This is why Childminders must NOT Do favours for New Mums and stick to your own Rules!

[PeaceNLove]

Hi there

(To any mums reading do not take this wrong way as its just something most childminders will face at least once in there carer)

I took on a little boy about 4 weeks ago
his mum pretty much wanted a place the following week.
(Child was with a minder but she needed someone close who could do early mornings i did think it was odd her not giving that minder notice but than didn't pry into it to much)

As for the mindee, he did a settlign in period with his father (whom is a police officer) for a session and was absolutley fine... Child seemed a bit dominating over his father (but nothing ive not seen before)

Anyway we operate a 2 week trial period (which parents can opt out of the contract without notice within that first 2 weeks) this is clearly written on the policy sheet we give out.

I told the mum (As a favour) she can pay the deposit after the 2 week trial. (As for me its easier not to have than to give back)

First week went fine (could tell he was an overly spoilt child) as he was extremly demanding and could throw the biggest wobblers) but never phased us, as its still early days, 2nd week he was off all week sick (in which i had to chase her EVERY day to find out if he was in that day or not)

That pretty much ended the 2 weekt trial period (that the parent can choose to opt out of the contract.)

Anyway he starts his 3rd week (last week) mother did pay for the week he was sick (as parents are contracted to do) and the 3rd week.

Anyway, friday 5th (last fri) comes and parent says she cant pay the deposit etc as she dont get paid to the 15th and asked if we could wait until than to get the fees and deposit.

I Agreed as (I thought the mother was half decent and realise its a hard time or year all round) and said she can pay me for the week and than the remaining on the 15th when she gets paid.
She texted me over the weekend to say thank you and that was great.

Anyway week 4 (this week) dad turned up yesturday to tell me that mum was crying her eyes out that she cannot afford to pay the deposit and 4 weeks fees in advance and is thinking of chucking in her job. I told him to call me after 6pm as i was still working and had kids to deal with at the time. Dad asked what was owing, i explained this weeks fees only as mum was paying the remainder (deposit and following fees in advance) on 15th)

I later agreed with the dad that we could (AGAIN AS A FAVOUR) forget the deposit and they can pay me every 2 weeks and we will review again in new year. (instead of paying every 4 weeks as contracted)

Well Dad arrived early again tonight (Pleasently calm and friendly) telling me he dosen;t know whats going on with mindees mother but she just textedd him and wondered if he could read it to me. I brought him in as i got his son in the buggy and he read a text the mother sent the dad for me, saying that this is the mindees last week as she cannot deal with the early mornings and cannot afford full time childcare, and has spokent o her work who agreed they can change her work load to part time.. (Im propbably one of the cheapest in the area at £30 a day) and that she will be working part time with agreement from her bosses and that she wont be paying notice for her son as shes within her trial period. (HOW SHE WORKS THIS OUT I DONT KNOW)

I explained to the dad this was mindees 4TH WEEK not 2nd or 3rd and that 2 weeks notice is payable. He said ok, he claimed he was confused and didn't really understand what was going on. I told him that if he could get the mum to call me when she gets home id talk with her as she signed up the contracts.

Anyway she texts me the same text she sent the dad, and i replied telling her to call me when she gets in and that it was childs 4th week not 2nd and so now notice is payable.

Got a call about 2 minutes later with a pleasent vunerable lady now AGGRESSIVE and on Total Defense... Telling me that she told the dad to tell me the night before that it was sons last day on monday and that was out of decency to her as she was within her trial period seeing as he was sick the 2nd week.

I asked her how week four can be within 2 weeks trial and she went off on one telling me im the only childminder that wants deposits and fees in advance in the area and even when she called OFSTED they agree its not normal for a minder to charge more than weekly if you have a deposit.

At this point i was really wound up... The first time since ive put my policies inplace have i done a FAVOR for a parent for it to back fire... makes me angry at myself for allowing her to do it to me.

Anyway, she went on about how shes so stressed and how shes only just started up work since maternity leave (the childs 14 months and she already told me he was with another childminder who was with him week before he started with me)

She explained how her and the dad had a big argument last night as he was not meant to pay me this week, as the mum only wanted him to pay for the one day as she did not plan on bringing him back

My overall thoughts are, even though she has done the dirty. For me not sticking to my policies and allowing someone to take my kindness for weekness has reminded me exactly what the paperwork and procedures are there for. Im not there to give favours its a business and i guess its that i have to remember secondry to given the children the best care i possibly can.

