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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

This is why Childminders must NOT Do favours for New Mums and stick to your own Rules!

170 replies

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 20:11

Hi there

(To any mums reading do not take this wrong way as its just something most childminders will face at least once in there carer)

I took on a little boy about 4 weeks ago
his mum pretty much wanted a place the following week.
(Child was with a minder but she needed someone close who could do early mornings i did think it was odd her not giving that minder notice but than didn't pry into it to much)

As for the mindee, he did a settlign in period with his father (whom is a police officer) for a session and was absolutley fine... Child seemed a bit dominating over his father (but nothing ive not seen before)

Anyway we operate a 2 week trial period (which parents can opt out of the contract without notice within that first 2 weeks) this is clearly written on the policy sheet we give out.

I told the mum (As a favour) she can pay the deposit after the 2 week trial. (As for me its easier not to have than to give back)

First week went fine (could tell he was an overly spoilt child) as he was extremly demanding and could throw the biggest wobblers) but never phased us, as its still early days, 2nd week he was off all week sick (in which i had to chase her EVERY day to find out if he was in that day or not)

That pretty much ended the 2 weekt trial period (that the parent can choose to opt out of the contract.)

Anyway he starts his 3rd week (last week) mother did pay for the week he was sick (as parents are contracted to do) and the 3rd week.

Anyway, friday 5th (last fri) comes and parent says she cant pay the deposit etc as she dont get paid to the 15th and asked if we could wait until than to get the fees and deposit.

I Agreed as (I thought the mother was half decent and realise its a hard time or year all round) and said she can pay me for the week and than the remaining on the 15th when she gets paid.
She texted me over the weekend to say thank you and that was great.

Anyway week 4 (this week) dad turned up yesturday to tell me that mum was crying her eyes out that she cannot afford to pay the deposit and 4 weeks fees in advance and is thinking of chucking in her job. I told him to call me after 6pm as i was still working and had kids to deal with at the time. Dad asked what was owing, i explained this weeks fees only as mum was paying the remainder (deposit and following fees in advance) on 15th)

I later agreed with the dad that we could (AGAIN AS A FAVOUR) forget the deposit and they can pay me every 2 weeks and we will review again in new year. (instead of paying every 4 weeks as contracted)

Well Dad arrived early again tonight (Pleasently calm and friendly) telling me he dosen;t know whats going on with mindees mother but she just textedd him and wondered if he could read it to me. I brought him in as i got his son in the buggy and he read a text the mother sent the dad for me, saying that this is the mindees last week as she cannot deal with the early mornings and cannot afford full time childcare, and has spokent o her work who agreed they can change her work load to part time.. (Im propbably one of the cheapest in the area at £30 a day) and that she will be working part time with agreement from her bosses and that she wont be paying notice for her son as shes within her trial period. (HOW SHE WORKS THIS OUT I DONT KNOW)

I explained to the dad this was mindees 4TH WEEK not 2nd or 3rd and that 2 weeks notice is payable. He said ok, he claimed he was confused and didn't really understand what was going on. I told him that if he could get the mum to call me when she gets home id talk with her as she signed up the contracts.

Anyway she texts me the same text she sent the dad, and i replied telling her to call me when she gets in and that it was childs 4th week not 2nd and so now notice is payable.

Got a call about 2 minutes later with a pleasent vunerable lady now AGGRESSIVE and on Total Defense... Telling me that she told the dad to tell me the night before that it was sons last day on monday and that was out of decency to her as she was within her trial period seeing as he was sick the 2nd week.

I asked her how week four can be within 2 weeks trial and she went off on one telling me im the only childminder that wants deposits and fees in advance in the area and even when she called OFSTED they agree its not normal for a minder to charge more than weekly if you have a deposit.

At this point i was really wound up... The first time since ive put my policies inplace have i done a FAVOR for a parent for it to back fire... makes me angry at myself for allowing her to do it to me.

Anyway, she went on about how shes so stressed and how shes only just started up work since maternity leave (the childs 14 months and she already told me he was with another childminder who was with him week before he started with me)

She explained how her and the dad had a big argument last night as he was not meant to pay me this week, as the mum only wanted him to pay for the one day as she did not plan on bringing him back

My overall thoughts are, even though she has done the dirty. For me not sticking to my policies and allowing someone to take my kindness for weekness has reminded me exactly what the paperwork and procedures are there for. Im not there to give favours its a business and i guess its that i have to remember secondry to given the children the best care i possibly can.

She had the nerve to text me to say thank you for the help with her son and that she thinks shes being decent no comment!

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CrackopentheBaileys · 09/12/2008 22:56

PnL, just wondering about Tinkers

"Just like learning to say thank you (Ta) you are meant to teach them right from wrong and all the rest of it."

You've just pressed another mn button there PnL ''

blueshoes · 09/12/2008 22:56

crackbaileys, in that case, emoticons can be quite handy!

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 22:56

Do you guys really think using the word 'Spoilt' is that bad???

Im Shocked!! really..

