Nanny is never home

[Strawberryjam45]

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

I suspect she thinks she is helping you by staying out of the house, toddlers are noisy, they cry, they shout, they have noisy toys

Not read whole thread but you’re always going to get the typical MN responses on here which always seem to be in the defence of the nanny.

I think this is too much and wouldn’t be happy with it.
I’d be expecting her to be spending more time at home interacting with DS, playing with him, messy play, shape sorting, etc whatever games you might play with a toddler.
Classes and being out and about are of course great but there needs to be a balance.

Why is she only allowed to take her child once a fortnight? What difference does it make as long as she’s paying for her child.

Don’t see what the issue is here at all.

If child is only sat in a buggy all day he's having a crap time where ever.
Children need to run and play.

I think there can be plenty of opportunities to learn whilst out and about. Counting, learning colours, talking about what you can see - it doesn’t matter whether the little one can talk, they are like sponges at that age, will be taking it all in, and surprise you with their knowledge later. I feel really sad when I see people glued to their phones instead of interacting with young children. Such a wasted opportunity.

I’ve never been a nanny but I once cleaned peoples homes and felt so uncomfortable if they were at home! It’s difficult not to feel watched even if they are working in a home office or spare room. I also prefer to have my grandkids without their parents as I feel so much more relaxed with them.

@Hertsgirl10

Why is she only allowed to take her child once a fortnight? What difference does it make as long as she’s paying for her child.

Don’t see what the issue is here at all.

The issue is that she isn’t being paid to spend time with her child while wheeling the baby around in a buggy. She’s being paid to spend one on one time with the baby. That’s often why people pay for a nanny over a nursery, so they can have that tailored, one to one attention and care.

Would you accept this in other jobs? So you’d be happy to arrive at nursery and find your child’s key worker hanging out with their teenager because they want to spend time with them? Or waiting to be served in a shop because the cashier’s auntie has decided to visit and they work long hours so don’t get as much time as they’d like with family?

When you’re at work, you do your job. You don’t do the bare minimum whilst doing things you like on paid time.

And yes, it’s awkward working with the parents at home, and it’s boring playing with toddlers all day. Unfortunately, as she’s a nanny for a WFH parent, these are the cons of her job. If she finds it intolerable or boring she needs to find a new job.

Bet she is going home

You’ll be glad the DC was socialised in the Summer ,when it comes to the cold winter.
Or another lockdown.

I really don't see what the problem is. She takes your child to classes and does child centric things. She also runs errands with your son. So what? Running errands is part of everyday life with a small child and my 13 month old son loves going to the supermarket and people watching.

I'd be very happy if she was my nanny. I work from home full time, too, and usually my son goes to a childminder. He was ill the last few days. My DP was ill as well, so he was able to look after him.
Oh my God, I found it so hard working with my son in the house despite my partner looking after him.

You still hear them crying, making noise and playing and it makes it so hard to concentrate.

But I would like to add if you have a problem with it and would like her to spend more time with your son in the house, you can absolutely do so. Your her employer and can decide her place of work (within reason).

@5zeds

Going out to a class for dc is fine, or the zoo or the park, or to the shops to buy shoes/biscuit/post a card to granny, anything else is just dead time in a pushchair and young toddlers need LOTS of free play in a safe environment (like their garden/bedroom/sitting room). I certainly wouldn’t want my child out if the house morning and afternoon five days a week.

My four children were out seven days a week, rain, snow, sunshine and pretty much all day, with a few intermittent days with art based activities at home. They all loved it and so did I. Now working as a Nanny myself I do the same with the kids I look after and parks, playgrounds mother and toddler groups I do all the time and yes I've taken them out for several hours (den building, fantastic playgrounds and had them complain at wanting to stay longer, this was after 8 hours outdoors! And yes I take them to a particular shop so they can choose their favourite cookies/donuts. They love just love being outdoors and I bring them home contented.

