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IMHO some people have gone completley batty

430 replies

RTKangaMummy · 21/04/2005 10:25

IMHO some people have gone batty

Some of the mad ideas I have read on here in last couple of days

Bonkerz the lot of them

How they treat their nannies or au pairs

They work long hours for not much pay.

There are some very fair parents who are working hard AND treat their au pair with



But others

who spend all their time finding something to moan about.........

Why can they not treat them the same way they would like their DD to be treated if she wanted to become an au pair?

Would they want their DD to work in same circumstances?



It is also the best job in the world and the most fun,

seeing their faces when they have completed a jigsaw puzzle

learnt how to build a tower with 3 bricks

Please remember to treat others as you would like to be treated


OP posts:
dinny · 22/04/2005 22:01

Agree, Caligula. FWIW, I'm glad I don't pay £70 a day nursery fees like I've heard some people do.

UKMickey · 22/04/2005 22:54

FAO: Tamum
Majority of my nanny friends have qualified all to the nines as I will put it. The ones who have gone on to do the PGCE(teaching) after med or law school (all British nationals). Med school etc 7yrs, then was called NNEB etc....really to be able to work in any/every field of childcare...always employable. Myself without being bigheaded Privately trained nursery nurse, Mat Nurse, Medic, Governess, Nanny etc specialises in neonates, multiples through to older children including SEN's. UK & International travelled...prefers formal households....but that me. A associate is a paeditrician who also hold NNEB & PGCE(teaching) also working as professional UK Nanny. Average age groups of most of friends, associates 30yrs++

Always able to be in work...fantastic

FAO: Aismum You DO, do the most fantastic job (so to speak..Job) Your a MUMMY & you are D/D's mummy.

FAO: All, what does sadden me that how some people on here "go for the attack" Wow or the vulgarities...mind blowing.

What I don't understand is the attacks for certain people offering sertain salaries... families will always offer the best they can goes without saying. Sadly we all have to live-in within our own budgets.

Like all employees we have choices to apply for certain position childcare or non childcare etc... we approach salaries we would like..thats life. Just because a parent appears to some not offering much...well it is alot for them or within their budget. All childcarers/professionals need to start some where... Sadly it would appear the more experienced ones have tended to either answer rudely or expressed a more polite opinion what they would expect.

The really only affordable childcare out there is childminders, nurseries, Aupairs who are professional childcarers in their own country & Aupairs. Thereafter the more exspensive is Nurse practioners/Professional/& or Experienced UK Nannies etc.

UKMickey · 22/04/2005 23:07

Ooooop's just remember something... a friend works in a nanny agency in the Oxon area & there staff are by invitation only. Some of their staff who are reading @ Oxford inveribily (ops spelling) it is suggested to them to do their Dip NNursing (P/T) so they can earn a prof salary whislt reading their 4yr & some case 4yr+ degrees. The dip NN is a good grounding for certain professional they may lead on to such as Paeds, mental health, clinical (paeds)therapists.
The agency has placed a particular member of staff who is an emminent doctor in her field with a particual client as a (1) day temp,(the client herself for her child is apparently was/is on the waiting list for this doctor)Lucky for them now.

CountessDracula · 22/04/2005 23:09

bk it was the grins wot dunnit

bossykate · 22/04/2005 23:11

many a later regretful poster of the inappropriate emoticon...

mishmash · 22/04/2005 23:19

We are all soooooooooooooo different - we all have suuuuuuuuuch different expectations - like the nanny who gets paid £100,000 - is she truly happy??? Know girls who nannied foreign (arab) kids and their lives are so much different - little respect and on call 24/7b - spare a thought for us who treat our nannies with respect (even if we have a moan) and lets criticise lawyers or something else. Mums who work away from home (from my position) feel guilty as it is getting someone else in. I have no choice - it was the card I was dealt.

Mums everywhere - just lets just beg to differ and get on with life - IT IS TOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHORT

mishmash · 22/04/2005 23:21

to be clear - lawyers were just a thought!!!!!!!
not an attack!!!!!!!!!!!!1

CountessDracula · 22/04/2005 23:24

oh tits uwila I have just realised that when you said

Perhaps we ought to post this question on the thread in question... and was I asked to explain that? Must have missed that question.

you didn't mean post the link to original thread

sorry about that

JoolsToo · 22/04/2005 23:26

crikey blimey charlie!

mishmash · 22/04/2005 23:27

totally confused now........??????????????????

