Nanny is never home

[Strawberryjam45]

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

[maofteens]

She sounds great to me, and it won't be long before the 17 month old will be a more vocal two year old and not so happy with being taken around without an end goal or activity.
I see nothing wrong with her daughter joining in - many nannies meet up with other nannies, unless you think the activities are more for her benefit.
You could suggest certain outings - if the local pool does baby swimming or play group. But frankly I went stir crazy at home with my toddler and we used any excuse to go out and walked the long way round to get anywhere. And I'm a real homebody!

[Blondeshavemorefun]

So @Strawberryjam45. Did you chat with nanny

Or reliese what she does is normal

[thenovice]

To be fair I think if it were you looking after the 17 month old, you would soon be wanting to go out a lot. It is HARD WORK. Going out gives the child stimulation and it is good to be active.

[sociallydistained]

@Tinpotspectator

I don't agree with that, at all. It was never mentioned to me, and I'm in touch with ex nannies even now.

Every nanny I’ve met even in passing would agree with this. Maybe wouldn’t be admitting it to employers but it is the general consensus for sure.

My first employers worked from home 100% and I worked their for 7 years and adore the whole family and are still in touch now, they’re like family. But still would I actively avoid jobs like this now, yes.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

Are you in SW London OP?

[Tinpotspectator]

I don't agree with that, at all. It was never mentioned to me, and I'm in touch with ex nannies even now.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

@Newrunner29

When u r a nanny and u have parents working from home i always used to dread it, the children know and obviously they would prefer the parent as it should be, so im not surprised they are out most of time.

I agree,it's awful and confusing for the kids.

[Newrunner29]

When u r a nanny and u have parents working from home i always used to dread it, the children know and obviously they would prefer the parent as it should be, so im not surprised they are out most of time.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Sounds just like what I did as a nanny and I was one for over 20yrs

Out am park /group. Home for lunch and nap. Out after nap

Yes maybe she could spend a morn or afternoon in playing with toys cooking etc

It is soooooooooooooooo hard having parents wfh

As a nanny we don’t do anything diff but children behave differently

Plus not making noise etc

What classes does she book near home

[riceuten]

Personally I think there's more to consider here. I don't think you like what the nanny is doing, but haven't let her know.

[SweetBabyCheeses99]

I’m so confused as to what sort of “classes” are suitable for both a 17 month old and a teenager?! Presumably you pay for these so you know the details? I’m envisaging some sort of toddler gymnastics or baby splashy swim classes, so what is a teenager doing there?!

I am reading between the lines that it’s not that they’re going out a lot that bothers you but that you don’t trust where they are going and what they are up to? What does it matter that some of these “classes” are 20 mins away near her house? Do you suspect that she’s sharing the childcare duties with her teen? That they’re not actually going out anywhere and that’s she’s just going home? That they’re living their normal life and just dragging your kid along?

[Goldbar]

. It should really not be beyond the wit of any nanny to get the playdoh out, do some painting or entertain a child with their toys for a couple of hours a day. There is a huge movement by health visitors and educationalists to get parents to engage in play with their children more regularly. There are reasons for that. It is beneficial to children's development. I would expect engaging children in play to be second nature for a nanny.

And yes clearly outings and walks are good too...fresh air and exercise are beneficial and it is good for children to have a change of scene and new experiences when you run errands. But these don't and can't replace the benefits of plenty of playtime.

[clouds56]

I am a mum of a 3 year old and a 5 month old and in all honestly I find it much easier to entertain them when out and about. Even when my DD1 is at nursery and it's just me and the 5 month old I've found recently she's much happier being out of the house and doing things than stuck at home all day.

[Mollymoostoo]

@Strawberryjam45

Thank you everyone for your replies. Just to give you some context, she is otherwise thoughtful, attentive and accommodating and DS really does love her. DH's view is that it's not a big issue although he too has noted they rarely seem to be at home. Totally appreciate that she might not want to be at home with me there-regardless of how much I think I keep out of her way. I don't want to nitpick because she is a good nanny. I think I might ask as some of you have suggested that she spend an afternoon or two a week at home once it gets a bit colder. I pay for DS to go swimming and a couple of classes on top. They also go to some free activities in the library etc in addition to the paid activities so I think that's still plenty.

It might be worth reflecting on why you chose a nanny rather than childminder or nursery.
A childminder would look after your child in their home and you would have no control over the activities or who else was in the home. Same with a nursery.
It seems you want to have control over the activities and it might be worth considering if you should reduce your work and take care of your child yourself. The nanny is not you, it is not her child and she is doing what you pay her for. If you are expecting her to educate your child more formally, a nanny is not the right type of childcare.

[Toodlepip100]

i think she is probably taking him to her house tbh & catching up doing her chores while your paying her !!

[Mollymoostoo]

@Strawberryjam45

These comments are really useful-thanks. I guess I'm comparing it to if I was at home. I might pop out once during the day with DS and that's it. To me, it seems they'll pop into a supermarket or the shops most days (admittedly we have a big shopping Centre near us). I guess my concern is whether she's prioritizing DS or prioritizing just getting out of the house to go to the shops or run personal errands (chemist/post office). DS loves her and seems very happy tbf so maybe I'm worrying about nothing.

