Male babysitter......ok or not?

[mieowcat]

We are looking to find a casual babysitter, and placed an advert locally. we had a 22 year old guy call who works at a local nursery and says he is an experienced babysitter. he said he has references and CRB checked. hes visiting tommorow.
I don't know why but is it ok for a male babysitter to sit for our 7mo baby girl. am i being silly or would anyone else worry?
i realise im being a bit sexist here.

Personally I am a bit at this thread. The implication being that most males can't keep their grubby paws off young children. If you think like that, imagine what people think of your poor DH?

I think it's a crying shame that men who enjoy the company of children are instantly labeled as weird, odd or worse. Let's face it every single person has the capability of being a child abuser, only a very small minority of people actually are. Namely because they are mentally ill. Not because they are men.

riven where do you live, I would be more than happy to babysit for your dd, being a qualified paediatric nurse I am experienced in epilepsy.

My little DD doesn't take to men like she does women, and I think that she would be terrified to be left with a man. That's not just being sexist, that is just how she is. So it might depend on how she reacts to him, like if she screams if you leave the room and leave her with him, well that wouldn't be a good sign.

I think the OP's question was about a point of principle though, individual circustances weren't part of the question.

Oh come on, for your several there are several that aren't too. Rememeber that.

Long time ago, but I had a lovely one when I was about 7. He used to get down on the ground and be a horse, and let us watch whatever WE wanted to watch on tv/video. He used to talk to us and chat to us.

Girl babysitters just sent us to bed as soon as possible and then rooted around in the kitchen for food.

BUT......... I know it's a tough one. You have to be sure. And how can you be sure.

It wouldn't bother me at all if he was male, as long as my gut instinct when meeting him was a good one ( the same goes for a female babysitter ).

mieowcot, if you like him, check his references, phone the nursery he works at, etc.

Only you know when you have met him, if you'll feel comfortable with him baby sitting.

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with it, if I liked him.

Riven you say most peodophiles are under 30. Is that because it's something they grow out of? Are there more peodophiles comming of age? Are the older ones locked up? I'd be interested to know where you found that fact.

trust your instincts when you meet him - if you like him, then use him - if you dont get on then dont use him - shouldnt make a difference what sex he is

the fact he IS working in a nursery at the moment, has a crb and ex ref should go a long way imo

compared to a teenager with no crb or ref or any exp about from looking after siblings

I am also rather at some peoples assumption, that as he is male, he would automatically be a threat

females are likey to abuse children as well,not just men

I am very sceptical - reason being the males who chose to work with kids in my area and the area where HTB grew up DID turn out to be paedophiles. (luckily neither of us were victims, me because he was only interested in boys and HTB cause he got spooked and refused lifts home from drama class - unlike some of his friends unfortunately) A close friend of mine was also a victim of a male sports trainer who liked little girls. The rest of both of our extra curricular activities were run by females, and whilst I know women can do bad things too, none did (that have come out anyway) in either of our home towns.

Of course, until these men were caught they were respectable members of the community with glowing references. Even after they were caught there were always people who didnt like to believe it and gave character references etc in court and to the media.

Also worth mentioning - there's a massive difference between a CRB check and an ENHANCED Crb check - the former only checks arrests in the area where the person lives whilst enhanced checks the whole country - but as mentioned before, people have to have been CAUGHT for anything to show up

No, a standard check shows all information held about someone on the PNC and on the various lists where as an enhanced check shows any information held by the police (for example any suspicions or allegations).

As for a male babysitter, I would treat them the same as any one else. If my children got on well with them and I felt comfortable then I would go for it.

Most people who wish to abuse children (and it's very few and far between wouldn't bother going to the lengths of getting a job in a nursery - they'd just go round befriending vulnerable families and accessing children that way.

My babysitter is 19 years old and male. My boys adore him, he also babysits for other families too. Hes great with kids, he is my brothers boyfriend of 2 years.
I wouldn't turn away a babysitter just because they had a penis.

Maybe I'm being naive, but surely it would be very difficult to abuse a child in a nursery?

Maybe this guy is a peadohile, and was delighted to see the ad?

Maybe all the step dads to Mumsnetters DC's are peadophiles, and only with the mum so they can have access to the DC's?

KerryMum - where do you get that information from? which research did you consult? because in my experience of dealings with people who abuse children they are more likely to target vulnerable children and families because it's far less work than trying to become qualified enough to get a job in a nursery where they are almost never left on their own with children and there are likely to be CCTV cameras in situ.

If i was going to employ someone i didn't know then it wouldn't bother me male or female, as long as i checked them out, met them first and me, DH and the children were comfortable with them then i'd go for it.

Meet the bloke, then trust your judgement. THat's all you can do with anyone. And while documented cases of female paedophiles are even rarer than male ones, women babysitters can be careless or short-tempered or agressive or just stupid.

no

i used to think like that till i met adam who works at ds's nursery

adam is ethan's fave nursery nurse and he is really nice and funny

completely changed my opinion on male childcare and in answer to your question - dont be worried - he wouldnt be working at a nursery or crb checked if anybody suspected him

Our babysitter is an 18 year old lad - he is DH's apprentice so DH knows him very well and our children are boys. He is fab with them - plays football in the garden and even took our eldest to the cinema and MacDonald's one time If I ever have a girl I would be happy to leave her with him too. I think you need to meet him - see what he is like with your DD but I wouldn't automatically discount him just for being male

My ex-housemate is now a primary school teacher but when we were a uni doing out undergrads he covered for me when I couldn't babysit through too many bookings. He was 20 when I started passing bookings onto my housemates (always with parents consent, they both had 1st aid certs and experience with children, refs, met the families beforehand etc) and he ended up getting more repeat bookings than me or my female housemate with some families!

There's nothing wrong with male babysitters although I can see why you're worried because of the culture we live in. Experience, references and common sense are not specifically female qualities. What matters is that it feels right for you and I don't begrudge him any of the bookings I introduced him to because the family obviously felt he was right for them, just like some families preferred me or my other housemate. Of course there were some key differences: I stuck to bedtimes but he was a lot more flexible, I was quite confident dealing with a crying baby whereas he wasn't and he didn't start charging more after midnight when I did but my female housemate stuck to bedtimes, couldn't handle crying babies and didn't charge more after midnight either so I really don't think it was anything more to it than some parents (or children) simply got on better with him.

Moral of the story being I don't think the sex of your babysitter matters. See what he's like with your DD because that is far, far more important.

I'm totally puzzled at your comment that your 7 month old would be "terrified to be left with a man". At that age I'm afraid you are projecting your own fears/prejudices onto your child (I find the level of prejudice on this thread pretty awful tbh). Your baby might be wary of being left with a stranger but she will hardly be terrified at their gender. I'm sure she will eventually be though given enough time and reinforcement!

I'd get his refs, speak to one of his employers then meet him. You are not wrong to have concerns about a babysitter, but I think there are many more concerning factors than a person's gender.

I'd get the refs and invite him round for a cup of tea and see how he is with DD. He COULD of course be a paedophile, but then so could so many other people with whom your daughter could have unsupervised contact. It's very unlikely that he will be. There is a male nusery nurse at my DDs' nursery and I'd be very happy to let him look after the girls in my house. The fact that he is a bloke matters not a bit. I think you should meet this bloke and then go with your instincts. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Incidentally, I don't have a male babysitter, but have several friends who do and say that they are great!