Nanny is never home

[Strawberryjam45]

We have a nanny for our 17 month old DS. Nanny is great with DS, very loving , tidy, pro-active and generally nice to have around. The only thing is she's not around much. Her and DS shoot out the house after an hour of her arriving and then are back for lunch and nap time. They will then shoot out again and are back for bath and dinner. I'm WFH but stay in the upstairs office and out of their ways. Nanny tells me at the end of the day where they have been and it's usually the park or classes but sometimes it does seem they're just wondering aimlessly around the shops. It's not that they go out a lot that I have an issue with more that it seems to be the aim of their day, to find something to do just to get out every day. It seems a lot to me when they're out for 4-6 hours of the day which is quite usual.

Nanny also sometimes books classes near her home (20min drive). I have spoken to her about this before and understand that she's a single mum with a teen and that occasionally she'll want her teen to join her and DS. Happy for her to do this once every 2 weeks but it seems to me that it's more 1-2 a week. Advice please. I know some of you'll say she's keen to get out because I'm there but I'm really quite invisible. If I had to guess why she's out so often with DS it's because I think she finds being "just" at home with him boring.

[Jng1]

I kind of see where you're coming from with this - sounds like she's more of a child-minder than a nanny? It's perhaps not such an issue at this age, but I'd also be expecting her to do more child-centric things like reading, arts & crafts etc.
What are the classes she takes your child to?

[FeatheredHope]

My husband was WFH too until recently and although we tried to stay out of her way, I can understand if it was a lot to deal with

Is it really a surprise she was trying to stay out of the house?!

[Kuachui]

I mean yeah she could just stay at home and watch TV...

[Strawberryjam45]

She doesn't take DS to her house but this is something she's done in the past where she's had a class and then put DS down at hers and given him lunch there. I think it was more of a thing in the summer holidays where her own daughter was at home and she wanted to check-in at home. I told her that I didn't have a problem with this as long as she let me know in advance.

[Jng1]

Do you know for sure that she is taking your DS to classes - do you see receipts, photos, wet swimming costumes etc?

There's not a risk she is just taking DS to her house and dumping him in front of the TV is there?

[5zeds]

Going out to a class for dc is fine, or the zoo or the park, or to the shops to buy shoes/biscuit/post a card to granny, anything else is just dead time in a pushchair and young toddlers need LOTS of free play in a safe environment (like their garden/bedroom/sitting room). I certainly wouldn’t want my child out if the house morning and afternoon five days a week.

[Curioushorse]

So....

The first Christmas my son was with the childminder, he got presents from people I'd never met- and I was really freaked out! But it was actually so lovely that he had all these extra people. I realised he was actually part of this family who were all looking after him, and it was great.

The same thing happened with my daughter- and again, I wasn't prepared for it. She was about 3, we were in a supermarket, and suddenly she ran off into the middle of this group of teenage girls. One of them lifted her up and started singing and bouncing her, and my daughter was just laughing and laughing away. I was unprepared because I hadn't even though about my childminder's daughter. It was really nice.

A teenage girl with your child is another person looking after her and playing with her. Win for you and your child!

[Strawberryjam45]

@Jng1, yes she send lots of pictures and I have receipts and I don't doubt she goes where she says she will but then I think she'll also run personal errands or pop to shops too on the way to or on the way back from an activity. Like I said she gives me an account of what they've been up to during the day but it's not an hour by hour breakdown-now would I expect that

[mumcop]

Sounds like she's being a good nanny! She might feel uncomfortable being herself with the child while you are home.
It's easier to entertain toddlers out and about. As children get older and have better Attention spans it's nicer to stay home more and play bored games, do art and crafts more.

[EvilPea]

I think children do need an element of the mundane.
There’s a lot to learn in the supermarket trip, different sights, sounds and smells. New people with different emotions on their faces.
I used to get the dc to draw the shopping list and “find the red pepper or the green one”

The teen coming along is probably practical as well. She won’t need to take yours in to a toilet etc.
I can’t see a problem. What do you want her doing

[Strawberryjam45]

@5zeds. Yes this is exactly how I feel.

[HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime]

When I was a SAHM I did the same as she did if the weather was good, most days I wouldn't even go home for lunch I'd take a packed lunch and flask instead. Toddler group in the morning, lunch at the park, library or beach, toddler group or grab some shopping in the afternoon and stroll to get Dd to nap then home.

If you don't want them walking aimlessly around shops why not get a season pass to a local zoo or similar attraction.

[HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime]

There are plenty of learning experience to be had running everyday chores. A child who knows what the post office does or how a cafe works and how to behave will all help with make believe play as they get older.

[mim321]

I'd share the same concerns as you. Not a problem running an hour or so of errands with your child in tow. Or going out and about to a farm, playground or whatever. Not so much the shops every day. But I'd also like some home based activities for my child in a day.

It does depend on how big your house is. If I felt the noise of the toddler was distracting for your work calls, I can see the merits of being out of the house.

[Tangledtresses]

Perfectly normal
Many moons ago I was a nanny to a 7month old and he was a poor sleeper at their house in the day and they both worked from home talking loudly on the phone in quite a small house with no garden.