@Kanaloa. I agree. If a child is being largely ignored in the buggy while the nanny shops with friends or family, then why pay for a nanny? Why not go for nursery where at least your DC will have some dedicated attention from the nursery staff, even if it's shared with the other children?

I've always been surprised by the research showing that children aged between 2 and 3 do better at nursery than at home with a nanny since I would generally consider a nanny to be the 'gold standard' of childcare. But this thread has cleared up a few misconceptions. If the goal of a lot of nannies is just to make sure the child is always 'out and about' (even if in the buggy a lot of the time) and never bored, then this leaves much less time for activities like cutting with scissors, arts and crafts, gluing, small world play and sorting and construction which develop children's cognitive abilities and motor skills.

At 17m everything takes aaaages. So walking round the park holding a little hand can easily take an hour when an adult could do it in 10 minutes. When DS was that age I remember it taking all morning to walk to the corner shop and back. Also places I took barely walking toddlers were one a clock clubs, libaries, museums. All places they could explore safely.

When it was fine and dry as it has been lately it wasn't unusual to go to a park twice in a day. Add in a soft play trip and swimming. I would only stay home 1 or 2 mornings or afternoons a week. Fresh air and exercise is incredibly important.

I did live in a surestart arwa to be fair so lots of this was free.

Our schedule was :
Monday am swimming pop to shoos on way home, lunch, nap

Actually when I had Dd, the midwife missed me several times because I was out by 9:30/10.

I hated being in the house with my little ones when they were young I was also out too. If i look after grandkids now I would rather be out than in.

It is boring, as long as your child is safe and content I don’t see the problem.
Maybe you just want the child there so you can see them whenever you want. Once back in the office you won’t have that luxury, ps she’s a childminder not a nanny.

When my dd was this age I went out every morning and every afternoon, even in bad weather. She is ill this week and we haven’t been out, which is hard for both of us. Lots of people just have the personality type where they need to get out and about. If she’s that type of person then I would let her get on with looking after your kid in the best way they know how.

If you want her to stay home then just explain it - you are employing her to help you and your family out. It is a job and you should feel like you can set or reset ground rules.

You really should not feel like you can't set the agenda. Just have a review meeting and explain how you feel, that after the class you want toddler home & doing things at home - one activity out a day so either morning or afternoon.

Make it easier to transition from being out to in - so lots of playdough or cooking or painting things in so it works & you may like to write out the suggested day or empower the nanny to research the ideal 17 month old day/routine and encourage her to do different activities -

I had anxiety about my child being in the nanny's car or out for too long, so sometimes helpful to work out the why & make the change from there. Or pre agree the week so you are happy too -

Having a nanny is meant to be helpful to you, so make sure you are happy with it - you may find the move to a nursery comes easier for you as you know where they are.

@Tigger1895

It is boring, as long as your child is safe and content I don’t see the problem. Maybe you just want the child there so you can see them whenever you want. Once back in the office you won’t have that luxury, ps she’s a childminder not a nanny.

No, childminders are self-employed and work in their own home. Nannies are employed and work in your home.

Is she caring for the child in her own home perhaps and not wondering around the shops?

Our nanny always takes our kids out at least once a day. It’s good for them to get fresh air, see other kids, do activities etc. Also it’s good for me that my house isn’t getting messed up and I get some quiet for wfh. Do you not discuss what activities you’d like her to do with your child? Our nanny always asks what we’d like her to do.

Haha, I was a living nanny before and believe I couldn’t wait to leave the parents house , be out and about with the children, I did love pushing a pram around town specially when was a tourist town and sunny every day. You meet people and chat. What she would do at home with a baby ? Another thing is she doesn’t want to bother you and could feel judged by you because you are at home . When I had my own children , even though I didn’t sleep most of the nights and living in England , I would take them out every day rain, cold or not. Be at home with a 17 months old would make more crazy and depressed.