God, my au pair/mother's help just kicked my 5 year old!

[kittywise]

Obviously I've told her she has to leave today. I'm so pissed off . Just needed to vent

Crikey.What a hideous thread.
Have agreed with Northernlurkerwithastarontop,and others.Have to say kittywise you sound quite unpleasant.and putting your kids through 3 aupairs in 3 months is bonkers.
I think the idea of getting a cleaner is a good one.Then you can devote your time to your children.

you're right kitty there is a difference - so describing me as unpleasant was just your point of view and not in any way intended to offend? Thank goodess that's the spirit I took it in then!

i do agree about getting a cleaner though

get the army of children to clean.

blinks they do a pretty good job as it happens. I am going down the cleaner route for the moment though.

Have followed this thread from the start, and I now feel the need to weigh in - Kitty, your comments and attitudes are offensive, and your insistence on attacking or deriding anyone who has disagreed with you is just astounding. Perhaps, as you have suggested to other posters, you should read the whole thread, and take on board the very many valid comments in relation to your offensive, racist comments.

I havent read the entire thread, it is too long and I am tired and my tummy hurts.

But, I dont for a moment think kitty is racist.

1. I remember the thread where she was asking advice on hiring this particular au pair. Race was never an issue, but what was an issue already then, was cultural differences and views on child rearing.

1. If kitty was a racist she would not have hired said au pair. She gave her the benefit of the doubt. Doubt as to cultural difference, not race.

thanks queen. I'm interviewing 2 potential cleaners today, good old gumtree!

cultural point taken, but still NOT acceptable to write off a whole race or even country.
Britain is pretty child unfriendly, does that mean that all British APs should be written off!

my last 2 APs have been from Zim, both brilliant with children. Alas, you can't do AP visas for Zimbabweans in the Uk, can you?

if she is ofted passed or a childminder or through an agency they should be informed so she does not do it to another child, i think it s a bit strong to say she did it because her culture racial background is different. choose someone prudently for childecare i.e. look at crb checked nanny baby sitter child minder etc., list from local council
good luck!also ask for personal refernces from other mums!

Good luck with the interviewing Kitty. Hope it turns out to be more successful than the Aupairs.

surely it isn't so much anything to do with cultural background and upbringing as it is to do with childcare abilities.

I don't give a stuff what background my childrens' carers come from, but I do expect them to reasch reasonable standards of childcare and If I was ermploying someone in my home I'd want them to be able to care for my children to fit in with my own parenting style.

The issue is that you have 6 children, a huge house and are workign your au pair for 35 hours a week, when she probably has very little experience or formal training. I think that's asking for trouble.

Good luck with the interviews to find a cleaner. Couldn't you also consider another way to address your childcare issues, such as nurseries or out of school clubs? I really think all of that is too much for one au pair.

Can everyone on here say, hand on heart, that they have never, ever, made any generalisations about anyone - ever - based on perceptions and previous experience of a particular race or culture?

I know I have - about Polish people being hard working; about French women being Chic, about Italian stallions men being sexy,about other Europeans smacking their kids (most of our European friends regularly smack their DCs without even thinking about it), about Chinese people being hard working, about Italian Mamas being good cooks

If we are honest, we all do it so get off your high horses please

BTW Kitty's children are lovely and very well behaved. My mixed race (I am Irish and my DH grew up under Apartheid) DCs played with her mixed race DCs once and her's were well mannered and well behaved. Just normal happy, giggly children

Kitty good luck with the clearner interviews!

"this will have been the third help that's gone belly up since september!! " .... Wonder why? You dont need to answer as I think we all know the answer!

Read the beginning of this thread yesterday but don't want to read the whole 7 pages.

6 kids?? Get a nanny for g0dsake!!

I would also like to add that it is quite common on the nanny/au pair threads to talk about where they come from and what are the typical characteristics of that country.

Off the top of my head some of the ones with good reputations are: Canada, Poland, Sweden, Australia, New Zealand.

I'm sure others are lovely too. I have had two Polish nannies. One was escorted to the door after about a month of work. And the other was fab and we miss her dearly. So, of course, you are all right that many people with many different views and personalities come from any particular country.

But, generalisations are made all the time by a lot of people.

Some people don't like English au pairs -- not white but English. Does that make them racist? The perception is that English girls have an attitude of superiority, and demand more perks and more pay. And some employers find they aren't actually better than their foreign counterparts.

This stuff comes onto MN all the time.

Hi Kitty, sorry to hear yet another aupair/mothers help has gone badly for you. You are right to get rid of her summarily - your dd did not act great in kicking, but that is the sort of silly thing little children do. Just yesterday I had to tell my dd to stop bossing my (poorly) aupair around. One is a child and the other an adult. It is not fair or appropriate for an adult to engage in retaliatory violence against a child, in her shoes! She should have better methods at her disposal, failing which, just leave the situation.

I question her judgment entirely.

I did not read the so-called racist comment attributed to you or your dh. It is all very well for posters to say that they will only consider the best person for the job irrespective of their skin colour, nationality, cultural stereotypes etc. That must surely be right. But if you find yourself sifting through hundreds (literally) of bullocks in CVs and profiles of persons you will almost never have a chance to interview face-to-face before they actually move into your house and look after your children, you will inevitably gravitate to those people you think were a right fit and avoid those who did not work in the past and want to take as few chances as possible.

This is a fact. And whether or not you have had experience of hiring someone to live under your roof before is relevant to understanding why this is.

uh oh......

kitty - awful for your child to be kicked by an AP who should be a responsible adult.

However

Your comment was racist - I'm afraid there is no getting away from it?

Why do you try to defend the indefensible? You are an employer and what you said is bound to provoke a backlash here and rightly so!

But I've seen you do this on other threads - I don't understand it.

Nice post, blueshoes.

Many people are very fond of saying 'I am not a racist'

but unfortunately we are all capable of saying / doing things that are racist because prejudice is part of human nature. Which is why is it very important to question and consider your views and ideas about things, and consciously get rid of anything that is clearly unacceptable.

bluegreen shame on you I've already answered that question, READ THE THREAD or you end up asking pointless questions and making meaningles, unpleasant comments.

Thanks blue shoes

Look I've already sad it was a crappy post and have said sorry.

Foe anyone that ants to keep on banging on about me being a racsist, now just read what i have said.

if you can't be arsed to read then that is your choice,like bluegreen, then that is your choice, but I'm getting mighty pissed off with saying that i"t was a clumsy thing to have said and I shouldn't have said it and didn't mean it like that".

I won't ever be saying that again, so read it now
I make many generalisations about different cultures and many, many people do.

I for one will never, ever employ another white british cleaner again because all the ones,( and I mean all of them,)I have had had the misfortune to employ have been lazy sloppy and unreliable.

Does that make me racist?

Thankyou to all who have been supportive and kind, it means a lot to me.

I think the road I am going to try and go down is have a part time cleaner a few mornings and get an au pair for afternoon/evening shifts that way the work is spread out