Male babysitter......ok or not?

[mieowcat]

We are looking to find a casual babysitter, and placed an advert locally. we had a 22 year old guy call who works at a local nursery and says he is an experienced babysitter. he said he has references and CRB checked. hes visiting tommorow.
I don't know why but is it ok for a male babysitter to sit for our 7mo baby girl. am i being silly or would anyone else worry?
i realise im being a bit sexist here.

This may come across as a bit of a hypocritical comment but bear with me I do have a point LOL.

I only let family babysit just because tha's who I trust the most with my DS and it's who he knows and trusts too.

But there are too many people thinking that if they leave their children with family they are somehow invincible to peadophiles, this isn't true.

Of the 3 people I know who have been sexually abused all of thm were abused by relatives who should have been looking after them one of them was abused by a female so I don't see the point in saying no just to a male then why would you take the risk with a strange female rather than a male?

This should really be "Babysitter....ok or not?"

Check out anyone you leave your children with - get references, talk to people who've used them before, maybe get them to babysit while you're there the first time (you could invent something really important you need to do uninterrupted at home). Some of the best baysitters I've ever had have been teenage boys.

Don't reject someone simply because of their gender - you may be denying your children a brilliant relationship. I think boys in particular need lots of different male role models - and a caring, babysitting-type role model is a particularly valuable one.

I maintain that paedophilia is a mental illness NOT a male pursuit. For every abuser there are hundreds that do not. I object very strongly on behalf of my brothers, father, grandfather, DH and any future sons to the attitude that you should view men suspiciously.

For all of you that have had negative experiences with men, you owe it to the next generation to understand the facts, not scare monger. Otherwise we will breed a generation of men haters and what good is that to anyone? Innocent men accused of a crime they didn?t commit probably and have their lives ruined as a result. That might be your DH, your DS. How would you feel about that? They are suspected as paedophiles just for being men. A disgusting attitude.

Gingerninja - I couldn't agree with you more. Fabulous post - thank you.

Paedophillia is a sexual pathology.

But - how can I put this - the fact remains that a majority of men do not work in the childcare industry and thios reflects a psychological preference. That is most men don't want to be allo-mothers. So the very fact that a man does, can be seen, and may well be justifiable ground for suspition. Not of all men, but the minority of men who follow such an untypical path. There are very strong instincts about this and political correctness should not be invoked above that - not when the safty of a child is involved.

But saying that, a minority of men might make great childcare workers. But it is knons that paedophiles do try to enter these professions. So a percentage of the male minority of childcare workers will be active or 'sleeping' (i.e. waitring for the right opportunity) paedophiles. But also some won;t be. They will just be guys who greatly enjoy working with kids.

It'sa tough one to call.

I wouldn;t though.

Paedophillia is absolutely not a mental illness.

It is a sexual preference which the person can indulge or resist. It is their choice what they do.

My husband, father, brother or grandfather may turn out to be mad ax murderers too. But I am not going to live my life taking precautions in case this turns out to be true.

Oh, whatever TL.

What's irresponsible?

Maybe you missed this post of mine earlier?

"his should really be "Babysitter....ok or not?"

Check out anyone you leave your children with - get references, talk to people who've used them before, maybe get them to babysit while you're there the first time (you could invent something really important you need to do uninterrupted at home). Some of the best baysitters I've ever had have been teenage boys.

Don't reject someone simply because of their gender - you may be denying your children a brilliant relationship. I think boys in particular need lots of different male role models - and a caring, babysitting-type role model is a particularly valuable one."

What is the problem monkeytrousers?
Paedophillia is not a mental illness.That is why paedophiles get sent to prison, not to a mental hospital.
Paedophiles have control over their actions and are responsible for what they do.
Totally different to someone with a severe mental illness.

It;s compliocated TL.

in what way?

yes sorry riven i am in leicestershire, thats a shame. It may be worth contacting the local uni and seeing if any 2nd or 3rd year student childrens nurse would be interested in babysitting, some have a specialist interest in special needs and perhaps may do a few hrs with you and your daughter to get to know her first and they will have the training not to majorly panic when she has a fit.

I know how scary fits are and think its worse when its a family member my husband used to fit (not had one for nearly 4yrs now) and i used to be a right state yet i had dealt with 100's of fitting children!!

A few years ago my cousin (male) told me he had a sexual experience with a teenaged (female) babysitter. Hewould have been ten or less at the time and I think it was more than once. I'm sure it wasn't a wind up and he also said that someone else he knew had had the same thing happen. I guess I'm telling this story (and I've debated whether to) because I've reflected on it periodically and wondered if actually this may be more common than anyone might imagine. Now that I'm a mum I would love to go back and grill ask him more about it to understand the circumstances, did she seem otherwise weird, etc. I'm pretty confident my aunt and uncle would say, oh she seemed like a nice girl, ec. if they knew about it. (And if they stopped to think about it - rather than, she's the girl next door, we are going out, sounds fine to babysit. Is the fact it was the 70s any excuse?!)

I have hired people to look after DD at home, all you can do is check references as thoroughly as possible and trust your instinct.But I think it's naive to assume that men are more likely to abuse or have bad judgement than a female carer.

I think, over the years, I have had more male babysitters than female. I wasn't concerned.

My 18 yr old son babysits for a family I used to childmind for.
My son gets on well with their sons. They adore my son.
Granted, he goes with his g/f, but she sort of tagd along, and my son is the main 'babysitter'.
He does it for petrol money!
If he was asked to babysit for a 7 month old baby girl, all I would say is that it may not be as easy money!
The main difference is that my son has been known to the family for 10 years, they have seen him grow up, leave school and start working, pass his driving test and get a g/f.
He's more like family.

Any stranger you invite into your home, you have to be wary about, but in my experience, go with your gut instinct every time.

Sally x

I am quite shocked by the sexism on this thread. I see nothing wrong with employing a male babysitter. You would all be up in arms if you were denied a job because of your gender.

what have i started???!!
we met the guy last night, and he seemed fab! we will be checking his references out and paln to book him very soon.
he came across as gentle and sweet natured, and babysits regularly for other nursery parents, and he said we can call them.
thank you for all of your comments, again you have all helped out a parenting dilemma!

I think one of the reasons not very many men work in childcare/schools is because it is undervalued work. For some reason raising children is not seen as being as important as moving pieces of paper around.

Another is that if a male babysitter/teacher/childcare worker as much as hugs a kid when they are hurt they run the risk of cries of paedophile - very few men will now take that risk. Which is a crying shame because we need more MEN around our kids, the only man DS really gets to interact with is his dad (who is great) but he is otherwise surrounded by women, which seems a bit sad to me. My favourite teachers growing up were all men.

I would absolutely use a male babysitter (if I knew any).

The attitudes on this thread are one of the reasons so few good men dare to take jobs working with children.

mieowcat - thanks for posting the outcome, always good to hear how things went. Glad you didn't take too much notice of some of the comments on this thread (however justified those may be) and instead interviewed the candidate on his merits, seeing for yourself what he was like with your child.

miaowcat - glad you met him, and that he is up to the standard and hope you have many night out with him looking after your child

i am also shocked at some peoples views on this thread - assume most have dh/ohs - hope they never come across peoples sexist views that they might be peds just as they are male

as branflake said - you would all be up in arms, if you were denied a job because you were female