Nanny is never home

[Strawberryjam45]

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

[Iziz]

No it’s not acceptable I would want to know exactly where she takes him make sure it’s classes and age appropriate activities not back to her house and around her teenager I would want to know her exact movements .

[Gingerandlemont]

A mixture of inside and outside is best I think. She maybe thinks you WANT her outside all the time so you can work… I would talk to her.

Also, do you have enough toys and activities out and about for them to play with? Eg play dough, finger paints and a mat/bib, duplo blocks, puzzles books ball pit, instruments and cds (sure you do). If there’s nothing to play with maybe she thinks she won’t be able to entertain him and he’ll get bored and angry..:

[Danja2010]

I think she is doing brilliant. Who wants to be in one place the whole day ? She is sowing him what real life is like and that is more than he would get at a nursery.

[Lolabray]

She’s trying her best by the sounds of it. She’s a single mum and looking after someone’s else’s child (fair enough she is paid) but she deserves praise and a medal.

[christinarossetti19]

Life for a 17 month old is a 'child-centric' activity or two a day eg baby singing, go to park, then being carted around while whoever is looking after them does chores/tasks/other things at home or out.

In someone else's home, you're a bit limited with what you can get on with. I'd hate having to look after someone else's child with them in the house tbh.

I thought one of the advantages of using a nanny or childminder rather than a nursey is that the child got more experience of 'ordinary life' like going to the post office rather than the potential sameness of a nursery setting?

[sociallydistained]

@Iziz

No it’s not acceptable I would want to know exactly where she takes him make sure it’s classes and age appropriate activities not back to her house and around her teenager I would want to know her exact movements .

Wow good job you’re not an employer… at least I Hope you’re not! You need to hire someone you trust. I have worked for two families for 15 years and 7 years, respectively and have fantastic relationships with my employers and have helped raise six amazing kids …. Not once was I hounded by a parent for exact movements. A basic outline of my day and pictures sent from out activities, yes. Guess what, soon that little guy will be able to tell his parents all about what he gets up to and kids tell it all and I expect he will say what an amazing time he has had everyday just like my youngest charge does!

[Snoopsnoggysnog]

@Madremia2019

Haha, I was a living nanny before and believe I couldn’t wait to leave the parents house , be out and about with the children, I did love pushing a pram around town specially when was a tourist town and sunny every day. You meet people and chat. What she would do at home with a baby ? Another thing is she doesn’t want to bother you and could feel judged by you because you are at home . When I had my own children , even though I didn’t sleep most of the nights and living in England , I would take them out every day rain, cold or not. Be at home with a 17 months old would make more crazy and depressed.

Ok lovely for you but I wouldn’t want my kid pushed around in a buggy all day while you enjoy the sun and chat to people. Who’s interacting with the child?

[user1476277375]

I did anything to get out the house with mine at this age! I don't blame her

[Pinkfluff76]

How do you know she’s telling the truth?? She could be meeting up with her friends each day!! Getting all her errands and chores done. Going to her house and cleaning and ironing or watching tv all day! Surely the whole idea of a nanny is that they are paid to look after your child in your house? If it was me and I was wfh I’d want to actually be able to see my kid during my breaks. You’re not in the nanny’s way, it’s your house. Otherwise you may as well send her to a childminder and it would cost less. And for those saying it’s boring.. well she chose to do the job and she’s being paid to do it!

[Stroller15]

Your post just reminded me of my sister's nanny years ago. She used to take my DN out everyday and my sister would tell me the nanny was never home. I randomly saw them in the shopping centre once and my DN was sitting on a bench looking quite forlorn while the nanny was on her phone. I know it's just a snapshot but I wouldn't be happy if my child is out running errands all day every day.

[ellyeth]

I think it's good that she takes your child out but twice a day seems a bit excessive to me.

Yes, it can be boring stuck at home with a young child but this rather hectic regime may lead to a child being unable to just sit quietly and amuse him/herself at home. There seems to be a feeling these days that children must be constantly active and entertained.

[Kanaloa]

@Lolabray

She’s trying her best by the sounds of it. She’s a single mum and looking after someone’s else’s child (fair enough she is paid) but she deserves praise and a medal.

No she doesn’t. She isn’t doing some charitable act babysitting for the op. This is her paid work. I don’t know why people are acting like she’s doing some great thing and op should be grateful. She’s a childcare professional. Her ‘medal’ is her wages. And if she can’t manage her own teenager with her job she needs to find some other work.

[Darlingx]

Give her a rota of child themed activities and classes as suggestions to work around . Like others have said once the little one is talking or the weather is not so mild it will evolve but there might be too much temptation to revolve the child around her errands when it should be the other way around. If you find and suggest places classes they will have to have attended that should put the focus on child based learning instead of strapped to a buggy sitting in shops . You are paying her afterall not to just get them out of the house there has to be a learning structure and social interaction suitable for children with other children. I took them to libary sing alongs and it was the playground always not the shops because its for the child to interact . If the children were sleeping then u can push the buggy around shops. I avoided indoor softplay because they were germ pits only outdoor so I would do indoor softplay at the childs home on rainy days but we were out in everything but rain and it’s great for their immune system

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

I've been a nanny with the same family for 10 years. I take all 4 kids out as it's easier than staying in and trying to keep them from the wfh setup. No matter how 'invisible' you think you are, you're really not.
He sounds like a happy boy and you've said you trust that she goes to classes etc. If you don't trust her or would rather have them in, then say this to her.
I would say, learn to appreciate good people and not sabotage a good thing. Some have commented about wanting to know about every second of where she is, thats just not healthy at all. No one likes to be micro managed, it's about trust above all else and communication. You can fund another nanny and she can find a family that trusts and appreciates her.

