OMG my temp nanny who has 28 years experience left me this note in the diary.......

[theoriginalmummypoppins]

' DS was disappointed that no one was able to watch his rugby match today. He said what is the point of having parents if they never come to see me '

As a nanny, I don't think I would write something like that in a diary. I would have said something in person.

Children see things in black and White and sometimes have to be reminded that parents do have to work. I would have said to my charge "Well I'm here to watch you and Mummy and Daddy are coming to X,Y, Z at the weekend." I wouldn't make my employer feel guilty for working.

Thank God she is a temp nanny.

mp you've had bad luck with nannies but I'm glad to see the last one has fecked off, and hopefully taken her dishwasher issues with her

I think the issue is less what ds said, and more what the nanny didn't say. In leaving a note you only have ds to ask about it. And how odd that she didn't tell your dh when she had the chance. I wonder if she didn't know how to bring it up. Does anyone else think it's an odd phrase for a child to come up with? It sounds like the sort of phrase that is overheard from adults, to me.

I think these things are forgivable in a new nanny, but with 28 years of nannying under her belt you'd think she'd have a farking clue.

Why didn't she watch him?

It can be difficult as a temp - every family does things differently. Maybe she felt it was a difficult thing to raise face to face without seeming judgemental and felt writing it was less confrontational?

Either way, I don't see that what she did was so terrible - if she's only worked for you ten days then she doesn't know how you prefer to do things. Just let her know that in future you'd rather she raise issues like that face to face than in the diary.

Maybe she wrote it down so that she wouldn't forget exactly what was said. By writing it down she is presenting you with the opportunity to discuss it with her and/or your DS. She is not making a judgement in her comment just reporting the facts of what was said to her. I don't see anything unprofessional about the comment in itself.

When you broach the subject with her and find out what she did/didn't say to DS then you will be more in a position to make a judgement on her professionalism or lack of (wrt this particular issue).

I don't have a book for my charges, but I write down anything like this as a back up in case I don't have time to bring it up with the parents and discuss it later. I think you should be more concerned that your child feels this way, not that the nanny brought it to your attention tbh.

Back from a client........DS nevermentioned that we werent there and it the first match no one has watched all term. In fact temp nanny has watched 2 matches in the last 2 weeks.

Yesterday's match was away and she was doing something with DD so not possible to be in 2 places at once.

I love the concept that I might phone in sick so I could watch him.............we are in the middle of a recssion and I have 150 employees to pay LOL !!!

Like Athene ( waves ) Our children know that we cant do things in working hours though being the boss I always run out for speech day , sports day etc. If I attended matches as well I would never be at work! But the weekend they demand and get our full attention. In 10 years I have left them a max of 3 nights and spend all weekend being a taxi!

It amazes me the drumming us working mother's get on here. For various reasons all genuine I have had a number of nannies this year and the stories that some of them tell about parents they have worked for who simply disappear and leave their young children with complete strangers for weeks on end for hols is incredible.

One of the agencies I am dealing with at the moment is advertising for a 2 week temp nanny for a 6 mth and 19 mth old so the parents can take a holiday without them abroad!! to those I would say why have children ?

Anyway thanks for your views. DH doesnt read the diary as he almost always does the handover and he would expect if an issue came up for it to be raised verbally. Last night she chatted about babysitting tonight and what time the children should be in bed etc. It was only whne i got home that the comment was discovered.

Personally I thing it was critical , rude and unpfoessional. But then she has made it clear she doesn't like DS so she is leaving on Friday..........

Just for clarity, there wasn't a suggestion that you phone in sick, simply that you could take one afternoon off a term (especially as you are the boss). It's nothing ot do with having a go at working mothers, it's to do with trying to keep everybody happy.

I also write everything in the diary as I go along during the day, or else I'm so tired by the time I finish in the evening I never remember everthing when doing a verbal handover.

Am at your nanny for just writing that and not discussing it with you but I do think she was right to write it down. Personally I'd have written it down, pointed it out and been available to discuss it - even something along the lines of "DS said something which concerned me earlier today, I've popped it in the diary, if you want to chat about it then do ring me/call me down". I also agree, particularly in light of the extra info, that the issue is with her handling of DS and her feelings rather than it being an acutal issue with DS. Children do say stuff like that - I certainly did to my parents, particularly my father - and emotional blackmail is learned pretty early on in life!

Of course you work, that's why you have a nanny! Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes people need nannies in quickly and they need the nanny to do everything, including going to sports matches. My ex-employer wasn't able to go to her son's open classroom at school - that's life sometimes, she had to be somewhere else so I went instead. Of course he was upset about it but he also knows that both mummy and daddy worked, I was there for him and mummy and daddy still loved him.

Are you dealing with an agency starting with S btw? I noticed that job with one I'm registered with.

Good luck getting a new temp in!

OP - just back from a client, eh? You've got a lot to say about your job, and are deflecting like mad onto your nanny. That bit about your DH not reading the diary - so why insist on it being kept? God you're both so busy.

What she wrote sounds like a factual account. You're blaming the messenger instead of listening to the message. How much better would it have been to have been said? Your DS still said it. How well can she have known your DS's tendency to dramatise in such a short time?

By the way, if he IS such a dramatist, why are you so upset?

And why are you revealing "damaging" statements about the nanny not liking your DS after so many comments which, ahem, appear not to be totally supporting you?

BTW - I have worked full-time since my DD was 7 months old, so I know about work/child conflicts.

If I were a temp nanny for a confident, high flying woman like yourself TOMP, I would do exactly the same thing.

She could have ignored the comment and failed to pass it on and you would have been none the wiser.

Yet she cared enough about the child to pass on the info even though she's temping and will soon be gone.