Although you dismiss running errands, they are actually educational opportunities to develop a child's knowledge and understanding of the world. As he gets older he will recognise places, learn socially acceptable behaviour and even start to understand numbers and recognise words and logos.
She is a nanny and so not expected to offer a more formal setting such as a nursery so it looks like she is doing a good job of having a mix of activities for your child.
I wonder how much of your concern is your desire to pop in and see what they are up to, the way you describe staying out of their way in what is your own home makes me think that you don't understand how uncomfortable it is looking after someone's child in front of them.

[MiaMarshmallows]

Agree with the others, being at home with a young child is very boring. She also most likely just wants to give you some space. If you don't like her being out all the time, tell her.

[Mirw]

When I worked as a nanny, I did spend most of the day outside the child's home because there was an expectation that I would do housework, house laundry etc if I was in the house. I was not employed as a mother's help, I was employed to care for the child. The "placement" broke down because I "was too militant as to what work I would do". I did say I would do all these other things if they paid me extra, but that never happened so I wouldn't do them. Slave, I ain't.

[Flatwhitetostayin]

I have only read your posts, but to me it sounds as though your ds is experiencing a really normal day. Most mums do a mixture of classes and chores and at 17 months that's most probably perfect. Being in a pushchair going around a supermarket or going to the Post office is just as much fun as rhyme time in the library at that age. Also, the likely hood is that if her teenage daughter likes to tag along to activities, your son is getting double the attention, listening to chatter and having another person to interact with. There are so many positives here. But the main one is that you feel she is very loving towards your son. X

[Snoopsnoggysnog]

@Lolabray

She’s trying her best by the sounds of it. She’s a single mum and looking after someone’s else’s child (fair enough she is paid) but she deserves praise and a medal.

This is ridiculous. She isn’t doing it for free. Do you get a medal for doing your job?

[lazylinguist]

Your child is being looked after, and has a mixture of being taken to groups/classes and doing normal, everyday errands and stuff that a parent might do with their child. Seems perfectly acceptable to me. In fact that's why I chose a childminder rather than a nursery for my dc. Normal family-style daily routine, not constant child-focussed activities with loads of other kids. Plenty of time for that when they start school. I'm not surprised the nanny doesn't want to be in your house with you and dh wfh either!

[Iziz]

A simple text we are going to this place is sufficient for me am not saying put a tracker on her but i should know where my kids is , even school doesn’t take the kids on an outing without parents permission.

[Goldbar]

If you're a nanny out all day, how many hours a day do the children you care for spend strapped in the buggy or in a car seat?

I agree that a lot of activities can be done outside so there's no issue with being outside per se. When my DC was younger, I was part of a parents' and carers' group that met in the park once a week during the summer. We all brought different things. Someone brought crayons and a big roll of paper, someone brought toy cars, another parent brought chalks and usually there were bubbles and building blocks as well. If that's the sort of thing you're doing with the children (only outside rather than inside), that's clearly fine. Or going on a walk and getting them to gather leaves or conkers to take home and use in crafts. Or just running around in the woods building dens and making things from sticks. So the issue isn't outdoor activities as opposed to indoor activities.

But if actually the children are just being restrained in a buggy and pushed through the park, the woods, the shops or the post office "watching the world go by", then I'd be very unimpressed with that as a parent. Partly because that's what we do at the weekends and on our days off with our DC... take them on fun, interesting trips out of the house and to cafes and restaurants. So they're already having quite a lot of pram time "seeing the world" at the weekend with us.

Imo (and this is apparently more controversial than I had thought!), small children need to be "working" during the week. And "work" for small children centres on active play, mostly on the floor (or on the ground if outside)... freely moving and engaging with their surroundings and manipulating objects around them.

Why would I care if my child is safe and happy? Well, my child is safe and happy watching Cbeebies and eating ice cream but that doesn't do much for their development. The standard for good childcare is a bit higher than everyone safe and happy.

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

@Iziz

And I hope he does grow up to tell his mum he had the best time with his nanny but if he can’t tell her yet it’s purely for safety reasons that the parents should know exactly where the kid is at all times accidents and emergencies happen it’s not all about trusting her or not you get a feeling of the person taking care of your child on daily basis or am sure she wouldn’t had the job but it’s mind boggling to me that a parent wouldn’t know where the kid is at all times .

So you wouldn't be happy with a spur of the moment trip out?

[Iziz]

And I hope he does grow up to tell his mum he had the best time with his nanny but if he can’t tell her yet it’s purely for safety reasons that the parents should know exactly where the kid is at all times accidents and emergencies happen it’s not all about trusting her or not you get a feeling of the person taking care of your child on daily basis or am sure she wouldn’t had the job but it’s mind boggling to me that a parent wouldn’t know where the kid is at all times .