Should Granny be allowed to give Grandchild treats?

[GrandmaNelly]

Long time lurker, first time poster. Question is in the heading, but to give a bit of background…
I babysit a grandchild for my DD and a grandchild for my DS. I look after each child 2 days a week. On one day I have both, the other times I have them separate. DS and DDIL did not want grandchild to have treats until he was 18 months. Grandchild is now nearly two. I give both grandchildren the odd treat (crisps, biscuit, chocolate), but DS and DDIL don’t want me to and say they want to give all the treats. I find this difficult when I have both grandchildren together as DD has always allowed treats.
I want to address this but suspect if there is a falling out they will cut all contact and my grandchildren mean everything to me, so I’m scared of that happening. Any advice on how I can approach this or what you would do? Please be kind to an old grandma full of worry.

I don't. You need a bit of give and take to make family relationships work. These parents sound very difficult people.

This is so sad. My mum looked after both my children and part of that was treats. She'd feed them McDonald's once a week and goodness knows how many kinda eggs. I told her a few times to limit them but I know she didn't. I was grateful that she looked after my children and she loves to spoil them. It's part of being a grandparent imo. My grandma treated me all the time. They should realise how lucky they are to have a kind and caring member of the family looking after their child. Many wish for this.

Are you ok love? You seem unnecessarily aggressive. Maybe your my Mother.

It's not infrequent when it's weekly and the impact is poor behaviour, sugar crashes, creating terrible disordered eating habits and obesity.

It is inappropriate, neglectful and disgusting to allow children to gorge themselves on junk food.

You mean when they’re not at granny’s?

Well as a nana myself I would tell them to pay for childcare if they are this pedantically daft.

I treat my grandchildren as my mother and mil treated mine.

They sound very hard work snd very immature

I’d be tempted to tell him to go right on ahead and make other arrangements. There’s no way they’ll want another grandchild to be your soul focus and I suspect this was what doing your catch up day after being sick was all about.

You’re being bullied by your son and it’s no different to being an abused wife.

I have 8 grandchildren agree with your post.

Meant to add trust me when you stop letting them walk all over you snd you tell them 'well I think you might need paid professional care as obviously my choices are bad!'

Trust me they be bricking themselves snd fall over you with back tracking beeping sounds.

Sad for you though op they are unpleasant

Love? And I'm aggressive? Give it a wobble!

The problem is that kids should not be eating between meals and certainly should not be rewarded with "treats" for good behaviour (as the OP said she would like to do).

The parents need to control the treat that their kids are given.

I think most parents aim a little higher than just keeping their kids alive.

I think too many mums on here have their heads up their perfect arses.

What joyless lives some people want their children and the grandparents to lead.
And I speak as someone who was pretty hot on healthy eating for her kids.

My children's relationship with my wonderful MIL, was a total joy to me. Yes, I winced at chocolate playing a fairly forward part in the way she 'spoiled'* them, but I'm so glad that I didn't interfere in that. Being indulged every six weeks or so was hardly going to ruin their health or their attitude to food. I just remember their sparkling eyes at the shared fun and love involved. And yes, they're all in their mid 30s now, slim and fit and cherishing those moments too, when they recall their grandma.

*spoiled really isn't the right word is it? Because nothing about then was spoiled by having that chocolate, that love, that ritual of the visits.

You come for me and have the nerve to tell me to give it a wobble? FOTTFSOFATFOSM

I’m overwhelmed at all the responses. Thank you so much. I’m still working my way through them all as they pop up faster than I can read them. I really appreciate the support and suggestions as I have been feeling rather anxious about it all.
Rather than doing individual replies (I’m not all that quick) I’ll hopefully try to answer the questions more generally below.
The paid childcare was said by DS when I gave DGC some squash, I didn’t realise this was not allowed. I was told not to and if I did again they would pay for childcare if they had to.
The children do get fruit and yoghurt I add this to the meals they have. DS is funny about grapes and raisins in case DGC chokes, but I love the idea of a fruit kebab and will do that with them.
The routine I already had established with DGC1 was x 1 of something on a morning and x 1 on an afternoon. I have them usually between 8-8:30 until 5:30-6ish.
The snacks they chose from Grandma’s goody cupboard are a packet of crisps (like quavers, bears or something similar but the cheap brands) x1 choc biscuit (usually a cookie or digestive) or x1 fun size chocolate bar.
The afternoon one is only if they have been well behaved. (They always are, I’m very lucky)
For those who asked yes I did do the extra day after I was poorly.
I have never intentionally broken any rules. I just want to be fair on everyone.
Sorry for the long post hope I captured everything

I am more concerned about your son manipulating snd controlling you op snd threatening to stop contact.

Hateful behaviour

Two unhealthy snacks like that is too much in mu opinion.

LOL @ "come for" you

Did you have a fit after the question mark?

@GrandmaNelly
Just stop providing them with childcare. They will soon get the message that you are doing them a favour. It's a favour not an obligation. They are treating you like you are paid help.
Focus on your granddaughter - I have a feeling they will continue to be unreasonable about things to come in the next few years.

You sound lovely op and the care sounds fab.

Your son doesn't know he's born. My advice 'ok sorry I will obviously try to keep to your wishes but it's too stressful for me so yes please feel free to play for childcare!'

Christ if this was either of my grown up sons talking to me that way they would be wearing the bloody squash

Ahh I found it. You should really have a glass of wine, you'll feel better after 😘

We all know a balance in food is a good thing. I don’t think it was said they’re giving the child daily treats was it? Just they want to monitor the treats they get.

if it’s such a wonderful thing to give junk food to the kids, such a life affirming moment that builds a wonderful relationship, and we know that junk food is ok as an occasional treat, one could ask why a grandparent would be so keen to take that huge joy from their own child I guess. Why so selfish.

I also wanted my children’s relationship with their grandparents to be based on the quality of the time they spent together rather than bribery with food/ money/ internet (which is what comes next…) but according to some on this thread (not you!) that makes me a weirdo…

Oh wow OP...do they compensate you in any way for your time? When my mum was looking after the kids, we didn't 'pay' her but we looked after her with lots of things like vouchers and treats out etc. she was doing a huge favour and saving us money too!

If that's not the case it sounds almost as though your children are getting the best end of the deal, free childcare and trying to make you think you're the lucky one for doing them a favour?

I realise that's not the point of the thread but that's what jumped out at me. Personally I think that their rules are really ridiculous and having the odd treat at granny's house is part of the experience of being at granny's house! But if that's the way they want it, as daft as it sounds, probably best to respect it.

However I would say that if they're reading you a list of rules and making out they're doing you a favour, you could remind them that while you live having the kids, you do not want to be taken for granted.

@STopItnoww you sound like my DD. I think this is what makes me fearful about the contact. I don’t see DS often, only really when dropping off and picking up. He was very inquisitive about how often I look after DGC1 and insisted it had to be the same to be fair.

@thebaneofmylifeisacat I think he probably is, but I’m just stuck.