Nanny has offered free childcare

[Teacakeorcrumpet]

I found out yesterday our nanny has organised for eldest DC's new friend to come to our house for 2 full days next week. We employ our nanny 45hrs a week to care for DC aged 8, 5 and 2. As far as I can tell the nanny has invited this friend directly speaking to the child's parent without consulting me and apparently they will be arriving at 8.30am on Monday morning for the full day and the same on Tuesday.

Parents of the child have not contacted me at all about this. I'm not comfortable at all. The child is in the same school class as my eldest but has never been to our house before and I've only spoken to the parents once or twice.

I feel like I'm being used as free childcare for 2 days and the parents haven't even had the decency to check with me that this is OK or offer to share costs.

The nanny is planning to take them on a day trip on Monday so I'll have the extra cost of petrol, lunch out and giving this child dinner when they get back. On Tuesday they're going to an adventure park for the day and again I feel like I'm expected to cover all costs without being asked. Feels like total CF behaviour.

Not even sure why I'm posting other than to vent and see if anyone else's nanny ever puts them in such an awkward position! This is the latest in a string of small annoyances and I'm thinking its time for the nanny to move elsewhere. Youngest DC will be at nursery in Sept anyway so we will only need after school care then. Would I be unreasonable to give her notice that we don't need her for Sept onwards?

It is different because when I was a kid parents looked after their own children. Now, it's much harder to do that so employees are used but that doesn't negate the need children have to socialise.

I'd say that doesn't work and get her to cancel

This is not socialising which would be time spent with a friend, this is two full days of time spent with someone that is not friends with this child, and the parents haven't even bothered to check that it is ok? If this child would like new friends, a couple of hours or an afternoon would be more normal?

I would be fine with the child coming over for a couple of hours, also fine with the child going to the same day out with an adult who had parental responsibility for them, so there would be more than just the nanny looking after 4 children on her own all day. At a push I don't mind doing someone a favour if they have no childcare but that would be my choice for my friends, not dictated by a person I hardly know.

This is none of those things, and I am really annoyed the nanny has put me in such an awkward position. I asked the nanny for the parents number. She doesn't have it only the childs number (irrelevant but an 8 year old with their own mobile was a shock to me). So tomorrow I'll try calling the parents via the childs number and see what happens.

I agree socialising is a completely different scenario to being in loco parenting for a full day or two full days. My daughter has a friend over for playdates and sleepovers but playdates are 3-4 hours max and sleepovers roughly half a day from early evening to mid morning. Any longer and there is the risk of squabbling and sulking. That's then not socialising- that's a chore for the carer and not enjoyable for the children.

She should have checked. However she is not gaining financially and is likely thinking it will be fun for your ds. Personally I would delighted that I didn't have to organise or do anything while my ds had a fab time with his friend. You sound like you are looking for problems.

But it's not a friend, just a random from the child's class! OP you're absolutely right to object.

The nanny has clearly overstepped, but I find your response absolutely bizarre.

In this situation you say, either at the time or later when you'd had time to think, 'Hi Jane, really kind of you to offer to look after Abigail next week, but that's not really going to work for us so please let her parents know it can't go ahead as planned'.

You don't snivel off to Mumsnet to start a thread talking about sacking her and then further speculate about whether she's being paid etc. Just speak to the woman!!

It's also verging on unbelievable that she would agree to look after this child and the only contact number she has is the child's....and you're going to call the child to try and talk to the parents?!

Was her mum "giving free childcare" to my mum by allowing this??

If you put it like that, yes. But then that was her choice to have you there and your mum’s choice to let you go, so no problem any way round. Here, the OP is paying the nanny for a job - and the nanny has unilaterally taken on another job at the same time without consulting her (applies whether or not the OP is getting a bung for this). It is a completely different scenario. The person who should have been consulted in all of this - OP - has been presented with a fair accompli. Not on any which way.

You don't snivel off to Mumsnet to start a thread talking about sacking her and then further speculate about whether she's being paid etc. Just speak to the woman!!

This is the point of Mumsnet, surely? To get a range of anonymous responses from an eclectic group of people? If everyone just spoke to people about their issues, there would be very few threads at all on here. “Just speak to your mother in law/friends trying to cadge a free holiday/friend’s leery DH/annoying next door neighbour…….”

The child hasn’t got a mobile surely… say she was to take the child out and there was a problem and she needed to call the parents…I suspect your nanny is full of 💩and not telling you the truth there. Your nanny is paid to look after your children not some random kid from your child’s class whose CF parent arranged at the school gate. Can’t believe they think this is ok tbh!

