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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny has offered free childcare

133 replies

Teacakeorcrumpet · 25/05/2023 08:32

I found out yesterday our nanny has organised for eldest DC's new friend to come to our house for 2 full days next week. We employ our nanny 45hrs a week to care for DC aged 8, 5 and 2. As far as I can tell the nanny has invited this friend directly speaking to the child's parent without consulting me and apparently they will be arriving at 8.30am on Monday morning for the full day and the same on Tuesday.

Parents of the child have not contacted me at all about this. I'm not comfortable at all. The child is in the same school class as my eldest but has never been to our house before and I've only spoken to the parents once or twice.

I feel like I'm being used as free childcare for 2 days and the parents haven't even had the decency to check with me that this is OK or offer to share costs.

The nanny is planning to take them on a day trip on Monday so I'll have the extra cost of petrol, lunch out and giving this child dinner when they get back. On Tuesday they're going to an adventure park for the day and again I feel like I'm expected to cover all costs without being asked. Feels like total CF behaviour.

Not even sure why I'm posting other than to vent and see if anyone else's nanny ever puts them in such an awkward position! This is the latest in a string of small annoyances and I'm thinking its time for the nanny to move elsewhere. Youngest DC will be at nursery in Sept anyway so we will only need after school care then. Would I be unreasonable to give her notice that we don't need her for Sept onwards?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DustyLee123 · 25/05/2023 08:34

Is this other family paying her for child care ?
And no, I wouldn’t be letting it happen. She’s there to give your kids 100% attention.

WimpoleHat · 25/05/2023 08:40

How did you find out? Did the nanny tell you (in which case presumably you could’ve raised your concerns with her), or did you hear it on the grapevine? Sounds to me like the nanny was just trying to be helpful and didn’t think things through (eg who would pay for what). I can see why that’s very annoying for you, though - especially if you’re being expected to cough up for theme park entry! It does sound worthy of a conversation with her at least.

Rainallnight · 25/05/2023 08:41

I bet they’re paying her

Hippyhippybake · 25/05/2023 08:43

Totally inappropriate. Obviously nannies should be free to arrange play dates (with reciprocity) but this is ridiculous.

SomeNights · 25/05/2023 08:43

The extra child won't cost any more in petrol unless they're driving their own car?

I'd want to be asked about this but it seems you're also making assumptions (eg about who pays for the theme park) so I'd have a proper conversation about it and why it's happened before jumping to giving notice.

Yummymummy2020 · 25/05/2023 08:43

I certainly wouldn’t be paying for the other families expenses, I wouldn’t mind a play date but that is all a bit much. Are you sure the nanny isn’t being paid though and just saying it’s free??? I used to nanny and was offered pay to mind another child for a few hours! So it does happen for sure!!!

IfYouDontAsk · 25/05/2023 08:44

Oh that’s not on, I’d say that these arrangements need to be cancelled.

Re giving her notice- will you be able to cover the school holidays before then if she decides to leave and not work her full notice period? Sounds like things might not end particularly amicably so I’d want to be prepared for worst case scenario.

NashvilleQueen · 25/05/2023 08:44

How long has she worked for you? A play date - even for a good chunk of the day - is one thing but two full days is definitely the other parents getting free childcare.

You probably need to know more. Did she offer (in which case it's a nanny issue)? Did they suggest (in which case she might have been put in a difficult position by them and the children)?

Just cancel it. You pay her to look after your children and if she's arranged anything you're not comfortable with you have the right to say no. What you shouldn't do it just put up with it this time because it will happen every school holiday.

NashvilleQueen · 25/05/2023 08:47

Sorry you AIBU was about giving notice. It's harder to cope with wrap around care at school but it sounds like your relationship is probably at an end so if tell her she finished after the summer hols

WimpoleHat · 25/05/2023 08:48

I didn’t think about the other family paying her…..! The theme park thing is a decent get out, actually - as I’m not sure I’d be happy with only one adult and four kids in that scenario. Odd number makes it difficult on rides, for example - and many require an adult to go on too. I think you could quite easily get away with a “not comfortable to take on that sort of responsibility” approach. As others have said, it’s a different kettle of fish from a play date one afternoon.

Whinge · 25/05/2023 08:50

the parents haven't even had the decency to check with me that this is OK or offer to share costs.