[WimpoleHat]

She isn’t doing some charitable act babysitting for the op. This is her paid work. I don’t know why people are acting like she’s doing some great thing and op should be grateful.

Absolutely! This is her job! She’s not doing a favour for the OP and fitting the kid into her own day. She’s supposed to be working and focused on the child.

[Droite]

@Lolabray

She’s trying her best by the sounds of it. She’s a single mum and looking after someone’s else’s child (fair enough she is paid) but she deserves praise and a medal.

For goodness sake, she's the mother of a teenager and she goes out to work. Like thousands of others. Why does that deserve a medal?

[SusanBAnthony999]

She’s trying her best by the sounds of it. She’s a single mum and looking after someone’s else’s child (fair enough she is paid) but she deserves praise and a medal

Aah the parallel mumsnet universe where employees are doing the employer an enormous favour by actually doing the work they are paid to do.

[thenewduchessofhastings]

@crazyguineapiglady

Nannies earn £30k-£60k so it's not just keeping kids warm and fed.

@Strawberryjam45

Are you paying your nanny 30-60K a year?

[christinarossetti19]

I think Treesandsheepeverywhere is right - "I would say, learn to appreciate good people and not sabotage a good thing."

[Mischance]

Is your little boy happy?

If so, then stick with the nanny - she is doing a good job.

[csigeek]

What’s the actual problem with any of this though? What issue is it causing that she’s out a lot or that she’s using classes in her own area that she probably knows the instructor better and has her own person experience of?
I’m failing to understand why you feel like this.

[MarchingOnTogether]

This was me as a nanny! Days spent out of the house were much more enjoyable for me and the girls. We didn't do a lot of aimless walking around shops but it did happen now and again. Once a week we had a class that ended 75 mins before school pick up. But the drive back to school was about 25 mins. So we filled the time with a mooch round the local shops, I would take snacks for the little girl (sometimes we got a nice biscuit from the bakery as a treat).
Both parents worked out of the house (in a hospital) so if i was there late we spent the evening in the house, but daytimes were 90% out just because we preferred it.

If I worked for WFH parents I'd be out of the house for that reason too, nothing worse than a child confused over who is in charge or the feeling like you are being watched all day long.

[Iziz]

And I hope he does grow up to tell his mum he had the best time with his nanny but if he can’t tell her yet it’s purely for safety reasons that the parents should know exactly where the kid is at all times accidents and emergencies happen it’s not all about trusting her or not you get a feeling of the person taking care of your child on daily basis or am sure she wouldn’t had the job but it’s mind boggling to me that a parent wouldn’t know where the kid is at all times .

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

@Iziz

And I hope he does grow up to tell his mum he had the best time with his nanny but if he can’t tell her yet it’s purely for safety reasons that the parents should know exactly where the kid is at all times accidents and emergencies happen it’s not all about trusting her or not you get a feeling of the person taking care of your child on daily basis or am sure she wouldn’t had the job but it’s mind boggling to me that a parent wouldn’t know where the kid is at all times .

So you wouldn't be happy with a spur of the moment trip out?

[Goldbar]

If you're a nanny out all day, how many hours a day do the children you care for spend strapped in the buggy or in a car seat?

I agree that a lot of activities can be done outside so there's no issue with being outside per se. When my DC was younger, I was part of a parents' and carers' group that met in the park once a week during the summer. We all brought different things. Someone brought crayons and a big roll of paper, someone brought toy cars, another parent brought chalks and usually there were bubbles and building blocks as well. If that's the sort of thing you're doing with the children (only outside rather than inside), that's clearly fine. Or going on a walk and getting them to gather leaves or conkers to take home and use in crafts. Or just running around in the woods building dens and making things from sticks. So the issue isn't outdoor activities as opposed to indoor activities.

But if actually the children are just being restrained in a buggy and pushed through the park, the woods, the shops or the post office "watching the world go by", then I'd be very unimpressed with that as a parent. Partly because that's what we do at the weekends and on our days off with our DC... take them on fun, interesting trips out of the house and to cafes and restaurants. So they're already having quite a lot of pram time "seeing the world" at the weekend with us.

Imo (and this is apparently more controversial than I had thought!), small children need to be "working" during the week. And "work" for small children centres on active play, mostly on the floor (or on the ground if outside)... freely moving and engaging with their surroundings and manipulating objects around them.

Why would I care if my child is safe and happy? Well, my child is safe and happy watching Cbeebies and eating ice cream but that doesn't do much for their development. The standard for good childcare is a bit higher than everyone safe and happy.