Page 2 | Nanny has offered free childcare

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

FlickFlackTrap · 25/05/2023 09:13

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 25/05/2023 09:10

Tell your nanny and be upfront.

I've heard that you have apparently made arrangements for X to come here so that you can look after him. I am not happy about this and you need to cancel these plans, as our agreement is that during your working hours with me you are only looking after my children. If you want to look after other people's children during your working hours with me, then you need to OK it with me first - but unless there is a really good reason for you asking, I will most likely say no.

This.

If she is looking after another child then you can renegotiate costs. Is there insurance for this and them being in your house if there’s an accident?

You need to tell her it can’t happen and her response will tell you what you should do come September.

FlounderingFruitcake · 25/05/2023 09:17

I would have a word with the nanny about making plans without consulting you first because she massively overstepped. However, additional 8 year old might actually make the adventure park easier as your eldest will be entertained and they can probably go on rides together without an adult leaving the nanny to focus on the younger 2. Just don’t be shy about asking the parents to transfer you the cost of the ticket and to provide a packed lunch and/or spending money. I don’t see how Monday can possibly cost you extra petrol and is an extra child portion of dinner really significant, especially given you’d hope the other family will reciprocate at some point. Again, it’ll be fun company for the older one so the nanny will have more attention for the youngest. I’d let it go this time but would definitely speak to the nanny. Don’t give her notice though, you risk getting screwed over the summer holidays if she leaves early for another job.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/05/2023 09:21

EggInANest · 25/05/2023 08:54

There is no way I would be happy for my Nanny to have responsibility for 5 kids on a trip out / adventure park, especially when the youngest is only 2!

Just tell your Nanny that you do not agree to her looking after other kids or doing childcare for others while she has responsibility for your children.

4 kids.

Original poster

Teacakeorcrumpet · 25/05/2023 10:38

I found out because the nanny told me that she'd invited 8yo DC's friend to come with them on their days out next week. But she didn't check with me first and this isn't a close friend of DC, just someone in her class who has never been on a playdate with my DC before.

The other parents run a local business and I know their DC often goes there after school to wait for them. As far as I knowthey don't have wraparound or holiday care organised. I'd be surprised if they were paying her, but if they are then basically the nanny is going to be profiting at my expense by taking extra money on top of her usual pay and giving my DC less attention in the process.

I also don't know the friend and no idea what she's like behaviour wise. She might be a total liability and now I'm indirectly responsible for her care for 2 days. My employers insurance only covers my own DC. What if the friend gets hurt or goes off by herself when they're out? I get that it might make it easier for the 2 8yos to entertain each other but also it increases the risks.of them messing about or taking risks.

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 25/05/2023 10:45

Teacakeorcrumpet · 25/05/2023 10:38

I found out because the nanny told me that she'd invited 8yo DC's friend to come with them on their days out next week. But she didn't check with me first and this isn't a close friend of DC, just someone in her class who has never been on a playdate with my DC before.

The other parents run a local business and I know their DC often goes there after school to wait for them. As far as I knowthey don't have wraparound or holiday care organised. I'd be surprised if they were paying her, but if they are then basically the nanny is going to be profiting at my expense by taking extra money on top of her usual pay and giving my DC less attention in the process.

I also don't know the friend and no idea what she's like behaviour wise. She might be a total liability and now I'm indirectly responsible for her care for 2 days. My employers insurance only covers my own DC. What if the friend gets hurt or goes off by herself when they're out? I get that it might make it easier for the 2 8yos to entertain each other but also it increases the risks.of them messing about or taking risks.

Did you say any of this to your nanny at the time? It would be a no from me.

YukoandHiro · 25/05/2023 10:53

Tell the nanny she needs to sort out separate insurance for this as it's not covered by yours and you're taking no personal responsibility as the parents haven't even discussed it with you.
What a bunch of cheeky fuckers! Both the nanny and the parents.

PurpleBugz · 25/05/2023 10:57

I used to be a nanny.

If she's employed then you should have been asked and are within your rights to ask her not to do it. She may well be getting paid but she may also just be trying to facilitate a play date.

If she's self employed and you don't pay her tax then she can do this and even be paid by the other family however she should get your permission if the child is coming to your house so she should pick the other child up on the way to the outing.

Prettypaisleyslippers · 25/05/2023 11:08

Just say no.

I had a nanny try to do this, to effectively use my house as a base for childminding a much younger child in my home. I said no, she’s employees to look after my DC and that my home wasn’t baby proofed. Turns out the other parent had been told that I was fine with it! I hadn’t been asked and found out by chance

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/05/2023 11:11

She’s hoping the older two will occupy themselves. I wouldn’t be happy with that.

TeeBee · 25/05/2023 12:12

Then just tell her she needs to cancel it. You are paying her to look after your children, not other people's children. If you want play dates, you can organise them yourself. Just as you wouldn't (presumably) organise a play date and leave the nanny to look after them without her but-in. She works for you, you need to tell her what is acceptable.

nannynick · 25/05/2023 13:38

Tell them that you have found out and are not happy as you were not asked in advance. Your DC is not best friends with this other child, you don't know their parents well and all day, for two days, is extreme for a first play date.

HarrietJet · 25/05/2023 13:42

Teacakeorcrumpet · 25/05/2023 08:32

I found out yesterday our nanny has organised for eldest DC's new friend to come to our house for 2 full days next week. We employ our nanny 45hrs a week to care for DC aged 8, 5 and 2. As far as I can tell the nanny has invited this friend directly speaking to the child's parent without consulting me and apparently they will be arriving at 8.30am on Monday morning for the full day and the same on Tuesday.

