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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Male babysitter......ok or not?

95 replies

mieowcat · 17/08/2008 17:41

We are looking to find a casual babysitter, and placed an advert locally. we had a 22 year old guy call who works at a local nursery and says he is an experienced babysitter. he said he has references and CRB checked. hes visiting tommorow.
I don't know why but is it ok for a male babysitter to sit for our 7mo baby girl. am i being silly or would anyone else worry?
i realise im being a bit sexist here.

OP posts:

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SalBySea · 19/08/2008 20:39

Imananny - I would never assume someone was a paedo just for being male

I however am suspicious of men who actively seek employment which gives them a lot of time alone with children BIG DIFFERENCE

so my I doubt my OH will come up against this attitude since he only works with chaperoned children and does not seek alone time!

lisalisa · 19/08/2008 20:55

I am with monkeytrousers on her post about the reason for men not being seen as often in childcare....great post .

frannikin · 19/08/2008 21:20

SalBySea Shall I tell my brother, aged 16 and about to start his DCE, not to bother considering a career as a Manny then because he's clearly a paedophile?

He's going into childcare because he loves working with children - and they seem to really enjoy being around him - not because he has some kind of sexual interest in them! And he's considering becoming a Manny because a) he knows how much I prefer being a nanny to working in a nursery, b) he knows they're in high demand and c) it's better paid!

Or what about all those male primary schoolteachers who work unsupervised with children like my ex-housemate? Are they all paedophiles too?

SalBySea · 19/08/2008 21:57

I was just clarifying to imananny - mine (and maybe others?) suspicion was not just because he was male like she said

It was because he is a male who wants to work alone with children. I have posted my reasons for this already and am not ashamed of my opinions on this subject as they have been proved right to me time after time (unfortunately) - I wish that the men that worked alone with children in both my home town and my HTB's home town had not turned out to have abused those in their care - but they all did! Not one single exception that I can think of. Very sad but true.And they were all someone's brother/son/husband/father!

seeker · 19/08/2008 23:02

So my friend's male nanny is a paedophile? My daughter's clarinet teacher is a paedophile? Both choose to work alone with children......

Morloth · 20/08/2008 09:02

frannikin, where does your brother live? We are possibly looking for a manny for my son and another little girl. Just for after school/holiday care. They are both 4 and extremely easy going kids so I would think a competent 16yo could handle them.

blueshoes · 20/08/2008 10:06

No. My sincere apologies to nannynick and other male carers who do their profession proud. I know it is not entirely rational.

I will consider for an older child who can communicate well - my dcs' nursery also has a lovely male carer in the 3-5 age group room. But not for a 7 month old.

blueshoes · 20/08/2008 10:17

Having said that, I am sure my dh would not allow a male babysitter. He was horrified I was actually considering male aupairs at one point.

I find that men can be a lot more suspicious than women of the motives of other men who choose to work in the childcare profession. Nannynick (and other male nannies), do you find that as well?

MrsDougRoss · 20/08/2008 10:23

I am a bit shocked at this thread. How can it be ok to wirte of a whole group of people. So if all men that work with children aresexual miscreants, what will happen if they encounter a male teacher. Is it any wonder there is a shortage of male primary school teachers if this is the reaction. Children need male role models and this will not happen if this is the attitude.

gingerninja · 20/08/2008 11:35

And male nurses and Drs that specialise in paediatric care? They're obviously perverts as well. Go figure, men liking children for erh, being children. Personally, I'm not suprised people want to work with kids. Adults are twisted.

There was a case not too many years back of a paediatric nurse being hounded from his home by a bunch of morons who got their thick as s*it knickers in a twist thinking that it meant he was a paedophile. Oh yes, a couple of the letters are the same in the spelling I can quite see how that works.

Some of these comments sound like the type of attitude that fuels these pathetic vigilante groups.

SalbytheSea, whilst I sympathise with your situation, yours is NOT typical. My point about being a DH / father / brother etc is that you and many others are automatically assuming that men are anything but genuine. Presumably you'll have suspicions about your own family memebers including your DP then?

