This is why Childminders must NOT Do favours for New Mums and stick to your own Rules!

[PeaceNLove]

Hi there

(To any mums reading do not take this wrong way as its just something most childminders will face at least once in there carer)

I took on a little boy about 4 weeks ago
his mum pretty much wanted a place the following week.
(Child was with a minder but she needed someone close who could do early mornings i did think it was odd her not giving that minder notice but than didn't pry into it to much)

As for the mindee, he did a settlign in period with his father (whom is a police officer) for a session and was absolutley fine... Child seemed a bit dominating over his father (but nothing ive not seen before)

Anyway we operate a 2 week trial period (which parents can opt out of the contract without notice within that first 2 weeks) this is clearly written on the policy sheet we give out.

I told the mum (As a favour) she can pay the deposit after the 2 week trial. (As for me its easier not to have than to give back)

First week went fine (could tell he was an overly spoilt child) as he was extremly demanding and could throw the biggest wobblers) but never phased us, as its still early days, 2nd week he was off all week sick (in which i had to chase her EVERY day to find out if he was in that day or not)

That pretty much ended the 2 weekt trial period (that the parent can choose to opt out of the contract.)

Anyway he starts his 3rd week (last week) mother did pay for the week he was sick (as parents are contracted to do) and the 3rd week.

Anyway, friday 5th (last fri) comes and parent says she cant pay the deposit etc as she dont get paid to the 15th and asked if we could wait until than to get the fees and deposit.

I Agreed as (I thought the mother was half decent and realise its a hard time or year all round) and said she can pay me for the week and than the remaining on the 15th when she gets paid.
She texted me over the weekend to say thank you and that was great.

Anyway week 4 (this week) dad turned up yesturday to tell me that mum was crying her eyes out that she cannot afford to pay the deposit and 4 weeks fees in advance and is thinking of chucking in her job. I told him to call me after 6pm as i was still working and had kids to deal with at the time. Dad asked what was owing, i explained this weeks fees only as mum was paying the remainder (deposit and following fees in advance) on 15th)

I later agreed with the dad that we could (AGAIN AS A FAVOUR) forget the deposit and they can pay me every 2 weeks and we will review again in new year. (instead of paying every 4 weeks as contracted)

Well Dad arrived early again tonight (Pleasently calm and friendly) telling me he dosen;t know whats going on with mindees mother but she just textedd him and wondered if he could read it to me. I brought him in as i got his son in the buggy and he read a text the mother sent the dad for me, saying that this is the mindees last week as she cannot deal with the early mornings and cannot afford full time childcare, and has spokent o her work who agreed they can change her work load to part time.. (Im propbably one of the cheapest in the area at £30 a day) and that she will be working part time with agreement from her bosses and that she wont be paying notice for her son as shes within her trial period. (HOW SHE WORKS THIS OUT I DONT KNOW)

I explained to the dad this was mindees 4TH WEEK not 2nd or 3rd and that 2 weeks notice is payable. He said ok, he claimed he was confused and didn't really understand what was going on. I told him that if he could get the mum to call me when she gets home id talk with her as she signed up the contracts.

Anyway she texts me the same text she sent the dad, and i replied telling her to call me when she gets in and that it was childs 4th week not 2nd and so now notice is payable.

Got a call about 2 minutes later with a pleasent vunerable lady now AGGRESSIVE and on Total Defense... Telling me that she told the dad to tell me the night before that it was sons last day on monday and that was out of decency to her as she was within her trial period seeing as he was sick the 2nd week.

I asked her how week four can be within 2 weeks trial and she went off on one telling me im the only childminder that wants deposits and fees in advance in the area and even when she called OFSTED they agree its not normal for a minder to charge more than weekly if you have a deposit.

At this point i was really wound up... The first time since ive put my policies inplace have i done a FAVOR for a parent for it to back fire... makes me angry at myself for allowing her to do it to me.

