Childminder terminated contract on first day because of behaviour

[MrDaddio]

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday.
He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something.
Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

Would you be happy, @2pinkginsplease, if your child spent "a few months" being hit and pushed and having none of their own needs attended to while the childminder came to a decision? The childminder would be lucky to have any other children left to mind.

I think you absolutely do have to compare the difference between a school setting and a childminder. I have worked in both settings (current reception class teacher who was previously a childminder for 11 years).

Of course the family of any child presenting with those behaviours in my classroom would be worked with (and potentially outside agencies involved) and a snap judgment would not be made after two hours in the setting. However, I absolutely would not judge any childminder for making a business decision that the child was not a good fit for her and the children in her care after just one visit. That's why most childminders have settling in sessions and grace periods where either side can terminate without notice.

At the end of the day it is her home being trashed and the children she already has close relationships with being hurt - two hours fees for one child just isn't worth that level of stress.

I wouldn't tolerate hitting etc if I was the childminder and certainly not if I was another parent Time to teach your child what is and isn't acceptable

"She gave examples"
Sorry but aged 4 or not if she has several examples of violent behaviour then the issue is not hers it's yours.
It's her home , she has others the care for and she is perfectly within her rights to refuse.
Why are you accepting violence from a child at all ?

Hitting aged 4 isn't acceptable. The CM is doing her job, protecting the other children in her care. Its up to you to raise the standard of your son's behaviour, not the CM's role to mitigate it.

It may have been more sensible to have told you what had been happening and to suggest that you stay with him next time but stay in the background and see how he behaves. It’s a bit harsh to exclude him after one session but on the other hand if a child was behaving badly and hit your child you would be angry. To suggest you stay would be proactive rather than reactive. If you are communicating still perhaps you could suggest this.

You really should have got him settled with childminder before he started school. Short sessions in weeks before school started may have smoothed out any issues.

@Iaamw

It may have been more sensible to have told you what had been happening and to suggest that you stay with him next time but stay in the background and see how he behaves. It’s a bit harsh to exclude him after one session but on the other hand if a child was behaving badly and hit your child you would be angry. To suggest you stay would be proactive rather than reactive. If you are communicating still perhaps you could suggest this.

She's terminated their contact, they need to move on. Not promise to do better next time.

Thats awful, really feel fir you and ds

@MissMaple82

You sound like you're in denial! The childminder took your child on and clearly wanted the income. The childminder has other children's care and safety to consider. A 4 year old shouldn't be hitting anyone full stop, he obviously has extremely challenging behaviour that needs addressing by a professional.

Utter bollocks

Sleeplessem

MrsSkylerWhite
School age children should not be pushing or hitting.
He’s only 4 and it sounds like he’s just started school. A few times in the year is perfectly normal. Jeez. Come on. Yes we know it’s not ‘kind hands’ but he’s still so young. Don’t pathologise typical behaviour. It’s not helpful here“

I disagree. A 4 year old still hitting is not typical behaviour. Most neurotypical children have been taught by that age that hitting is wrong and are perfectly able to take that on board.
Telling OP it is “typical” is is not helpful.

I think as well from what the childminder has said it doesn’t sound like a tussle over a toy resulting in one child hitting another, which although it’s unacceptable would be expected from reception or preschool age.

This sounds like a child who repeatedly hit, pushed and threw toys, so several times in a two hour period, which I personally wouldn’t expect from a four year old and would struggle to cope with in a childminder setting including young babies. In a preschool or school setting it’s different as there would be various staff to put things in place to support a child like that.

She didn't really give him much of a chance. But misbehaving and hitting for no good reason on a first visit isn't great. Still she has to think of other children on the receiving end of hitting. I might have given it a week.

I would have thought that a childminder would give the child a chance to settle into his new routine. A first day at school is frightening enough without having a new childminder thrown into the mix. If this happened after school, then the child would be very tired which would possibly explain the behaviour. If she is looking after too many children that she is unable to offer comfort to a child who is clearly upset then she's not the right childminder for you.