Do the other parents actually know that you were unaware about the arrangement? If the nanny has invited the child (as per your OP) then they may have assumed you knew, and the nanny could have discussed additional costs etc with them. They may have already given her money for their child to attend the days out, or she may have told them not to worry.

MsFogi · 25/05/2023 08:52

Whilst she may not be being paid 'officially' I suspect your nanny will be expecting a nice gift/a token about to 'happen' to be given her to her after the couple of days. I would not be happy about this at all - play dates for a few hours yes but her unilaterally organising to take another child for two full days and for you to foot the bill for costs associate with this is ridiculous.

Ithappenedaswell · 25/05/2023 08:54

You don’t have to give extra money just give for your own dc for the days out !

WimpoleHat · 25/05/2023 08:54

The other thing I’d add is that, as a parent, I’ve noticed that different nannies have different relationships/arrangements with the families they work for. My children have sometimes been directly invited by the nanny, other times it’s by the mother who’ll then say “my nanny will be looking after them”. So the parents may not have thought it necessary to speak to you directly if they thought your nanny had the autonomy to do that. (Mind you - I hate to say it - but I bet the pp upthread is right that they’ve offered her cash in hand and nobody has thought through the fact that everyone is essentially ripping you off royally in the process…..)

SlipSlidinAway · 25/05/2023 08:54

Are you certain you will be expected to cover additional costs?

It's one thing for the other parents to feel it's okay for your nanny to look after one extra child for no cost for a couple of days (it's not) but ludicrous for them to not expect to have to cover the cost of outings.

But I also would be unhappy with one adult taking 4 young children out and about.

EggInANest · 25/05/2023 08:54

There is no way I would be happy for my Nanny to have responsibility for 5 kids on a trip out / adventure park, especially when the youngest is only 2!

Just tell your Nanny that you do not agree to her looking after other kids or doing childcare for others while she has responsibility for your children.

standardduck · 25/05/2023 08:57

YANBU. How did you find out? I would not be okay with this, especially as she will have to look after 5 kids in an adventure park.

standardduck · 25/05/2023 08:59

Sorry typo, 4 kids. Still would be a no from me.

Just tell her you are not comfortable with that and to cancel. I doubt the other family is not paying her extra tbh.

EggInANest · 25/05/2023 09:02

Oh, sorry, I think that takes the total to 4 kids.

But I still wouldn’t be happy. Especially not with a 2 year old in the mix.

Is she an experienced Nanny? As in has taken on other long term jobs before? Surely she knows this is not ok without asking you?

For me, it’s not the money, it’s the spreading more thinly the responsibility she can take for each child. And the principle of you paying for childcare for two days for friend’s parents!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/05/2023 09:02

Why are you assuming you will be paying additional costs? Surely the fuel is the same regardless, and for all you know Nanny is receiving the child's entry fee from the other parent.

And why would you have to feed the child?

Busybutbored · 25/05/2023 09:03

standardduck · 25/05/2023 08:57

YANBU. How did you find out? I would not be okay with this, especially as she will have to look after 5 kids in an adventure park.

This would be my concern!!

SomeNights · 25/05/2023 09:08

The extra child might actually make an adventure park easier, logistically. I'd be more comfortable with two eight year olds on rides together without me than one eight year old alone, and otherwise eight year old can only go on rides suitable for the youngest which is a bit rubbish for them.

Fiddlerdragon · 25/05/2023 09:09

Wtf? I think you need to point out to your nanny that she’s literally at work. You’re paying her to look after your children, not someone else’s! She doesn’t get to invite her mates kids round

BrokenLink · 25/05/2023 09:09

If the invited child is a friend of your DC, surely they have been invited so your DC can socialise and have more fun? I would personally encourage this because children need to develop friendships, and sharing days out would be the perfect way to do this.

Additionally, the other child's family may reciprocate by inviting your child.

Have you asked your DC what they think of the arrangement? Maybe the children thought it up between them and your nanny facilitated it for them.

I am surprised by how many people think this is unreasonable.

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 25/05/2023 09:10

Tell your nanny and be upfront.

I've heard that you have apparently made arrangements for X to come here so that you can look after him. I am not happy about this and you need to cancel these plans, as our agreement is that during your working hours with me you are only looking after my children. If you want to look after other people's children during your working hours with me, then you need to OK it with me first - but unless there is a really good reason for you asking, I will most likely say no.

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