But she doesn't need a range of responses from an eclectic group of people in this instance. She knew right away that she didn't want the 'playdates' to go ahead, so tell the nanny that. End of situation.

In my experience, kids, even teenagers, get tired of playdates after about 3 hours. An all-day playdate usually doesn't work - they start arguing, they want alone-time, etc.

She knew right away that she didn't want the 'playdates' to go ahead, so tell the nanny that.

Most threads involve people with a strong opinion on an issue wanting to check whether others would/wouldn’t be in agreement. She was wondering if others had had similar experiences with their nannies - and what other nannies/parents thought. No different from most other threads, really.

She doesn't have it only the childs number (irrelevant but an 8 year old with their own mobile was a shock to me).

Your Nanny has the phone number of a child? Is this OK?

I mean to say that in a school setting, for an example, a teacher would only have a child’s number with the approval of the parent, and only for any specific reason within policy.

It really is not good safeguarding practice for her to have taken the child’s number. IMO.

This is not a play date.
It is the Nanny having agreed 2 days of childcare for someone you don’t know well, for a child who is not a good friend of your Dd.
While she is working for you.

Neither the Nanny nor you have contacts for the parent.

The Nanny has not put you in this situation, she has put herself in it.

Whatever was she thinking?

To the posters asking why I'm not speaking to the nanny and "moaning" on here instead..... I have spoken to the nanny. I'm not happy with the nannies responses or how she has handled the situation.

I don't know anyone else who employs a nanny that I want to discuss this awkward situation with irl, for obvious resons it would be embarrassing for the other family and the nanny for this to become village gossip, so I'm gathering opinions here from others that have or are nannies themselves. This is the childcare board not AIBU. I'm looking for advice as to whether the nanny has crossed a line in her professional responsibilities and how, as her employer, I should be handling this fairly but also making sure my DC are the priority.

So, for the PP who have offered their helpful opinions and experiences, thank you. I am ignoring the posters getting sidetracked who have no experience of being or employing a nanny.

I'm looking for advice as to whether the nanny has crossed a line in her professional responsibilities and how, as her employer, I should be handling this fairly but also making sure my DC are the priority.

Ok.

If she's getting paid, then yes she has crossed a line.

If she isn't, then no. It sounds like she's just a bit of a soft touch and has been strongarmed into it by the other parent.

How should you handle this fairly? Ask her what they were going to pay her for doing this. See what she says.

If she was getting paid, give her a formal warning. If you're a good employer you could also ask her why she needs the money, if she's working six days a week it sounds like she's in some financial trouble.

If she wasn't, explain why you're unhappy about it and that it must never happen again, but don't make it a formal warning.

In terms of making the children a priority, I see nothing in what she's done that would negatively impact your children so there is no need to sack her on their account. It's you that's annoyed, not them. From what I gather your eldest was looking forward to spending the two days with this child? They'd have entertained each other giving the nanny time to concentrate on the youngest two. I'm sure your eldest would welcome a child their own age along on a day out, it's not massive fun for an 8 year old to hang out with a 5 and 2 year old all week.

She has overstepped here. I would not be happy with the arrangement either.
Realistically though I think your only option is contacting the parents but I realise you don’t have their number.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say no to the nanny explaining why you aren’t happy which you have done. It’s difficult to know at this stage what the actual truth of the situation is. But if the Dad actually approached your nanny and asked for her help that is bang out of order without talking to you. You say they run a business locally. Would you be able to get contact details from their web?

It's up to the nanny to cancel the arrangement, not the OP. The nanny came to a private agreement to take on another child for 2 days and it's her responsibility to go back and clear up the mess she's made. If she's a professional nanny, it's highly unlikely that she has let herself be 'taken advantage of' for free. Any nanny would know how to bat away CF suggestions of two days of free childcare.

This

I would still like to know if the playmate was cancelled and what the nanny actually said. This post is a massive drip feed

No. Tell her flatly this is not happening. If anything happens to those kids in your home , your insurance will be liable. No.

@Tellmeimcrazy the OP said this yesterday

“She doesn't have it only the childs number (irrelevant but an 8 year old with their own mobile was a shock to me). So tomorrow I'll try calling the parents via the childs number and see what happens.”

And she also said this:

”The nanny apparently spoke to the dad at the school gates who said he needed someone to take the child next week as he and his wife were working all week (they run a local business between them) and noone in their family could watch the child”