I know I haven't met you so can't really judge, but honestly you sound pretty posh, have staff working under you, kids at private school, quite an organised manner which can come across as slightly callous when applied to emotional issues ... It's scarey for an ordinary nanny to approach you. I'll fully admit I am intimidated by women like you.

Don't blame the messenger. Talk to the DS.

I never read the nanny diary at handover. The whole point of it is so nanny and I do a quick exchange. She clocks off. I put kids to bed, make my dinner and eat it. Sometimes I read the diary over dinner, sometimes I catch up on a weekly basis. I thought everyone did this. Perhaps not?

Now that we know nanny is being let go because she doesn't like her charge, I think we can reasonably speculate that DS knows this and is perhaps in turn a bit sulky to her, hence the monay comment about "why have parents"? I bet he'll perk up when a new nanny arrives.

My DS (age 4) had a friend last year (with previous nanny). nanny used to tell me friend was mean to DS. I know friends mum and just couldn't really get my head round the idea that she was raising the class bully. So, with next nanny I arranged a weekly swap when he comes hoe to ours one day a week and DS goes to his one day a week. They are friends and clearly like each other. Firend's mum has told me that her DS like our new nanny better than the last one. I have come to the conclusion that old nanny did not like this boy, this boy detected it, and it made for a lot of negativity in the air. So, what the nanny reports to her employer is not always the true picture. It turns out in our case there was another boy whose mother nanny was friends with and that mother and my nanny tried to establish those two as best friends, leaving my friend's DS out in the cold. Jeez, I do wonder who the grown up was sometimes.

IMO you need a conversation with your son to find out if he is genuinely distressed about this, or if it was a throw away comment. It could be either, but if your nanny didn't flag it up then you wouldn't get the chance to approach him about it- personally I would just be happy that she brought it to my attention.

Could you spend some time working out a way to attend at least one of your son's rugby matches rather than worrying and posting on here about the fact that you don't like the way your nanny communicated his request. Couldn't you juggle your diary, delegate to one of your 150 employees...... From reading your posts I think you have a very 'can do approach' and could make this happen.

Hey, why not give all 150 employees the afternoon off and all go cheer him on - fun day for the staff and fantastic for the kid. I'm seeing matching scarves and waving rattles, how about a cheer leading type thing? Could be motivational and team building! Get to it, boss lady. Win win.

Because then she wouldn't have any clients.

I don't employ a nanny, but do employ an au pair, all my kids have said something similar to the AP at some time or another, usually after they have just got into trouble or are angry with me about something completely unrelated, kids exaggerate and kids manipulate, I think only the OP is in a position to correctly judge how genuine her DS's statement was, and there is a lot of very high conclusions being leapt to from a standing start here.

However also not quite sure why shocked that the nanny wrote it down to quote OP "isnt it part of a nanny's role to deal with children's emotional wellbeing as well" yes, so she reported it, not part of her role to worry about how you may take it, if she accurately reported the conversation then she is just reporting it.

Just a thought - I locum and when you are new in a placement, you do not dive head first into every difficult situation, as I would not know every nuance of relationships etc. Family politics are even more fraught.

May be she felt that a simple report, for you to think about and then discuss together would be more appropriate than tell a new boss (who may come across as less approachable than she thinks) that there is a problem with the family dynamic, and getting overly involved in a family matter?

Your reaction here - to be angry at her and her professionalism, rather than listen to what has been said may reinforce this to her. Even if your ds is playing up, why is he playing up? Does he feel unsettled with a new nanny and may be this needs discussing with him (and her)

We can't be there all the time, thats obvious, but a temping nanny of 28yrs experience is not temping because she is shit - its well paid flexible work that you can fit around your own priorities.

Somebody who really cares about a child picks up the phone and discusses it properly. They don't put an off hand comment in a nanny diary and just wait and see what reaction it gets, if any. That is nothing but shit stirring in my opinion.

harriet. Shit stirring is exactly how my DH described it.

In fact over the last 10 days he has had more to do with her than I have and beleives that she disapproves of working mothers and is more the upstairs downstairs landed gentry approach...........which posh as we might sound we are def not !

She's the one with the chip on her shoulder, I suspect.

I am outraged on your behalf, but I am finding the demands of being a working mother very very hard this week. We work our butts off and if I got home to a sanctimonious comment like that, from someone I had allowed into my home and family life, I think it would send me over the edge.

If you feel that she is "upstairs downstairs landed gentry approach" and that she feels you are (insinuated) "nouveau riche, working mother" then it sounds like it won't work on any level, luckily she is a temp, and ds and you all will soon be able to move on.

May be she doesn't disapprove of working mothers, only in this instance as she has hardly had to see you in 10 days.

It seems you have got really wound up about this, try diffusing the situation instead of having a battle, as you would at work.

HTS. That is exactly the reaction it provoked. Tears and tantrums and a very cross DH who took the brunt of my anger.

Temp nanny has been unemployed for a while and hasnt a job to go to when she finishes with us.

I am sorry for that but maybe she should remember that she is paid to make my life easier not make me feel guilty.

I agree that I needed to know what was said but not in the way she did.

She has not gelled with my DC's at all who describe her as mean at the best of times. They are forced to travel to school in silence and its 21 miles away!

Latest I think you are right but at £600 a week cost to us and a £150 per week mileage claim because she flatly refuses to drive our manual car ( see other thread ) someone in the house has to work long hours to pay for it !

She leaves on Friday and there will be a sigh of releif all round. I just hope my fab perm nanny can come back but its not looking likely at the moment.

She has not gelled with my DC's at all who describe her as mean at the best of times. They are forced to travel to school in silence and its 21 miles away!

If this is true then I am genuinely mystified why you are still leaving your children with her ??