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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

This is why Childminders must NOT Do favours for New Mums and stick to your own Rules!

170 replies

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 20:11

Hi there

(To any mums reading do not take this wrong way as its just something most childminders will face at least once in there carer)

I took on a little boy about 4 weeks ago
his mum pretty much wanted a place the following week.
(Child was with a minder but she needed someone close who could do early mornings i did think it was odd her not giving that minder notice but than didn't pry into it to much)

As for the mindee, he did a settlign in period with his father (whom is a police officer) for a session and was absolutley fine... Child seemed a bit dominating over his father (but nothing ive not seen before)

Anyway we operate a 2 week trial period (which parents can opt out of the contract without notice within that first 2 weeks) this is clearly written on the policy sheet we give out.

I told the mum (As a favour) she can pay the deposit after the 2 week trial. (As for me its easier not to have than to give back)

First week went fine (could tell he was an overly spoilt child) as he was extremly demanding and could throw the biggest wobblers) but never phased us, as its still early days, 2nd week he was off all week sick (in which i had to chase her EVERY day to find out if he was in that day or not)

That pretty much ended the 2 weekt trial period (that the parent can choose to opt out of the contract.)

Anyway he starts his 3rd week (last week) mother did pay for the week he was sick (as parents are contracted to do) and the 3rd week.

Anyway, friday 5th (last fri) comes and parent says she cant pay the deposit etc as she dont get paid to the 15th and asked if we could wait until than to get the fees and deposit.

I Agreed as (I thought the mother was half decent and realise its a hard time or year all round) and said she can pay me for the week and than the remaining on the 15th when she gets paid.
She texted me over the weekend to say thank you and that was great.

Anyway week 4 (this week) dad turned up yesturday to tell me that mum was crying her eyes out that she cannot afford to pay the deposit and 4 weeks fees in advance and is thinking of chucking in her job. I told him to call me after 6pm as i was still working and had kids to deal with at the time. Dad asked what was owing, i explained this weeks fees only as mum was paying the remainder (deposit and following fees in advance) on 15th)

I later agreed with the dad that we could (AGAIN AS A FAVOUR) forget the deposit and they can pay me every 2 weeks and we will review again in new year. (instead of paying every 4 weeks as contracted)

Well Dad arrived early again tonight (Pleasently calm and friendly) telling me he dosen;t know whats going on with mindees mother but she just textedd him and wondered if he could read it to me. I brought him in as i got his son in the buggy and he read a text the mother sent the dad for me, saying that this is the mindees last week as she cannot deal with the early mornings and cannot afford full time childcare, and has spokent o her work who agreed they can change her work load to part time.. (Im propbably one of the cheapest in the area at £30 a day) and that she will be working part time with agreement from her bosses and that she wont be paying notice for her son as shes within her trial period. (HOW SHE WORKS THIS OUT I DONT KNOW)

I explained to the dad this was mindees 4TH WEEK not 2nd or 3rd and that 2 weeks notice is payable. He said ok, he claimed he was confused and didn't really understand what was going on. I told him that if he could get the mum to call me when she gets home id talk with her as she signed up the contracts.

Anyway she texts me the same text she sent the dad, and i replied telling her to call me when she gets in and that it was childs 4th week not 2nd and so now notice is payable.

Got a call about 2 minutes later with a pleasent vunerable lady now AGGRESSIVE and on Total Defense... Telling me that she told the dad to tell me the night before that it was sons last day on monday and that was out of decency to her as she was within her trial period seeing as he was sick the 2nd week.

I asked her how week four can be within 2 weeks trial and she went off on one telling me im the only childminder that wants deposits and fees in advance in the area and even when she called OFSTED they agree its not normal for a minder to charge more than weekly if you have a deposit.

At this point i was really wound up... The first time since ive put my policies inplace have i done a FAVOR for a parent for it to back fire... makes me angry at myself for allowing her to do it to me.

