Page 9 | Should Granny be allowed to give Grandchild treats?

GrandmaNelly · 2023-04-13T13:58:32+00:00

Long time lurker, first time poster. Question is in the heading, but to give a bit of background… I babysit a grandchild for my DD and a grandchild for my DS. I look after each child 2 days a week. On one day I have both, the other times I have them separate. DS and DDIL did not want grandchild to have treats until he was 18 months. Grandchild is now nearly two. I give both grandchildren the odd treat (crisps, biscuit, chocolate), but DS and DDIL don’t want me to and say they want to give all the treats. I find this difficult when I have both grandchildren together as DD has always allowed treats. I want to address this but suspect if there is a falling out they will cut all contact and my grandchildren mean everything to me, so I’m scared of that happening. Any advice on how I can approach this or what you would do? Please be kind to an old grandma full of worry.

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Lordofthebutterfloofs · 13/04/2023 18:32

Screwballs · 13/04/2023 18:24

Ahh I found it. You should really have a glass of wine, you'll feel better after 😘

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Ah I see, you've been drinking. Makes sense now.

Your sounding more like my mother with every post.

Screwballs · 13/04/2023 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

The irony of calling my life sad and yourself a seasoned mumsnetter in the same sentence really shouldn't be lost.

You sound very angry, I hope your evening gets better. TTFN.

Original poster

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 18:34

@comfyoldjeans DD like me struggles financially too. She does get me flowers and things to show her appreciation and once paid for a spa evening for me.
DS gave me my gift at Christmas and said we’ve spent a bit extra on you this year for helping out.
I really don’t need any financial return or gifts. My DGC are the light of my life.

OP posts:

comfyoldjeans · 13/04/2023 18:35

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 18:34

@comfyoldjeans DD like me struggles financially too. She does get me flowers and things to show her appreciation and once paid for a spa evening for me.
DS gave me my gift at Christmas and said we’ve spent a bit extra on you this year for helping out.
I really don’t need any financial return or gifts. My DGC are the light of my life.

@GrandmaNelly That's good to hear. I'm glad they appreciate you!

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 13/04/2023 18:35

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 18:30

@STopItnoww you sound like my DD. I think this is what makes me fearful about the contact. I don’t see DS often, only really when dropping off and picking up. He was very inquisitive about how often I look after DGC1 and insisted it had to be the same to be fair.

@thebaneofmylifeisacat I think he probably is, but I’m just stuck.

But what your ds is wanting is not fair, your dd is happy for you mind her child in the way you want but your ds is insisting on certain rules.

Original poster

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 18:45

@rumpsteak i know everybody has different opinions on what is the right amount. I do believe in balance too and my DGC are very active with me. We go to the park or for a walk everyday I have them and if the weather’s bad we do our dancing in the house. They love the dancing so sometimes we do both.

OP posts:

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 13/04/2023 18:50

Honestly op you need to stand up for yourself.

Your ds is a bully sorry to say it but he sounds a controlling manipulating arse

Original poster

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 18:52

I’ve lost a post I read so apologies for not tagging you in. Someone asked about the snacks DS gives DGC and if it’s everyday. He has the same as what is at my house, ice cream, cupcakes. I can’t say how often, although DDIL has told me they give him more than she thought she would.
When DS comes in on pick up for a cup of tea, he does give DGC a biscuit when he is having one too.

OP posts:

saraclara · 13/04/2023 18:57

When DS comes in on pick up for a cup of tea, he does give DGC a biscuit when he is having one too.

For goodness sake. The nerve of him!

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 18:59

RJnomore1 · 13/04/2023 18:26

We all know a balance in food is a good thing. I don’t think it was said they’re giving the child daily treats was it? Just they want to monitor the treats they get.

if it’s such a wonderful thing to give junk food to the kids, such a life affirming moment that builds a wonderful relationship, and we know that junk food is ok as an occasional treat, one could ask why a grandparent would be so keen to take that huge joy from their own child I guess. Why so selfish.

I also wanted my children’s relationship with their grandparents to be based on the quality of the time they spent together rather than bribery with food/ money/ internet (which is what comes next…) but according to some on this thread (not you!) that makes me a weirdo…

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The OP explained that they give their child treats when not at hers - they just don’t want her to do the same on the 2 days she has their child.

If I were them and and I wanted to take a balanced approach to treats I’d let granny be the one to give my child the treats as part of the fun of being at granny’s with their cousin and ditch them at home.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/04/2023 19:00

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:07

Nope. Their child, their choice.

If you can’t respect their decisions for their child then you aren’t suitable to be looking after them.

Urghhh, not you again spouting shit.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 13/04/2023 19:05

How is your ds with your dil op?

HappinesDependsOnYou · 13/04/2023 19:09

and it's your right to say no to childcare @ShonaShoop as is it ops right but she hasn't said no

Original poster

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 19:12

@thebaneofmylifeisacat from what I have seen he is a lovely supportive husband. DDIL shared when she was pregnant how she wanted to raise DGC. So I think the ideas have come from her. DS is the one who communicates with me on the ‘issues they have’ and certainly is the rule enforcer. DDIL is lovely with me when I do see her.

