Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

This is why Childminders must NOT Do favours for New Mums and stick to your own Rules!

170 replies

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 20:11

Hi there

(To any mums reading do not take this wrong way as its just something most childminders will face at least once in there carer)

I took on a little boy about 4 weeks ago
his mum pretty much wanted a place the following week.
(Child was with a minder but she needed someone close who could do early mornings i did think it was odd her not giving that minder notice but than didn't pry into it to much)

As for the mindee, he did a settlign in period with his father (whom is a police officer) for a session and was absolutley fine... Child seemed a bit dominating over his father (but nothing ive not seen before)

Anyway we operate a 2 week trial period (which parents can opt out of the contract without notice within that first 2 weeks) this is clearly written on the policy sheet we give out.

I told the mum (As a favour) she can pay the deposit after the 2 week trial. (As for me its easier not to have than to give back)

First week went fine (could tell he was an overly spoilt child) as he was extremly demanding and could throw the biggest wobblers) but never phased us, as its still early days, 2nd week he was off all week sick (in which i had to chase her EVERY day to find out if he was in that day or not)

That pretty much ended the 2 weekt trial period (that the parent can choose to opt out of the contract.)

Anyway he starts his 3rd week (last week) mother did pay for the week he was sick (as parents are contracted to do) and the 3rd week.

Anyway, friday 5th (last fri) comes and parent says she cant pay the deposit etc as she dont get paid to the 15th and asked if we could wait until than to get the fees and deposit.

I Agreed as (I thought the mother was half decent and realise its a hard time or year all round) and said she can pay me for the week and than the remaining on the 15th when she gets paid.
She texted me over the weekend to say thank you and that was great.

Anyway week 4 (this week) dad turned up yesturday to tell me that mum was crying her eyes out that she cannot afford to pay the deposit and 4 weeks fees in advance and is thinking of chucking in her job. I told him to call me after 6pm as i was still working and had kids to deal with at the time. Dad asked what was owing, i explained this weeks fees only as mum was paying the remainder (deposit and following fees in advance) on 15th)

I later agreed with the dad that we could (AGAIN AS A FAVOUR) forget the deposit and they can pay me every 2 weeks and we will review again in new year. (instead of paying every 4 weeks as contracted)

Well Dad arrived early again tonight (Pleasently calm and friendly) telling me he dosen;t know whats going on with mindees mother but she just textedd him and wondered if he could read it to me. I brought him in as i got his son in the buggy and he read a text the mother sent the dad for me, saying that this is the mindees last week as she cannot deal with the early mornings and cannot afford full time childcare, and has spokent o her work who agreed they can change her work load to part time.. (Im propbably one of the cheapest in the area at £30 a day) and that she will be working part time with agreement from her bosses and that she wont be paying notice for her son as shes within her trial period. (HOW SHE WORKS THIS OUT I DONT KNOW)

I explained to the dad this was mindees 4TH WEEK not 2nd or 3rd and that 2 weeks notice is payable. He said ok, he claimed he was confused and didn't really understand what was going on. I told him that if he could get the mum to call me when she gets home id talk with her as she signed up the contracts.

Anyway she texts me the same text she sent the dad, and i replied telling her to call me when she gets in and that it was childs 4th week not 2nd and so now notice is payable.

Got a call about 2 minutes later with a pleasent vunerable lady now AGGRESSIVE and on Total Defense... Telling me that she told the dad to tell me the night before that it was sons last day on monday and that was out of decency to her as she was within her trial period seeing as he was sick the 2nd week.

I asked her how week four can be within 2 weeks trial and she went off on one telling me im the only childminder that wants deposits and fees in advance in the area and even when she called OFSTED they agree its not normal for a minder to charge more than weekly if you have a deposit.

At this point i was really wound up... The first time since ive put my policies inplace have i done a FAVOR for a parent for it to back fire... makes me angry at myself for allowing her to do it to me.

Anyway, she went on about how shes so stressed and how shes only just started up work since maternity leave (the childs 14 months and she already told me he was with another childminder who was with him week before he started with me)

She explained how her and the dad had a big argument last night as he was not meant to pay me this week, as the mum only wanted him to pay for the one day as she did not plan on bringing him back

My overall thoughts are, even though she has done the dirty. For me not sticking to my policies and allowing someone to take my kindness for weekness has reminded me exactly what the paperwork and procedures are there for. Im not there to give favours its a business and i guess its that i have to remember secondry to given the children the best care i possibly can.

She had the nerve to text me to say thank you for the help with her son and that she thinks shes being decent no comment!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/12/2008 22:15

I dont think you are a bad childminder.
I dont think that you are wrong re being annoyed with this woman, she ripped you off.
I just dont agree with the term spoilt.

Coldtits · 09/12/2008 22:15

Ahhh wikipedia, well know source of reliable information on child development and behavior....

A 14 month old would never be seeing a child psychologist, a 14 month old is baby and barely has a psyche. Child psychologists deal with much older children.

Coldtits · 09/12/2008 22:18

I think you are horrible for feeling embarrassed about a baby scrunching a biscuit, if you have been a childminder for so long, what on Earth have you been doing all this time? And WORSE were the horrible people you were with.

I've always sung the praises of child minders over nurseries but I really wouldn't want my baby treated like this, like (to babybaby123) a spoilt inconvenience or to the OP, an embarrassment.