Anyway, she went on about how shes so stressed and how shes only just started up work since maternity leave (the childs 14 months and she already told me he was with another childminder who was with him week before he started with me)

She explained how her and the dad had a big argument last night as he was not meant to pay me this week, as the mum only wanted him to pay for the one day as she did not plan on bringing him back

My overall thoughts are, even though she has done the dirty. For me not sticking to my policies and allowing someone to take my kindness for weekness has reminded me exactly what the paperwork and procedures are there for. Im not there to give favours its a business and i guess its that i have to remember secondry to given the children the best care i possibly can.

She had the nerve to text me to say thank you for the help with her son and that she thinks shes being decent no comment!

OP posts:
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Coldtits · 09/12/2008 21:42

I wouldn't leave my child with anyone who would describe a baby as spoilt. No way. You were embarrassed because a baby was crumbling biscuits? YOu seriously expected him to have the social nouse to know that he isn't allowed to do this? Why would he? He's a baby!

And jeez babybaby123, do you even like kids, or are you being paid a pittance to let them get in your way?

CrackopentheBaileys · 09/12/2008 21:42

I get you blueshoes, but your comment...

'Babies/toddlers can be spoilt and demanding if they are constantly carried around at home' - oh dear, now I remember why I use a nursery......

did seem a little derogatory towards cm's. I apologise now if I have read that in the wrong tone . However, I work incredibly hard, and give the little ones a great amount of love, care and fun, and so take any slight on my profession a little hard....

Tinker · 09/12/2008 21:46

I am sorry you've been messed around but this little baby has had quite a few carers in short space of time. I think it's pretty understandable that he would scream and be upset when people leave a room. That's not being spoilt, that's being distressed surely? I really, really woudl be uncomfortable (am being tactful) with a cm whose associates said things like 'good luck with that one' and 'how spoit is he' because I would worry that my own cm thought similarly.

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 21:47

Compo, dont worry,. your entitled to your opinion, and thats what discussions are all about, would be boring if we all thought alike, as there would be no need for mumsnet.

But same time, someone mentioned labelling children. I dont mean to label him, but in my opinion, it is what it is. Just like schools cant call a blackboard 'blackboard' the board is still black!

This post has kinda made the child looked bad,(maybe way i described the 'spoilt side' and i dont for one minute feel that. I just had an opionon on his behaviour, and despite this he was a nice kid and got some great pics of him and the others all coverered in paint and terrorising the toy room...

OP posts:
Bubble99 · 09/12/2008 21:47

Sounds to me that the child, a first born by the sounds of it, needed to get used to being in a new place with other people, tbh.

Tinker · 09/12/2008 21:49

I do use cms btw, I love great cms. My current cm however, will not take on any more babies whilst she needs to do a lot of carrying of the one 18 month old she currently has.

bonnycat · 09/12/2008 21:51

Its awful that she has treated you so badly.
Have to agree though im shocked that you think a 14 month old can be "spoilt".

BabyBaby123 · 09/12/2008 21:51

Coldtits - what the hell are you talking about?? you don't know me or anything about me! do i like kids? what a stupid question, I'm sorry but really....

blueshoes · 09/12/2008 21:53

crack, I have no doubt you and many cms want to do the best by your mindees.

Whilst you have experience of children, you don't have experience of mine. If a cm (and every cm is different) is going to take the view that my dcs are 'spoilt' because they want to be carried, then that cm is the wrong fit for my dcs.

In some ways, a young nursery carer who just loves to be with children and doesn't judge whether or not a particular child is spoilt for wanting cuddles is better for my dcs, than someone who is a mother herself and has preconceptions about how children should be raised. And a nursery has more staff to spread the workload around so no one carer ends up being overworked because of my 'demanding' dc.

TheCrackFox · 09/12/2008 21:55

God post blueshoes.

TheCrackFox · 09/12/2008 21:56

Sorry, good post blueshoes.

CrackopentheBaileys · 09/12/2008 21:58

ok, this bothers me again (I am honestly not meaning to be antagonistic here)

All nursery workers are just as varied as cm's.

Who's to say the nw doesn't think your child is spoilt? Who's to say the nw is young and childless and without mothering pre-conceptions?

And 'cuddles' is a lot different to 'on the hip 24/7'. We have plenty of cuddles and one on one. story time etc. It seems to me that you have your own pre-conceptions.....

