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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

So ive calmed down now tell me what you would do..............

153 replies

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 13:41

I have a Nanny/ housekeeper..there are a number of previous threads on this.

She works 7 to 11 and 3 to 7 in term time and 8 to 7 in the holidays. She also covers when children are ill.

She is paid Full time wages ( 295 net.........we are very rural area ), lives in ( sep annexe with all ameneities ) and has our 3rd car full time for no cost.

Both children are at school ( 8 and 7 ).

One of her jobs is to empty the dishwasher in the morning before she does the school run whilst children are having breakfast.I put it on late a night and any cups from bedtime and my early morning pot of tea are left on the top for it to be reloaded afterwards.

Last night I came home at 8.30pm after yet another mammoth day in the office to the following note in the house diary.

' Re the dishwasher. I am happy to deal with this in the morning but sometimes I feel more like your maid than Nanny. I am trying to teach the children to tidy up after themselves but find it difficult when you and DH do not. If you have drinks please rinse out the cups and empty the teapot. I was bought in a household where it was considered common courtesy and good mannersto tidy up after onself '

That was it.

Your comments ladies please........!!

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Tinker · 16/04/2008 13:43

Why can't she empty the dishwasher after kids have gone to school?

EffiePerine · 16/04/2008 13:44

Why can't you rinse your cups out? She's not asking you to load the thing

EffiePerine · 16/04/2008 13:45

also you have had mammoth day in the office - she has had mammoth day with 2 children (I know which I would prefer)

why not have a nice chat with her about it rather than getting cross?

Tinker · 16/04/2008 13:46

Well, yes, asking you to rinse ain't such a huge thing.

CarGirl · 16/04/2008 13:47

ROFL

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to rinse the stuff out as that would set the dc a good example.

I do think she's been rude about how she's asked you do it though!

Tinker · 16/04/2008 13:48

It's, presumably, been pissing her off for a loooong time

chelseamummy · 16/04/2008 13:49

Hm...you say she's a nanny/housekeeper? Why should she mind? Is she contracted as nanny/housekeeper? If so, she was a bit rude as the dishwasher should be in her duties...

And yes, rinsing cups out is a must...I know our hot chocolate stains drive my nanny mad, and I must say I would agree!

TheFallenMadonna · 16/04/2008 13:49

I think she sounds like an old fashioned Nanny (with a capital N). As strict with the parants as she is with the children .

JeremyVile · 16/04/2008 13:50

You refer to her as Nanny/Housekeeper, she refers to herself as Nanny.

What is her actual job title? what did you advertise for? seems thre is some miscommunication somewhere.

cornflakegirl · 16/04/2008 13:51

She's rude. She's turned a little thing that annoyed her into a big thing.

But if you're otherwise happy with her, don't make it any bigger!

Lazycow · 16/04/2008 13:53

Well I personally wouldn't dream of rinsing out cups before putting them in the dishwasher - I'd just throw out the dregs into the sink and load them so I'd be surprised if I found a note like this.

If you throw away anything in the cups all she needs to do is load them.

tbh it sounds to me like she isn't happy generally as adding a few cups and a coffee pot to an already loaded dishwasher is a bit weird to get upset about.

I also would be a bit p**d off to get a note like that but then I know how these things get out of hand. I'd speak to her and try and reach a compromise.

Eg she doesn't need to rinse the stuff you leave - just load them and maybe you could throw out the coffee grinds and rinse the pot (which probably does need rinsing before loading).

I would also very clearly explain to her that I really don't like being left notes like that and would prefer her top talk to me directly about things if she is unhappy.

I always think notes like that are a bit passive agressive - but that is just me I suppose!!

MummyDoIt · 16/04/2008 13:56

Do people really rinse stuff before putting it in the dishwasher? Isn't that the dishwasher's job? It doesn't sound like she's objecting to unloading the dishwasher. Does she mind putting your stuff in it or is it specifically a 'rinse' issue? It does sound like a very trivial thing to get worked up about. Are there maybe other household chores she's not happy about and this is just an example she's picked? The tone of her note does sound a bit extreme for a couple of cups and a teapot!

batters · 16/04/2008 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tommy · 16/04/2008 14:01

if I employed a Nanny/housekeeper (ha ha - chance would be a fine thing) I would expect that dishwasher duties and even rinsing cups and teapots (if you must -I don't) would come under the housekeeping part.

sparkybabe · 16/04/2008 14:07

I am on a water meter and I dont rinse anything - why wash it twice? But then I do drink green tea, with leaves that sit in the bottom of the cup. I do chuck these away first.

