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Childcare

Is my aupair being cheeky? Says it is hard for her to walk 25 min each way for school run.

294 replies

blueshoes · 28/06/2007 14:13

My first aupair (French) is starting in Aug. But I am already having doubts.

An important part of the aupair's duties is to do my dd's school run. The school is a 25 min walk away, with dd age 4 in a buggy. Now the aupair emails to says that a 25x4 walk every day is hard for her to do.

She was asking about taking a bus and having a bus pass.

I emailed her to explain that a bus would take longer (35 min+), she would still have to walk 20 mins each way (because the school is not near the bus stop), and the roads are congested in the mornings. Plus it will cost us £20 a week in bus fare. She does not seem to have taken that in (language problem?).

Is she angling for us to provide her with a bus pass or contribute to her travel costs? Or does she have a point about such a long walk? I personally have done it (old-ish and weak as I am, lol) and don't see why a young strapping 20 year old cannot.

We are paying her £65 a week allowance - which I feel is slightly above market for what is IMO quite an easy job(London).

Do any of you who are aupair employers pay/subsidise transport costs on top of allowance? Should I ditch her before she starts, as being lame?

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southeastastra · 28/06/2007 22:22

i've noticed someone employing nothing but au pairs, one after another, to care for their pre schoolers. it seems a shame for the child to have to get used to so many different carers at such a young age

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princessbride · 28/06/2007 22:22

I was merely responding to some comments earlier in the thread that were coomplaining au pairs are taken advantage of and arent paid the minimum wage...i meant to include in my comment the fact that it is also an experience, which the parents also invest alot of time into its really like having an extra child...you are responsible for them to a certain extent

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Rubybees · 29/06/2007 07:53

Not read all the way through (far to big for this time of morning!!)

25 mins is not far, I would get her a bike, and go on about being 'green'!!

My ds loves going on the back of the bike (on a tag along thingy), but as your dd is slight (I'm sure I read this ) maybe a trialer

I'm a childminder and the kids love walking everywhere (within reason upon their ages How lovely to be paid to do good exerice!!

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soapbox · 29/06/2007 09:03

Blueshoes - are you sure that she would need to walk 20mins to get the bus?

I am wracking my brains as to where you could possibly be in Blackheath that would involve a 20min walk to get a bus! They stop every 200 yards or so, adn run on every main road there is!

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soapbox · 29/06/2007 09:06

And for those who are worried about the APs safety. Blackheath is pretty busy most of the day and completely open with no dark corners or wooded bits on it. It is probably as safe as it gets in terms of an open space in London.

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blueshoes · 29/06/2007 09:11

Hi soap, you are right about Blackheath. here it is. This is the beautiful part. Somewhere out of shot are a network of roads with lots of cars, lol.

It is 20 minutes because 10 minutes from my house to busstop and then 10 minutes from the heart of the Village (where the bus will stop) to the school. The actual bus route only covers a short part of the journey, and that is why I explained to her bus is not the answer.

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blueshoes · 29/06/2007 09:16

RubyBees, I like your attitude!

My dd is indeed slight, as I am. I will ask my SIL about the bike with trailer thingy as she just bought one. Yes, my dd will fit as she loved it on hols recently. Do you think it is possible to push the bike with trailer up a fairly steep, but short, hill?

I guess my concern with bikes is that there is fairly fast flowing traffic along the roads. And (non-bike rider that I am) I am not sure about the safety issue if she was riding on the road, esp with a trailer. She can mount the pavement, but then she will be doing what I consider not ideal for people on the pavement.

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blueshoes · 29/06/2007 09:22

Update on the situation:

I emailed ap last night and it looks like all is fine again:

She says that she understands and not to worry.
"its great that you know that i will have a lot of time for walking
my decision is not changed, and i am happy to integrate your family.
its just some details and its not nasty.
i think i have to speak with you and you too when i am worry, you understand? : )"

I guess I overreacted. Always a risk when I think carefully laid childcare plans are going to unravel.

Hey ho, she is still coming

Enjoyed chatting with you ladies. thanks again!

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Spider · 29/06/2007 12:06

blueshoes I'm glad it's back n track for you. What's more I think it's a good sign that she is keen to be hnest and to talk about worries.

Good luck.

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MrRuffalo · 29/06/2007 12:10

sorry only skinmmed thread
its too far 4 times a day imo
esp for 4 year old and dare i say a wee bit boring?
i think you are paying her a very small amount and should stretch to pay her transport
I am a great believer in being good to people we employ - makes for mutual respsct - esp if she is looking after your babies