Anyway, she went on about how shes so stressed and how shes only just started up work since maternity leave (the childs 14 months and she already told me he was with another childminder who was with him week before he started with me)

She explained how her and the dad had a big argument last night as he was not meant to pay me this week, as the mum only wanted him to pay for the one day as she did not plan on bringing him back

My overall thoughts are, even though she has done the dirty. For me not sticking to my policies and allowing someone to take my kindness for weekness has reminded me exactly what the paperwork and procedures are there for. Im not there to give favours its a business and i guess its that i have to remember secondry to given the children the best care i possibly can.

She had the nerve to text me to say thank you for the help with her son and that she thinks shes being decent no comment!

OP

Just want to say that you sound like a great CM. Having worked with little ones myself I know where you are coming from with the spoilt thing! It is beggars belief that anybody would expect a CM to carry a child around all day! You are best rid of the crazy parents TBH. Good luck!

Repeat after me

'You cannot spoil a baby'

And, I can see why we are loosing childcare workers in their droves... crap pay, bad attutuides of parents and their unrealistic expectations of childcare, EYFS etc etc.

And I can see why parents are reluctant to use the childcare made available - crap conditions, crap attitude from the carers and an unrealistic standard of behavior demanded from their children.

Cold tits aint that the world we live in.

Whats no good for one person is good for another.

What you allow your child too do, some parents wouldn't and vice vercer.

Freedom of choice.

Each child is different and just because you have never come across a child behaving a certain way dosen't make it impossible.

Same way a parent has choice if they use a certain childcare provider, the childcare provider, have somewhat say over which parents they choose to work with.

Its about finding someone who has same values as you. Many wont allow a child to demolish there home where as there are a certain type that do in the name of 'child exlporation and development' whatever floats your boat really.

Toys are like dogs

What does the word spoilt mean to you??

PeaceNLove: "but his tantrums/screams were for none of them things.. Its like his manipulated his parents at home by screaming and shouting and his taken that as the green light too use against getting his way for EVERYTHING."

I am thinking this 14 month old boy will go far. I just need to teach him to more sociable methods of getting his way. You are comparing this boy with the milder garden variety species and thinking this boy is spoilt and manipulative and dominating the situation. You are clearly the wrong carer for this boy.

I have heard some kindly carers say: 'I like the spirited ones. Never a dull moment'. That carer would be a much better fit for this boy. At least her mind is open.

Whatever you say I guess today is a new day and im bored of trying to proove myself!

End of the day i said the child was spoilt. I do believe parents can spoil a child {holding a child too much or allowing them there own way in every situation) too me is spoiling the child. Thats all i meant.

The child was not unhappy in my care, and nore do i feel im a bad person for having expectations of how a child should and should not behave, he WAS NOT punished, simply encouraged to act what in my opinion is appropriate. Either eat the buscuit or go back to playing/exploring.

'Messy play' with food is one thing, but teaching a child to scream (therself almost into fit state for another buscuist only to crumble and throw it) is not (IN MY OPINON) 'correct/normal' to sit back and allow the child too do as a carer!.

You know, PNL, I do think your heart in the right place. You are also right to gently correct the child's behaviour. I would do the same. If you behaved professionally as you described (but please protect him from other cm's expressed judgments), the boy will be absolutely fine.

I still disagree with "parents can spoil a child {holding a child too much or allowing them there own way in every situation) too me is spoiling the child." when applied to a 14 month old, particularly in relation to holding a child, though not necessarily in terms of letting him get his way because a parents' duty is to gently instill acceptable behaviours in age-appropriate ways.

He never heard what the other childminders/workers said, he was all over the place (Im honestly not that dull and would not subject ANY child to 'being talked about in front of them').

Its just that some of theses childminders have been in the game for years and was simply commenting on how he was in general that session. quite obviously to some on here 'thats not a spoilt child' but to them they could clearly see he had been allowed to get away with expressing himself in such ways.
(And from one comment from a fellow childminder to another in our opinon this is what we called it.)