And I hate hate hate unloading the d/w. DH does it in the morning.

Bink · 16/04/2008 14:08

Tricky!!
On the surface of it, all you need to do is sit down with her and explain it's just a logistical issue - for the dishwasher to be finished by morning, it means things used at night/early morning - ie, while it's whirring away - have to wait for the next load. So all you are doing is queuing up some stuff to go in the next load with the breakfast things - and that you thought this was agreed and accepted.

But I don't think you'd have got a note unless there was more here. Is it really honestly just four mugs and a teapot? Or are there other things sometimes?

PS - if our dishwasher's run overnight, I always do my best to unload it myself in the morning to leave her a clear kitchen (sometimes am still frantically doing so when nanny arrives, so that she says "Don't be silly, I'll do that" which makes both of us feel cosy). I always scrupulously get last night's washing up done.

sparkybabe · 16/04/2008 14:12

How about asking her to run the D/w first thing in the morning? After breakfast, say. Then your latenight things can also go in, and there shouldnt be anything more until lunch.

susie100 · 16/04/2008 14:13

If she is a housekeeper as well I can't see where the problem is and to be honest there must be something deeper going on for her to write a note like that - rude and patronising 'I grew in a house that....' etc

Sounds as though there are other things bothering her - childrens behaviour, her broader duties etc?

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 14:14

Thanks guys.....interesting answers.

Her contract says N/HK. It includes dishwasher and keeping Kitchen tidy.

I never rinse cups out so dont expect her to.

She doesnt have a mammoth day with 2 children as she only has them for 1.5 hrs in the mornings and 3.5 hrs after school which is why she is expected to do some chores as well in return for good full time pay. This was agreed at the beginning.

She isnt generally a happy person I feel for reasons which I dont need to go into here.

She is not a hardworker and will often do what she feels like even if I ask otherwise. Told me she has been in the business too long to be bossed about. To that end I have generally given her a free rein.........an unlimited buddget which she uses to the nth degree and as employers we treat her very generously...pay her early.....interest free loans when she got stuck....let her finishe early etc.

I just think the message is damn right rude. Its an attack on my DH and I and I feel saddened that she has so little respect.

OP posts:

sparkybabe · 16/04/2008 14:16

How old is she? She sounds like a Victorian Nanny! Do the dc like her?

Bink · 16/04/2008 14:19

Yep, it sounds as if she feels she is being exploited (whether or not she actually is!)

I think - assuming that if the talk doesn't go well, you would be OK with parting ways - it might be time for a general talk with her, on the basis of "now that you've been here for xxx time, what things might you like to change about this job?" As you might find there is quite a lot of stuff seething - which (in my experience) it's better to know about sooner than later.

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 14:19

38...yes they do which I why I felt we had bent over backwards to look after her.

Quite often in the morning she spends a good half an hour gabbing to my cleaner or builder ( when they are in ) with a coffee in hand. All nice and relaxed.

We are just not horrible people to work for .....honest !

OP posts:

Original poster

mummypoppins · 16/04/2008 14:22

She may have to go soon anyway as I think DH is just about to lose his job.........certainly cant afford £2k a month for before and after school care with only one wage coming in !

Which will be sad for her as I genuinely think she wont find such a cushy job anywhere else and she is studying part time for a degree and needs the extra time in the day and also not to be so exhausted when she gets home in the evening she cant study which is what she would be if she had to look after preschoolers all day!

OP posts:

MummyDoIt · 16/04/2008 14:24

If her contract says housekeeper and dishwasher is one of her specific duties, then the note is damned rude. I am now quite annoyed with her on your behalf! You aren't leaving cups lying about the house, setting an 'untidy' example and making more work for her. You are leaving them on the dishwasher ready to be loaded. Her comments are therefore completely unreasonable. I think you need to have a chat with her about your expectations and stop cutting her so much slack.

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 14:27

She hasn't had a mammoth day with 2 children, she only works 8 hours a day and the children are hardly 1 and three. She has plenty of time to do what she has been asked to do. She's acting like a housemate rather than an employee!

She gets nearly £300 a week for not very much work in term time, she can sort the damn dishwasher out if she is a nanny/housekeeper. It's a lot of money!

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