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 22:00

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A CHILD WANTING TO BE CARRIED??

And to anyone who thinks that a nursery worker would never look at a child and think (wow this child is spoilt) for reasons similar to the child i had has seriously got it twisted...
What they say to you and what they talk about is 2 different things)

People are only human whether they choose to work as a childminder, Nursery nurse, playworker, docter (EVERYONE is entitled to an Opinion on a situation/person)

OP posts:
BabyBaby123 · 09/12/2008 22:02

i think the carrying thing is about my post. When I said a child can be spoilt or demanding if constantly carried at home I was not suggesting that I would not carry a child at all I was simply saying that it is possibly for a young child to be spoilt if the parents give into their every whim at home - it then makes it more difficult for any other carer, whether a cm, nanny or nursery nurse.

Those of you who believe that nursery staff don't have opinions of the children/parents they care for are extremely niave imo....

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/12/2008 22:05

I'm not niave to believe people wouldn't think negative things about my child, I'd expect my childminder to be professional enough not to make comments about her personal feelings about my child on an internet forum. Whether my child is still one of their mindees or not.

Yes, by all means, come on mumsnet and say that the mother has broken her contract and left you out of pocket, but it could have been done with out the "spoilt" comments imvho

Coldtits · 09/12/2008 22:05

babybaby123 all I know about you is what you've posted about the way you feel about childminding for a pittance and how it makes you feel the babies in your care are spoilt.

And that's enough for me to judge you and to find your attitude shitty.

Aitch · 09/12/2008 22:06

i don't much like the idea of a gang of cms at a drop-in centre laughing at my kid crumbling up biscuits, tbh. why shouldn't a 14 month old scrunch up a biscuit, why isn't that just a fun activity?

BabyBaby123 · 09/12/2008 22:07

okay coldtits

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 22:07

from wikipedia

A spoiled child (also known as a spoilt brat in the United Kingdom) is a child that has been spoiled by his or her parents. There is no accepted scientific definition of what "spoiled" means, and professionals are often unwilling to use the label because it is considered vague and derogatory. Psychologists may describe spoiled children as "overindulged", "grandiose", "narcissistic", and even "egocentric-regressed".

In early infancy, a baby seeks food, contact, and comfort by crying. This behavior should be viewed as a distress signal indicating that some biological need is not being met. Although parents sometimes worry about spoiling their children by giving them too much attention, specialists in child development maintain that babies cannot be spoiled in the first six months of life.[5][6] During the first year, children are developing a sense of basic trust and attachment. In general, the more attention and care they receive from their parents, the better.

After six months, most babies are no longer suffering from colic and other early discomforts. At this point, they begin to learn that they can control parental behavior through crying and spoiling may become more of a concern.[7] Infants learn to interact with adults by using inducements and invitations. For example, a child may vocalize or reach out to the parents. Spoiled infants, however, continue to control parental behaviour through crying and do not learn to use inducement and invitation

OP posts:
Bubble99 · 09/12/2008 22:09

I would expect anyone looking after children professionally to have an informed opinion.

TheCrackFox · 09/12/2008 22:09

"Psychologists may describe spoiled children as "overindulged", "grandiose", "narcissistic", and even "egocentric-regressed". "

Massively unlikely that a psychologist would use this term for a baby.

Bubble99 · 09/12/2008 22:11

I agree with that, Aitch.

Poor little boy.

I'd hate to think that my child was being exposed to that.

PeaceNLove · 09/12/2008 22:12

elfonthetopshelf.

Im sorry you feel that way but its my opinion. And if i wrote it over again id be just as vocal.

What and where I choose to write is my buisness quite honestly.

Just like everyones entitled to say what they want about me, Sitting on there Computer Judging what they dont know to make a point about me feeling that a child is 'spoilt'.

Same people are making the assumptions that im a 'bad childminder/carer' making Opinons!

OP posts:
CrackopentheBaileys · 09/12/2008 22:12

agree with aitch about the biscuits

Aitch · 09/12/2008 22:13

i mean, his parents are clearly twats, there's no disputing that. but a 14 month old scrunching a biscuit for fun... normal imo.