MY DSF and DM were foster parents for many years. My DSF is a genuine men who adores children, mainly because they're uncomplicated and he doesn't have to try too hard. He's not a great conversationalist so for him, kids are great company. The sickening thing is that for all the good he's donein his life caring for children in care who have suffered horribly (caring for disabled children too) he'll just be labelled a common pervert because he enjoys the company of children. THAT is why I object to the thoughtless crap on this thread.

SalBySea · 20/08/2008 11:47

gingerninja - no! you missed the point of my post completely - I do not suspect my DP or family members. I do not suspect anyone just for being male. My DP works with children but like many other people who work with children would not dream of doing so without a chaperone. Is the ones that actively seek alone time with children that ring alarm bells IMO. Do you not see the difference?

gingerninja · 20/08/2008 12:01

As in a male nanny or a foster father you mean? No I don't see your point and as your first post said 'I am very sceptical - reason being the males who chose to work with kids in my area and the area where HTB grew up DID turn out to be paedophiles.' Someone seeking lone company of children is different to someone caring for children in a lone environment.

Many of the children who were abused that we cared for were done so by their PARENTS, mother and father.

SalBySea · 20/08/2008 12:12

gingerninja - you base your opinions on what you have seen and i base mine on what I have: that all the men we've none who chose to work ALONE with kids turned out to have a sinister reason for doing so. The Scout leader, the teacher, the priest, the drama teacher, the horse riding trainer, all have since been convicted of sex offenses

SalBySea · 20/08/2008 12:19

sorry, meant to say "known" not "none" -duh

p.s. DP and I had lucky escapes from these men whereas our friends didnt - why? because our parents were sexist or paranoid or whatever you want to call it and didnt leave us alone with them / let them drop us home from lessons/ go to their houses for extra lessons etc

gingerninja · 20/08/2008 12:23

But I'm speculating) with the exception of the horse riding trainer, none of those men were lone carers like a baby sitter, a nanny or a foster father. They have obviously abused their position to seek out the lone company of children. This is indeed dangerous but is probably possible in practically all walks of life including within a family unit, it's simply not the case that men choosing a career with children are weird or anything less than genuine.

What I'm trying to say is that perverts are perverts and they'll be so regarding of their sex or chosen career path.

gingerninja · 20/08/2008 12:27

SalbySea, maybe your parents had good instinct. I don't think trusting your instict is sexist.

FWIW I was prayed on by a male driving instructor. I do not let this in any way influence my opinions of men and I realise that this guy was just a perv because he was a perv, no other reason.

SalBySea · 20/08/2008 12:30

the drama teacher was actually a tutor - so yes kids were left alone with him

A priest has a lot of time alone with children - confession, alter boy/girl stuff etc

the scout leader? camping trips with no other adult, he was always pleased by the community because of the amount of extra time he gave to individual kids to help them get their badges, always stayed late in the scout hut with kids who's parents couldnt pick them up till later

The riding instructor did not do group lessons - he gave private lessons to the kids of the wealthy

All were predators who placed themselves in jobs where they would regularly be alone with children. And all were men. I know that women can be abusers too, but I dont believe that it is nearly as common

SalBySea · 20/08/2008 12:31

PRAISED not pleased!!
WHAT is wrong with my brian today?

branflake81 · 20/08/2008 17:35

SalbySea - I do not see the difference you make between men who want to work alone with kids and those who will be chaperoned. There IS no difference. Men choose to work with kids for the same reasons as women, ie they enjoy their compnany.

Your past experiences have been unfortunate. No one can doubt that. But to tar all men with the same brush is plain wrong. Myra Hindley was a woman. Does that, therefore, make you a murderer because you are the same gender?

frannikin · 20/08/2008 23:10

morloth He's based in Buckinghamshire near High Wycombe. Obviously doesn't drive yet being only 16 so he's pretty much limited to our town.

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