Childminder terminated contract on first day because of behaviour

[MrDaddio]

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday.
He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something.
Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

It’s a lot of new situations for such a little child. Starting school and having to in a new school environment. Maybe having to sit still and conform to the new class rules amd other children. Then I’m top of that go to a brand new child minder so again, new person, kids environment. I’m not surprised he was being a bit naughty.

Maybe having to sit still and conform to the new class rules amd other children
In common with all the other children starting Reception class this year, yes.

@boqq

She probably filled his place with another child she can have all day. What did your son say? For those saying child minders know what they’re doing, not all do... I once had one who used to stick the telly on and expect my daughter to babysit the other kids..l

More fool you for leaving her there 🤷🏻‍♀️

4? Hitting and pushing!? Sorry YABVU. You need to apologise to her and spend some time working on his behaviour before hiring more childcare. A nanny might be more suitable if he’s violent. It’s not normal behaviour for a NT 4 year old to do this 2-3 times a year or ever really.

I had one who was actually angry that my 3 year old tried to feed a hotdog sausage (that’s she’d given her for tea) to her young baby @boqq!

Obviously why she’d left preschoolers unattended while eating and also her baby alone with a preschooler . She didn’t like me much after that .

Obviously I asked why she’d left preschoolers unattended while eating

Oops.

I can’t believe people are shocked at a 4 year old hitting and pushing a few times a year?! I can’t think of many 4 year olds that never hit or push.
One of the most well behaved children I know pushed a child over in his first week of reception. He is the most well mannered polite child I have ever met.

Was another child injured?

@3WildOnes

I can’t believe people are shocked at a 4 year old hitting and pushing a few times a year?! I can’t think of many 4 year olds that never hit or push. One of the most well behaved children I know pushed a child over in his first week of reception. He is the most well mannered polite child I have ever met.

Op's child apparently hit, pushed and threw things, all within a very short timeframe and op has not been clear on the ages of the other children involved. They could have been much smaller than he is.

Surely bad planning to have him starting school and a new childminder in the same week? Lots of children find starting reception very overwhelming and exhausting, my DD was a nightmare for the first few weeks.

I’d say draw a line under this, leaving a negative review would be petty.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan 'Idiotic comment grin My DS went through a massive hitting phase at that age. Lots of kids do. He's now a very well adjusted, happy, mature and articulate (too bloody articulate) 9yo. Don't worry, OP.'

How are the kids he used to hit getting on?

[quote DemBonesDemBones]@JesusInTheCabbageVan 'Idiotic comment grin My DS went through a massive hitting phase at that age. Lots of kids do. He's now a very well adjusted, happy, mature and articulate (too bloody articulate) 9yo. Don't worry, OP.'

How are the kids he used to hit getting on? [/quote]
Is there many children that haven't been? I remember ds getting bitten at nursery and he's not in therapy yet

Yes its not right but pretending it scars children for life is idiotic.

@GreyhoundG1rl
I can completely understand why the childminder wouldn’t think this child would fit her setting.
The OP said he is normally well behaved and I can’t understand the outrage that OP said he might usually hit or push a few times a year, a four year old occasionally lashing out is completely normal behaviour and no at all requiring of professional help.

[quote 3WildOnes]@GreyhoundG1rl
I can completely understand why the childminder wouldn’t think this child would fit her setting.
The OP said he is normally well behaved and I can’t understand the outrage that OP said he might usually hit or push a few times a year, a four year old occasionally lashing out is completely normal behaviour and no at all requiring of professional help.[/quote]
Our of interest, what professional help do you think they should seek?

Because I genuinely can't think of anything

Sorry, I misread, you don't think they need help.

I agree. Anyone who does think that, please answer!

no at all requiring of professional help
No, I agree.
That said, it needs to be addressed. No good just blaming the childminder for being mean.

@3WildOnes

I can’t believe people are shocked at a 4 year old hitting and pushing a few times a year?! I can’t think of many 4 year olds that never hit or push. One of the most well behaved children I know pushed a child over in his first week of reception. He is the most well mannered polite child I have ever met.

Totally agree with this, most four year olds I've ever met have hit, pushed or shoved at some point, mostly in reaction as opposed to calculated. Blimey, obviously people have perfect children on here. However, obviously if the CM has babies it is unacceptable but we don't know who / what the child was hitting / throwing at.

I think the rose tinted glasses need to come off.

I would be questioning my child’s behaviour if the childminder quit after 2 hours. You sound like you’re in denial a little.

I think this is an issue of expectations. She’s a childminder, not the child’s parent. She’s there to watch the kids and help meet their basic needs - safety, food etc. She’s not there to raise your child. That’s a parents job.

Writing her a negative review is quite unfair imo. It might make you feel better to blame her, but at the end of the day you have to look to yourself and what you can do to help your lo control his emotions and channel them in healthy ways.

@Getyourarseofffthequattro as a one off or even an irregular event of course it wont. But in my experience the kids that regularly hit other children at 4 are still regularly hitting other children at 10, 12, 14+. And they hit the kids they know wont hit back. And years and years of being assaulted is extremely damaging to anyone, yes.

@crazyguineapiglady

If you are looking after a baby, a couple of toddlers and a couple of other young children, and also trying to make tea for everyone, and one child is hurting the others and throwing things, two hours would definitely be enough to know if you can't manage them!

It's easy to judge her as a "poor childminder" when you haven't experienced keeping multiple young children safe, engaged and fed.

Yes

[quote DemBonesDemBones]@Getyourarseofffthequattro as a one off or even an irregular event of course it wont. But in my experience the kids that regularly hit other children at 4 are still regularly hitting other children at 10, 12, 14+. And they hit the kids they know wont hit back. And years and years of being assaulted is extremely damaging to anyone, yes. [/quote]
What is your experience? How extensive?

@Toomuchtrouble4me from my experience as a parent of 4 school aged children aged 4-13 and as childcare professional.

It stands to reason that poor behaviour which isn't addressed rarely stops spontaneously, Toomuchtrouble.