Bubble99 · 09/12/2008 22:19

According to that 'spoiling may become more of a concern'..

For a six month old baby

Aitch · 09/12/2008 22:20

yes, the embarrassed thing has upset me a bit tbh. surely you told off the other childminders for laughing at your kid and calling him spoilt?

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/12/2008 22:20

I'm not anti childminding by the way, my three year old is at a childminders, she is lovely, I am regularly singing her praises on here and to her because she's so fab (including going out of her way to pick up DD a few times last year when I was really poorly) which I thought was lovely.

TheCrackFox · 09/12/2008 22:21

PeacenLove, I am really sorry that you got stiffed by the babies parents. But you haven't helped your argument by describing a baby as spoilt and being embarrassed by his behaviour.

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 22:22

For one, i dont think teaching children to play with food is appropriate.

(If you find it funny when your child does it, good luck to you)

Some parents will allow there child to walk about eating where as i feel children should sit up.

Crumbling a buscuit is hardly a crime, but thinking this was funny after he screamed his little head of for more and more only to crumble them was something that you cannot honestly as a carer childminder or Nursery worker allow a child to do. ESPECIALLY out of your own home.

You have a responsibily for your child as well as other children watching.

NOBODY was laughing at him.
It was a bit of light humour in relation to how demanding he was in general.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 09/12/2008 22:23

I will be the first to admit that there are good cms and nursery workers and bad cms and nursery workers, all of whom will hold opinions about my dcs. The advantage of a nursery over a cm is that there is a certain culture to their care and institutional ethos (the good nurseries at least), as well as many carers to a room, so that more hands make light work and some good carers to balance out the more indifferent ones. Checks and balances.

Yes, good carers learn to keep their opinions to themselves and have a professional distance between their personal opinions and the care they are required to give. They also keep themselves informed on child development or at least, I would hope, keep an open mind.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/12/2008 22:25

I dont get what is wrong with crumbling a few biscuits.

CrackopentheBaileys · 09/12/2008 22:26

Peace playing with food should be encouraged. It help to prevent fussy eating and food phobias, as well as being great fun....
Yes, it was biscuit time and it was a bit inapproprite at the time, but not really a big deal, and I doubt any of my cm friends would pass such comments.

TheCrackFox · 09/12/2008 22:27

If crumbling a biscuit is exhibit A in describing how spoilt a baby is then you have a very weak argument indeed.

CrackopentheBaileys · 09/12/2008 22:28

blue shoes it now seems that we agree

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 22:30

Again.. Re the spoilt comment. Its my opinion
Im not going to say ok, his not spoilt to please anyone.

I really dont care what you think of me.

I dont think the child was a bad kid, or the fact it was even his fault for him being the way he is.

To be spoilt someone has had to allow a child so young to become it.

No matter how much you sugar coar something, its still the same thing when it boils down to it.

It may not be P.C To use the term 'Spoilt' but Im not writing up a report of the child, im not talking to a parent, im out of hours in my OWN time, writing how i feel about a situation on an online forum where we are entitled to express our opinons I DID JUST THAT!!

Its not a crime for calling someone/child SPOILT. Maybe if i wanted to please the 100's on mumsnet i would of wrote exactly what you wanted to hear in a P.C way. But instead i wrote my opion on a situation exaclty how i felt at the time.

End of really

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 09/12/2008 22:32

No it is not a crime to call a baby spoilt, just quite unpleasant.

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 22:32

should have read as
**i dont think he was a bad kid, nore was it even his fault for him being that way (i.e the parents have let him demand at home so only thinks its natural)

OP posts:
QueenTinselShadow · 09/12/2008 22:33

Bloody hell, you lot are some nit-picking banshees!

Lets find a person and dissect her professional skills, when she post about something else she needs to chat about.
Yes, this is what the once so supportive mumsnet has turned into.

Fecking 'ell!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/12/2008 22:33

somebody has their knickers in a twist

Coldtits · 09/12/2008 22:34

He's demanding because he's 14 months old. 14 month olds that are NOT demanding have usually had their needs neglected sufficiantly for them to lose their trust in their carer

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/12/2008 22:34

getting back to the money issue... what are you going to do?

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 22:35

Thecrackfox...

Fair point... that you and x amount of others feel its unpleasent/ wrong/unprofessional.

But shoot me for it

I dont have to be professional when im out of hours online, so feel my opinion should be just that.

Gave you all a good discussion for the evening at the very least.

OP posts:
Coldtits · 09/12/2008 22:36

Mumsnet has ALWAYS been like this. We were described 4 years ago as a nest of vipers.

The reason this has his a nerve is because we are all sat her pictuing OUR children at 14 months old being told off for crumbling a biscuit up by someone who is purely embarrassed to be caring for him. And it's horrible.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/12/2008 22:39

I joined four years ago... I wonder if its a coincidence

Aitch · 09/12/2008 22:40

my dd, nearly three, was playing a family game with her potatoes tonight.

'hello big brother potato, how are you?'
'hello big sister potato, how are you?'
'oh no, i've got eaten! it's a terrible disaster' and then om nom nom until all her dinner was eaten. i pmsl. food IS supposed to be enjoyable.

Tinker · 09/12/2008 22:41

And this is why I stay reading mn. Agree, this is not new at all.