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fimbley · 29/06/2007 14:07

Ok...may i just add a bit here...I'm a nanny in central London and do a 40-45 min walk each way to various activities,six to eight times a week,with 4 y.old and 2 y.old in Phil & Ted's.They are both very big for their age (in size 8 y/o and 4 y/o clothes respectively ),and i'm sure i find myself pushing well over 100lbs through busy central London streets,which can be dreadful to negotiate.I HATE it,and after doing it for a year+,I'll be leaving my job in 2 weeks.I absolutely love the children,but i just can't cope with it anymore,and combined with the school run and the other things we do in a day,it's just too much,I'm shattered lol(and before some of you jump and say i must be obese,unfit and used to a car,no i am none of those,don't drive,walk everywhere myself whenever i can,both for the sake of keeping fit and saving time waiting for public transport).
So...what i wanted to say is that you should appreciate that your potential aupair told you in advance that she won't be able to do it,she was fair and honest and told you on time.Weekly bus pass costs £13 a week,not £20,really not that much in London,and maybe you should consider it,even if she only used it on her way back from school,without a child,and EVEN if it means she'd be able to use that same pass in her free time,on a way to clubs and bars as you mentioned.(sorry,but so what??is that so bad...).
If that doesn't seem reasonable to you than it's probably better to move on and get someone else,not everyone feels comfortable with all that walking,and yes,25 mins one way isn't that much,but with a child in a buggy it's a different matter.And Phil and Teds does weigh a lot.Not to mention balancing it with one hand and holding a brolly in the other,with that lovely wind bashing.Yuck.And please remember,whilst it is is your choice as a parent to choose a school that's far away from home, it is not your childcarer's,so try and not be surprised or offended when they say no.It is a matter of choice

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StarryStarryNight · 29/06/2007 14:12

Hi Blue,
My now 5 year old was on a child bike with a handlebar that attached to adult bike since he was three. Just ensure she has a reflective vest and a helmet, and they will be fine. The bike is a much better idea as it is quicker, and more fun. And if she has to take TWO kids, you can get one of those trailer where two kids can sit inside. They also have trailer that converts to puschair! It is perfectly possible to push bike with trailer up a hill, but the child on the bike should ideally dismount if possible.
I often go cycling with my husband and two kids, husband trails my oldest on the bike, and the youngest is attached to the oldest bike in his trailer.... so my husband is trailing TWO kids, one on a bike and one in a trailer....

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pointydog · 29/06/2007 15:04

The whole idea of moving to London and having to cycle about with a small child who was not my own tagged behind me fills me with horror. I wouldn't do it. AN au pair might not want to either.

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hatwoman · 29/06/2007 15:20

I'm quite amazed by how many people think a 25 min walk is long! do you all drive or get the bus for that sort of distance? when dd1 was f-t school and dd2 p-t nursery I walked that - frequently more - 6 times a day. [polishes halo...]. and now my nanny does it 4 times a day and protests if I ever suggest she gets the bus anywhere that's less then a 40 minute walk. I agree that it's partly what people are used to - when my nanny was a kid she walked an hour to school

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hatwoman · 29/06/2007 15:21

and ate coal for dinner...

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blueshoes · 29/06/2007 22:39

Spider, I think so too. The language barrier and totally understandably slightly odd choice of words on the ap's part makes things rife for misinterpretation but I do believe she is good at heart. I chose her for her enthusiasm and interest in my dcs.

MrR, not sure if you are familiar with the relationship between an ap and host family but money is not huge part of it. Some of the earlier posts from starry, polly, etc myself explain that. My allowance is completely market rate. However, once she proves herself, it will be difficult for dh and I to not shower her with gifts and treats and yes, subsidise transport costs as a gesture of goodwill.

Fimbley, from what you describe, it sounds very onerous. I don't actually live in central London, but a suburb. I would consider pushing a tandem buggy with 2 heavy children in central London along roads as busy as Oxford Street or Queensway in Bayswater for the length of time you have to, to be unreasonable. But apart from bad weather, the route the ap has to do is really easy, my dd is the size of a 2-3 year old and featherweight, nice company. Dh and I do that walk for our leisure and pleasure, the heath being beautiful. I did email the ap last night tellling her that the job is what it is (ie a lot of walking) and she did not change her mind to start with me. So I think it was just a miscommunication.

Starry, will ask ap about the bike option, but after offering to buy ap a nice raincoat.

hatwoman, I want your nanny! She will love living here - we just walk everywhere and hey, like you, we find it a joy.

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indiajane · 01/07/2007 10:20

Am coming onto the thread late - so I'm sure you've "all gone home now" but just wanted to say that my Australian aupair will have to do this but is absolutely fine about it.

My DC have a lightweight scooter each so they can make it to and from school without moaning and my aupair just puts the scooters under the baby's buggy when the DC's don't need them.

Scooter - £9.99. Happy children - Priceless

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Ripeberry · 01/07/2007 21:36

What if its not the actual walking she is worried about, maybe she is worried about being out and about.
Do you live in a safe area of London? Lots of people i know on my estate would rather drive down to the shops than walk, just to avoid the gangs that hang around.
A few years ago i went to London and stayed with a friend near Piccadilly and we only had to walk a few hundred yards but we were really worried for our safety (this was in the early evening).
But then it depends where she was brought up, in a city or the countryside.
Just a thought.
AB

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blueshoes · 01/07/2007 22:12

indiajane, I like the scooter idea. Will suggest that for dd when she is ready to get out of her buggy

Ripeberry, don't think safety has entered her mind. But it is good of you to mention. We live in Blackheath/Greenwich which is fairly safe London suburb. I remember living in Bayswater and there would be drunks and once a stabbing outside our flat daily - no it is not like that where we stay. Nor are there gangs. But like in most parts of London, you can stray one street out and find yourself in rough company. Good reminder for us to brief her about this.

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