UKMickey · 23/04/2005 00:07

Mishmash: myself & my friends who are nannies including £100,000 nanny we are all incredibly happy we all have fantastic positions & really always have...I personally think there is not a bad job, certain staff may think it is a bad job..certain employers often it hasn't been Many occassions I have been the 32nd nanny for the child of 2yrs wonderful family...nanny just didn't live up to the families expectations..upon looking back they did realise they had most good nannies, just didn't know it at the time...I stayed 5yrs years & loved it then passed position on to friend who stayed yonks & is now being passed from relation2relation etc.

I have been in (1) position that wasn't really my cup of tea...children wonderful...hours days salary perfect,parents tried their best..not their fault I felt I wasn't for them (I like formal positions)I tried & evetually I had a nanny friend who was looking to retire for her last position & that is what they really wanted.

I too have worked for many nationalities including Arab's perfect AWAY's have wonderful positions. Some nannies get it wrong by accepting their positions beyond their stations...most of us at some stages in our life get it wrong (meaning adult to adults, not the children) but it should be looked on as a learning curb (& not a negative one...bad job).

As I say they is many other child/ren waiting to meet their next special nanny & the nanny who eventually leaves a position will always (or should) have a special place in nannies heart)

Nannies & other childcare professional are never their to replace mummies & daddies..a prof nanny should always be their as a nanny & a friend to their charges, nannies @ some stage come & go. Mummies & Daddies don't.

Thank goodness to the Mummmies &/or Daddies that work otherwise there would be no need for childcarers etc.

Thank you for allowing us to look after your children.

Regards from a very happy nanny.

mishmash · 23/04/2005 08:28

What a lovely post UK. So glad you're happy in what you do

WideWebWitch · 23/04/2005 08:29

Blimey, is this still going?

snafu · 23/04/2005 08:42

Wow. I have just scanned this entire thread and still have absolutely no idea what it's about.

snafu · 23/04/2005 08:45

It seems like it might just be deffo brill, though.

tigermoth · 23/04/2005 09:39

sophable, great post - really agree with your general points.

As I said before, I feel really uneasy about people seeing the carers they employ as expendable. Of course arrangements end, people move on, but recognising this might happen is not the same as assuming this will happen. IMO if your carer is any good (and didn't take the P*) surely you'd value their loyalty? Reading some threads, I've seen this happens lots - mumsnetters bending over backwards to accommodate the needs of a much loved au pair or nannny. I'd never choose a nursery, childminder or school for my child if I thought we would we would just be passing through.

I actively want my children to form bonds with those who care for them and teach them. My children both as babies went to childminders (one as a 12 month old the other as a 6 month old) and I really hoped they would bond with their carers. Like uwila's 14 month old, they were too young to communicate much if they missed their carer, but from what I saw, seemed to really bond with the people I had carefully chosen.

By the time my sons were toddlers, I would have been very alarmed if they had shown no hint of missing a childminder when we moved them to another one, or to pre school. Even though they settled with new carers, I don't expect them to move seamlessly from one carer to another without a backward glance. We made a point of keeping in touch with old carers. I think these different bonds enrich their lives, they still love dh and me, but it's fantastic if they love/feel affection for other adults. After all, they have spent so much of their day with them, while we were working, I want them to love the adults they are with.

So I very much disagree with you ameriscot, about not wanting my child to get attached to a carer. I absolutely want this to happen. It goes on still. My oldest son will leave primary school at the end of this term. He is looking forward to secondary school, but I know there will be tears on the last day of term - almost all the leaving children cry.

I realise different families can afford different wages, but if you pay a lower than average wage, what happens when your carer gets a better offer? The lower you pay and the more duties you expect, surely the greater the risk your carer will leave for better paid work?

Sophable has summed up my feelings exactly so I will quote her main point again

'We should treat the people that care for our children as part of our our children they often are as important as family imho...i think it's wrong and not in a child's best interests to dismiss them as replaceable, poorly qualified, cheap labour'

Caligula · 23/04/2005 10:30

I agree that it's a bad sign if children don't form bonds with childcarers (I've just taken my DD out of a nursery she was attending because whenever it was time to go, she decided she wanted an afternoon nap, having refused to take an afternoon nap since Christmas - she just didn't want to go, and doesn't miss her carers, which proabably means she didn't like them), but I also think there's a job to do in terms of expectation management.

