Take nanny on holiday?

[ChampagneLassie]

My children are 2.5 & 4 months, nanny just started working with us last week for my 4 month old. 2.5 Ye old remaining in nursery. We’ve not discussed holidays and I’d assumed we wouldn’t bring her. But would it be a good thing? Worth the extra expenses? I’m looking at club med and childcare is £365 per child per week. So £730 total. Bringing nanny will cost much more than that…ballpark I reckon £3k (cost of bringing her plus that she’s working rather than on a weeks holiday. ) also she’s not going to have resources or local knowledge etc.
im wondering whether ita probably much more enjoyable for children to be in kids clubs.

A nanny can do the babysitting at night.
Baby club is very good, as is Kids Club. It depends where you go as to how French it will be. I have been to most.

Amazing, healthy food. Activities.

Why don't you leave the kids at home with the nanny and enjoy a peaceful holiday by yourselves.
Easier for you. Easier for the nanny, and cheaper for you too.
People will judge, but we often left off DCs with the GPs when we went on short hols.

I mentioned above I’ve done many proxy parenting while parents go away alone

I think there is nothing wrong with it. Adults and couples need their own time

ex bosses over the years have gone skiing - cliff climbing as well as long weekend away in the sun

but they don’t ever use childcare on a family holiday

they want to spend a week chilling with their kids

I've travelled with our nanny. I would say it works much better in a villa set up than a club med type set up. It doesn't stop you spending time with your kids and how we do it is much more relaxed than at home where parents work and nanny takes care of kids, for example, nanny watches baby nap while we take toddler to the beach, nanny sorts kids' breakfast while we play with them in the pool. Nanny has the morning off to relax and we take the kids out and then nanny stays at home to watch them in the evening while we go out to dinner. With those ages, I'd say taking your nanny is a great idea but I'd definitely consider a villa with a pool somewhere rather than club med.

When my DC were young we did this twice. We spent all day with the kids but after they went to bed we were able to go out for dinner, walks, whatever. It was importantly to us as a family. Our nanny was happy with these terms, also got time in a lovely new place and was paid rather than forced to have her holiday at the same time. One time her boyfriend came along even. Were we supposed to sit around watching telly once they were in bed while on holiday?

Thanks @BeLoftyEagle youve articulated many of the things I’ve not been able to

It’s not quite like that I don’t want to demonise my DP. We both find dealing with both hard. He’s just not had to do it for very long. Since baby was born he’s had the toddler a lot on his own - most weekend he he takes her out, he does drop off and pickups from nursery majority of weeks.
We are both funding the childcare relative to our earnings, for me that means dipping into savings for these two months I’m not working but that was my choice and I’m the one who benefits and I think that’s fair. I’ve had grumbles in the past but I think we (he and I) are in a good place and we’re finding a balance for us. Do I wish he did more? Yes. But I don’t think that’s realistic. I’ve also got concerns for his health so I want him ti spend time on himself eg exercise.

Why is that sad? We tend to spend time all together or we decide and conquer and one of us takes the toddler one the baby. As baby gets bigger we’re doing more things as a family. I find it hard to look after both on my own. The other week I had both, baby in sling, toddler getting into pram and she decided to run away from me in a crowded place she weaved through against the flow of people and I felt utter panic. I managed to get another lady to help me catch her. It was scary. So we opt to try to have a 1-1 ratio as much as possible. If I had to have them both on my own we probably just wouldn’t leave house much as it’s so tricky. Thankfully we are two parents and we can afford childcare support, I don’t think this is sad at all it means both children get much more attention

Thankyou @ByTheSea @GingerKombucha these are sorts of useful responses I was looking for

@ChampagneLassie when a thread full of people tell you what a precarious and dangerous financial situation you’re putting yourself in. Listen

Absolutely not the point of the thread. I’m very aware of my financial position. I’m happy with the way we’ve sorted our finances. I would rather we were married, and I remain hopeful, but I am where I am, I can’t force that. What I can do is try to enhance our life together so we’re happy to underpin our relationship. And give me mental strength to progress professionally.

Why have 2 children before you get married, if you want to get married?

He probably promised and has kept moving the milestones

I would rather we were married, and I remain hopeful, but I am where I am, I can’t force that

Well you can't now.

Don't use your savings to facilitate your partner's inadequacy as a parent; he won't change.

You should speak to a lawyer about how to best protect yourself and ensure what they advise is actioned. If your DP won't put in place arrangements to protect you consider what that means.

I really hope if your partner wants to insist on the nanny coming on holiday with you so he doesn’t have to do any parenting that he is fully paying for it. It’s not fair on you OP

I would rather we were married, and I remain hopeful, but I am where I am, I can’t force that. What I can do is try to enhance our life together so we’re happy to underpin our relationship.

this is one of the saddest things I’ve read on here recently. You are in control of your life. You’re not a passenger. Please look after yourself

So you think the vast majority of women who care for all their children (often more than two, gasp) at the same time are not rounded? Well aren’t you a lovely down to earth individual.

no I don’t, that’s some crazy extrapolation. This helps me to be rounded. In same way as I take a specific supplement and do stretching. I don’t assume everyone does those things, I do them for myself. What other people need or are capable of is on them. As is apparent from responses many people seem to think that we sound very poor incapable parents. They may be right. In trying my best and can only do what I can do and I’m setting myself up as best I can to succeed.

All of that is well and good but I am pointing out just how tone deaf your posts are. You might be better getting advice from those around you who are in a similar financial position because most people on here cannot relate.

@ChampagneLassie

Do you get time to exercise? You matter too, not just him!

I agree with this Op @ChampagneLassie

so you were good enough for him to have kids with but not good enough for him to marry?!

heighten your expectations, you deserve better!!

Oh I see @JanuaryJaguar you’re taking view that because what I’m discussing requires more financial resources than many people I shouldn’t discuss it in mumsnet because it isn’t relevant to everyone. I must have missed that rule. I think one of the amazing things about mumsnet is the width of the demographic. There are plenty of people on here in much better financial situations than me. if something isn’t relevant to you, you can just pass it by.

@LuckySantangelo35 @Summershame i appreciate the thought…I was 38, in love and wanted a baby…if I’d made marriage an ultimatum we’d have broken up and that would have seen me potentially not having any children. Had I been 28 I would have been pickier. That he doesn’t want to marry me is a sore point. But I love him and our little family so I’m not about to break things up because we’re not married. I think he’ll get there eventually.

So you feel the thread has gone well and you have received the advice you were asking for?

You need to pan your life and finances as if he won't marry you as he has no reason to.

Write a will.
Get life insurance.
Build a life away from him.
Save.
Save.
Save.