Nanny is never home

[Strawberryjam45]

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

You see what’s mundane to adult isn’t to a child they learn by routine & repititon
Going to the supermarket, ask them to shout out when they see something red…tomato! Pepper! Apple.
Count the products into the basket
What’s Your fave dinner?
Talk about things that you see

As @EvilPea has said it is fun,it’s stimulating. Activities of daily living are exciting they can be educational and it is normalising

Child doesn’t need to be at home with an abacus to be learning

A notion that everyday activities are not educational enough and will result in the child being under stimulated. Hence the shops,baby group,post office is not enriching enough.

I don’t think that’s the point, though. It’s the “baby goes along too” thing that @Jng1 mentions. She’s doing a job, not babysitting as a favour. She’s supposed to be caring for DS as her primary task, not enjoying a shopping trip with her daughter with him in tow. Part of my job involves running meetings with clients. Arguably, if I’m on the phone, I can do this just as well while browsing the rails of the local boutique. But I’d expect - quite rightly - that my employer would take a dim view of that. For one thing, I’d be doing my job a lot better if I was sitting at a desk, concentrating on the conversation and taking some pertinent notes. If I pop out at lunchtime for half an hour? Not a problem. Now, I do accept that nannies don’t get the same opportunities for a break, so it’s completely reasonable for her to run the odd personal errand. But from what the OP describes, this is a lot more frequent and planned than that.

@EspressoDoubleShot

You see what’s mundane to adult isn’t to a child they learn by routine & repititon Going to the supermarket, ask them to shout out when they see something red…tomato! Pepper! Apple. Count the products into the basket What’s Your fave dinner? Talk about things that you see

As @EvilPea has said it is fun,it’s stimulating. Activities of daily living are exciting they can be educational and it is normalising

Child doesn’t need to be at home with an abacus to be learning

Is she doing that, with a 17 month old and particularly while she's also spending time with her teenage daughter? Maybe she is, but it seems optimistic to assume so.

We don’t know she’s a highly qualified nanny @Goldbar. It sounds to me as if she isn’t; she’s a childminder working out of her own home.

Op and her partner both WFH uninterrupted, as nanny & child are out
A 17mth toddler knowing parents are in will want to go and see them,no potentially bursting in at inopportune moment. Op and her partner have no such interruptions. Op said he’s high energy so nanny clearly keeps him occupied

Point of a nanny is to facilitate parents working. They both wfh Full-time
This nanny does allow that
Both parents unencumbered and uninterrupted

I don't think it's expecting too much of a nanny to ask her to break out the playdoh or do some painting or cooking once in a while. Or to play doctors or teddy-bear tea parties. Most parents manage to do these sorts of things with their children

At 17 months (IIRC) these types of activities last about 5 minutes.

That's true @Blossomtoes - I'm presuming the OP hired someone well-qualified or with plenty of experience and is paying them the market rate, which may not be the case.

@Paq. And then you move onto the next activity... Doesn't mean you don't do them at all.

If she's taking child to classes maybe they do that type of stuff there?

Op needs to comment on whether or not nanny is adequate & engaging
None of us except op know of nanny his stimulating and attentive . My point was going shopping is not itself a doss or boring. It is as interesting as the nanny makes it. Being home more isn’t necessarily more stimulating. It changes the whole dynamic. Child at home with 2 wfh parents that it can’t interrupt and nanny.

Ultimately the op needs to decide if she’s happy with current arrangements, if not change the routine and request different activities. It is a leap of faith having external child care and op needs to feel reassured & happy.

Thank you everyone for your replies. Just to give you some context, she is otherwise thoughtful, attentive and accommodating and DS really does love her. DH's view is that it's not a big issue although he too has noted they rarely seem to be at home. Totally appreciate that she might not want to be at home with me there-regardless of how much I think I keep out of her way. I don't want to nitpick because she is a good nanny. I think I might ask as some of you have suggested that she spend an afternoon or two a week at home once it gets a bit colder. I pay for DS to go swimming and a couple of classes on top. They also go to some free activities in the library etc in addition to the paid activities so I think that's still plenty.

My point was going shopping is not itself a doss or boring. It is as interesting as the nanny makes it. Being home more isn’t necessarily more stimulating

Well….yes and no. I agree that shopping can be made interesting, but it’s always going to be limited in the sense that it doesn’t involve gross or fine motor skills like running round the park or playing with play doh would. Or interaction with other kids like playgroups would. It involves a lot of sitting in a buggy which isn’t great physically.

I’m not sure I’d want to stay in the house much with my employers there working too. And for a 17 month old, going to the shops can provide plenty of child centred learning - colours, shapes, types of fruit and vegetables etc.

@minipie

My point was going shopping is not itself a doss or boring. It is as interesting as the nanny makes it. Being home more isn’t necessarily more stimulating

Well….yes and no. I agree that shopping can be made interesting, but it’s always going to be limited in the sense that it doesn’t involve gross or fine motor skills like running round the park or playing with play doh would. Or interaction with other kids like playgroups would. It involves a lot of sitting in a buggy which isn’t great physically.

Mine walked round with their little trolley and list at that age. Things are what you make of them at that age.

she is otherwise thoughtful, attentive and accommodating and DS really does love her.

Well - while I stand by all my earlier comments - it does sound like this lady ticks the most important boxes!

I should clarify the list was scribbles in coloured crayon.
Not pretending anyone could make anything out on it. Or they didn’t fill the trolley with any shiny thing that caught their eye

@roarfeckingroarr er, yeah they do normal non-Norland nannies, in the south east/London anyway. £30k is only about £11-£12 gross an hour, a nanny on less than that is underpaid!

OP, what sort of things would you like her to do with your DC at home and do you have the resources for these? Paper, paint, playdoh etc.?

I suspect she and DS spend part of every day at her home.

Op you’ve said she’s a good nanny and son adores her. That’s what you need.
Frankly she allows you 2 wfh parents uninterrupted work time,that’s the point of nanny. One gets a nanny to enable FT working

I definitely did this when my twins were little, out everyday as long as possible to stop them rampaging round the house!

Frankly she allows you 2 wfh parents uninterrupted work time,that’s the point of nanny. One gets a nanny to enable FT working

This is a very low expectation to have of a nanny and one which I suspect most parents wouldn't share.

Oh come on. The primary reason for a nanny is to enable working
Obviously one expects safe,stimulating,nurturing care but the nanny is there because the parents aren’t

@Strawberryjam45

Thank you everyone for your replies. Just to give you some context, she is otherwise thoughtful, attentive and accommodating and DS really does love her. DH's view is that it's not a big issue although he too has noted they rarely seem to be at home. Totally appreciate that she might not want to be at home with me there-regardless of how much I think I keep out of her way. I don't want to nitpick because she is a good nanny. I think I might ask as some of you have suggested that she spend an afternoon or two a week at home once it gets a bit colder. I pay for DS to go swimming and a couple of classes on top. They also go to some free activities in the library etc in addition to the paid activities so I think that's still plenty.

You’ve got a great nanny then if she has all those characteristics Overall it sounds great and child adores her.

@EspressoDoubleShot

Oh come on. The primary reason for a nanny is to enable working Obviously one expects safe,stimulating,nurturing care but the nanny is there because the parents aren’t

I could have WFH by sticking my toddler in front of CBeebies all day with a bag of snacks

If I’m paying for a nanny my expectations are slightly above what it takes to facilitate working!