Would you have an objection to a lesbian aupair?

[mishmash]

Just curious

While it's perfectly reasonable to agree ground rules about visitors with au pairs - ie no overnight guests who haven't previously been introduced to the host family ( it is the host family's home and not unreasonable for the host family not to want strangers in the home): au pairs are adults and entitled to have as much sex as they want when off duty. If they want to go and have a gangbang in a swingers' club while off duty then that's their business.

no

Being a good liberal. I agree with you Madamez of course. I just don't want them having a gangbang in my house.

Quattro: well, quite. That's why I said 'in a swingers' club'.

exactly madamez

i don't think seeing 18/19 year olds as being wrong for having sex is having values. that is saying that any person of that age having sex is immoral and it's simply not. also just because they are 18/19 it does not mean any relationship would be different to that of a marriage. i have a few friends who are married/engaged at this age and many more who are planning to get married in a few years and have a very much husband/wife like relationship. however i do not think waiting for marriage etc is wrong either. scienceteacher - do you believe in sex before marriage? if not then i suppose i can understand your thinking, because if you are teaching your children sex before marriage is wrong then i can see why you wouldn't want it going on under your roof but the way you put it was that it was the age that was the problem - rather than the not being married. 18 year olds are sometimes married - do you think they should not be having sex either?

I'm not really surprised that this questions comes up to be honest. I think most people outwardly seem liberal in their thinking but still secretly harbour the views of the last generation - that homosexuality is a sin, unnatural, disgusting, a lifestyle choice etc. Which is precisely why I keep my sexuality to myself.

I think, like Dottydot says, many lesbians do just have 'normal' lives, it's the high profile gay pride folks that perhaps colour people's views of what a lesbian/gay man is like.

Well, I wouldnt give a hoot whether my au pair was attracted to and had sex with men, women, or a tenlegged spider, as long as it doesnt happen under my roof. None of my business.

Shall we rephrase the question QS - would you mind if your au pair is into bestiality?

That is quite different from being a lesbian. There are no similarities whatsoever.

i think it could get very complicated.
on principle, no i have no objections, as long as she was qualified to do whatever her other duties were, cleaning childcare etc, i would not allow an aupair to have male guests stay overnight. (my house, my rules.) with a lesbian, i wouldnt want her to have her girlfriends staying overnight, but, how do you tell a girlfriend from a friend who is a girl? hence the complications.

however, this is all theoretical as i would never have an aupair for a gazillion other reasons.

im sure your reply was a joke anna888 answer for me would have to be a firm no

Pukka, it's OK to say to an au pair that you do not want overnight guests in the house that you have not met, but if you are prepared to allow friends to stay, WTF has it got to do with you whether or not the au pair is having sex with her guests? What difference does it make? Even if she's a screamer, is that so much more of a problem than the noise or disturbance a non-sexually-involved vistor might make (snoring, farting, using up the hot water, drunken laughter etc)?

lol at 'if she's a screamer'

Madamez, I agree on principle, however, I dont want my children to ask me "what are those noises?"

do your children never hear noises then?

glitterfairy, are your initials EH?

sorry, just used to know a music fan who used that name on a certain rhmb.

clarabelle here.

OMG in a million years I never meant to cause offense - pls, pls read my third post ( I think) I think it is quite sweet.

Unfortunately on this board u can't amend a thread title without contacting HQ and I tried that but it kept giving me an error.

So to whoever it was who pertained that I hid because I didn't respond - well I didn't respond cos I wasn't on line and to everyone else if my ex ap is (not sure what word is appropriate after my ribbing) then fine by me - never knew and I would never have a problem again.

I suppose that most think that everyone is hetro and (this will sound wrong) forget (but don't think) of gay relationships.

Which I have no problem with.

I am sorry I phrased this thread in an inappropriate manner - it was not the intention

Oh actually I don't think EH would ever have employed au pairs. sorry.