With Au-pairs, many of them want to stay for a year at the most. The best one I had only wanted to stay for six months, and said so at the outset; I would have preferred to get someone who was going to stay for at least a year, but he was the best candidate, so I figured it was better to have someone good for six months, than someone not very good for a year. So I (and he) then had an expectation management job to do - to make the kids realise that he wasn't going to stay forever, but that he was going to go home "to his own country". There's a balance between them bonding, and ensuring that they are not dreadfully upset by a change - to prepare them for the fact that people do move on, life does change, and we all have to get used to it. Very much like Tigermoth's school point, where they lose their lovely teacher and have to get used to a new one every September. In don't think that's necessarily seeing people as "expendable", but I don't think it's wrong to recognise when people are temporary in children's lives, and to manage their expectations accordingly.

mishmash · 23/04/2005 10:35

Just a question Caliguala - how did the "he" aupair work out. Have never heard of anyone having had a male aupair before - could be interesting!

NannyJo · 23/04/2005 10:44

i can't believe another thread has started on the whole nanny/ au pair issue.
can't read all of it but there are some good points.
I would never be able to leave my child with someone who i don't feel i can trust 100% be it grandparent, childminder, nanny etc. The children need to develop a really good bond with their carer so they feel relaxed and comfortable in order for them to play, learn and develop in a positive manner.
I have worked with a family who have had 7/8 different au-pairs in 3 years, i came along and it was clear to see the children were 'unstable' i stayed for 2 years and the reason for me leaving was because the parent decided she wanted me to work a saturday ( so she could 'relax' on her weekends) instead of a wednesday and couldn't understand why i said no. I offered to do a few saturdays as extra but not fix it into a contract cos i had my own family/life to lead.

She, to cut a story, decided she needed to find yet another carer for her children even though they were showing positive signs of settlement.
That to me is thinking about yourself and not even considering your childrens needs.

I don't want to get involved in a whole heated thing again because the last thread REALLY upset me and completley slated my efforts, worth and beliefs.

Thank you to all those out there who are appreciatting the need for good continual and well trained care.

Caligula · 23/04/2005 10:47

Hi Mishmash - I've actually had 2 male au-pairs (one was the brother of a previous au-pair) and they worked out quite differently. The one I referred to in my previous post was absolutely brilliant with the kids, part of the furniture almost immediately and the other one was fairly gruesome. I really don't think there's much difference with having a girl tbh, except that if you're lucky, they're more likely to put up shelves! (Now I'm going to be accused of exploiting cheap labour, but my au-pair wanted to put them up before everyone jumps on me - he suggested it - and I had to restrain him from turning the garden shed into a sauna, which he had a little obsession about doing. I can't believe I nearly let him! )

Heathcliffscathy · 23/04/2005 10:52

caligula, of course you're right...the whole point is that you've considered the impact of losing a carer on your child rather than dismissing it as something that your child will blithely skip through.

tigermoth · 23/04/2005 11:30

agree again with sophable!


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tigermoth · 23/04/2005 11:46

just to add, of course things move on, care arrangments end however much you pay a carer and however good the condtions. But how can it be ok for a toddler to have a succession of main carers in a very short time, and by scrimping on pay and conditions, isn't this a big risk?

tigermoth · 23/04/2005 11:48

that's a general comment, btw ( not addressed to caligula).

Caligula · 23/04/2005 11:54

Yes, I don't think anyone would just dismiss it out of hand though, would they? But there are times when actually, it doesn't matter what the impact is going to be, you're going to have to do it anyway.

For example, when my DD was 9 months old, I got a full time temporary job. As I had run out of money and the dole were refusing to pay me (because I'd frivolously spent my redundancy money on furniture when I moved house, instead of living on it at the rate of £109 per week, which was then the rate of income support for a lone mother with 2 children) I really didn't feel that I had any choice but to take the job. (It was also in the charity sector, so a route in to what I'm doing now). I would have preferred to have found a part time job, or to wait until DD was about 18 months old to go back to work and not leave her with anyone at all (when you're on your own, have just moved house and so don't know anyone in your local area, you feel your child's world is tiny and you're ripping a great big piece of it away from her by leaving her every day). But I really honestly didn't feel that I had a choice - there was an au-pair and a childminder, and if she didn't like it, tough. In a way, I did dismiss the impact on her, because I had to. And I suspect many, many mothers in this country are in that position.

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