And we'd all be in trouble if every female full-time worker called in sick whenever their child wants some attention (however valid the child's point of view might be). Not sure anyone would be happy to have their operation cancelled, their court case delayed, their train running late, their supermarket closing early...

Every family works out their own solution. There's no one answer to the conundrum of paying the bills v. spending time with your children - whatever works for each family is OK in my book.

btw, I work part-time from home and can't afford a nanny so am not biased in favour of OPs circs. But I am brassic thanks to part-time from home stuff - we are REALLY struggling atm and if I could find a full-time job, ds would have to cope, I'm afraid.

Scary, I also think people were a bit harsh. It's a nanny's job to work for the benefit of the family as a whole, as the children's wellbeing is inextricably linked with that of the parents. Any nanny who thinks he/she can just swoop in and out of people's lives trampling on sensibilities is probably in the wrong job. It is probably one of the most tactful jobs in the world.

Scary - missed the first quote and there was one poster who sounded a bit mad and kept saying poor kids (can't be bothered to see who it was), but APART from that (a la Romans and the acqueduct), felt it was more about what mother's rage was really about and how, if situation were true, it might be happily resolved.

No I don't find those comments bitchy or having a go at working mothers.

There are loads of assumptions on this thread because the op is a couple of lines long. Then people try and fill in the gaps.

I really don't have any views on working mothers, and may choose to have a nanny one day. Will make a concerted effort not to pollute relationship as I don't want it to be hard work.

I'm glad athene and others have positive experiences with nannies, gives me hope that I will do if I choose to employ one.

Also FWIW I think people almost go to too much trouble with their kids these days, ferrying them about all over the place, dropping everything to run to the school every five minutes, fretting about every aspect of their lives. How claustrophobic life is getting for our little ones.

When people had bigger families, less money and fewer transport options there was probably a better sense of perspective within society. Children could roam around being children, deriving their self-esteem from more worthy measures than whether mum or dad turned up to yet another poorly rehearsed class assembly. Let's all get a grip here.

quite BM. As I said its the first match missed this term. There are plenty of working mothers at the school who do not have nannies........work in 9 to 5 jobs with no flexibility and nobody ever supports their children.

nanny nick and blondes will be along soon and we all respect their views..........

I agree with you BoffMonster - when I was a kid, I had to sit through endless dull visits with friends and relatives (my parents lived abroad so visits back to the UK were back to back visiting people) and go on all sorts of boring errands.

I think free time tends to revolve around our children nowadays and I'm not entirely sure it's healthy.

I think the nanny's crime doesn't really fit with the outrage expressed in the thread title. So it wasn't great, but the note didn't say "Thank God this job is only temporary and I will never have to see you again, its been hateful" or anything like that.

The op appears to be capable of expressing herself in a robust manner and perhaps the nanny isn't a shirker either. Perhaps she doesn't want to get into an awkward situation with the op, because she doesn't have anything invested in a good ongoing relationship with her, and yet wanted to pass on what she believed to be the ds's true feelings on the matter. Since she is only temporary she doesn't necessarily know that he is prone to exaggeration does she?

So, you are leaving him with her until she finishes on friday even though 'she has made it clear she doesn't like him'?
Nice!

so what do you suggest OP does between now and Friday, then, Lovesdogsandcats? Resigns from her job? Leaves kids home alone?

what do you think she should do loves catsanddogs?

loves he is at school all day long FGS...........he wont come to any harm she djust isnt it the right nanny for our family.

I cant just sit at home all day until I get another one!!!

These kids are at school all day, so I would either call in a favour and ask if they could go to a friends/relatives house after school. Failing that, pay a babysitting agency. This woman would not be in my house!

I have temped in the past and have 19+yrs experience and the oft repeated statement to agency had was that "the DC had had fun with MNP and they were sorry to see her go".

I believe the 'nanny' has ishoos and MP and the DC have met a lesser species of temp nanny, i know Blondes and NN would never think of behaving in such a manner.

Marsha, if you are serious about one day employing a nanny, I suggest you make some friends on these nanny threads because the nanny employers (and nannies) who type on here wil be your best source of good advice when you need it.

I think the whole anti working mum thing kicked off when clumsymum said "Why did you have children?" implying that she has chosen her work in place of her children and not in addition to them.

I can't see why the nanny's comment is shocking, she was just writing down something the child had said. I'm not a nanny but i can imagine that if I were and i'd just started at a new family (a very busy family by the sounds of things) then I would probably do the same thing. She may not have felt comfortable bringing it up in person or just didn't get chance. I think it's always a good idea to have a daily catch up with a nanny to see what your children have been upto and to give the nanny a chance to discuss any issues. A nanny is an employee and so they should be treated with the same respect an employye of a company would be. Rules should be made clear and the employer should make an effort to keep upto date with whats been going on. My boss comes to see me at the end of every day just to see what i've been doing and to ask how my day went, I think the same sort of thing would help in theoriginalmummypopp situation.

theoriginal read my post back and it might come across as a wee bit patronising - hope you didn't take it that way.

Athene it won't be for a year as baby due in Dec, there are a few nannies at ds' school and mothers who employ nannies. I'm already doing some ground work and being friendly with them etc and will get advice.

I am semi-serious, in that there are lots of options and variables.

I can see mn is skewed mothers come here with their problems when they have them. (although I'm thinking you might also be saying cease with the glad I don't have a nanny line from earlier but that was more a response to kittywise)

Edam - your point about how the OP has to work because "children need to be fed and clothed" etc doesn't really ring true to me when the OP spends £600 plus on the nanny per week.
Thats a hell of a lot money for food and clothes...

I work F/T like you and I love my job. I also have a nanny. So I'd never judge you for working and not being home all the time.

BUT I do think my reaction would have been different to yours. I think I would have cried if I'd seen that note in the diary. And then I'd have had a chat with my DS immediately and asked him how he felt about it/why he had said it/whether he really felt that weekends wasn't enough etc and why. Then I'd have talked to my DH about it. I wouldn't blame the nanny at all - OK it could have been said rather than written but ultimately it did need to be brought to your attention.

I think the bottom line for me is that kids say odd things which they don't always mean. but if I talked to him about his feelings, and my DS said that it made him really unhappy then I think I'd move heaven and earth to try to sort it out. And yes, i have a highly pressured high flying job, but I chose to have kids and could not bear for them to suffer. After all, the high flying career can resume in a few years...

Suffer?
The OP said the child plays 2 matches during the week - and some at weekends - would he really suffer if a parent did not attend each one? I have 3 children and wihile DH and I go to all school plays and speech days and prize givings we do not attend each match they play - that would be unrealistic for most families surely?

I think an experienced nanny should know this would be hurtful comment to the mum. It really shouldn't be a surprise to her.

I had a nanny once who knew when to convey a message without making me feel bad about not being there. This nanny should talk to my old nanny. ON (Old Nanny) and I had this running joke about how all first that I missed didn't count. I used to say, "I wasn't there. It didn't happen". And sometimes when I got home she would say things like "I just wanted to let you know that DS did NOT take a step today. But I suspect you might see his first one this weekend." We would chuckle. I knew full well he had taken a step. But I also looked forward to witnessing if "first".