She had the nerve to text me to say thank you for the help with her son and that she thinks shes being decent no comment!

no I reckon they can be spoilt, my 11m old certainly seems to be ..... everytime I walk out of the room and shut the stairgate she cries, and rocks the bars like a convict

Is that spoilt? Theres nothing else wrong except that I am going somewhere that she wants to go (ie the kithen, where those ever exciting boxes of cereal are just waiting to be played with)

Can you text her back calmly explaining that you are a business, you have your own bills to pay and that you have been very flexible with payment dates etc, as well as having T&Cs that are more lenient that most nurseries? See what she says to that?

'Babies/toddlers can be spoilt and demanding if they are constantly carried around at home' - oh dear, now I remember why I use a nursery.

To OP, parent is taking the piss. Stick to your policies, particularly in current economic climate.

Baby baby 123 I agree with you re the spoilt bit - OP - what a horrid situation. I shoul just be grateful she has gone and make sure others are forewarned of this behaviour if you can do it without breaching any confidences.

Blue shoes do you think that the nursery staff carry around your baby all day {hmm]

Am not a CM but used to use one, who was lovely.

This woman has been really out of line towards you; I'm really sorry you've had to deal with such crap.

erm that was supposed to be a on the end

well my cm does carry around one of the babies she is with all the time, he is extremely clingy (and 15 months). I hang out with lots of cm's including my own and they would all do the same.

She finds it really annoying as does his mum but she does it as otherwise he cries.

I have seen many cm's that leave children to cry for extended periods, but tbh they are the ones that are known for bad practice.

Nursery staff will certainly carry a baby around if necessary, yes.

A settling child will be given one-to-one for this reason.

crack, a carer carried my ds for all his naps until he settled in after a month and let himself be put down on a cushion. They did this without my even asking. I assumed he would have to cry. I only found out because I asked how they managed to get him to nap - ds would only fall asleep at the breast or in a moving buggy. The carer looked almost guilty when she told me - I think she enjoyed the cuddles too. I could have kissed her.

When he was settling in, a carer would cuddle him if he cried. I sat in the room for hours, so I witnessed this. They would carry other babies as well. My nursery had an 8-week settling in period.

My dcs' nursery can do this because there were at least 4 carers in the room at one time. Most of their time was taken up with the new babies. Once settled in, the babies were fine.

A cm on her own would not be able to do the same.

Compo your talking to me like ive just gone into childmdinding, ive been doing it for almost 9 years. I have had dozens of children in this time.

Im shocked you have never come across a Spoilt 1 yr old before???

At 14 months old (and any age above say 9months) you expect a child to be clingly with parent, have off days and or even test the boundries a little as they get older etc, but the child in question would throw the biggest of tantrums if anything never went his way.

One minute he would be playing happily, the next one child would get up to go to the toilet or in another room and he would scream untill that child come back in, just a huge continuous scream (the other child would come back in to see whats going on and he would stop and laugh as if its a game).

(Im talking the kinda scream that if i heard coming from a house id think the child was in serious danger/halm)

.....If you said the word No in any context its like an automatic button for him to scream/pretend to cry. Even if you said it in the softest, quietest voice he would throw one... (Never seen anything like that to be honest) even his mum said he does it when shes talking to her partner.
Theres one thing with a child crying because another child wont share or they want something they cant have, but another for it to demand other children/adults to do what he wants is in my opinon spoilt.

We give our mindees free roam around ground floor with gate on kitchen and it wasnt as if he would feel unsure to follow or going in and out the rooms, he would just demand the situation. He was quite happy go wonder off and engage in different activities it was just a case of if he didn't want to do something or someone else to go somewhere, he would let the world and there dog know it.

One occasion we was at local childminders drop in, they make all the children sit at the tables to have juice and buscuit, he would get up and scream at the staff for more buscuits and would just sit and break them and think it was funny. They couldn't believe there eyes i was so embaressed.. the other minders were laughing saying 'good luck with that one' and 'how spoit is he'

(Its a little more 'SPOILT' than what i would excpect a child to do. especially in the given circumstances.)