Parents of the child have not contacted me at all about this. I'm not comfortable at all. The child is in the same school class as my eldest but has never been to our house before and I've only spoken to the parents once or twice.

I feel like I'm being used as free childcare for 2 days and the parents haven't even had the decency to check with me that this is OK or offer to share costs.

The nanny is planning to take them on a day trip on Monday so I'll have the extra cost of petrol, lunch out and giving this child dinner when they get back. On Tuesday they're going to an adventure park for the day and again I feel like I'm expected to cover all costs without being asked. Feels like total CF behaviour.

Not even sure why I'm posting other than to vent and see if anyone else's nanny ever puts them in such an awkward position! This is the latest in a string of small annoyances and I'm thinking its time for the nanny to move elsewhere. Youngest DC will be at nursery in Sept anyway so we will only need after school care then. Would I be unreasonable to give her notice that we don't need her for Sept onwards?

She doesn't get to present you with this as a fait accompli
Tell her no! And remind her to run any decisions like this past you first, going forward.

user50316 · 25/05/2023 13:58

When I was a nanny many years ago, the neighbour would constantly drop off her daughter. It was a nightmare!! She'd also say "oh I okayed it with mum!" When she hadn't, or let her daughter walk across on her own as she got in the car and left for work. This kid was really badly behaved and didn't get on with the other kids that I was actually being paid to look after. Dreadful and a nightmare to manage for the nanny. I'd maybe make sure that the nanny hasn't been in some way "coerced" into it as I was.

WimpoleHat · 25/05/2023 14:16

I found out because the nanny told me that she'd invited 8yo DC's friend to come with them on their days out next week. But she didn't check with me first and this isn't a close friend of DC, just someone in her class who has never been on a playdate with my DC before.

That’s out of order, in which case. If it was a close friend of your child’s, who you’d often had over, you could see her thinking that you wouldn’t mind and just not thinking through the financial/other implications. But this sounds very odd. Why would the nanny agree to it - potentially making her own life harder - if there’s nothing in it for her?

bjrce · 25/05/2023 14:22

I honestly don't know what all the drama is -
You just inform the nanny - its not happening on her work time. You are her employer, you are paying her to look after your children. She has absolutely no authority to take anyone else's children in without your agreement.

I actually think your nanny has behaved inappropriately.

She has no right to take anyone else's children into your home/ day out or whatever, during her work hours.

Tell her she is free to look after whomever she wants outside her working hours.
End of story.

HarrietJet · 25/05/2023 14:43

PurpleBugz · 25/05/2023 10:57

I used to be a nanny.

If she's employed then you should have been asked and are within your rights to ask her not to do it. She may well be getting paid but she may also just be trying to facilitate a play date.

If she's self employed and you don't pay her tax then she can do this and even be paid by the other family however she should get your permission if the child is coming to your house so she should pick the other child up on the way to the outing.

If she's self employed and you don't pay her tax then she can do this
Well, no. She can't; not whilst she's contracted to ok after op's children exclusively.

HarrietJet · 25/05/2023 14:43

To look after

crosstalk · 25/05/2023 14:51

I got suckered into a longer term arrangement many years ago. I was a very hard working numpty. My nanny organised to look after a younger child than my 2 year old three days a week. She got the extra cash.

I would speak to your nanny and ask for the parents' contact details. Say you are not happy about her dealing with 4 children on her own. I know parents do but that's on them and each child is theirs. You could also ask your 8 year old what she thinks but in the end it's up to you.

FictionalCharacter · 25/05/2023 14:55

That’s not ok. It’s your house not hers, she doesn’t have a right to invite anyone into your home.

Larkslane · 25/05/2023 15:01

I would not allow the nanny to do this, for all the reasons you have stated. They are all valid in my opinion.
If you give her notice for September be prepared that she may move on before this date. What sort of notice does she have to give to you?

CantFindTheBeat · 25/05/2023 15:05

How long has the nanny been with you, OP? She must be new, surely?

I had the reverse when my children were school-age - a couple of mums, in particular, asking our nanny if she could take XYZ to brownies as well, pick them up from clubs etc.

My nanny came to me about it and I say her response should always be: "I can't make any commitments, you'll need to speak to CantFindTheBeat directly".

They didn't.

Catspyjamas17 · 25/05/2023 15:18

What does it say in your contract with her? Surely it's against her terms and conditions of employment. As well as against common sense.

Original poster

Teacakeorcrumpet · 25/05/2023 20:44

The contract says that playdates can be arranged with parents approval. The nanny is our employee for the hours we have her (45hrs Mon to Fri) but I know she also works as a housekeeper on a Saturday elsewhere. Its a family I know with teenage children where she used to nanny about 4 years ago. This friend that's coming next week is totally separate and as far as I'm aware the nanny doesn't know their family other than meeting them a few times.on the school run.

She's been with us just over a year and whilst there have been niggles over cooking, washing up, screen time, accessing areas of the house during the day that we'd said were off limits (DH works from home) there's been nothing quite like this before. But overall its adding to my doubts this isn't going to work for us longer term. Its a shame.

OP posts:

NurseryNurse10 · 26/05/2023 09:36

I would never have done this as a nanny without speaking to the parent first. You have to tell her that it is something you are not comfortable with. Her first priority should be the family she works for, yours.

NurseryNurse10 · 26/05/2023 09:39

@CantFindTheBeat I wish I worked for you.
I used to do after school pick ups and one of my employers used to agree to me having his friends kid also without even asking me or without extra pay. Didn't even cross his mind.
Other employers would check in with me first to check it was OK and pay me more if I agreed which is how it should be done.