God, my au pair/mother's help just kicked my 5 year old!

[kittywise]

Obviously I've told her she has to leave today. I'm so pissed off . Just needed to vent

kitty good luck with the interviews, hope you get some good help, but id stick with cleaners and leave the au pairs for now. there seems to be a envy on mn for ladies,who have large houses and help,who wouldnt love the chance to have fun with the kids and not have to do the mundane chores???

Kitty I don't employ British builders 'cos they always try and rip us off

Most of them don't even bother sending a quote after "pricing" the job

If that makes me a racist, so be it

dsr - I sense an element of jealousy in a lot of the comments too

Kitty has six beautiful children and the most gorgeous house and she can afford not to work and employ home-help. I am but in a nice way

The builder I now use on bigger jobs is ... British. I love him, he is great. He is mine. Every other British builder has not been great.

The one British cleaner I had was very indifferent in her cleaning and frequently cancelled at the last minute.

Stereotypes for you.

Blueshoes LOL at "he is mine"

I have some fabulous Polish builders and feel the same about them

They are mine

..and my lovely Irish CM is mine too

sadly auntie CM is actually ours

at au pair.glad shes gone.

Glad your au pair is gone Kitty, you did the right thing. An adult kicking a child is never acceptable.

whilst I do actually agree with the points made about people making various sweeping generalisations about various cultures, as a black person I took offence to the phrasing of the original offending post. You can argue til you're blue in the face, if I had gone for an interview+a prospective employer had said to me that they couldn't possibly hire a 'black person' due to whatever reason, I'd have been just as offended.
Its black and white as far as I'm concerned, so don't try to justify it!

I thought au pairs were supposed to do light duties in return for board and lodging whilst they studied?

Is it perhaps that your au pair expected this arrangement, and was then shocked to find she was expected to work 35 hours?

An adult kicking a child is appalling.
I assume your DD apologised for kicking too, and has been sanctioned?
I would also make it clear that she was pushing her luck in demanding an apology when her behaviour started the whole incident.

I am stunned by the racist comments, tbh. It comes as no surprise to hear that this au pair never really fitted in with your family.

If this is your third "help" that has been and gone since September, perhaps you need to tighten up your interview process, and make the exact nature of the role explicitly clear?

i didnt see what was said.

but was to find what i felt a homophobic post yesterday with hardly ant comments about the vile wording used.

Kew - LOL!!

Back off Missus - she's MINE

willbury, au pair plus's are different to normal au pairs as are mother's help. The role described was very explicit, there were no hidden extras. The money is also way above the norm.
As I said the reasons for the au pairs being unsuitable were all very different, no problem were the same.

have you ever had an au pair? Do you have an idea how difficult is to sift through and choose an appropriate person? You can make a good guess, take a punt and often the person who initially presented themselves at interview is not the same person who turns up to work, like they have undergone a personality change.
Each time I learn about what I need, what I don't want etc. Which cutures my family are better suited to etc I was very lucky with my first 2 au pairs and perhaps very spoilt because they were so wonderful and stayed for so long.

Don't make it out to be my fault, anyone who knows me and me family will tell you that we are pretty nice people.

The two women who came for interview today both seemed like they would be good, reliable, efficient cleaners and helpers. They were both from the far east............

which part of the Far East ...?

one from the philippines and the other didn't say but at a guess I would say china, but that's guess?

They were both older women who had families and first hand experience with running a house.

One can do 5 days but is more expensive so I can afford only 3.5 hours a day. The other cheaper so can do 4 hours a per day but can't work on thursday as she has no childcare so now I am in a dillema!

Kitty - unfortunately some people are just good at bull sh*tting their way through job interviews aren't they? I've interviewed a few people in my time who did excellent interviews, then turned out to be completely bonkers

Do they live in with you? I would have thought that would bring into play all sorts of issues too, around lifestyle/expectations etc etc

Some have lived in and it makes it difficult. All the people on here who have vilified me because of my recent run of bad luck just don't know anything about the situation.

I think the route I'm going to go down is get a cleaner for a couple or so mornings a week and then a normal au pair to do 4-5 hours in the afternoon evening, that way the work load is spread out and I'm not asking someone to be all things.

That sounds a good idea

In that way you are not relying on one person either - in case they turn out to be unreliable

@ dsrplus 8 & mygreatauntgriselda4christmas:

Jealous? Of a woman who's got six kids, a huge house she's struggling to keep clean and a racist husband??

No way - I'll plump for my two kids, my two bed ex-council flat and my educated, enlightened, tolerant husband!

No jealousy or envy here, either.
In fact, reading through this I feel a sense of relief that I don't feel it's necessary for us to get an ap or other help.
It all sounds very difficult and intrusive.

Seriously, Kitty, you might find things a lot easier if you just got on with it yourself.

no Juuule, it's too hard with the kids being so young, the baby is very demanding and i want to have a little time to myself. I could do it, but would spend no quality time with the kids at all. The baby never sleeps during the day so I get no space to do a 2-3 hour blitz, which is what it takes everyday, so I end up failing to do dribs and drabs during the day

I actually contacted an old aupair who was with us during September. It didn't work out because the hours were too much for he to fit in with study. The kids really miss her and I've asked if she would like to come back on reduced hours and i'll get a cleaner in too

wickedwitchofthesoutheast - I'm also a black nanny, and am pretty shocked that anyone would think that the tone of my skin influences the way I would care for a child

My cultural background is Swedish btw, so does that mean my parents were too strict or not kitty? I find it shocking that someone with mixed race children has the kind of views you do. How would your daughters feel if someone turns them down for a job in the future because they had a rubbish employee in the past who was mixed race?

Kitty - are the older 4 at school during the day? Could you not settle into some sort of routine with the younger 2?
Are you saying that you devote a dedicated 2-3hrs a day, every day, to housework?
I think it is difficult to start with but I found that slowly a routine develops which includes the children.
Maybe try without an ap for a couple of months and see if things settle down.
In the meantime, you could ask around for recommendations, just in case it doesn't work out. You might end up surprised.

Hi Kitty, glad that you had some good cleaning candidates today.

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time, as I said further up there must be some very perfect children out there if they have never misbehaved - I know my Dd tests most new APs.

To everyone who is suggesting going without an AP, I have only this to say...

When you get a good one it gives you all a really good, stressfree quality family life when it doesn't work it is dreadful. To have a person you have welcomed into your home physically assault or threaten/scare your child is a betrayal of the trust that you have put in them.

I am currently AP-less and it is no fun and I have waaay less DC than Kitty!