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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Would you have an objection to a lesbian aupair?

291 replies

mishmash · 05/04/2008 14:07

Just curious

OP posts:
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imananny · 08/04/2008 10:44

i dont think the thread should be deleted, it was a simple question asked by mishmash.

And most of us on here are mature woman and we should be able todiscuss and have views on topics without having a huge blow up

No one has said they wouldnt employ a gay nanny,(guess my friends interviewer isnt on here ) and as simplyme said, what famillies allow in their own house, is up to them

my mum when i lived at home years ago,wouldnt let me sleep in same room/bed as my boyfriend - doesnt mean she is a racist/sexist etc, she just had her morals (and sex before marriage was def one of them)

Simplyme · 08/04/2008 10:51

Thanks science teacher! For what it's worth I agree with you and well done for sticking up for your values.

JodieG1 · 08/04/2008 10:53

I think some people do have problems with people being gay even when they say they don't.

As has been said if you substitute black/disabled etc for gay then there would be outrage.

Why would someone want a gay person not in their home? It's the same as saying I wouldn't like a black person in my home or a disabled person etc. It's just not on and shows how deeply ingrained homophobia still is in a lot of society.

madamez · 08/04/2008 11:11

Actually, much as I despise bigots, I do think that when it comes to having people live in your house with you for any length of time, it's not that unreasonable to want someone who will fit in with your funny little quirks, whatever they are.
Not that Ihave au pairs (no room or space for one and don't fancy the idea anyway) but I wouldn't employ one who made a big deal out of his/her religious views because I wouldn't want anyone in the house forcefeeding my DS homophobia, misogyny or superstition. Same as I wouldn't want to employ anyone to live in my house who expressed racist views.

imananny · 08/04/2008 11:18

how would you know if a nanny was very religious/didnt have sex before marriage,unless you asked her if she was sexually active?

which i assume none of you do ask at interviews?

agree better to have someone who has the same kinda views as you IF living in,but how do you know what your nanny/au pair may do in the evenings/in a car/club etc?

madamez · 08/04/2008 14:19

Imananny: what I meatn was if someone applying for the job informed me(without my asking) of strong religious beliefs and started evangelising at me, I wouldn't give them the job. ANd I would probably get rid of someone who I found was peddling scary religious crap to my DS. Whether or not an employee has sex (subject to rules about not doing it while the DC are watching, etc) is not my business.

imananny · 08/04/2008 14:36

im with you - sorry thought you meant you wouldnt employ someone who was religious,but iswum - yes prob would be a little strange if they started to go into one about religion at an interview

ScienceTeacher · 08/04/2008 14:37

Why is religion your business and sex not?

TheFallenMadonna · 08/04/2008 14:39

Overt religion ST, same as overt sex.

Issy · 08/04/2008 14:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

mananny · 08/04/2008 16:33

Whenever I've lived in I've had house rules, and adhered to them. Especially regarding no unknown overnight guests, no endangering the household whilst shitfaced etc. It might be "my home" as I live in, but it's my employers property and their rules have to be respected and obeyed (as long as they aren't too ridiculous, ie in bedroom by 9pm on a weekend).

As far as sexuality goes... I think personally it's none of anybody else's business who floats my boat. As long as I do my job well, and respect my employers, I demand the same respect and trust from them in return that I am mature enough to live my own life as I see fit. If they feel I am "good enough" to help in the raising of their family, then they will accept my life choices/preferences. If, however, they base their offer of employment on certain criteria BEFORE offering the job, then that is their own prerogative. So if they don't want a gay childcare provider and state that in their requirements, I believe that's up to them. They may well get flamed for it. But I would rather know the values/opinions of future employers before the fact as opposed to after it. Just as if the employers themselves were gay, I would rather know beforehand but it would never occur to me to base a decision on that fact alone. I would happily work for a gay couple/single parent as I think it swings both ways: mutual respect for one's own life choices.

