Nanny has offered free childcare

[Teacakeorcrumpet]

I found out yesterday our nanny has organised for eldest DC's new friend to come to our house for 2 full days next week. We employ our nanny 45hrs a week to care for DC aged 8, 5 and 2. As far as I can tell the nanny has invited this friend directly speaking to the child's parent without consulting me and apparently they will be arriving at 8.30am on Monday morning for the full day and the same on Tuesday.

Parents of the child have not contacted me at all about this. I'm not comfortable at all. The child is in the same school class as my eldest but has never been to our house before and I've only spoken to the parents once or twice.

I feel like I'm being used as free childcare for 2 days and the parents haven't even had the decency to check with me that this is OK or offer to share costs.

The nanny is planning to take them on a day trip on Monday so I'll have the extra cost of petrol, lunch out and giving this child dinner when they get back. On Tuesday they're going to an adventure park for the day and again I feel like I'm expected to cover all costs without being asked. Feels like total CF behaviour.

Not even sure why I'm posting other than to vent and see if anyone else's nanny ever puts them in such an awkward position! This is the latest in a string of small annoyances and I'm thinking its time for the nanny to move elsewhere. Youngest DC will be at nursery in Sept anyway so we will only need after school care then. Would I be unreasonable to give her notice that we don't need her for Sept onwards?

This is so weird. Should your kids be lonely and friendless except when you're around??

3 kids at such young ages is more than enough for one person to look after, especially when out and about; what if this child runs off/hurts themselves/has an allergic reaction to something you're unaware of - who is responsible then?

If it was a close friend of your DC and you knew the family etc then maybe, but an unknown?

I think you're well within your rights to say "that's not happening during work hours, you can many this other child in your own time."

This is so weird. Should your kids be lonely and friendless except when you're around??

Oh - come on. Arranging for another child to come for a couple of hours one afternoon in the holidays is one thing. Inviting another child for two days to include a high value ticketed day out on someone else’s dime is another thing entirely. And that’s without any discussion of whether it’s a sensible idea to take four young kids on your own to a theme park.

Why on earth have you not cancelled this immediately on hearing about it?

She's out of order, you need to put her back in her box.

Is it on someone else's dime? How do you know that?

I totally agree.

I'm a nanny and would naturally ask the parents first but usually I've built up enough trust where it's a courtesy and I'd be surprised if they said no. Parents usually want their children to be able to spend time with friends and socialise - that's why they employ me rather than a nursery or wraparound provision.

Someone else said "why would she do it if she's not getting anything out of it?"
Because she's a good nanny who wants the children to have fun? Because it's easier with two 8yr olds who can look after each other and entertain each other?
Most of us do this as a vocation

Just say no. You pay her to look after your kids. You can arrange play dates, not her. It's very simple, but.you need to.nip it in the bud right now, not tomorrow.

It's extremely rude.

I think you should be careful how you handle this with your nanny, or there's a chance your kids could miss out in the future. At 8 there will be a lot of spontaneous playdates and meet ups arranged at the school gate. If your nanny can't ever discuss these without checking with you, then people will stop asking.

You either allow her to make offers as any normal parent would in conversation or you control everything - you won't be able to get the nice things you might have retrospectively agreed to without some things you wouldn't have agreed to, it will be all her judgement or nothing.

This is a big first ask, however, it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask how it came about and why she invited the other girl.

This really isn't a massive deal.

Find out if they are planning on accompanying and paying for their own child. If not then it has to be cancelled. Its quite simple.

Not sure why you didn't raise it with your nanny when she told you.

I think you are being a bit unfair on your nanny to give her notice over this. There is a good chance she has arranged it because it will be nice for the kids and maker her day slightly easier as the 8 year olds will entertain eachother.
If you are not comfortable with it just explain why and ask her to rescind the offer (and be prepared for your 8 year old to be disappointed.)
She should have checked with you, yes, but it's not as though she has kept it hidden or tried to play it down. She probably didn't think of it as the other family getting free childcare and you're not actually losing out. In fact your eldest will have an enhanced time if their friend is there.