OP posts:

saraclara · 13/04/2023 19:16

What do you say to your son when he gives his child a biscuit in front of you, in your house where he doesn't let you do the same?

mummyoffourminimes · 13/04/2023 19:19

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:07

Nope. Their child, their choice.

If you can’t respect their decisions for their child then you aren’t suitable to be looking after them.

I agree too

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 19:19

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 18:19

I’m overwhelmed at all the responses. Thank you so much. I’m still working my way through them all as they pop up faster than I can read them. I really appreciate the support and suggestions as I have been feeling rather anxious about it all.
Rather than doing individual replies (I’m not all that quick) I’ll hopefully try to answer the questions more generally below.
The paid childcare was said by DS when I gave DGC some squash, I didn’t realise this was not allowed. I was told not to and if I did again they would pay for childcare if they had to.
The children do get fruit and yoghurt I add this to the meals they have. DS is funny about grapes and raisins in case DGC chokes, but I love the idea of a fruit kebab and will do that with them.
The routine I already had established with DGC1 was x 1 of something on a morning and x 1 on an afternoon. I have them usually between 8-8:30 until 5:30-6ish.
The snacks they chose from Grandma’s goody cupboard are a packet of crisps (like quavers, bears or something similar but the cheap brands) x1 choc biscuit (usually a cookie or digestive) or x1 fun size chocolate bar.
The afternoon one is only if they have been well behaved. (They always are, I’m very lucky)
For those who asked yes I did do the extra day after I was poorly.
I have never intentionally broken any rules. I just want to be fair on everyone.
Sorry for the long post hope I captured everything

“Funny about grapes”? You are aware how dangerous grapes are, right? That they should be quartered lengthwise? And that many health advisory boards don’t even recommend giving them until 4 years old minimum?

It’s also very unhealthy in terms of relationship to food to offer it as a “treat” for good behaviour.

You also should have checked re. the squash and not just assumed.

jannier · 13/04/2023 19:22

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 18:52

I’ve lost a post I read so apologies for not tagging you in. Someone asked about the snacks DS gives DGC and if it’s everyday. He has the same as what is at my house, ice cream, cupcakes. I can’t say how often, although DDIL has told me they give him more than she thought she would.
When DS comes in on pick up for a cup of tea, he does give DGC a biscuit when he is having one too.

Do you say anything to him when he gets the biscuits out?

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 19:22

And that many health advisory boards don’t even recommend giving them until 4 years old minimum

Really? Which boards?

Original poster

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 19:22

@saraclara i asked DS if he could have the biscuit with his cousin instead. He said “we’ve already spoke about this twice before and we want to give him the treats.” One of the times before when I raised DGC1 had treats, he said “if you can’t respect our wishes and can’t say no to DGC1 we can look into alternative childcare”
I haven’t said anything since .

OP posts:

jannier · 13/04/2023 19:24

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 19:22

@saraclara i asked DS if he could have the biscuit with his cousin instead. He said “we’ve already spoke about this twice before and we want to give him the treats.” One of the times before when I raised DGC1 had treats, he said “if you can’t respect our wishes and can’t say no to DGC1 we can look into alternative childcare”
I haven’t said anything since .

So he's a control freek not about child's health

Screwballs · 13/04/2023 19:25

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 19:22

@saraclara i asked DS if he could have the biscuit with his cousin instead. He said “we’ve already spoke about this twice before and we want to give him the treats.” One of the times before when I raised DGC1 had treats, he said “if you can’t respect our wishes and can’t say no to DGC1 we can look into alternative childcare”
I haven’t said anything since .

... I mean...?! What do you even say to this level of sheer bloody mindedness?! Politely tell DS to sod off and pay for his childcare, I cannot believe how badly you are being treated by your own child.

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 19:25

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 19:22

@saraclara i asked DS if he could have the biscuit with his cousin instead. He said “we’ve already spoke about this twice before and we want to give him the treats.” One of the times before when I raised DGC1 had treats, he said “if you can’t respect our wishes and can’t say no to DGC1 we can look into alternative childcare”
I haven’t said anything since .

So even though he’s having a biscuit at your house and he’s happy for his child to have a biscuit the only person who can actually physically give your DGC said biscuit is him?

Yeah, he’s bonkers.

ShonaShoop · 13/04/2023 19:28

HappinesDependsOnYou · 13/04/2023 19:09

and it's your right to say no to childcare @ShonaShoop as is it ops right but she hasn't said no

Yep. And it’s OP’s DS right to pay for childcare. If the bit of chocolate and few crisps his dc gets at grandma’s is so terrible why hasn’t he found alternate care for his dc?

saltwater1985 · 13/04/2023 19:30

Anyone else glad they're not related to @SunnySaturdayMorning ?