...anyway to throw in my tuppence,

I don't live in, but perhaps it's because of my age, and the fact I make an effort to be very fair handed, that I don't let things like my sexuality, or some of my "hobbies" intrude into a childcare arrangement.

I can see it would be more difficult to hide the fact that I sometimes enjoy going out, getting completely shitfaced (pardon my french) and staggering home at 6am if I lived with a family. At the moment I never, ever, ever mention those kind of antics to the children or their parents. I don't think it's a particularly constructive use of my time but I make an informed decision based on how much I enjoy it vs how bad it is for my health/bank balance/self esteem. Sad to say getting wankered often wins! But it's not something I'd want to encourage children to do. Neither would I want them to think promiscuity was "just something adults do" - I sometimes feel uncomfortable mentioning my boyfriend, as they've asked a couple of times, "So.... you and he share a flat, right? But you're not married...." and I reply with, "Yes, we love each other lots though."
I feel certain aspects of innocence are about believing adults are always sensible.... let them feel safe with us for a few years, at least, before they see us making horrible self defeating mistakes.

At 18 I was living with a married man who left his wife for me, and had been for a year, we stayed together for years. None of THAT comes up in interviews. The fact I joined the mile high club with a woman doesn't, either. I picked up my current boyfriend on the internet for crying out loud! BUT........
I can be discreet about these things and perhaps the OP had a certain stereotype or set of presumptions about lesbians. Quite what they are I can't quite understand.

Whoever had the friend who got grief for mentioning her girlfriend in the interview, I'm not surprised but yes, it does really sadden me to know that there are people out there who think that she is somehow suspect - when none of my sordid past comes back to haunt me because I am able to present the illusion of being a good straight girl in all senses of the word! Life is so unfair. It really sucks. Bloody hell.

Sorry mishmash I'm still at a loss to work out where you're coming from - if you think it's "quite sweet" that these two girls appear to be in a relationship, and one that they have been SO discreet about that no one realised for years, what could POSSIBLY be objectionable?

Besides the fact that they are attracted to members of the same sex?

You seem almost surprised to think that they have a close, affectionate, lasting relationship?

nifty - i said sorry for my simple. "thoughtless" comment

It was an innocent comment - worded incorectly.

Simple as that

I didn't realise

I have apologised - offerd for thread to be deleted almost immediately but got an error

Will try again tomorrow

Was my friend who got grief

shes a bloody good nanny and I cant see how loving a woman can make her suspect, but in this day and age unfort it does, with some peoples attitudes

the fact she is quiet, doesnt go out much and is 100% reliable with impecable references, obviously didnt make any difference.

She has a fantastic job now and is very happy - she had a civil ceronmey last year (and her mb/db and children came) and couldnt be happier.

Gosh this post has intrigued or should I say annoyed me enough to register so I can comment!

Firstly I am a nanny. I'm live-in. I have what could be classed as strong religious values and am not sexually active!

I am I feel a great nanny. I have worked and lived amicably with many families who usually have different opinions and views to that of my own! This has not been a problem as the families and I have respected each others views and opinions. Mostly I try to follow the families views with regards to their childrens influence. Obviously I would not activiely promote something I disagreed with as that would be hypocritical but I do try to bring them up as their parents do! My turn for instilling my beliefs and values will come with my own children later.

This whole topic here has irritated me for 2 reasons! Firstly I don't understand why some of you are getting mad about this? Why not discuss it? From what I have read no one has said they are against a lesbian au-pair, It is just up for discussion. IMO why can't parents decide who they have in their house and what they do in it? I agree that you shouldn't say what someones sexual preference should be but you can say wether they do it in your home gay or not!

The other thing that irritates me is the hypocritical side of some of the comments here! People are not happy at others saying they don't want a sexually active au-pair but it seems to be ok for Anna8888 to discriminate against those with morals who aren't sexually active?! IMO if you have live-in help then either find one with ideals and standards close to your own or be tolerant of differences of opinions!

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