If we put him in the buggy to go out his fine, if you try to do it when his parents are there or they try to, he will scream and they would end up walking with him in there arms and he would be laughing at them once they have done it.

One occasion he demanded his mum took of his blanket and rain cover on her way out to the point he made hiself sick in paddy. (out of curiosity What would you call that??)

On a positive note, the child wad very happy and friendly and loved cuddles and attention he was just more dominant and spoilt than any child ive EVER looked after, especially for his age. Its quite clear he rules the roost so to speak.

Ive childminded babies from 3 months including 6 month old twins, to children up to 10-11 yrs old, I cant say i have seen a child so spoilt at such a young age but not suprised considering how the parents allow him to be.

I personally dont think that a 14 month old can be classed as spoilt, my dd is not spoilt but she can throw a wobbly with the best of them at that age, I think they have few social skills at that age

I agree that she should have paid you, I am a little [wince] at the £150 per week!! (not that it is a reason not to pay you, esp when she has signed a contract)

PeaceNLove, I would not call him 'spoilt'. He has a strong character - will stand him in good stead as an adult. Not so lovely for his cm or parents whilst he is at this age.

I certainly wouldn't leave any baby to cry for extended periods

But, just for example, in Jan I will have 6 mo old and my own 1yr old (omg she'll be 1

As well as them I would have the after school kiddies to entertain, dinner to cook etc tec. I don't see how it could be physically possible to carry either of them around all day whist giving a fair share of attention to the others?

Once my little'un has stopped shaking the bars long enough to realise that I'm not gonna pick her up, she soon marches off to the suddenly much more interesting puzzle/bricks/remote control

If you don't give a baby enoughtime to realise that they are a seperate entity (not a growth on your left hip!) they will end up being one of those bubs who think that they can be on your hip 24/7

It's just not possible, and anyone who thinks that a childminder with othr children to look after should do so is being pretty unreasonable imho

The thing is, the mindee would not cry to be held, if he wanted to be held he would come up and hold his arms up. I personally DONT see a child wanting a cuddle as spoilt..(NOT AT ALL)

I dedicate my life to working with children im also an approved foster carer so have seen and dealt with many behaviours of children of all ages no jus mindees under 11yrs old.

Im assuming youve made an assumption of the situation from reading my post but feel its incorrect.

I guess its hard to understand if you have not seen the child in action. But please dont make assumptions on my character and my care as a minder on that i have seen and dealth first hand with what i describe as a A Spoilt/demanding child.

IME, if babies are given as much 'on the hip' one to one as required when they are settling, they don't need it for long.

Its all a matter of opinion, hence why different parents bring there children up differently to the next.

PeaceNLove I am not making assumptions of your character, but I thought "labels" of children was wrong, such as "naughty" "spoilt" etc

Crack: "It's just not possible, and anyone who thinks that a childminder with othr children to look after should do so is being pretty unreasonable imho"

Totally agree. Hence I use nurseries instead for my spoilt children.

Sounds like something from the 1930s all this chat about spoilt babies.

Bubble99: "IME, if babies are given as much 'on the hip' one to one as required when they are settling, they don't need it for long."

Agree too. Happened to both my joined-at-the-hip dcs. They were still joined to mine, but not the carers'. Funny how that works, but it does.

sorry I seem to have clouded the issue by picking up your sploit comment

I hope they pay up because it's not on to mess you around and maybe in the long run as the child is obviously demanding you will see yourself as well rid of the whole family perhaps?

gah spoilt

Bubble99 I partially agree, should it be a child wanting to be held for comfort.
On the other hand, not all children want to be held and some (like on this occassion, the child was perfectly confident to do his thing) its just that not only did he want to do what he wanted, he wanted everyone else to do what he wanted.

As minders/parents/carers you cannot let a child dominate a situation like that.
Could you imagine if all the kids copied what we would have to deal with???

"On the other hand, not all children want to be held and some (like on this occassion, the child was perfectly confident to do his thing) its just that not only did he want to do what he wanted, he wanted everyone else to do what he wanted."

He is 14 months old!