Boyfriends ex won’t allow him to have his son stay at my flat.

[Rose9292]

Can anybody please help me. Is there a law that states anywhere that my boyfriend must be on my tenancy with me to be able to be granted to have his son stay overnight at my flat once a week (would be a weekend night) I have a six year old little girl and my boyfriends ex will not allow him to stay using the reason that he doesn’t rent the property with me, but stays with me on the weekends. I really need to find some light on this or who to contact moving forward as it is making life very difficult as I’ve found out I am pregnant and we just want some family time together. Thank you

Thank you, sorry. He does help with bills and food. Just need to get this tenancy sorted out ASAP even just for myself to feel security regardless of everything else x

He is and he does x

Rose your focus is completely wrong.
The kid is nothing to do with you. The man isn't your partner. He doesn't deserve that title because he isnt making any sacrifice for you.
You are risking everything by having him at your house living there but him being 'at his mums'
They see through this a mile off and once they suspect this they know exactly how to get evidence. They go through your bank statements and bills and look for thinga like sky tv sports packages and amazon deliveries.
The ex only has to be pissed off or jealous to report you.
You are I am being blunt to say, a pregnant single mum with a child on benefits. That isnt a judgement i have been there.
You have no relationship of any substance at the moment and your engagement means fuck all except words. There are no concrete plans for marriage only you having fantasies of nice weekends and becoming a stepparent with a man who cannot even financially support you, his pregnant girlfriend, after being with you over 2 years.
He needs to step up with his own kid right now, away from you
He needs to stop risking you being prosecuted for benefits.
He is not showing any loving intention towards you. You are a single mum.
Please please protect yourself and your child and stop focusing on a kid which has nothing to do with you to fulfil your desire for a happy family.
What will make you secure is a man who will work with you to finance and create a home. You dont have one.

@Rose9292

Thank you, sorry. He does help with bills and food. Just need to get this tenancy sorted out ASAP even just for myself to feel security regardless of everything else x

Helping with bills and food is proof to the DWP you are living as a couple. You need to talk about what will happen when you add him to the tenancy. You have not considered this properly in terms of what it means for you and YOUR child. Only what it means for his child. How much will you lose. He will have to match that and pay rent. What will you do when you cannot work with a newborn and are recovering from birth. How much does he pay in maintenence? This will all affect it. You sound like you have your head in the clouds. You need to get serious and fast or you could end up with nothing here while he stays 'at his mums' with only himself to keep

You know what... @Advicewouldbeappreciated is spot on there.

I am spot on because my job means I see woman after woman being naive because they are 'in love' who lose out and whose kids lose out to idealise a man who does fuck all except have sex with them and be a bit nice.
Please consider that there are women out there with different kids to different men and each time think this is it and who want a lovely family. Often this stems from childhood unhappiness in families. Most men in these situations who date single mums on benefits cannot or will not ever take responsibility for their partner. They have often inpregnanted women before and will do after and who pay sod all maintenence while the women continue to rely on benefits. Usually these women live in rented or council property which they risk each time another useless man promising the world shows interest.
Women particularly those who do not work full time in a well paid job are highly financially vulnerable and insecure and the welfare system is their only way of survival. To risk this for a man is highly highly unwise. It really is and no sympathy will be given.
I cannot urge these women enough to stay stable in their rented homes and once the kids are in school to train in professions or work more hours. Never ever let a man diatract you from that.
Old age is harsh to women who have never worked more than part time and one day the benefits stop. A man who after 2 years has not offered anything except an engagement is not to be trusted. Hr may wrll be lovely but you cannot make life decisions based on him
This is advice I would give having seen many many many women in dire straits.

Wow have cake and eat it much. Move in together and stop scamming government and tax payers. If you can't afford to live together and have kids then don't have kids. End of.

Op - please Advicewouldbeappreciated‘s post. It covers everything and very explicitly explains exactly how vulnerable you and your daughter are.
Is your dp working?
Does he pay proper maintenance for his son?