So I asked if I was okay if he slept at my house a few days a week after play group and then we'd go to school pick up my son and go to the park or whatever. Our kids became very close and we all had a great time.
They had the house to themselves , he ate and slept better at mine and got into a great routine. We kept in contact for years.

Being a nanny for many years with parents wfh you do tend to go out a lot and mix with nannies who have empty houses, and go to lots of playgroups etc.... as it's just not the same as being a mum at home. You do feel like you're being watched al the time.

[Sprogonthetyne]

No matter how invisible you are, your toddler will know your there and want to go to you. If they stay in she'd probably spend half the day stopping him running into your offices and dealing with an upset toddler who won't understand why he can't go for a mummy hug whenever he wants. Whereas once they're out, seeing you won't be an opinion so he'll settle much more easily and be too busy having fun give you a second thought.

[Okaygreatthanks]

@Caramellatteplease

With a nanny I would be expecting all activities to be child centric. I wouldn't expect shopping was on that list unless she had specific resources turning it into an active learning experience or you had asked them to.

I kind of disagree with this, as someone who has been sahm, whom, and en route had childminders, nursery, nanny etc (have worked part time, full time, not at all - every combo!)

When I was sahm in london, I really noticed from being in about a million parks for hours on end that it didn’t really seem to do the kids any good to have nannies that were clearly instructed to revolve the whole day around the kids. Think what that does to their evolving little brains! ‘Everything is alllll about me’. Plus, many kids adore going on a reasonable amount of every day errands. I mean the excitement of the post office! All those interesting noises and things!

When I was a sahm, I found it so isolating and boring that I did exactly what your nanny does - out and about for hours, classes, parks, museums, kid friendly cafes. We used to spend mornings in until dc1 had a morning nap, then walk/bus all over the show. My child seemed to enjoy it (very high curiosity/high energy baby) or else I would have stopped.

If your baby seemed tired or out of routine as a result of this, I’d be concerned. Or maybe if you could say, ‘ I really like it when baby is in in the morning and just has a good play with his toys’, then they have perhaps an early lunch and then go out on their travels?

[Okaygreatthanks]

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime

There are plenty of learning experience to be had running everyday chores. A child who knows what the post office does or how a cafe works and how to behave will all help with make believe play as they get older.

Yes, this!

[Strawberryjam45]

@Okaygreatthanks, a very good point, DS is very high-energy and likes to be kept busy

[Amammi]

I don’t think it’s a problem but at his age he does need to be out of the park / stroller for most of the day learning how to coordinate his movements and work his muscles. I would not like him to be confined into the seat of the buggy too long on a daily basis.

[Goldbar]

I don't think YABU, OP. I'd prefer a mix of home-based activities and going out.

There's a limit to what a 17 month old can do, clearly, but at that age I did plenty of activities at home with my DC. These included:

• Reading books
• Painting (mostly finger-painting).
• Water play - outside in good weather, otherwise a basin on a pile of towels on the kitchen floor.
• Playdoh
• "Baking" - stirring flour and making a mess, basically. I didn't bake properly with DC until they were 2.5-3.
• Lots of stacking and colour-sorting activities
• Paper and crayons
• Dancing and 'music' with pots and pans (though probably too loud if you're working!)
• Sensory boxes (basically junk from around the house for DC to explore).
• Car tracks
• Ball drops

We also played a lot out in the garden - either in the sandpit or DC had a little mud kitchen, or we'd make an obstacle course using chairs and sheets for them to crawl through.

Your nanny will be concerned about noise when you're wfh and making a mess so you'll need to reassure her that this is ok, but I don't think YABU to suggest that she spends some time in the house doing home-based activities with your DC rather than always rushing off to somewhere.

[FawnFrenchieMum]

Maybe suggest twice a week she stays home a morning or afternoon to get them used to entertaining them self, playing with their own toys etc?

[ClaudiaWankleman]

This sounds like a good routine for your child. Everything is a learning experience at that age, and she is improving that with a different environment and stimulation each day. Much better than sitting in all day.

Is there something in particular that you'd like her to do at your home? Or is it just that she might be doing something useful for her at the same time as taking care of your child?

I have quite fond blurry memories of going to Sainsburys with my childminder when I was a toddler.

[TiredButDancing]

I think it sounds fine. My only concern would be if, for example, it's 3 afternoons a week in the buggy wandering around the shops. But actually, an afternoon a week doing that can be quite fun for a small child and exposes them to lots of interesting things.

Agree with PP, she sounds like she finds having him out the house easier. Probably exacerbated by you WFH. Our nanny always tended to have lots of plans for DD and would just come back in late afternoon to have a chilled out hour or two while she made dinner etc. It was great. And DD slept like a LOG after her days!

[kirinm]

This is how we live our lives (when not working) with our DD and has been since she was born. Couldn't stand being stuck in the house and she also wouldn't sleep unless on the move so we spent most of the day out - rain or shine.

We still do it now. I think I'd prefer that to be stuck indoors all day particularly if someone is wfh!