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Original poster

Boyfriends ex won’t allow him to have his son stay at my flat.

98 replies

Rose9292 · 05/09/2020 23:40

Can anybody please help me. Is there a law that states anywhere that my boyfriend must be on my tenancy with me to be able to be granted to have his son stay overnight at my flat once a week (would be a weekend night) I have a six year old little girl and my boyfriends ex will not allow him to stay using the reason that he doesn’t rent the property with me, but stays with me on the weekends. I really need to find some light on this or who to contact moving forward as it is making life very difficult as I’ve found out I am pregnant and we just want some family time together. Thank you

OP posts:
DeliciouslyFemale · 05/09/2020 23:44

There’s absolutely no law that prevents your boyfriend from having his son stay ANYWHERE, so long as it’s safe. How long are you with him, that your pregnant but not living together?

BoobsOnTheMoon · 05/09/2020 23:46

Why can't he have his son to stay in his own home?

BoobsOnTheMoon · 05/09/2020 23:46

As in, why is he coming to your home every time he has his son? Can't he just spend that night in his own home?

LovingLola · 05/09/2020 23:47

Same question as pp - how long are you together? How old is his child?

Smallsteps88 · 05/09/2020 23:47

No there’s no law. He’s entitled to take his child wherever he likes during his contact time unless there is a court order prohibiting it.

But is it actually best for his son to be spending all his contact time with you and you’re child instead of with his dad when he only gets one day with him? Why doesn’t he have him at his own house?

LovingLola · 05/09/2020 23:50

I would imagine his ex wants their child’s time with his dad to be just that - time with his dad. Not shared with you and your child.

Original poster
Rose9292 · 06/09/2020 06:54

Thank you for all of your messages. Sorry I didn’t make this very clear. I am on universal credit & he stays with me a few nights a week as well. In the future we are looking to move in together but for now we just wanted to make it a bit easier on ourselves and be able to have a family day out for example and his son comes back to stay too. His son is 3 x

OP posts:
Original poster
Rose9292 · 06/09/2020 06:58

We have been together for almost two years and we’re also engaged. His ex has also moved on with her own family. I just wanted to know if he was able to have his son stay if he wished I’d if she could decline it, what would happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rose9292 · 06/09/2020 07:00

She said she won’t allow it as he’s not on my tenancy Hmm but I wanted to know if this was valid x

OP posts:
LunaLula83 · 06/09/2020 07:06

Ask your landlord.

minnieok · 06/09/2020 07:36

The tenancy doesn't matter for overnight stays no buy uc would be very interested in your situation, I'm guessing your dp "lives" with his parents for council tax and benefit reasons? My neighbour got fined for this exact scenario, the council investigated and proved she wasn't really living alone in the flat

flowery · 06/09/2020 07:41

I don’t understand. You’ve been together two years, are engaged and expecting a baby. Your fiancé stay at yours at weekends and “a few nights during the week”.

How is that not living together?

Kittykat93 · 06/09/2020 07:57

Yeah he stays with you a few nights a week? I'd be very careful of your benefits!! But nah the mother isn't able to dictate anything. My ex moved my 2 year old child in with his child within 6 weeks of meeting her. Nout I could do.

Oldbutstillgotit · 06/09/2020 08:04

If I am reading correctly , you are claiming UC as a single parent ? Your arrangement fur BF staying is a bit dodgy . Before I retired I worked with DWP and I am pretty sure that you would be regarded as living together .
The “ only staying 3/4 nights a week is allowed “ is a myth.

Original poster
Rose9292 · 06/09/2020 08:07

Yeah, it’s because of money reasons :( I rent privately but with help with housing costs as I only work part time. Thanks for all of your replies & help. I had a rough pregnancy with my first and did most of it alone with domestic violence involved. I think it’s why I just want to have my partner with me as much as possible with this one. I guess my safest bet is to get him on the tenancy x

OP posts:
LionLily · 06/09/2020 08:08

The ex Also thinks your arrangement is 'dodgy' and this is her way of forcing your hand. Her next strategy might be to ring UC. Beware.

Original poster
Rose9292 · 06/09/2020 08:09

We are working towards the tenancy aspect, I just was curious in regards to the weekend set up if she could stop him from allowing this to happen x

OP posts:
Original poster
Rose9292 · 06/09/2020 08:10

That’s what I was thinking too. Although she did the exact same thing before me before her partner now but she’s a one rule for her one rule for another kind of girl. I need to protect myself for sure. Thank you x

OP posts:
PlateTectonics · 06/09/2020 08:11

There's no law that gives his ex the right to say that (unless there's a court order in place for contact that specifies it), but as co parents it's better if they can keep things civil if possible. Sometimes that might mean listening to her concerns even if he doesn't agree. However, if you've been together two years I think she's being unreasonable to request this.

Edinburghfalls · 06/09/2020 08:13

She has no legal right to approve or decline where he stays when with his father.
Though of course she might not approve.
I was told they’d have a legal right to the address. I’m not sure if that’s true but it seems only reasonable they have the address in case of emergencies.

CodenameVillanelle · 06/09/2020 08:20

She can refuse contact on any grounds she wants - not to say she should but practically she can. Your partner needs to firm up contact arrangements through mediation if needs be. However it's blindingly obvious that you're fiddling your benefits claim and that's not something you want scrutiny on. I suggest you have the conversation with your partner about his financial responsibilities as he needs to contribute to your household without making a fuss - will he?

bowchicawowwow · 06/09/2020 08:20

You are skating on thin ice with your current domestic set up. I expect her next move will be to report you for benefit fraud. He may not live at your house on paper, however if all the signs point to you existing as a couple (expecting a baby together, contact with his child at your house, frequent overnight stays) it will be you that's in trouble as the UC claimant. I'd get him on the tenancy and do everything properly ASAP.

Original poster
Rose9292 · 06/09/2020 08:24

She has the address, she’s just being difficult. My daughter and her son get on so well and it’s so frustrating. I just want to have a nice family weekend with a sleepover for the kids with no drama and enjoy this pregnancy x

OP posts:
Floralbean · 06/09/2020 08:24

I wouldn't be pushing for this, she will likely report you for benefit fraud, which lets be honest, it more or less is. If you don't want to actually move in together and the changes that come with that, he should see his child at his home.

Floralbean · 06/09/2020 08:25

I just want to have a nice family weekend with a sleepover for the kids with no drama and enjoy this pregnancy x

It's not her preventing that really, she seems happy enough if his name is on the tenancy for her son to stay over, so it's both of you making the decision that's causing problems.

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