If she had other children at the same time, she cannot expend all her energy and attention on one child to the detriment of others. At 4 years old and taking into consideration a new school and childminder, it's expected that children will feel unsettled. It might have been a good idea to have introduced him to the childminder BEFORE he started school, just an hour here or there over a couple of weeks. Then he might have felt more relaxed and have made friends with the other children.
You have chucked him in at the deep end but the behaviour you say he has shown on a few occasions in the past, must have a root cause and it's this that you need to address.
He might feel abandoned by his parent(s) if he's a newby in school then with someone he doesn't know in another strange place for a few hours. Not much fun or stability for a very young child.
Mine were as good as gold in every way in and out of school and that's because I took them to school, brought them home for lunch and back for the afternoon then 3.30 pick up. They could 100% rely on my being at the gate and always had home-baked treats such as jam tarts or ginger buns when we arrived home. They were confident and happy children.

I wouldn't worry too much about it being your child needing professional help just yet. You know your child best! It could be a sign that something more is needed - how your child settles in at school should help you decide this.

Some childminders struggle with too many children and can't handle a slightly more lively child - whereas others would enjoy the challenge. Sometimes it's more about finding a good fit than anything else.

Slightly more lively child... Yeah, right.

@Spinachmunch3r

"She gave examples" Sorry but aged 4 or not if she has several examples of violent behaviour then the issue is not hers it's yours. It's her home , she has others the care for and she is perfectly within her rights to refuse. Why are you accepting violence from a child at all ?

This.

2-3 a year is not the multiple examples she has cited for just one day. You could ask her to take your DC for longer and apologise and ask her to work with you and not terminate. But you don't know the other children. My eldest is extremely sensitive to noise etc and if any child had hit her she would not have been able to cope - over 10 years on she's having a diagnosis for autism. But she needs to balance the needs of all the other children in her care.

A nursery attached to a reception class would be good -if you can get him in.

Just seen he started school so he is reception I guess. Hitting by the time of reception etc -coupled with she might have a baby or a number of under 5 she can not give your child 1-2-1 and even then one that is not doing as she has told. Does the school have a breakfast club / after school club?

I thought childminders were free to chose who they look after?

@MrDaddio

Hi everyone. I was just looking for a little advice. It was our 4 year old's first day at his new childminders on Thursday. He started school on Monday. He's usually very good except for one off incidents of pushing or hitting 2 or 3 times a year, but after his first stay with the childminder of only two hours she has said she can no longer have him because of his behaviour (hitting, throwing and pushing.) She gave examples, but it really sounds nothing like him. My hunch is that she just wasn't willing to spend enough time getting him settled and stimulated doing something. Anyway, my question is: would any other parents have been happy with this happening to them if they knew it was unusual behaviour for their child? I am thinking of leaving a moderate/pragmatic review covering my dissatisfaction (nothing too angry, just disappointed and feel she should have done more.)

Stop deferring, deflecting and denying your child has behavioural problems, by misdirecting your anger at a Childminder.

Your child has issues and you sound very much in denial. He needs help or discipline. Get some.

@laamw
You cany stay with a child sitting in the background the childminder can not leave you with the children to answer doors letting others home, to cook dinner, change nappies etc. Few would have a parent in watching at any time let alone the busiest time of day.....would you suggest she sat in the class watching.....end of day the parent should have booked a childminder in July latest and done settling in ever since.

She gets paid the same for looking after a well behaved child or a badly behaved or difficult child.
If he was already showing difficult behaviour she probably thought it just wasn't worth it.

Perhaps she realised he was not within her capability.

Also, if there is a safety issue, and if he is prone to hitting, then sorry, but other kids do need protection too.

I think some schools don’t go fast enough and don’t eject the violent kids quickly enough.

@LoisLane66
Absolutely no help in suggest the problem is due to mum not being at home racing home baked treats down him after school.
Loads of children go to after school care they don't get violent and being a stay home mum dosent mean you automatically get the perfect child.