PeaceNlove...I think I know what you mean. I knew one of these kids, and I would say he was "overly pandered to" by his parents, he was never allowed to be upset ever, and totally ruled the house (he screamed a lot and banged his head on the walls as soon as he was walking just in case they did not appease him instantly).

He still does it to his parents, but at nursery...wow, a different child, they don't let him do it. He behaves very well and eats nicely..at home he screams, points and grunts, ignores his parents, turns his back on them etc etc.

But if your mindee's parents think diddling people out of money is acceptable they clearly have a warped sense of values and you are probably well out of it.

op - the parents are wrong to muck you about with regards to the fees owing.

You are in the wrong with your general attitude towards the child. You really sound as if you disliked the child, therefore it is for the best that he is no longer minded by you.

By QueenTinselShadow
^'It is really naive to think that the person who cares for your child loves, likes or even enjoys your child. They earn a living.

If you are lucky, the like your child, but they may as well settle for the fact that your CM/nursery worker will be professional in their care for your child. You cant ask that they LIKE them too.

Looking back at the staff at our previous London nursery, not even ONE of them liked or cared for or about my son (from age 4 months to 3 years). (And he is a lovely boy)
I see this now, in his new nursery. But, I did not pay them to like him, but to care for him.'^

Oh dear, I find this really difficult to digest as a (London) childminder. Yes, childminding is my job, but I absolutely adore my mindees. I have had many comments where people thought the kids were mine when out and about at playgroup etc. as we have such a warm and loving relationship. My home is essentially an extension of theirs.

I worked with my mum in a nursery setting for 6 years too, and even with lots more kids there was so much love and cuddles, encouragement and genuine care, from all the staff. From my side it is so much more than a job.

I am professional too (have a grading of Outstanding), but those kids are in my arms the minute they're through my door. I am going away for 3 weeks next month and I will miss them LOADS. Honestly. They are little human beings who bring me so much joy and love, and they mean the world to me.

I am sorry you feel they are like this at your nursery, and hope that your son does get lots of love and care whilst you aren't there, during the day. It breaks my heart to think of a child being in the care of someone who is not emotionally involved with the child on a personal level.

Re 'liking' a child... (slightly off topic) I do not think anyone can NOT like a child (I know I couldn't)... it's their behaviour that may not be liked. I think it's really important to make that distinction.

JenniPenni, any chance you'll care for an unaccompanied 20month old that you have to meet off the train every morning? (I live in Durham). You sound lovely!

Awww thanks StealthPolarBear! What time does the train from Durham arrive???

Seriously though... I do believe that no matter what you do in life, you will only get out what you give out yourself.

JenniPenni, you're the type of childminder I would have picked if I lived in London!
Luckily I found a lovely woman where I live, out of all the places I visited as potential carers for my child, she was the only one who picked up DD and fussed over her (compared to the nursery who told us to leave her in the carseat near the door whilst we looked around!)

My DD is very "spirited", shes loud and excitable but the cm just adores her (even if she only has two volume settings "loud" and "louder"!) I wouldn't want to send her to anybody who just saw her as income.

ive had this done to me i did a fvour just lik u in the end she also stole things from my house2 we sent a verbal message around to all local minders about her so she couldnt get anothe cm the cheeky moo has now enrolled he child into the school my kids go to as well she cant even look at me she still owes me money its made me very tough now i get payment on monday mornings have added late charges too.

JenniPenni you sound like my CM so hats off to you and all the other lovely minders out there.

jennipenni, you have restored my faith in people who choose childcare as their vocation. It is quite dispiriting to read the views of certain people, usually ex-childcare workers or those just doing it for the money, but the thought of someone like you out there makes me feel all warm inside.

Jennipenni - you sound just like my cm too. Maybe I'm naive, but I honestly do believe that my cm loves my daughter. She does not see being a cm as simply an income.