OMG my temp nanny who has 28 years experience left me this note in the diary.......

[theoriginalmummypoppins]

' DS was disappointed that no one was able to watch his rugby match today. He said what is the point of having parents if they never come to see me '

She sounds like she feels she can "let it all hang out" cause she's a temp. Does it seem like she's jaded/generally had enough of this sort of job?

Would be interested to hear what someone like NN thinks or Blondes. I can hardly imagine they'd approach the manner int he same way, temp or not.

Mine complain I don't go to everything, but with four of them to fret about, there are often diary clashes, so they just have to take their turn with me. It's not the end of the world.

Regardless of whether you work or not, presumably only people with a single child and absolutely no other commitments blithely assume it is normal for parents to unfailingly attend everything for fear of a child feeling (god forbid) a bit tetchy and hurt for five minutes at not being the centre of attention on every occasion.

Children are a lot more resilient than that, and if it were my son I would be reminding him about the weekend efforts made on his behalf and that if he felt he was so badly neglected then maybe he should do a bit of charity work to see how the other half live.

With regard to the nanny, she clearly doesn't have a future in the diplomatic corps. A decent nanny would probably have mentioned this verbally in a constructive way - it was a pretty odd way to go about raising it. I am sure you can find someone a bit more supportive.

'Paid to make your life easier' or paid to care for the kids and assist with their needs?

I think you are making it all about you. You found what she said unpalatable and you are blaming everyone else. I don't think it was the right way for her to deal with it though and agree she should have discussed it with you on the phone or in person. But do you honestly think you would have reacted differently?

And before you accuse me of being down on working mothers, let me assure you I am not.

most posters will be pissed off that you have a nanny, that is why they are having a go at you.

It's always the way on MN

Half a nanny job is about the relationship with the parents, this nanny approached it in the wrong way. Have you actually talked to her about this, though? Does she know how annoyed you are?

And if she's so serious about temping one thing you definitely need is stunning references from EVERY job. You need to be on top of your game the whole time and having the children describe you as 'mean' or making them be silent in the car is not the way to do it. And that applies if you don't like the parents, don't realy gel with the children, whatever. Sometimes as a temp you're there for a short time, you leaving would have dire consequences and you just have to keep professional and smiling through it. Trying to make snidey comments about the parents choices or turn their children against them just because you know it's not a long-term job isn't an option because that's going to last long after you do.

Having a nanny sound like an extra complication in life, from what I can tell from these threads.

Grown women creating tensions and miscommunication. Makes me glad I don't have one. I would say you are wrong kittywise, nothing to do with people being 'pissed off' the op has a nanny.

Actually I used a nanny share once and it was a piece of cake and nothing like these angry nanny threads.

I think it's domestic situations that are fraught. They take so much work and commitment from both sides and there are many opportunities for failure.

Plus putting two grown women in a house is often a recipe for trouble IME. I am so glad polygamy is outlawed in the UK for that evry reason - imagine the stress if the other woman was an actual WIFE!!! We would have to have a whole MN topic devoted to AIBU polygamy threads.

Sorry, I digress a bit.

or even laughing....

Imagine! Bad enough with Mils and ex-wives, new wives etc in the pot.

With nannies yes I agree, so many chances for a misinterpretation and for one to feel slighted.

Now now, let us not forget the male nanny.

Incidentally, I'd just like to say my current nanny is fab. So we don't all have bad nannies who make our lives miserable.

Sorry, not read the whole thread and I don't have any experience of nannies. I do however work full time, as does my dp. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I thought some of the very judgy posts were uncalled for and I also know full well that dcs can be utter drama queens. Your temp sounds pretty mean tbh as , too.
But after a while of never going to anything in the school day I gave into the guilt and I now make a point of organising things so that I can attend the odd tournament, fair and so on. Not all, just enough. I'm lucky in that ds's school is less than 30 mins away from work and that I have an understanding employer - I can take a late, slightly extended lunchbreak for example. I also took a day's leave to go on a trip with his class. Small things, really. But they make ds happy. Most of the other mums are SAHMs, so ds did notice my absence.
It sounds to me like you do more at the weekends than I do, but even so I do think that if you could go to the odd game, your ds will appreciate it - and probably more so than if you were a SAHM who went to everything.

babbi - the OP has already said the nanny is leaving at the end of the week because she doesn't get on with the DCs.

I think finding anyone to look after your DCs can be a bit hit and miss and it's harder when they are in your house. I don't even like visitors for more than a night so I'd be hopeless with a nanny hanging around continually!

OP - I'd have been pissed off too. If she is genuinely concerned about your DS, she should have spoken to you about it. What she did was simply have a dig at working parents.

clumsymum - I sincerely hope both you and your partner have sufficient independent income to be available to your children 24/7 or your comment about 'why bother having children' is well OTT

I think most proffessional nannies would have dealt with it in a sensitive and diplomatic manner.

It's hard enough being a working Mother without having extra guilt being heaped on you. The temp might have been worried about bringing it up in person but from past posts, I don't think the OP is unapproachable. Infact from what I recall, hers was a really nice job.

I hope your permenant nanny comes back soon. ( Sorry don't know the story there. )

On mumsnet you only tend to read about things that have gone wrong, because that's when people need advice!

It sounds like she's a rubbish nanny, and this is the straw that broke the camel's back. If she was otherwise fab and wrote this in the diary I doubt your reaction would have been the same.

Oh - and just to second Riven, kids do understand hard decisions. I think sometimes my ds has been too understanding. I missed something once - said I'd be there and I was late. In my defence I'd got the start time wrong but if I'd not been so wrapped up in work I wouldn't have. He was upset but said he understood
I had to tell ds that no, it wasn't alright. I'd messed up. I think that was the turning point tbh.

Riven - they are as dull as ditchwater. I cherry pick the good/significant stuff

Lot of hostility against working mothers who are able to afford nannies on this thread.

FWIW my mother WOH and I don't remember her ever coming to sports day, let alone matches. Only time it bothered me was one year when the school allowed everyone to go home early with their parents, while the rest of us sat around like spare parts. Otherwise I understood. And appreciated the efforts she made to come to every event she could.

I have had charges who feel the same way as the OP DC. Whether or not the DC actually feels this way or is just trying it on for the nanny is irregardless. The nanny should really have approached it in a more diplomatic manner and sugar coated it a tiny bit.
As for the OP not liking the nanny and her methods, then just sack her. Your DC's have to come first sometimes.

Why is disagreeing with the poster a little assumed to be hostility to working mothers or nannies? I can only speak for myself, of course, but I have no negative feelings whatsoever about either.