Obviously I'm not trying to stop DC from having playdates. But for the nanny to arrange 2 very long playdates with the same child that is not a close friend of my DC is the problem here.

Normal playdates of 2-3 hours after school or in the holidays with DCs friends which happen regularly aren't a problem.

But the nanny has decided to invite the child for a full daytrip and told the child's parents this is OK without mentioning anything to me in advance.

This is the definition of "First World Problems".

The Nanny should have confirmed with you, as the child is coming to your house but do you really begrudge your child from having a play date during half term?

It sounds like your Nanny mentioned this to you and instead of you raising an issue with it directly with her, you've come on here to moan.

If you don't like how your employee is working, speak with her. It's quite simple really.

Play date for your children.
All organised.
No effort required for you.

I don't know what you are in a froth about.

Sounds excellent .

OP what have you decided to do?
@Fandabedodgy How odd. For starters the nanny has presented two long days with another child as a fait accompli and the additional child's parents haven't been in touch - so if anything were to go wrong, OP wouldn't be able to get in touch with them. It's not clear what expenses will be paid for eg the adventure trip or treats.

If you have a way of contacting the other parents I would cancel. If you are in the UK Monday is a bank holiday anyway so they may not even be working. I am normally chilled about such things but this has crossed a line and I would strongly suspect she is being paid.

Is it on someone else's dime? How do you know that?

Well - the two full days of childcare certainly is, even if the parents are paying for the other kid’s ticket! This is clearly not a case of “it’d be fun for the kids to have a friend round to tea” scenario, which I’m sure would be no issue for the OP as the nanny would have used her discretion to arrange something for the convenience of her own children. This is the nanny arranging something for the convenience of some other parents (and possibly herself if there’s a financial kicker). It’s totally out of order without consulting the OP, whose kids she’s actually being paid to look after.

There's a whole heap of difference between having another child over to play at the house for a couple of hours and providing 2 whole days of childcare for an extra child out and about when you already have 3 DCs to look after.

This absolutely smacks of the other parent railroading your nanny at the school gate into sorting out her half term childcare problem. It is absolute not acceptable and needs to be stopped now before the DCs break up.

If your nanny has agreed to this without checking with you first and therefore provided childcare for someone else's child I suggest you ask the nanny to make sure the other parents fund their child's day out as you should only be paying for your three children and that in future it must be run by you first.

Another one going against the grain. You said this DC is a “new friend” of yours. Sounds like could be fun opportunity for them to spend time together, and frankly the two will entertain each other - I think the theme park might be easier not more difficult. Yes, if this is actually her getting paid to do childcare then it’s a bit dodgy. But the concept of a “play date that as it happens provides some child care on the side” is sort of part of the give and take of school life. And I think it’s great when nannies organise play dates - takes a massive load of admin off you and allows for much more spontaneity for your kids. I do think you can just ask the other family for ticket money here.

I would go a bit gently here… begin with polite fact finding, not “you are fired” IMHO.

I would definitely not pay anything towards the day out for this other kid. Or provide them with lunch. They are taking the mick frankly.

But the concept of a “play date that as it happens provides some child care on the side” is sort of part of the give and take of school life.

Sounds like a lot of taking on the other side to me! Especially as it’s not someone that the OP (or indeed, her child) knows well.

I think it’s so odd that the other family hasn’t been in touch, even if just to ask after money and food. Doesn’t seem right to me.

I don't really see a problem, providing that the parents pay for tickets/food out etc for their child. Logistically it could be easier for the nanny if the two 8 year olds go off together on rides etc. I certainly wouldn't expect the other family to contribute towards your Nanny cost. But I would ensure that it doesn't become routine. Are you sure that the mum isn't going to the adventure park with them? My friends Nanny often invites me and my daughter along on days out for the company as well as the kids socialising. I'd contact the parents to discuss.

Oh wind your neck in fgs, they are in the same class, it's good that they are mixing with each other and learning to build relationships. It's no skin off your nose is it? If it concerns you that much, stay at home and look after your own children.

@EllandRd
stay at home and look after your own children.

Pathetic. Can't believe people are still coming out with that line.