Excuse me. I didn’t write on mumsnet to be judged about my circumstances. I work part time and until I had my first born I worked full time. I went through a hell of a time which resulted in me having to need help from the government, if I didn’t have too, I wouldn’t. I would never abort an unborn child because of somebodies judgemental views that I shouldn’t have a child because I’m struggling with money. I do my damn best for my child and I simply came here for guidance and advice - not judgement. If you don’t have anything nice to say please don’t say anything at all

He works and pays child maintenance. He isn’t saying he won’t go on the tenancy I was just asking if his son could stay over one night a weekend with him. Thank you to all of you kind people for your help and advice but now some of you are jumping on this to make me feel like a piece of scum when I’m not.

Nobody is saying you are scum.
If he is working he can keep you as a family rather than risking your future.

He doesn't need to be on the tenancy. Get in touch with your Landlord and ask if he can move in pending a new tenancy agreement. As he is working it shouldn't be an issue.

You are not scum. At all.
You just need to do everything by the book so that you do not end up being prosecuted for benefit fraud.

Given that there is no 'official' reason why your DP's access to his child depends on the status of his tenancy, I would prepare yourselves that once he is on the tenancy, his Ex will find some other reason why she doesn't want him to have his child.

I hope it all works out for you OP. You are certainly not scum.

DON'T PUT HIM ON THE TENANCY
Why are you fixating on this? All that does is give him legal rights to live in your house which you may wish he didn't have in future.

I would be worried that the ex would report you to the council for having your dp staying there. Honestly, does he stay overnight with you more than where he stays otherwise?

No one is calling you scum, people are just trying to point out that your situation is a vulnerable one.

Great advice from advicewouldbeappreciated
My advice:
Stop contacting his ex, it really isn't anything to do with you, is your boyfriend a child who can't sort out his own life?
Don't sacrifice your security.
Let him see his child alone. There is nothing more infuriating than ' the new girlfriend' and that is all you are, no offence meant, interferring.l
Stop sleeping on the sofa.
What kind of man allows his pregnant girlfriend to do this? A bloody crap one that's who.
Concentrate on your child and pregnancy.
advice is spot on. Tread carefully here. So many women think they are 'special' the reality speaks volumes. Life is hard for women, harder for mothers, and dreadful for single mothers.

Court will rule that he can have his son stay where he wants while in his care.

You’ll be ok. One thing I’ve learned from Mumsnet is that people have been there, done that and got the T-shirt. It’s hard when they pick you apart and ask lots of questions but it’s done in good faith. Try to not feel judged. Obviously they are judging your situation or they wouldn’t be able to have an opinion and try to help. That’s not a bad thing. You sound like a lovely person who just wants to do right by everyone. This won’t work though unless you do right by yourself first.

OP if your boyfriend moves in with you then you will lose all your benefits and be 100% financially reliant on him. Be careful with your decision.

You might not lose everything. If he's on low income you will still be entitled to something, especially with kids. I do feel for you though, having been in a similar situation myself. I was reported for benefit fraud when I had been with my DH for 5 weeks and they said there were no guidelines on how often you can have someone in your home, but they advise no more than once a week as that could be classed as him living there which I think is wrong. So I felt under pressure to either end the blossoming relationship or have him move in within weeks of knowing him. There's no middle ground.
You do not have to add him to the tenancy at all, but if he's staying over a lot you should really do a joint claim and notify the DWP or reduce the time he spends at yours.

Why shouldn't she be reliant on him?!?!

Not once has she said that they're not in a loving committed relationship.

I'm sorry but you can't have your cake and eat it, if you're a couple who live together (which it sounds like you are as he contributes to the house and stays over multiple nights a week) then you need to inform UC as you may not be entitled to the amount your claiming, by working the system you are depriving others from claiming benefits who have no other means of support.