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CrackopentheBaileys · 09/12/2008 22:57

((runs off to find a thread about 'ta'))

Aitch · 09/12/2008 22:59

i think it's a horrible word to use about a baby, yes. actually to use about a child, full stop. i suppose because it refers most specifically to the child, rather than his behaviour, iykwim?

juneybean · 09/12/2008 23:00

I think you're all living in a cocoon if you think child carers are "aren't kids fantastic" 24/7

juneybean · 09/12/2008 23:00

are all*

Aitch · 09/12/2008 23:02

no, but i'd want my child carer not to let people take the piss out of a baby for behaving like a baby.

QueenTinselShadow · 09/12/2008 23:04

It is really naive to think that the person who cares for your child loves, likes or even enjoys your child. They earn a living.

If you are lucky, the like your child, but they may as well settle for the fact that your CM/nursery worker will be professional in their care for your child. You cant ask that they LIKE them too.

Looking back at the staff at our previous London nursery, not even ONE of them liked or cared for or about my son (from age 4 months to 3 years). (And he is a lovely boy)
I see this now, in his new nursery. But, I did not pay them to like him, but to care for him.

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 23:04

Thing is, i love my job, and i love working with kids (otherwise i wouldn't do it), to me using the term spoilt is just an opionon on how i related the childs behaviour to his actions.

I didn't for one minute see it in a way that would offend so many for using it.

Nore did i say it in a way to downgrade the child. As i said earlier is not his thought.

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Bubble99 · 09/12/2008 23:06

PnL. It's not the word, it's the age of child that you've applied it to.

No one would have flinched if you'd been describing a three or four year old but babies can not be spoiled.

Every (often annoying to adults) thing that they do is for a reason. It may not 'fit' with what we want them to do but that is the way it is.

Babies can be 'controlled' but we only need to look at the children from orphanages around the world to see the extreme results of that.

I would expect a 3 year old to be learning to 'fit in' but not a 14 month old baby.

Aitch · 09/12/2008 23:08

oh good, well you seem to have learned something today at least.

i'd be very depressed if i thought my child was not liked by her carers, tbh. i spend time in her nursery, i see the way the staff are. they like the kids, no question about it. but that's a top-down thing imo, and the manager's good.

QueenTinselShadow · 09/12/2008 23:10

"oh good, well you seem to have learned something today at least."

Was that directed at me aitch?

CrackopentheBaileys · 09/12/2008 23:12

I'd just like to give you this little bit of sunshine before I retire to bed.....

I looooooove my childminded kiddies!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope that has restored some faith in my species.... I bid you goodnight [sleepyEmoticonThatDoesNotExist]

Aitch · 09/12/2008 23:13

no, at peaceandlove.

Aitch · 09/12/2008 23:14

nice to hear, crackopen.

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 23:14

Bubble99

Okay ... My bad.. i feel really bad now...

More so because I honestly didn't mean it in a bad way.. (how its been taken)

I dont care what anyone thinks of me on here.. its just Ive worked with/alongside children and this child's behaviour (even though he is 14 months) he was very demanding, i dont mean demaning in relation to just keeping me on my toes, just that he would dominate every situation with the other kids/adults.

I know that children all have there moments, some cry when they want to be fed, changed, bored etc... but his tantrums/screams were for none of them things.. Its like his manipulated his parents at home by screaming and shouting and his taken that as the green light too use against getting his way for EVERYTHING.

If he screamed to be held/fed/ change of activity/ hurt /unwell thats more than normal. But he would go OTT to get his way.
Which was beyond what a typical child his age would do.

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ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/12/2008 23:17

my childminder has a montage of pictures on her wall of children she has looked after / looked after in the past. Including three of my very loud and energetic DD
She is still visited by kids she minded years ago, bless!

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 23:17

Aitch, no need for the comment really

Only thing has changed is i know a percentage of mumsnet users like to be very P.C. and dont like the word... Dare i use it again.. lol

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Aitch · 09/12/2008 23:17

"ott to get his way"?

but surely you know that at that age only they exist? they are little sociopaths, all of them, as babies. cuddly, smiley, gummy, lovely ones, but they don't have a clue that they aren't the centre of the universe yet. all you're saying is that he was louder about it. he sounds like he might have been in pain if it was that bad, tbh. a cranio-sacral appointment might have been an idea.

Aitch · 09/12/2008 23:18

how is not calling a child spoilt PC? please explain.

Bubble99 · 09/12/2008 23:19

PnL. Then maybe by talking and listening to him he will learn that, with you, he doesn't need to shout to be heard - or control every situation to get some positive attention.

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 23:20

elfonthetopshelf

Same with my mum, she has looked after the children, of children she once looked after.
once a baby in her arms now grown adults with kids of there own.

Going down to the local shops on a weekend and bound to bump in to an ex mindee or there parent along the way.

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PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 23:24

Bubbles99

Thats the thing, it was still early days when this all happened, and from 1st day to last week saw a big change.. Thats how you knew it was simply a matter of what he did at home he thought he would carry on really.

(Hence the learnt/allowed to do comment i made)

But feel its time to shut my mouth before i offend anyone else.

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PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 23:28

It was not a case of he was out of control or anything, he was a very cheecky chap, strong willed and knew what he want and did what he thought best/right to get it.

Readiing over peoples comments and stuff is almost like ive painted him as the 'dreaded child' and its not at all the case.

He was a pleasent child and even after a few weeks will be weird without him, we were half way through his chirstmas collage book we made for his parents. (Pics of him and other kids)

But whats done is done.

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