I know sexuality has no bearing on someone's ability to do any job, but the truth is people will always have opinions and preferences. If someone would prefer not to have a gay au pair, then let them get on with it. There's no point in getting all het up about it, that's not productive and in the grand scheme of things it's not going to change anyone's mind just because a forum gets up in arms about it. As long as people express their preferences with tact and sensitivity, then who are we to judge? Live and let live.

madamez · 08/04/2008 17:27

ST: a person (or potential employee's) beliefs are none of my business, his/her behaviour is. And if a person's religious or political beliefs meant that they would peddle propaganda to my DS I would not want to employ them. DOesn't mean I'd object to an employee wanting to go to a place of worship in his/her time off (though I would refuse to let my DC attend unless they were old enough to choose for themselves) any more than I would object to an employee wanting to go to a fetish or swingers' club in his/her time off.

Simplyme · 08/04/2008 17:51

Why do people assume that religious people would 'peddle propaganda' to their children? That is as backward and prejudiced thinking as stating that a lesbian nanny will try and get their children to become gay or so on....

At the end of the day when you have a childcarer then they should look after and raise your children according to your desires! Wether they are black/white religious/atheist gay/straight doesn't matter as long as your children are well looked after according to your preferences!

TheFallenMadonna · 08/04/2008 17:54

Was anybody assuming the peddling of religious propaganda? Just another house rule surely?

Simplyme · 08/04/2008 17:56

Imananny: what I meatn was if someone applying for the job informed me(without my asking) of strong religious beliefs and started evangelising at me, I wouldn't give them the job. ANd I would probably get rid of someone who I found was peddling scary religious crap to my DS. Whether or not an employee has sex (subject to rules about not doing it while the DC are watching, etc) is not my business.

Issy · 08/04/2008 18:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

imananny · 08/04/2008 18:09

i know what you meant simplyme - and I agree with you - but same should apply if anyone had strong beliefs about anything and started ranting about them in an interview

warning bells would ring, same as if an employer to be was ranting about their beliefs - whether sexual or religious

anyone should be able to believe in what they like in their own house, but as simplyme said At the end of the day when you have a childcarer then they should look after and raise your children according to your desires! Wether they are black/white religious/atheist gay/straight doesn't matter as long as your children are well looked after according to your preferences!

Its no point hiring someone who has different values/morals/beliefs then yourself - but does it then make that person a bigist?

Whooosh · 08/04/2008 18:19

Just out of interest,I wonder how many nannies would prefer not to work for a gay couple?

imananny · 08/04/2008 18:22

whoosh - wouldnt bother me in the slightest - whether 2 woman or 2 men - i know a nanny who works for 2 woman - ahe obviously doesnt have a problem with it either

theUrbanNixie · 08/04/2008 18:37

no input on the au pair issue - i don't have an au pair and i'm unlikely to ever have an au pair but Christians are requires as part of their religion to spread the gospel, so i don't think Madamez's point was invalid.

mananny · 08/04/2008 18:38

I have a nanny friend who wouldn't work for a gay couple, as it goes against her own personal religious beliefs. She's a lovely person and a great nanny. She just would prefer not to work in an environment that counters her religion. Her choice and she shouldn't be condemned for it.

theUrbanNixie · 08/04/2008 18:38

reqired not requires, sorry!

RahRahRachel · 08/04/2008 18:40

Actually mananny, I think choosing not to work for someone because of their sexuality is just as bad as choosing not to employ someone because of their sexuality. It's still homophobic.

Simplyme · 08/04/2008 18:47

Why do you have to be homophobic to not work for someone who is gay? The problem with everyone today is they always feel the need to categorize and label people!

If you are uncomfortable working for a gay couple then you should not be condemmed for it!

imananny · 08/04/2008 18:50

agree with rahrah it is homaphobic, but I can understand what mananny is saying - my 2 religious friends would prob be the same, as their faith says that loving the same sex is wrong

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